














■I .*> 






V . * 
















*>. 















. 






. « 































- 





















o V 












<f- vV 



^ 


















^ V 
















* 8 I A 






■f%. 












& %. 





+■*■ 










































• <<* 

















. ^ -*>"K*. ^ x .v^v- % 



- 



> 



^<s5» 



^ V 

^ 



^o X 






^ V 



- 



^ t V 



\ v * , *u 



V ,<V 






,\^' ^. 



V' 






THOUGHTS 



ON 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE 



BY THE 



Rev. ARCHIBALD ALEXANDER, D. D. 

Professor of Pastoral and Polemic Theology in the Princeton Theological Seminary. 




/ 



PHILADELPHIA: 

PRESBYTERIAN BOARD OF PUBLICATION 

James russell, publishing agent. 

1841. 



$\l 



A°l^ 



A* 



^ 



Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1341, by A. W. Mitchell, 
M. D., in the office of the Clerk of the District Court for the Eastern District of 
Pennsylvania. 



A 2 



Printed by 
WILLI-J.il S. MARTIEN. 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER I. 

Early religious impressions. — Different results. — Classes of per- 
sons least impressed. — Examples of ineffectual impressions. 13 

CHAPTER II. 

Piety in children. — Comparatively few renewed in infancy and 
childhood. — Soul awakened in different ways. — Legal convic- 
tion not a necessary part of true religion. — Progress of con- 
viction 22 

CHAPTER III. 

The new birth an event of great importance. — The evidences of 
the new birth. — Diversities of experience in Converts. — Ex- 
amples. — Causes of diversity 35 

CHAPTER IV. 

Causes of diversity in experience continued. — Effect of tempera- 
ment. — Melancholy. — Advice to the friends of persons thus 
affected.— Subject continued. — Illustrative cases. — Causes of 
melancholy and insanity 48 

CHAPTER V. 

Effect of sympathy illustrated. — Cautions in relation to this sub- 
ject. — A singular case in illustration .... 69 

CHAPTER VI. 

Erroneous views of regeneration. — The correct view. — The ope- 
ration of faith. — Exercises of mind, as illustrated in President 
Edwards' Narrative. — The operations of faith still further ex- 
plained. 79 

CHAPTER VII. 

Considerations on dreams, visions, &c. — Remarkable conversion 
of a blind infidel from hearing the Bible read. . . . 102 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Religious Conversation. — Stress laid by some on the knowledge 
of the time and place of conversion. — Religious experience of 
Haly burton. 120 

CHAPTER IX. 

Christian experience of R C- . — Narrative of Sir Richard 

Hill's experience 134 



4 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER X. 

Imperfect sanctification. — The spiritual warfare. . . 156 

CHAPTER XI. 

Narrative of G A S , an Episcopal Clergyman. 

Narrative of a young Officer in the Army. . . .167 

CHAPTER XII. 

The spiritual conflict. — Various exhibitions of it. — Evil thoughts. 
A case in illustration. 177 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Growth in grace. — Signs of it. — Practical directions how to 
grow in grace. — Hinderances to it. . . . .191 

CHAPTER XIV. 

Backsliding. — The Backslider restored. .... 205 

CHAPTER XV. 

The rich man and the poor. — The various trials of believers. 215 

CHAPTER XVI. 
Death-bed of the Believer 225 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Death-bed exercises of Andrew Rivet. .... 234 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Death-bed exercises and speeches of Rev. Thomas Haly burton. 250 

CHAPTER XIX. 

Dying Experience of Mr. John Janeway, the Rev. Edward Pay- 
son, and Rev. Samuel Finley, D. D. .... 259 

CHAPTER XX. 

Remarks on Death-bed Exercises, with several illsutrative ex- 
amples 271 

CHAPTER XXI. 

Death-bed exercises of Mr. Baxter, and the Rev. Thomas 
Scott, D. D 282 

CHAPTER XXII. 

Preparation for death. — The state of the soul after death. . 294 

Prayer for one who feels that he is approaching the borders of 
another world 307 



PREFACE. 



There are two kinds of religious knowledge, 
which, though intimately connected as cause and 
effect, may nevertheless be distinguished. These 
are the knowledge of the truth as it is revealed 
in the Holy Scriptures, and the impression 
which that truth makes on the human mind 
when rightly apprehended. The first may be 
compared to the inscription or image on a seal ; 
the other to the impression made by the seal on 
the wax. When that impression is clearly and 
distinctly made, we can understand, by contem- 
plating it, the true inscription on the seal more 
satisfactorily, than by a direct view of the seal 
itself. Thus it is found, that nothing tends 
more to confirm and elucidate the truths con- 
tained in the word, than an inward experience 
of their efficacy on the heart. It cannot, there- 
fore, be uninteresting to the Christian, to have 
these effects, as they consist in the various views 
and affections of the mind, traced out, and ex- 
hibited in their connexion with the truth, and in 



PREFACE* 



their relation to each other. There is, however, 
one manifest disadvantage, under which we must 
labour, in acquiring this kind of knowledge, 
whether by our own experience, or that of 
others; which is, that we are obliged to follow 
a fallible guide ; and the pathway to this know- 
ledge is very intricate, and the light which 
shines upon it, often obscure. All investiga- 
tions of the exercises of the human mind are 
attended with difficulty; and never more so, 
than when we attempt to ascertain the religious 
or spiritual state of our hearts. If, indeed, the 
impression of the truth were perfect, there 
would exist little or no difficulty ; but when it is 
a mere outline and the lineaments obscure, it 
becomes extremely difficult to determine whether 
it be the genuine impress of the truth: especially 
as in this case, there will be much darkness and 
confusion in the mind, and much that is of a 
nature directly opposite to the effects of the en- 
grafted word. There is, moreover, so great a 
variety in the constitution of human minds, so 
much diversity in the strength of the natural 
passions, and so wide a difference in the tem- 
perament of Christians, and so many differ- 
ent degrees of piety, that the study of this 
department of religious truth is exceedingly 
difficult. In many cases the most experienced 
and skilful casuist will feel himself at a loss; or 
may utterly mistake, in regard to the true nature 



PREFACE. 



of a case submitted to his consideration. The 
complete knowledge of the deceitful heart of 
man, is a prerogative of the omniscient God. 
" I the Lord search the hearts and try the reins 
of the children of men." But we are not on this 
account forbidden to search into this subject ; 
so far is this from being true, that we are re- 
peatedly exhorted to examine ourselves, in rela- 
tion to this very point; and Paul expresses 
astonishment, that the Corinthian Christians 
should have made so little progress in self- 
knowledge. " Examine yourselves," says he, 
" whether you be in the faith — prove your own 
selves — know ye not that Jesus Christ is in 
you, except ye be reprobates." In judging of 
religious experience, it is all important to keep 
steadily in view the system of divine truth, con- 
tained in the Holy Scriptures ; otherwise, our 
experience, as is too often the case, will degene- 
rate into enthusiasm. Many ardent professors, 
seem too readily to take it for granted, that all 
religious feelings must be good. They there- 
fore take no care to discriminate between the 
genuine and the spurious, the pure gold, and the 
tinsel. Their only concern is about the ardour 
of their feelings ; not considering, that if they 
are spurious, the more intense they are, the fur- 
ther will they lead them astray. In our day, there 
is nothing more necessary than to distinguish 
carefully between true and false experiences, in 



8 



PREFACE. 



religion; to "try the spirits whether they are of 
God." And in making this discrimination, there 
is no other test but the infallible word of God; 
let every thought, motive, impulse, and emotion, 
be brought to this touch-stone. >tTb the law 
and the testimony, if they speak not according 
to these, it is because there is no light ifi them." 
If genuine religious experience is nothing but 
the impression of divine truth on the mind, by 
the energy of the Holy Spirit, then it is evident 
that a knowledge of the truth is essential to gen- 
uine piety ; error never can, under any circum- 
stances, produce the effects of truth. This is 
now generally acknowledged. But it is not so 
clearly understood by all, that any defect in our 
knowledge of the truth, must, just so far as the 
error extends, mar the symmetry of the impres- 
sion produced. The error, in this case, is of 
course not supposed to relate to fundamental 
truths, for then there can be no genuine piety; 
but where a true impression is'made, it may be 
rendered very defective, for want of a complete 
knowledge of the whole system of revealed 
truth; or its beauty marred by the existence of 
some errors mingled with the truth, which may 
be well illustrated by returning again to the seal. 
Suppose that some part of the image inscribed 
on it has been defaced, or that some of the let- 
ters have been obliterated, it is evident, that 
when the impression is made on the wax there 



PREFACE. 9 

will be a corresponding deficiency or deformity, 
although in the main the impress may be cor- 
rect. There is reason to believe, therefore, that 
all ignorance of revealed truth, or error respect- 
ing it, must be attended with a corresponding 
defect in the religious exercises of the person. 
This consideration teaches us the importance of 
truth, and the duty of increasing daily in the 
knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. 
This is the true and only method of growing in 
grace. There may be much correct theoretical 
knowledge, I admit, where there is no impression 
corresponding with it on the heart; but still, all 
good impressions on the heart are from the truth, 
and from the truth alone. Hence we find, that 
those denominations of Christians which receive 
the system of evangelical truth, only in part, 
have a defective experience; and their Christian 
character, as a body, is so far defective; and 
even where true piety exists, we often find a sad 
mixture of enthusiasm, self-righteousness, or 
superstition. And even where the theory of doc- 
trinal truth is complete, yet if there be an error 
respecting the terms of Christian communion, 
by narrowing the entrance into Christ's fold to 
a degree which his word does not authorize, this 
single error, whatever professions may be made 
to the contrary with the lips, always generates 
a narrow spirit of bigotry, which greatly ol> 



10 PREFACE. 

structs the free exercise of that brotherly love 
which Christ made the badge of discipleship. 

If these things be so, then let all Christians 
use unceasing diligence in acquiring a correct 
knowledge of the truth as it is in Jesus ; and let 
them pray without ceasing for the influence of 
the Holy Spirit, to render the truth effectual 
in the sanctification of the whole man, soul, 
body, and spirit. " Sanctify them through thy 
truth, thy word is truth," was a prayer offer- 
ed up by Christ, in behalf of all whom the Father 
had given him. 



ADVERTISEMENT. 



The following Thoughts on Religious Experi- 
ence were, for the most part, published in succes- 
sive numbers, in the Watchman of the South, 
and thence transferred to several other papers, 
belonging to different denominations; so that 
they have been pretty widely circulated through 
the religious community. They were commen- 
ced without any. view to their being collected 
into a volume; and, indeed, without any plan or 
purpose, in regard to the extent to which the 
subject would be pursued. They were generally 
written hastily, in such fragments of time as 
could be spared from the daily duties of an ar- 
duous profession, and in a state of health far 
from being perfect. This is the only apology 
which the author has to offer, for the imperfec- 
tions which will doubtless be found in them. 
For although he has cursorily revised them since 
the call was made for their re-publication, in this 
form, yet he has made no alteration of any con- 
sequence. He is thankful to God, that they 



12 ADVERTISEMENT. 

have been made useful to a single soul; and 
that they may be rendered still more so, is his 
humble prayer. He would, however, inform the 
reader that one third or one fourth of this 
volume, principally the latter part, has never 
before been published. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE 



CHAPTER I. 

Early religious impressions. — Different results. — Classes of persons 
least impressed. — Examples of ineffectual impressions. 

There is no necessity for any other proof of native 
depravity, than the aversion, which children early 
manifest to religious instruction and to spiritual exer- 
cises. From this cause it proceeds, that many children, 
who have the opportunity of a good religious educa- 
tion, learn scarcely any thing of the most important 
truths of Christianity. If they are compelled to com- 
mit the Catechism to memory, they are wont to do this 
without ever thinking of the doctrines contained in the 
words which they recite; so that, when the attention 
is at any time awakened to the subject of religion, as 
a personal concern, they feel themselves to be com- 
pletely ignorant of the system of divine truth taught in 
the Bible. Yet even to these, the truths committed to 
memory are now of great utility. They are like a 
treasure which has been hidden, but is now discov- 
ered. Of two persons under conviction of sin, one of 
whom has had sound religious instruction, and the 
other none, the former will have an unspeakable 
advantage over the latter in many respects. 

Many children, and especially those who have 
pious parents, who speak to them of the importance 
of salvation, are the subjects of occasional religious 
impressions, of different kinds. Sometimes they are 
alarmed by hearing an awakening sermon, or by the 

2 



14 THOUGHTS ON 

sudden death of a companion of their own age; or, 
again, they are tenderly affected, even to tears, from 
a consideration of the goodness and forbearance of 
God, or from a representation of the love and suffer- 
ings of Christ. There are also seasons of transport- 
ing joy, which some experience, especially after being 
tenderly affected with a sense of ingratitude to God 
for his wonderful goodness, in sparing them and be- 
stowing so many blessings upon them. These tran- 
sient emotions of joy cannot always be easily accoun- 
ted for, but they are commonly preceded or accompa- 
nied by a hope, or persuasion, that God is reconciled 
and will receive them. In some cases it would be 
thought that these juvenile exercises were indications 
of a change of heart, did they not pass away like the 
morning cloud, or early dew, so as even to be oblit- 
erated from the mind which experienced them. Some 
undertake to account for these religious impressions, 
merely from the susceptible principle of human na- 
ture, in connection with the external instructions of 
the word, and some striking dispensations of Provi- 
dence ; but the cause assigned is not adequate, be- 
cause the same circumstances often exist, when no 
such effects follow. Others ascribe them to the evil 
spirit, who is ever seeking to deceive and delude un- 
wary souls, by inspiring them with a false persuasion 
of their good estate, while they are in the gall of bit- 
terness and bonds of iniquity. While I would not 
deny that Satan may take advantage of these tran- 
sient exercises to induce a false hope, I cannot be per- 
suaded that he produces these impressions; for often 
the persons, before experiencing them, were as care- 
less and stupid as he could wish them to be; and be- 
cause the tendency of these impressions is salutary. 
The youth, thus affected, becomes more tender in con- 
science, forsakes known sin before indulged, has re- 
course to prayer, and feels strong desires after eternal 
happiness. These are not what Satan would effect, 
if he could; unless we could suppose that he was 
operating against himself, which our Saviour has 
taught us to be impossible. I am of opinion, there- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 15 

fore, that these transient impressions should be ascri- 
bed to the common operations of the Spirit of God, 
and may have some inexplicable connection with the 
future conversion and salvation of the person. There 
is a common practical error in the minds of many Chris- 
tians in regard to this matter. They seem to think 
that nothing has any relation to the conversion of the 
sinner, but that which immediately preceded this 
event; and the Christian is ready to say, I was awa- 
kened under such a sermon, and never had rest until 
I found it in Christ; making nothing of all previous 
instructions and impressions. So, when a revival 
occurs under the awakening discourses of some evan-. 
gelist, people are ready to think that he only is the suc- 
cessful preacher whose labours God owns and blesses; 
whereas, he does but bring forward to maturity, feel- 
ings and convictions, which have been long secretly 
forming and growing within the soul, but so imper- 
ceptibly, that the person himself was little sensible of 
any change. It may be justly and Scripturally com- 
pared to a growing crop: after the seed is sown it 
vegetates, we know not how, and then it receives 
daily the sun's influence, and from time to time, re- 
freshing showers; but about the time of earing, after 
a long drought, there comes a plentiful shower, by 
means of which, nutriment is afforded for the forma- 
tion of the full corn in the ear. No one will dispute 
the importance and efficacy of this last shower in 
maturing the grain; but had there been no cultiva- 
tion and no showers long before, this had never pro- 
duced any effect. 

Whether those who are never converted, are the 
subjects of these religious impressions, as well as 
those who are afterwards brought to faith in Christ, 
is a question not easily answered. That they expe- 
rience dreadful alarms and pungent convictions at 
times, and also tender drawings, cannot be doubted; 
but whether those "chosen in Christ" are not, in their 
natural state, subject to impressions which others 
never experience, must remain undetermined, since 
we know so little of the real state of the hearts of 



16 THOUGHTS ON 

most men; but as there is, undoubtedly, a special 
providence exercised by Christ over those sheep not 
yet called into the fold, I cannot but think it probable 
that they are often influenced by the Holy Spirit in a 
peculiar manner, to guard them against fatal errors 
and destructive habits, and in preparing them, by de- 
grees, to receive the truth. 

We know very little, however, of what is passing 
in the minds of thousands around us. The zealous 
preacher often concludes and laments that there is no 
impression on the minds of his hearers, when, if the 
covering of the human heart could be withdrawn, he 
would be astonished and confounded at the variety 
and depth of the feelings experienced. Those im- 
pressions which manifest themselves by a flow of 
tears, are not the deepest, but often very superficial; 
while the most awful distresses of the soul are entirely 
concealed by a kind of hypocrisy, which men early 
learn to practise, to hide their feelings of a religious kind 
from their fellow-creatures. A man may be so much 
in despair as to be meditating suicide, when his near- 
est friends know nothing of it. The attempt at im- 
mediate effect, and the expectation of it, is one of the 
errors of the present times; indeed, it is the very 
watch-word of a certain party. But let us not be 
misunderstood; we do not mean to say that all men 
are not under indispensable obligations immediately 
to obey all the commands of God. Concerning this, 
there can be no difference of opinion. But the per- 
sons to whom we refer seem to think that nothing is 
done towards the salvation of men, but at the mo- 
ment of their conversion, and that every good effect 
must be at once manifest. Perhaps some one may 
infer that we believe in a gradual regeneration, and 
that special grace differs from common, only in de- 
gree; but such an inference would be utterly false, 
for there can be no medium between life and death; 
but we do profess to believe and maintain, that there 
is a gradual preparation, by common grace, for regen- 
eration, which may be going on from childhood to 
mature age; and we believe that, as no mortal can 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 17 

tell the precise moment, when the soul is vivified, and 
as the principle of spiritual life in its commencement 
is often very feeble, so it is an undoubted truth, that 
the developement of the new life in the soul may be, 
and often is, very slow; and not unfrequently that 
which is called conversion is nothing else but a 
more sensible and vigorous exercise of a principle 
which has long existed. Just as the seed under 
ground may have life, and may be struggling to come 
forth to open day; but it may meet with various ob- 
structions and unfavourable circumstances which re- 
tard its growth. At length, however, it makes its 
way through the earth, and expands its leaves to the 
light and the air, and begins to drink in from every 
source that nutriment which it needs. No one sup- 
poses, however, that the moment of its appearing 
above ground is the commencement of its life; but 
this mistake is often made in the analogous case of 
the regeneration of the soul. The first clear and 
lively exercise of faith and repentance is made the 
date of the origin of spiritual life, whereas it existed 
in a feeble state, and put forth obscure acts long be- 
fore. I find, however, that I am anticipating a dis- 
cussion intended for another part of this work. 

At present, I wish only to remark further, that 
what has been said about early impressions and ju- 
venile exercises of religion is not applicable to all. 

There are, alas! many who seem to remain un- 
moved amidst all the light and means by which most 
are surrounded in this land; and these, too, are often 
found in the families of the pious, and do actually 
pass through more than one revival without parta- 
king of any unusual influence, or experiencing any 
strong religious feeling. Esau had a title to the birth- 
right, and yet he so despised this peculiar blessing 
that he actually sold it for " a mess of pottage." 
Abraham, too, had his Ishmael, and Jacob a troop of 
ungodly children. Eli's sons were wicked in the 
extreme, and Samuel's came not up to what was 
expected from the children of such a father. Among 
all David's children we read of none who feared God 



18 



THOUGHTS ON 



but Solomon. Those, however, who become ex- 
tremely wicked have often resisted the strivings of the 
Spirit; and not unfrequently the most impious blas- 
phemers and atheists have once been much under the 
influence of religious light and feeling; but quench- 
ing the Spirit, have been given up to " believe a lie," 
and "to work all uncleanness with greediness." 

We have said that there are some persons who 
grow up to manhood without experiencing any re- 
ligious impressions, except mere momentary thoughts 
of death, and judgment; and these may be persons of 
a very amiable disposition and moral deportment; 
and these very qualities may be, in part, the reason 
of their carelessness. They commit no gross sins, 
the remembrance of which wounds the conscience. 
Being of a calm and contented temper, and fond of 
taking their ease, they shun religious reflection, and 
turn away their thoughts from the truth, when it is 
presented to them from the pulpit. Some persons, of 
this description, have been awakened and converted, 
at mature age, and have then confessed, that they 
lived as much without God as atheists, and seldom, 
if ever, extended their thoughts to futurity. Of course 
they utterly neglected secret prayer, and lived in the 
midst of gospel light, without being in the least 
affected by it. 

There is, moreover, another class, who seem never 
to feel the force of religious truth. They are such as 
spend their whole waking hours in the giddy whirl 
of amusement or company. Full of health and spirits, 
and sanguine in their hopes of enjoyment from the 
world, they put away serious reflection as the very 
baue of pleasure. The very name of religion is hate- 
ful to them: and all they ask of religious people is to 
let them alone, and seize the pleasures of life while 
within their reach. If we may judge from appear- 
ances, this class is very large. We find them the 
majority in many places of fashionable resort. The 
theatre, ball-room, and the very streets are full of 
such. They flutter gaily along, and keep each other 
in countenance; while they are strangers to all grave 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 19 

reflection, even in regard to the sober concerns of this 
life. If a pious friend ever gets the opportunity of 
addressing a word of serious advice to them, their 
politeness may prevent them from behaving rudely, 
but no sooner is his back turned, than they laugh him 
to scorn, and hate and despise him for his pains. They 
habituate themselves to think that religion is an awk- 
ward unseemly thing, and wonder how any person 
of sense can bear to attend to it. Very often this 
high reverie of pleasure is short: in such a- world as 
this, events are apt to occur, which dash the cup of 
sensual delights, while it is at the lips. Death will 
occasionally intrude even upon this gay circle, and 
put a speedy end to their unreasonable merriment. 
O how sad is the spectacle, to see one of the votaries 
of fashion suddenly cut down, and carried to the 
grave! — When mortal sickness seizes such persons, 
they are very apt to be delirious, if not with fever, 
yet with fright; and their officious but cruel friends, 
make it their chief study, to bar out every idea of 
religion; and to flatter the poor dying creature with 
the hope of recovery, until death has actually seized 
his prey. Such an event produces a shock in the 
feelings of survivors, of the same class, but such is 
the buoyancy of their feelings, and their forgetfulness 
of mournful events, that they are soon seen dancing 
along their slippery path with as much insane thought- 
lessness, as before. Nothing, which ever occurs, tends 
so much to disturb the career of this multitude, as 
when one of their number is converted unto God. 
At first they are astounded, and for a moment pause, 
but they soon learn to ascribe the change to some 
natural cause, or to some strange capriciousness of 
temper, or disappointment in earthly hopes. Very 
soon you will see them as much estranged from such 
an one, although before an intimate friend — as if he 
had never been of the number of their acquaintances. 
Often their nearest relatives are ashamed of them, and, 
as much as possible, shun their company. How ab- 
surd then is it, for any to pretend, that men naturally 
love God, and only need to know his character to re- 



20 THOUGHTS ON 

vere it! If there be a truth established beyond all 
reasonable question, by uniform experience, it is, that 
lovers of pleasure are the enemies of God. 

The class of speculating, money-making, business- 
doing men, is probably as numerous, and, though 
more sober in their thoughts, yet as far from God, 
and as destitute of religion as those already described; 
but as we find these not commonly among the youth, 
but middle aged, we shall not attempt to delineate 
their character, or describe their feelings. I must re- 
turn to the consideration of early religious impres- 
sions which do not terminate in a sound conversion 
to God. Some five and forty years ago, I was fre- 
quently in a family where the parents, though re- 
specters of religion, were not professors. They had 
a sweet, amiable little daughter, eight or ten years of 
age, who had all the appearance of eminent piety. 
She loved the Bible, loved preaching and religious 
people, was uniform and constant in retiring for de- 
votional exercises, and spoke freely, when asked, of 
the feelings of her own mind. I think I never had 
less doubt of any one's piety than of this little girl's. 
There was no forwardness, nor pertness; nor any as- 
sumption of sanctimonious airs. All was simplicity, 
modesty, and consistency; she was grave but not de- 
mure; solemn and tender in her feelings, without 
affectation. She applied for admission to the com- 
munion — and who dare refuse entrance into the fold 
to such a dear lamb ? Here my personal acquaint- 
ance ends. But years afterwards, upon inquiry, I 
found that when she grew up to woman-hood, she 
became gay and careless, and entirely relinquished 
her religious profession. My Methodist neighbour, 
I know, if he had the chance to whisper in my ear, 
would say, " I have no difficulty in accounting for 
this case, she was a child of God, but fell from grace." 
But I have never been able to adopt this method of 
explaining such phenomena. There are few truths 
of which I have a more unwavering conviction, than 
that the sheep of Christ, for whom he laid down his 
life, shall never perish. I do believe, however, that 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



21 



grace may, for a season, sink so low in the heart into 
which it has entered, and be so overborne and buried 
up, that none but God can perceive its existence. 
Now, that may have been the fact in regard to this 
dear child; for her later history is unknown to me. 
She may, for aught I know, be still alive, and be now 
a living consistent member of Christ's Church, and 
may possibly peruse these lines, though if she should 
she may not recognize her own early features, taken 
down from memory after the lapse of so many years. 
But the picture is not of one person only, but of 
many; differing only in trivial circumstances. 

I retain a distinct recollection of another case of a 
still earlier date; and where the history is more com- 
plete. An obscure youth, the son of religious pa- 
rents, in a time of awakening, seemed to have his at- 
tention drawn to the concerns of his soul; so that he 
seriously and diligently attended on all religious 
meetings. He had the appearance of deep humility; 
and though free to speak, when interrogated, was in 
no respect forward or self-sufficient. Indeed, he was 
scarcely known, or noticed, by the religious people 
who were in the habit of attending prayer meetings. 
It happened, that on an inclement evening, very few 
were present, and none of those who were accus- 
tomed to lake a part in leading the devotional exer- 
cises; the person, at whose house the meeting was 
held, not wishing to dismiss the few who were pre- 
sent, with a single prayer, asked this youth if he 
would not attempt to make a prayer. He readily 
assented, and performed this service with so much 
fervency, fluency, and propriety of expression, that 
all who heard it were astonished. From this time 
he was called upon more frequently than any other, 
and often in the public congregation; for some peo- 
ple preferred his prayers to any sermons; and I must 
say, that I never heard any one pray, who seemed to 
me to have such a gift of prayer. The most appro- 
priate passages of Scripture seemed to come to him 
in rapid succession, as if by inspiration. Now the 
common cry was, that he ought to be taken from the 



22 



THOUGHTS ON 



trade which he was learning, (for he was an appren- 
tice) — and be put to learning. The thing demanded 
by so many, was not difficult to accomplish. He be- 
gan a regular course of academical studies, and his 
progress, though not extraordinary, was respectable. 
But, alas! how weak is man — how deceitful is the 
heart! This young man soon began to exhibit evi- 
dence too plain, that conceit and self-confidence, were 
taking root and growing very rapidly. He became im- 
patient of opposition, arrogant towards his superiors, 
and unwilling to yield to reproof administered in the 
most paternal spirit. When the time came to enter 
upon trials for the ministry, the Presbytery, to which 
he applied, refused to receive him under their care. 
But this solemn rebuff, instead of humbling him, only 
provoked his indignation, and, as if in despite of 
them, he turned at once to the study of another pro- 
fession, in which he might have succeeded had he 
remained moral and temperate in his habits ; but falling 
into bad company, he became dissipated, and soon 
came, without any known reformation, to a prema- 
ture end. Now suppose this man had been permitted 
to enter the ministry, the probability is, that though his 
unchristian temper would have done much evil, yet 
he would have continued in the sacred office to his 
dying day. "Let him that thinketh he standeth 
take heed lest he fall" 



CHAPTER II. 

Piety in children. — Comparatively few renewed in infancy and child- 
hood. — Soul awakened in different ways. — Legal conviction not a 
necessary part of true religion. — Progress of Conviction. 

It is an interesting question, whether now, there are 
any persons sanctified from the womb? If the commu- 
nication of grace ever took place, at so early a period 
of human existence, there is no reason why it should 
not now sometimes occur. God says to Jeremiah, " Be- 
fore I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee, and be- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 23 

fore thou earnest forth out of the womb, I sanctified 
thee." And of John the Baptist, Gabriel said to 
Zacharias, his father, "And he shall be filled with the 
Holy Ghost, even from his mother's womb." The 
prophet Samuel also, seems to have feared the Lord 
from his earliest childhood. In later times, cases 
have often occurred, in which eminently pious per- 
sons could not remember the time when they did not 
love the Saviour and experience godly sorrow for their 
sins; and, as we believe that infants maybe the sub- 
jects of regeneration, and cannot be saved without it, 
why may it not be the fact, that some who are regen- 
erated live to mature age? I know, indeed, that 
many conceive that infants are naturally free from 
moral pollution, and, of course, need no regeneration; 
but this opinion is diametrically opposite to the doc- 
trine of Scripture, and inconsistent with the acknow- 
ledged fact, that, as soon as they are capable of moral 
action, all do go astray, and sin against God. If chil- 
dren were not depraved, they would be naturally in- 
clined to love God, and delight in his holy law; but the 
reverse is true. Perhaps one reason why so few are 
regenerated at this early age is, lest some should adopt 
the opinion that grace came by nature, or that man 
was not corrupt from his birth. Some have opposed 
the idea that any are sanctified from their birth, for 
fear that mere moralists and those religiously edu- 
cated, should indulge the hope that they were born of 
God, although they have experienced no particular 
change, in any part of their lives, as far back as me- 
mory reaches. But, allowing that some may improp- 
erly make this use of the doctrine, it only proves 
that a sound doctrine may be abused. All the doc- 
trines of grace have been thus abused, and will be, as 
long as "the heart is deceitful above all things." 
There is, however, no ground for those who are still 
impenitent, to comfort themselves with the notion that 
they were regenerated in early infancy; for piety in a 
child will be as manifest as in an adult, as soon as 
such a child comes to the exercise of reason; and in 
some respects, more so, because there are so few young 



24 



THOUGHTS ON 



children who are pious, and because they have more 
simplicity of character, and are much less liable to play 
the hypocrite than persons of mature age. Mere de- 
cency of external behaviour, with a freedom from 
gross sins, is no evidence of regeneration; for these 
things may be found in many whose spirit is proud 
and self-righteous, and entirely opposite to the reli- 
gion of Christ: and we know that outward regularity 
and sobriety may be produced by the restraints of 
a religious education and good example, where there 
are found none of the internal characteristics of gen- 
uine piety. Suppose then, that, in a certain case, 
grace has been communicated at so early a period, 
that its first exercises cannot be remembered, what 
will be the evidences which we should expect to 
find of its existence? Surely, we ought not to look 
for the wisdom, judgment, and stability of adult years, 
even in a pious child. We should expect — if I may 
say so — a childish piety: a simple, devout, and tender 
state of heart. As soon as such a child should obtain 
the first ideas of God, as its Creator, Preserver, and 
Benefactor, and of Christ, as its Saviour, who shed 
his blood and laid down his life for us on the cross, it 
would be piously affected with these truths, and would 
give manifest proof, that it possessed a susceptibility 
of emotions and affections of heart, corresponding 
with the conceptions of truth which it was capable of 
taking in. Such a child would be liable to sin, as all 
Christians are, but, when made sensible of faults, it 
would manifest tenderness of conscience and genuine 
sorrow, and would be fearful of sinning afterwards. 
When taught that prayer was both a duty and pri- 
vilege, it would take pleasure in drawing nigh to 
God, and would be conscientious in the discharge of 
secret duties. A truly pious child would be an affec- 
tionate and obedient child to its parents and teachers; 
and kind to brothers and sisters, and indeed, to all 
other persons; and would take a lively interest in 
hearing of the conversion of sinners, and the advance- 
ment of Christ's kingdom in the world. We ought 
not to expect from a regenerated child uniform atten- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 25 

tion to serious subjects, or a freedom from that gaiety 
and volatility which is characteristic of that tender 
age; but we should expect to find the natural pro- 
pensity moderated, and the temper softened and sea- 
soned, by the commingling of pious thoughts and af- 
fections with those which naturally flow from the in- 
fant mind. When such children are called, in Provi- 
dence, to leave the world, then commonly, their piety 
breaks out into a flame, and these young saints, under 
the influence of divine grace, are enabled so to speak 
of their love to Christ and confidence in him, as aston- 
ishes, while it puts to shame aged Christians. Many 
examples of this kind we have on record, where the 
evidence of genuine piety was as strong as it well 
could be. There is a peculiar sweetness, as well as 
tenderness, in these early buddings of grace. In short, 
the exercises of grace are the same in a child as in an 
adult, only modified by the peculiarities in the charac- 
ter and knowledge of a child. Indeed, many adults 
in years, who are made the subjects of grace, are 
children in knowledge and understanding, and require 
the same indulgence, in our judgments of them, as 
children in years. 

To those who cannot fix any commencement of 
their pious exercises, but who possess every other 
evidence of a change of heart, I would say, be not 
discouraged on this account, but rather be thankful 
that you have been so early placed under the tender 
care of the great Shepherd, and have thus been re- 
strained from committing many sins, to which your 
nature, as well as that of others, was inclined. The 
habitual evidences of piety are the same, at whatever 
period the work commenced. If you possess these, 
you are safe; and early piety is probably more steady 
and consistent when matured by age, than that of 
later origin, though the change, of course, cannot be 
so evident to yourselves or others. 

If piety may commence at any age, how solicitous 
should parents be for their children, that God would 
bestow his grace upon them, even before they know 
their right hand from their left; and, when about to 



26 



THOUGHTS ON 



dedicate them to God, in holy baptism, how earnestly 
should they pray that they might be baptized with 
the Holy Ghost — that while their bodies are washed 
in the emblematical laver of regeneration, their souls 
may experience the renewing of the Holy Ghost, 
and the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus. If the sen- 
timents, expressed above, be correct, then may there 
be such a thing as baptismal regeneration; not that 
the mere external application of water can have any 
effect to purify the soul; nor that internal grace uni- 
formly or generally, accompanies this external wash- 
ing, but that God, who works when and by what 
means he pleases, may regenerate, by his Spirit, 
the soul of the infant, while in his sacred name, 
water is applied to the body. And, what time in 
infancy is more likely to be the period of spiritual 
quickening than the moment when that sacred rite is 
performed, which is strikingly emblematical of this 
change. Whether it be proper to say. that baptism 
may be the means of regeneration, depends on the 
sense in which the word means is used. If in the 
sense of presenting motives to the rational mind, as 
when the word is read or heard, then it is not a 
means; for the child has no knowledge of what is 
done for it. But, if by means, be understood some- 
thing which is accompanied by the divine efficiency, 
changing the moral nature of the infant, then, in this 
sense, baptism may be called the means of regenera- 
tion when thus accompanied by divine grace. The 
reason why it is believed, that regeneration does not 
usually accompany baptism, is simply because no 
evidences of spiritual life appear in baptized children 
more than in those which remain unbaptized. 

The education of children should proceed on the 
principle that they are in an unregenerate state, until 
evidences of piety clearly appear, in which case, they 
should be sedulously cherished and nurtured. These 
are Christ's lambs — " little ones, who believe in him" 
whom none should offend or mislead upon the peril 
of a terrible punishment. But though the religious 
education of children should proceed on the ground 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



27 



that they are destitute of grace, it ought ever to be 
used as a means of grace. Every lesson, therefore, 
should be accompanied with the lifting up of the 
heart of the instructer to God for a blessing on the 
means. " Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word 
is truth." 

Although the grace of God may be communicated 
to a human soul, at any period of its existence, in this 
world ; yet the fact manifestly is, that very few are 
renewed before the exercise of reason commences; 
and not many, in early childhood. Most persons, 
with whom we have been acquainted, grew up with- 
out giving any decisive evidence of a change of heart. 
Though religiously educated, yet they have evinced 
a" want of love to God, and an aversion to spiritual 
things. Men are very reluctant, it is true, to admit 
that their hearts are wicked, and at enmity with God. 
They declare that they are conscious of no such feel- 
ing, but still the evidence of a dislike to the spiritual 
worship of God, they cannot altogether disguise; and 
this is nothing else but enmity to God. They might 
easily be convicted of loving the world more than 
God, the creature more than the Creator; and we 
know that he, who will be the friend of the world, is 
the enemy of God. Let the most moral and amiable 
of mankind, who are in this natural state, be asked 
such questions as these, Do you take real pleasure 
in perusing the sacred Scriptures, especially those 
parts which are most spiritual? Do you take delight 
in secret prayer, and find your heart drawn out to 
God, in strong desires? Do you spend much time in 
contemplating the divine attributes? Are you in the 
habit of communing with your own hearts, and ex- 
amining the true temper of your souls? No unregene- 
rate persons can truly answer these, and such like 
questions, in the affirmative. It is evident, then, that 
most persons, whom we see around us, and with 
whom we daily converse, are in the gall of bitterness 
and bond of iniquity, and, continuing in that state, 
where Christ is they never can come. And yet, alas! 
they are at ease in Zion ; and seem to have no fear of 



28 



THOUGHTS ON 



that wrath which is coming. Their case is not only 
dangerous, but discouraging. Yet those who are now 
in a state of grace, yea, those of our race who are 
now in heaven, were once in the same condition. 
You, my reader, may now be a member of Christ's 
body, and an heir of his glory; but you can easily look 
back, and remember the time, when you were as un- 
concerned about your salvation, as any of the gay, 
who are now fluttering around you. The same 
power which arrested you, is able to stop their mad 
career. Still hope and pray for their conversion. 
But tell me, how were you brought to turn from your 
wayward, downward course? This, as it relates to 
the external means of awakening, would receive a 
great variety of answers. One would say, while 
hearing a particular sermon, I was awakened to see 
my lost estate, and I never found rest or peace until I 
was enabled to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. 
Another would answer, I was brought to a consider- 
ation, by the solemn and pointed conversation of a 
pious friend, who sought my salvation. While a 
third would answer, " I was led to serious considera- 
tion, by having the hand of God laid heavily upon me, 
in some affliction." In regard to many, the answer 
would be, that their minds were gradually led to 
serious consideration, they scarcely know how. Now, 
in regard to these external means or circumstances, it 
matters not, whether the attention was arrested, and 
the conscience awakened, by this or that means, 
gradually or suddenly. Neither do these things at all 
assist in determining the nature of the effect produced. 
All who ever became pious must have begun with 
serious consideration, whatever means were employed 
to produce this state of mind. But all who, for a sea- 
son, become serious, are not certainly converted. 
There may be solemn impressions and deep awaken- 
ings which never terminate in a saving change, but 
end in some delusion, or the person returns again to 
his old condition; or rather to one much worse; for it 
may be laid down as a maxim, that religious impres- 
sions opposed, leave the soul in a more hardened state 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 29 

than before; just as iron, heated and then cooled, be- 
comes harder. In general, those impressions which 
come on gradually, without any unusual means, are 
more permanent than those which are produced by 
circumstances of a striking and alarming nature. But 
even here there is no general rule. The nature of the 
permanent effects is the only sure criterion. "By 
their fruits ye shall know them." 

That conviction of sin is a necessary part of ex- 
perimental religion, all will admit; but there is one 
question respecting this matter, concerning which 
there may be much doubt; and that is, whether a 
law-ivork, prior to regeneration, is necessary; or, 
whether all true and salutary conviction is not the 
effect of regeneration. I find that a hundred years 
ago, this was a matter in dispute between the two 
parties, into which the Presbyterian church was divi- 
ded, called the old and new side. The Tennents and 
Blairs insisted much on the necessity of conviction of 
sin, by the law, prior to regeneration ; while Thompson 
and his associates were of opinion, that no such work 
was necessary, nor should be insisted on. As far as 
I know, the opinion of the necessity of legal convic- 
tion has generally prevailed in all our modern revi- 
vals: and it is usually taken for granted, that the con- 
victions experienced are prior to regeneration. But 
it would be very difficult to prove from Scripture, or 
from the nature of the case, that such a preparatory 
work was necessary. Suppose an individual to be, 
in some certain moment, regenerated; such a soul 
would begin to see with new eyes, and his own sins 
would be among the things first viewed in a new 
light. He would be convinced, not only of the fact 
that they were transgressions of ihe law, but he would 
also see, that they were intrinsically evil, and deserved 
the punishment to which they exposed him. It is 
only such a conviction as this that really prepares a 
soul to accept of Christ in all his offices; not only as a 
Saviour from wrath, but from sin. And it can scarce- 
ly be believed, that that clear view of the justice of 
God, in their condemnation, which most sensibly ex- 

3 



30 THOUGHTS ON 

perience, is the fruit of a mere legal conviction, on an 
unregenerate heart. For this view of God's justice 
is not merely of the fact, that this is his character, but 
of the divine excellency of his attributes, which is 
accompanied with admiration of it, and a feeling of ac- 
quiescence or submission. This view is sometimes so 
clear, and the equity and propriety of punishing sin are 
so manifest, and the feeling of acquiescence so strong, 
that it has laid the foundation for the very absurd 
opinion, that the true penitent is made willing to be 
damned for the glory of God. When such a convic- 
tion as this is experienced, the soul is commonly nigh 
to comfort, although at the moment it is common to 
entertain the opinion, that there is no salvation for it. 
It is wonderful, and almost unaccountable, how calm 
the soul is in the prospect of being for ever lost. An 
old lady of the Baptist denomination was the first 
person I ever heard give an account of Christian 
experience, and I recollect that she said that she was 
so deeply convinced that she should be lost, that she 
began to think how she should feel and be exercised 
in hell; and it occurred to her, that all in that horrid 
place were employed in blaspheming the name of 
God. The thought of doing so was rejected with 
abhorrence, and she felt as if she must and would love 
him, even there, for his goodness to her; for she saw 
that she alone was to blame for her destruction, and 
that He could in consistence with his character do 
nothing else but inflict this punishment on her. Now 
surely her heart was already changed, although not a 
ray of comfort had dawned upon her mind. But is 
there not before this, generally, a rebellious rising 
against God, and a disposition to find fault with his 
dealings? It may be so in many cases, but this feel- 
ing is far from being as universal as some suppose. 
As far as the testimony of pious people can be de- 
pended on, there are many whose first convictions are 
of the evil of sin, rather than of its danger, and who 
feel real compunction of spirit for having committed 
it, accompanied with a lively feeling of ingratitude. 
This question, however, is not of any great practical 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 31 

importance; but there are some truly pious persons 
who are distressed and perplexed, because they never 
experienced that kind of conviction which they hear 
others speak of, and the necessity of which is insisted 
on by some preachers. Certainly that which the 
reprobate may experience — which is not different 
from what all the guilty will feel at the day of judg- 
ment — cannot be a necessary part of true religion; 
and yet it does appear to be a common thing for 
awakened persons to be at first under a mere legal 
conviction. 

Though man, in his natural state, is spiritually 
dead, that is, entirely destitute of any spark of true 
holiness, yet is he still a reasonable being, and has a 
conscience by which he is capable of discerning the 
difference between good and evil, and of feeling the 
force of moral obligation. By having his sins brought 
clearly before his mind, and his conscience awakened 
from its stupor, he can be made to feel what his true 
condition is as a transgressor of the holy law of God. 
This sight and sense of sin, under the influence of the 
common operations of the Spirit of God. is what is 
usually styled conviction of sin. And there can be 
no doubt that these views and feelings may be very 
clear and strong in an unrenewed mind. Indeed, 
they do not differ in kind from what every sinner will 
experience at the day of judgment, when his own 
conscience will condemn him, and he will stand guilty 
before his judge. But there is nothing in this kind of 
conviction which has any tendency to change the 
heart, or to make it better. Some indeed have main- 
tained, with some show of reason, that under mere 
legal conviction, the sinner grows worse and worse; 
and certainly he sees his sins to be greater in propor- 
tion as the light of truth increases. There is not, 
therefore, in such convictions, however clear and 
strong, any approximation to regeneration. It cannot 
be called a preparatory work to this change, in the 
sense of disposing the person to receive the grace of 
God. The only end which it can answer is to show 
the rational creature his true condition, and to con- 



32 THOUGHTS OX 

vince the sinner of his absolute need of a Saviour. 
Under conviction there is frequently a more sensible 
rising of the enmity of the heart against God and his 
law; but feelings of this kind do not belong to the 
essence of conviction. There is also sometimes an 
awful apprehension of danger; the imagination is fill- 
ed with strong images of terror, and hell seems almost 
uncovered to the view of the convinced sinner. But 
there may be much of this feeling of terror, where 
there is very little real conviction of sin; and on the 
other hand, there often is deep and permanent convic- 
tion, where the passions and imagination are very little 
excited. 

When the entrance of light is gradual, the first ef- 
fect of an awakened conscience is, to attempt to rec- 
tify what now appears to have been wrong in the 
conduct. It is very common for the conscience, at 
first, to be affected with outward acts of transgres- 
sion, and especially with some one prominent offence. 
An external reformation is now begun: for this can 
be effected by mere legal conviction. To this is added 
an attention to the external duties of religion, such 
as prayer, reading the Bible, hearing the word, &c. 
Everything, however, is done with a legal spirit; 
that is, with the wish and expectation of making 
amends for past offences; and if painful penances 
should be prescribed to the sinner, he will readily 
submit to them if he may, by this means, make some 
atonement for his sins. But as the light increases, he 
begins to see that the heart is wicked: and to be con- 
vinced that his very prayers are polluted for want of 
right motives and affections. He, of course, tries to 
regulate his thoughts, and to exercise right affections; 
but here his efforts prove fruitless. It is much easier 
to reform the life than to bring the corrupt heart into 
a right state. The case now begins to appear despe- 
rate, and the sinner knows not which way to turn for 
relief, and, to cap the climax of his distress, he 
comes at length to be conscious of nothing but un- 
yielding hardness of heart. He fears that the con- 
viction which he seemed to have, is gone, and that he 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 33 

is left to total obduracy. In these circumstances he 
desires to feel keen compunction, and overwhelming 
terror, for his impression is, that he is entirely without 
conviction. The truth, however, is, that his convic- 
tions are far greater, than if he experienced that sen- 
sible distress which he so much courts. In this case, 
he would not think his heart so incurably bad, because 
it could entertain some right feeling, but as it is, he 
sees it to be destitute of every good emotion, and of 
all tender relentings. He has got down to the core of 
iniquity, and finds within his breast a heart unsuscep- 
tible of any good thing. Does he hear that others 
have obtained relief by hearing such a preacher, read- 
ing such a book, conversing with some experienced 
Christian? he resorts to the same means, but entirely 
without effect. The heart seems to become more in- 
sensible, in proportion to the excellence of the means 
enjoyed. Though he declares he has no sensibility of 
any kind, yet his anxiety increases; and perhaps he 
determines to give himself up solely to prayer and 
reading the Bible; and if he perish, to perish seeking 
for mercy. But however strong such resolutions may 
be, they are found to be in vain ; for now, when he at- 
tempts to pray, he finds his mouth as it were shut. 
He cannot pray. He cannot read. He cannot medi- 
tate. What can he do? Nothing. He has come to 
the end of his legal efforts; and the result has been, 
the simple, deep conviction that he can do nothing; 
and if God does not mercifully interpose, he must in- 
evitably perish. During all this process he has some 
idea of the need of divine help; but until now, he 
was not entirely cut off from all dependence on his 
own strength and exertions. He still hoped that, by 
some kind of effort or feeling, he could prepare him- 
self for the mercy of God. Now he despairs of this; 
and not only so, but for a season he despairs, it may 
be, of salvation — gives himself up for lost. I do not 
say, that this is a necessary feeling, by any means, 
but know that it is very natural, and by no means un- 
common, in real experience. But conviction having 
accomplished all that it is capable of effecting, that is, 



34 THOUGHTS ON 

having emptied the creature of self-dependence and 
self-righteousness, and brought him to the utmost ex- 
tremity — even to the borders of despair, it is time for 
God to work. The proverb says, " Man's extremity 
is God's opportunity:" so it is in this case; and at this 
time, it may reasonably be supposed, the work of re- 
generation is wrought; for a new state of feeling is 
now experienced. Upon calm reflection, God ap- 
pears to have been just and good in all his dispensa- 
tions; the blame of its perdition the soul fully takes 
upon itself; acknowledges its ill-desert, and acquits 
God. "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned and 
done this evil in thy sight, that thou mightest be justi- 
fied when thou speakest, and be clear when thou 
judgest." The sinner resigns himself into the hands 
of God; and yet is convinced that if he does perish 
he will suffer only what his sins deserve. He does 
not fully discover the glorious plan according to which 
God can be just and the justifier of the ungodly who 
believe in Jesus Christ. 

The above is not given as a course of experience 
which all real Christians can recognize as their own, 
but as a train of exercises which is very common. 
And so I do not consider legal conviction as necessary 
to precede regeneration, but suppose there are cases 
in which the first serious impressions may be the ef- 
fect of regeneration, I cannot, of course, consider any 
particular train of exercises under the law as essen- 
tial. It has been admitted, however, that legal con- 
viction does in fact take place in most instances, prior 
to regeneration; and it is not an unreasonable inquiry, 
why is the sinner thus awakened? What good pur- 
pose does it answer? The reply has been already 
partially given ; but it may be remarked, that God 
deals with man as an accountable, moral agent, and 
before he rescues him from the ruin into which he is 
sunk, he would let him see and feel, in some measure, 
how wretched his condition is: how helpless he is in 
himself, and how ineffectual are his most strenuous 
efforts to deliver him from his sin and misery. Ho 
is, therefore, permitted to try his own wisdom and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 35 

strength; and finally, to lead him to the full acknow- 
ledgment of his own guilt, and to justify the right- 
eous Judge who condemns him to everlasting tor- 
ment. Conviction, then, is no part of a sinner's sal- 
vation, but the clear practical knowledge of the fact 
that he cannot save himself, and is entirely dependant 
on the saving grace of God. 



CHAPTER III. 

The new birth an event of great importance. — The evidences of the 
new birth. — Diversities of experience in Converts. — Examples. — 
Causes of diversity. 

There is no more important event, which occurs in 
our world, than the new birth of an immortal soul. 
Heirs to titles and estates, to kingdoms and empires, 
are frequently born, and such events are blazoned 
with imposing pomp, and celebrated by poets and 
orators, but what are all these honours and posses- 
sions but the gewgaws of children, when compared 
with the inheritance and glory to which every child 
of God is born an heir. But this being a birth from 
above, and all the blessings and privileges of the 
young heir, of a hidden and spiritual nature, the 
world around cannot be expected to take a lively in- 
terest in the event. It is with the children of God as 
with the divine Saviour; " the world knoweth them 
not as it knew him not." The night on which He 
was born, there was a great crowd of the descendants 
of David, collected from every part of the Holy land, 
where they were scattered abroad; but none of all 
these knew that a Saviour was born that night. Yet 
the angels celebrated the event in a truly celestial 
hymn, and announced the glad tidings to a company 
of simple shepherds, who were watching their flocks 
in the open field. So these celestial inhabitants, the 
messengers of God, take a lively interest still in events 



36 THOUGHTS ON 

in which a gay and ungodly world feel no concern. 
For " there is joy in the presence of the angels of God 
over one sinner that repenteth." How they know 
certainly when a soul is born to God, we need not 
inquire; for they have faculties and sources of know- 
ledge, unknown to us. We know that "they are ail 
ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who 
shall be heirs of salvation;" but how they carry on 
their ministry we cannot tell. If the evil spirit can 
inject evil thoughts into our minds, why may not good 
spirits suggest pious thoughts, or occasionally make 
sudden impressions for our warning, or change, by 
some means, the train of our thoughts ? No doubt 
the devil soon learns the fact, when a sinner is con- 
verted unto God; for he has then lost a subject, and, 
perhaps, no conversion ever takes place, which he 
does not use every effort to prevent. 

But, to return to our subject. The implantation of 
spiritual life in a soul dead in sin, is an event, the 
consequences of which will never end. When you 
plant an acorn, and it grows, you expect not to see the 
maturity, much less the end of the majestic oak, which 
will expand its boughs and strike deeply into the earth 
its roots. The fierce blast of centuries of winters may 
beat upon it and agitate it; but it resists them all. Yet 
finally this majestic oak, and all its towering branches, 
must fall. Trees die with old age, as well as men. 
But the plants of grace shall ever live. They shall 
flourish in everlasting verdure. They will bear trans- 
planting to another clime — to another world. They 
shall bloom and bear fruit in the paradise of God. At 
such an hour one is born in Zion unto God. Few 
know it — few care for the event, or consider it of 
much importance. But, reader, this feeble germ — 
this incipient bud, will go on to grow and flourish for 
infinitely more years than there are sands upon the 
sea shore. To drop the figure. This renewed soul will 
be seen and known among the saints in heaven, and 
assisting in the never-ceasing songs of those who sur- 
round the throne of God and the Lamb, millions of 
ages hereafter. Pure and holy shall it be — " without 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



37 



spot or wrinkle or any such thing." Bright as an 
angel, and as free from moral taint — but still dis- 
tinguished from those happy beings, to whom it is 
equal, by singing a song in which they can never 
join— in wearing robes made white in the blood of 
the Lamb; and claiming a nearer kindred to the Son 
of God, than Gabriel himself. Can that event be of 
small moment, which lays a foundation for immortal 

bliss? for ETERNAL LIFE? 

Let us, then, patiently and impartially inquire into 
some of the circumstances and evidences of the new 
birth. And here I cannot but remark, that among 
all the preposterous notions which a new and crude 
theology has poured forth so profusely, in our day, 
there is none more absurd, than that a dead sinner 
can beget new life in himself. The very idea of a 
man's becoming his own father in the spiritual re- 
generation, is as unreasonable as such a supposition 
in relation to our first birth. Away with all such 
soul-destroying, God-dishonouring sentiments. Which 
were "born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, 
nor of the will of man, but of God" — "Born of the 
Spirit" — "And you hath HE quickened who were 
dead in trespasses and sins." But who can trace the 
work of the Spirit in this wonderful renovation ? Can 
we tell how our bones and sinews were formed in 
our mothers' wombs? Surely, then, there must be 
mystery in the second birth. As our Lord said to 
Nicodemus when discoursing on this very subject: "If 
I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, 
how shall ye believe if I tell you of heavenly things ?" 
" The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest 
the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, 
and whither it goeth." 

There are, doubtless, great diversities in the ap- 
pearances of the motions and actings of spiritual life 
in its incipient stages. 

The agent is the same — the deadness of the subject 
the same — the instrument the same, and the nature of 
the effect the same, in every case. But still, there are 
many differing circumstances, which cause a great 



38 



THOUGHT: OS 



variety in appearance and expression: such as the 
degree of vigour in the principle of life communicated. 
I know, indeed, that there are some who entertain 
the opinion, that the new creature as it comes from 
the hand of God — if I may so speak — is in all respects 
identical or of equal value. But this is not the fact. 
There is as much difference in the original vigour of 
spiritual as of natural life. Now, who does not per- 
ceive, what a remarkable difference this will make in 
all the actings and external exhibitions of this princi- 
ple. As in nature, some children as soon as born are 
active and vigorous and healthy; and let all around 
know quickly that they are alive and have strong 
feeling too; whereas others come into the world with 
so feeble a spark of life, that it can hardly be discerned 
whether they breathe or have any pulsation in their 
heart and arteries: and when it is ascertained that 
they live, the principle of vitality is so weak, and sur- 
rounded with so many untoward circumstances and 
symptoms, that there is a small prospect of the infant 
reaching maturity. Just so it is, in the new birth, 
some are brought at once into the clear light of day. 
They came "out of darkness into the marvellous light" 
of the gospel. " Old things are*' consequently u passed 
away, and all things are become new.'- The change 
is most obvious and remarkable. They are as if in- 
troduced into a new world. The Sun of righteous- 
ness has risen upon them, without an intervening 
cloud. Their perception of divine things is so new 
and so clear, that they feel persuaded that they can 
convince others, and cause- them to see and feel as 
they do. Indeed, they wonder why they did not 
always see things in this light, and they do not know 
why others do not see them as they do. Such per- 
sons can no more doubt of their conversion than of 
their existence. Such a case was that of Saul of 
Tarsus. Such also was the case of Col. Gardiner. 
Now this bright day may be clouded over, or it may 
not. In the case of the two persons mentioned, there 
does not seem ever to have arisen a passing cloud to 
create a doubt whether indeed thev had been brought 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 39 

to enjoy the light of a heavenly day. But many a 
day which begins with an unclouded sun, is deformed 
by dark and lowering clouds, and even agitated with 
tremendous storms before it closes. So it may be in 
the spiritual life. Some commence their pilgrimage 
under the most favourable auspices, and seem to 
stand so firmly on the mount, that they are ready to 
say, " I shall never be moved." Yet when their 
Lord hides his face, they are soon troubled; and may 
long walk in darkness, and enjoy no light of comfort. 
And commonly this change is brought about by our 
own spiritual pride and carelessness. 

The opinion commonly entertained, that the most 
enormous sinners are the subjects of the most pungent 
convictions of sin, and the most alarming terrors of 
hell, is not correct. In regard to such, the commence- 
ment of a work of grace is sometimes very gradual, 
and the impressions so apparently slight, that they 
afford very little ground of sanguine expectations of 
the result. While, on the other hand, some persons 
of an unblemished moral character, and who, from 
the influence of a religious education, have always 
respected religion, and venerated its ordinances, when 
brought under conviction, are more terribly alarmed 
and more overwhelmed with distress, than others 
whose lives have been stained by gross crimes. The 
Rev. John Newton, when awakened to some sense 
of his sinful and dangerous condition, which occurred 
during a violent and long continued storm at sea, 
though his judgment was convinced that he was the 
greatest of sinners, and he doubted whether it was 
possible for him to be saved ; yet seems to have had 
no very deep feelings or agitating fears. He says, 
" It was not till after, perhaps, several years, that I 
had gained some clear views of the infinite righteous- 
ness and grace of Christ Jesus my Lord, that I had a 
deep and strong apprehension of my state by nature 
and practice; and perhaps till then I could not have 
borne the sight; so wonderfully does the Lord pro- 
portion the discoveries of sin and grace. For he knows 
our frame, and that if he were to put forth the great- 



40 



THOUGHTS ON 



ness of his power, a poor sinner would be instantly 
overwhelmed, and crushed as a moth." And, though 
from this time there was a sensible change, and his 
mind was turned towards religion, yet it is evident 
from the history of his life, as well as his experiences 
afterwards, that grace existed during several years, 
in the feeblest state of which we can well conceive. 
It appeared so much so to himself, that he warns all 
persons from considering his experience a model for 
for them. "As to myself," says he, " every part of 
my case has been extraordinary — I have hardly met 
a single instance resembling it. Few, very few have 
been rescued from such a dreadful state, and those 
few that have been thus favoured, have generally 
passed through the most severe convictions; and, 
after the Lord has given them peace, their future lives 
have been usually more zealous, bright, and exem- 
plary than common." Now this is the opinion which 
I think, is taken up rather from theory than an ob- 
servation of facts. I think that those persons, who 
have been most conversant with exercised souls will 
say that there is no general rule here — that very pun- 
gent convictions and deep distress are found as fre- 
quently in those who have been preserved from out- 
breaking transgressions, as in those noted for their 
immoralities. There seems, indeed, more reason for 
severe convictions in the latter case; but convictions 
are not uniformly proportioned to the magnitude of 
crimes. And in truth, we are incapable of comparing 
together the heinousness of the sins of different per- 
sons. The moral man, as we call him, may be the 
greater sinner of the two, when weighed in the 
balances of the sanctuary. I heard a popular preacher 
once undertake to prove, that moral men and formal 
professors must, in all cases, be far more wicked than 
the blaspheming infidel, and gross debauchee. The 
argument was plausible, but laboured under one es- 
sential defect; and I was of opinion, and still am, that 
such a doctrine is highly dangerous, and calculated to 
encourage men to go to all lengths in wickedness. 
When I was a very young preacher, I expressed the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 41 

opinion, in a sermon preached in North Carolina, that 
the mere moralist and formalist were more out of the 
way of conviction than the openly profane. When 
the sermon was ended, a fierce looking man came up 
to me and said that I had delivered precisely his 
opinion on one point, and mentioned the above senti- 
ment. I inquired, when he was gone, who he was, 
and found that he was the most notorious profligate 
in all the country; and not long afterwards he was 
apprehended and imprisoned, at the head of a com- 
pany engaged in felonious acts. This taught me a 
lesson which I never forgot. Mr. Newton proceeds 
thus: "Now, on the one hand, my convictions were 
very moderate, and far below what might have been 
expected from the dreadful review I had to make; 
so, on the other, my first beginnings in a religious 
course were as faint as can well be imagined. I never 
knew that season alluded to, Revelation, ii. 4, usually 
called the time of" first love." And then he relates facts 
which give sad evidence of a very low state of grace; 
and, if it had never risen higher, we should certainly 
have been inclined to believe that he was not a sub- 
ject of saving grace. But this leads me to remark a 
fact analogous to what is common in the natural 
world; that the infant which, when born, barely 
gives evidence of life, may not only grow to maturity, 
but in size and strength may far exceed those who 
commenced life with more activity and vigour; and 
so in the spiritual life, when the incipient motions 
and affections are very feeble, the person may even- 
tually become a mature and eminent Christian, as we 
have no doubt Mr. Newton did. Another instance 
of a similar kind, if my memory serves me, was the 
Rev. Mr. R. Cecil, who had also been, for many 
years, a profane infidel; but who, in process of time, 
became one of the most eminent Christians, as well 
as spiritual ministers of his day. Dr. Thomas Scott, 
also, was a Socinian, and yet a preacher of the es- 
tablished Church; but the progress of illumination 
and conviction in his mind was very gradual. His 
" Force of Truth" is an admirable little work, and 



42 



THOUGHTS ON 



furnishes a full illustration of the sentiment which I 
wish to inculcate: That grace, in the commencement, 
is often exceedingly faint and feeble, and yet may 
grow into a state of maturity and comparative per- 
fection. 

In the experience of President Edwards, as re- 
corded by himself, we find no account of any deep 
and distressing convictions of sin at the commence- 
ment of his religious course; though, afterwards, 
perhaps few men ever attained to such humbling 
views of the depth and turpitude of the depravity of 
the heart. But his experience differs from that of those 
mentioned above, in that his first views of divine 
things were clear and attended with unspeakable de- 
light. " The first instance that I remember of that 
sort of inward, secret delight in God and divine things, 
that I have lived much in since, was, on reading those 
words, 1 Tim. i. 17, 'Now, unto the King eternal, 
immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and 
glory, for ever and ever, Amen.' As I read these 
words, there came into my soul, and was as it were 
diffused through it, a sense of the glory of the divine 
Being; a new sense, quite different from any thing I 
ever experienced before. Never any words of Scrip- 
ture seemed to me as those words did. I thought 
with myself, how excellent a being that was, and how 
happy I should be, if I might enjoy that God, and be 
rapt up to him in heaven, and be as it were swallowed 
up in him for ever." "From that time I began to 
have a new kind of apprehensions and ideas of Christ, 
and the work of redemption, and the glorious way of 
salvation by him. An inward, sweet sense of these 
things, at times, came into my heart; and my soul 
was led away in pleasant views and contemplations 
of them. After this, my sense of divine things gra- 
dually increased, and became more and more lively, 
and had more of that inward sweetness. The ap- 
pearance of every thing was altered. There seemed 
to be, as it were, a calm, sweet, cast or appearance 
of divine glory, in almost every thing. God's excel- 
cency, his wisdom, his purity, and his love seemed to 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 43 

appear in every thing." The difference between this 
and many other cases of incipient piety, is very 
striking. And yet these views and exercises do not 
come up to the standard which some set up in regard 
to Christian experience, because they are so abstract, 
and have such casual reference to Christ, through 
whom alone God is revealed to man as an object of 
saving faith. And if there be a fault in the writings 
of this great and good man on the subject of experi- 
mental religion, it is, that they seem to represent re- 
newed persons as at the first, occupied with the con- 
templation of the attributes of God with delight, 
without ever thinking of a Mediator. But few men 
ever attained, as we think, higher degrees of holiness, 
or had made more accurate observations on the exer- 
cises of others. His work on the Affections is too 
abstract and tedious for common readers; but is an 
excellent work, although I think his twelve marks 
might with great advantage be reduced to half the 
number, on his own plan. The experimental exer- 
cises of religion are sure to take their complexion 
from the theory of doctrine entertained, or which is 
inculcated at the time. 

The variety which appears in the exercises of real 
converts does not depend alone on the different de- 
grees of vigour, in the principle of spiritual life, but on 
many other circumstances; some of which will now 
be noticed. The benefit of sound doctrinal instruc- 
tion to the new-born soul has already been mention- 
ed, but demands a more particular consideration. 
What degree of knowledge is absolutely necessary to 
the existence of piety cannot be accurately determin- 
ed by man, but we know that genuine faith may con- 
sist with much ignorance and error. Suppose two 
persons, then, to have received the principle of spirit- 
ual life in equal vigour; but let the one be ignorant 
and the other well instructed, it is easy to see what 
a difference this will make in the exercises of the two 
converts; and also in the account which they are able 
respectively to give to others of the work of grace on 
their hearts. It is here taken for granted, that no- 



44 THOUGHTS en- 

tiling but divine truth can be the object of holy affec- 
tions, or famish the motives from which true Chris- 
tians are bound to act; and that faith in all its actings 
has respect to revealed truth. But that which is un- 
known can neither be the object of faith or love, and 
that which is known obscurely, and viewed indistinct- 
ly, can never operate with the same effect as that 
which is clearly understood. Accordingly, our mis- 
sionaries inform us, that we ought not to expect the 
same consistency or maturity in the religion of real 
converts from heathenism, as from religiously edu- 
cated persons in our own country. It is a lamentable 
fact that in this land of churches and of Bibles, there 
are many who know little more of the doctrines of 
Christianity, than the pagans themselves. The pro- 
per inference from the fact stated is, that they are 
egregiously in error, who think that the religious edu- 
cation of children, is useless, or even injurious; and 
their opinion is also condemned who maintain that it 
matters little what men believe provided their lives 
are upright. All good conduct must proceed from 
good principles: but good principles cannot exist 
without a knowledge of the truth. "Truth is in 
order to holiness;" and between truth and holiness 
there is an indissoluble connexion. It would be as 
reasonable to expect a child born into an atmosphere 
corrupted with pestilential vapour, to grow T and be 
healthy as that spiritual life should flourish without 
the nutriment of the pure milk of the word, and 
without breathing in the wholesome atmosphere of 
truth. The new man often remains in a dwarfish 
state, because he is fed upon husks; or. he grows into 
a distorted shape by means of the errors which are 
inculcated upon him. It is of unspeakable import- 
ance that the young disciple have sound, instructive, 
and practical preaching to attend on. It is also of 
consequence that the religious people, with whom he 
converses, should be discreet, evangelical, and intelli- 
gent Christians; and that the books put into his hands 
should be of the right kind. There is what may be 
called a sectarian peculiarity in the experimental reli- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 45 

gion of all the members of a religious denomination. 
When it is required, in order that persons be admitted 
to communion, that they publicly give a narrative of 
the exercises of their minds, there will commonly be 
observed a striking similarity. There is a certain 
mould into which all seem to be cast. By the way, 
this requisition is unwise; few persons have humility 
and discretion enough to be trusted to declare in a pub- 
lic congregation, what the dealings of God with their 
souls have been. When ignorant, weak, and fanci- 
ful persons undertake this, they often bring out such 
crude and ludicrous things, as greatly tend to bring ex- 
perimental religion into discredit. The practice seems 
also to be founded on a false principle, namely, that 
real Christians are able to tell with certainty whether 
others have religion, if they hear their experience. 
Enthusiasts have always laid claim to this discernment 
of the spirits, and this enthusiasm is widely spread 
through some large sects; and when they meet with 
any professing piety, they are always solicitous to 
hear an account of their conviction, conversion, &c. 
A free intercourse of this kind among intimate friends, 
is no doubt, profitable; but a frequent and indiscrimi- 
nate disclosure of these secret things of the heart, is 
attended with many evils. Among the chief is, the 
fostering of spiritual pride, which may often be de- 
tected when the person is boasting of his humility. 
In those social meetings, in which every person is 
questioned as to the state of their souls, the very 
sameness of most of the answers ought to render the 
practice suspicious. Poor, weak, and ignorant per- 
sonsj often profess to be happy, and to be full of the 
love of God, when they know not what they say. It is 
wonderful how little you hear of the spiritual conflict 
in the account which many professors give of their 
experience. The people know what kind of answers 
is expected of them, and they come, as near as they 
can to what is wished; and it is to be feared that 
many cry "peace," when there is no peace; and say 
that they are happy, merely because they hear this 
from the lips of others. Hypocrisy is a fearful evil y 

4 



46 THOUGHTS ON 

and every thing which has a tendency to produce it 
should be avoided. Among some classes of reli- 
gious people, all doubting about the goodness and 
safety of our state is scouted as inconsistent with 
faith. It is assumed as indubitably true, that every 
Christian must be assured of his being in a state of 
grace, and they have no charity for those who are dis- 
tressed with almost perpetual doubts and fears. This 
they consider to be the essence of unbelief; for faith, 
according to them, is a full persuasion that our sins 
are forgiven. No painful process of self-examination 
is therefore requisite, for every believer has posses- 
sion already of all that could be learned from such ex- 
amination. Among others, doubting, it is to be fear- 
ed, is too much encouraged; and serious Christians 
are perplexed with needless scruples originating in 
the multiplication of the marks of conversion, which 
sometimes are difficult of application, and, in other 
cases, are not Scriptural, but arbitrary, set up by the 
preacher who values himself upon his skill in detect- 
ing the close hypocrite, whereas he wounds the weak 
believer, in ten cases, where he awakens the hypo- 
crite in one. I once heard one of these preachers, 
whose common mode was harsh, and calculated to 
distress the feeble minded, attempt to preach in a very 
different style. He seemed to remember that he 
should not "bruise the broken reed," nor "quench 
the smoking flax." A person of a contrite spirit 
heard the discourse with unusual comfort, but at the 
close the preacher resumed his usual harsh tone, and 
said, "Now you hypocrites will be snatching at the 
children's bread." On hearing which, the broken 
hearted hearer felt himself addressed, and instantly 
threw away all the comfort which he had received. 
And though there might be a hundred hypocrites 
present, yet not one of them cared any thing about the 
admonition. 

In some places, anxious inquirers are told that if 
they will hold on praying and using the means, that 
God is bound to save them; as though a dead, con- 
demned sinner could so pray as to bring God under 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 47 

obligation to him, or could secure the blessings of 
the covenant of grace, by his selfish, legal striving. 
These instructions accord very much with the self- 
righteous spirit which is naturally in us all; and one 
of two things may be expected to ensue, either that 
the anxious inquirer will conclude that he has worked 
out his salvation, and cry peace; or that he should 
sink into discouragement and charge God foolishly, 
because he does not hear his prayers, and grant him 
his desires. There is another extreme, but not so 
common among us. It is, to tell the unconverted, 
however anxious, not to pray at all — that their pray- 
ers are an abomination to God, and can answer no 
good purpose, until they are able to pray in faith. 
The writer happened once to be cast into a congrega- 
tion where this doctrine was inculcated, at the time 
of a considerable revival, when many sinners were 
cut to the heart and were inquiring, what must we 
do to be saved? He conversed with some who ap- 
peared to be under deep and awful convictions; but 
they were directed to use no means, but to believe, 
and they appeared to remain in a state of perfect 
quiescence, doing nothing, but confessing the justice 
of their condemnation, and appearing to feel that they 
were entirely at the disposal of Him, who " has mercy 
on whom he will have mercy." The theory, how- 
ever, was not consistently carried out, for while these 
persons were taught not to pray, they were exhorted 
to hear the gospel, and were frequently conversed 
with by their pastor. But this extreme is not so 
dangerous as the former, which encourages sinners to 
think that they can do something to recommend them- 
selves to God, by their unbelieving prayers. The 
fruits of this revival, I have reason to believe, were 
very precious. Even among the same people and 
under the same minister, the exercises of the awaken- 
ed in a revival are very different. In some seasons 
of this sort, the work appears to be far deeper and 
more solemn than in others. 



48 



THOUGHTS ON 



CHAPTER IV. 



Causes of diversity in experience continued. — Effect of temperament. — 
Melancholy. — Advice to the friends of persons thus affected. — Sub- 
ject continued. — Illustrative cases. — Causes of melancholy and in- 
sanity. 

We have before shown how the principle of spirit- 
ual life is affected in its appearance by two cir- 
cumstances — the degree of vigour given to it in its 
commencement, and the degree of knowledge and 
maturity of judgment which one may possess above 
another. We now come to another pregnant cause 
of the great variety which is found in the exercises 
and comforts of real Christians, and that is the differ- 
ence of temperament which is so familiar, and which 
so frequently modifies the characters, as well as the 
feelings of men in other matters. There can be no 
doubt, I think, that the susceptibility of lively emotion 
is exceedingly different in men under the same cir- 
cumstances. Persons of strong affections and ardent 
temperament, upon an unexpected bereavement of a 
beloved wife or child, are thrown into an agony of 
grief which is scarcely tolerable; while those of a cold, 
phlegmatic temperament, seem to suffer no exquisite 
anguish from this or any other cause. Not that they 
possess more fortitude or resignation, for the contrary 
may be the fact; but their susceptibilities are less 
acute. And this disparity appears in nothing more 
remarkably than in the tendency to entertain different 
degrees of hope or fear in similar circumstances. For, 
while some will hope whenever there is the smallest 
ground for a favourable result, others are sure to fear 
the worst which can possibly happen; and their ap- 
prehensions are proportioned to the magnitude of the 
interest at stake. Now is it wonderful, that men's 
religious feelings should be affected by the same 
causes? When two exercised persons speak of their 
convictions, their sorrows and their hopes, it is not to 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 49 

be expected, that with the same truths before their 
minds, those of a sanguine temperament will expe- 
rience more sensible emotions, and, upon the same 
evidence, entertain more confident hopes than those 
of a contrary disposition? And, of necessity, the joy 
of the one will be much more lively than that of the 
other. Thus, two persons may be found, whose ex- 
perience may have been very similar as to their con- 
viction of sin, and exercise of faith and repentance; 
and yet the one will express a strong confidence of 
having passed from death unto life; while the other is 
afraid to express a trembling hope. Of these two 
classes of Christians, the first is the most comfortable, 
the latter the safest, as being unwilling to be satisfied 
with any evidence but the strongest. But there is 
not only a wide difference from this natural cause of 
the liveliness of the emotions of joy and sorrow, and 
of the confidence of the hopes entertained, but usually 
a very different mode of expression. Sanguine per- 
sons, from the very impulse of ardent feeling, have a 
tendency to express things in strong language con- 
stantly verging on exaggeration. They are apt to use 
superlatives and strong emphasis, as wishing to con- 
vey a full idea of their feelings, while those of a colder 
temperament and more timid disposition, fall below 
the reality, in their descriptions, and are cautious not 
to convey to others too high an idea of what they 
have experienced. This diversity, as the cause is 
permanent, characterizes the religious experience of 
these respective classes of Christians through their 
whole pilgrimage, and may be equally manifest on a 
dying bed. Hence it appears how very uncertain a 
knowledge of the internal state of the heart we obtain 
from the words and professions of serious persons. 
It should also serve to shake the vain confidence of 
those who imagine that they can decide with certainty 
whether another is a truly converted person, merely 
from hearing a narrative of his religious experience; 
and that is, that two persons may employ the same 
words and phrases to express their feelings, and yet 



50 THOUGHTS OX 

those feelings may be specifically different; each may 
say, " I felt the love of God shed abroad in my heart/'* 
which in the one case may be the genuine affection 
described in these words; while in the other it may 
be a mere transport of natural feeling; a mere selfish 
persuasion of being a favourite of heaven; or a high 
state of nervous exhileration, produced by a physiolo- 
gical cause. Both these persons may be sincere, ac- 
cording to the popular acceptation of that term; that 
is, both have really experienced a lively emotion, and 
both mean to express the simple fact; and yet the one 
is a real Christian, while the other may be in an un- 
regenerate state. Another thing which ought to 
destroy this foolish persuasion, that we can certainly 
determine the true spiritual condition of another 
person by hearing from him a narrative of his expe- 
rience, and that is that any words or phrases which 
can be used by a really pious man, may be learned 
by a designing hypocrite. What is to hinder such an 
one from using the very language and imitating the 
very manner in which true Christians have been 
heard to relate their experience? What can prevent 
deceivers from catching up the narrative of godly 
exercises so abundantly found in religious biography, 
and applying it to themselves, as though they had 
experience of these things? While only two classes 
of Christians have been mentioned, yet in each of 
these there are many subordinate divisions, to de- 
scribe all of which would be tedious and not for edifi- 
cation. The reader can readily apply the general 
principles to every variety of experience, modified by 
this cause. 

In the preceding remarks, the healthy, constitutional 
temperament has alone been brought into view; but 
by far the most distressing cases of coiiscience, with 
which the spiritual physician has to deal, are owing 
to a morbid temperament. As most people are in- 
clined to conceal their spiritual distresses, few have 
any conception of the number of persons who are 
habitually suffering under the frightful malady of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 51 

melancholy. With some, this disease is not perma- 
nent, but occasional. They have only periodical 
paroxysms of deep religious depression; and they 
may be said to have their compensation, for the dark 
and cloudy day, by being favoured with one of pe- 
culiar brightness, in quick succession. If their gloom 
was uninterrupted, it would be overwhelming, but 
after a dark night, rises a lovely morning without the 
shadow of a cloud. This rapid and great alteration 
of feeling is found in those who possess what may be 
called a mercurial temperament. It is connected with 
a nervous system peculiarly excitable and exceedingly 
liable to temporary derangement. A rough east wind 
is sufficient to blow up clouds which completely ob- 
scure the cheerful sunshine of the soul; while the 
wholesome zephyrs as quickly drive all these gloomy 
clouds away. Such persons always have a stomach 
easily disordered, and one ounce of improper food, or 
one too much of wholesome food is cause sufficient 
to derange the nerves and depress the spirits. The 
want of refreshing sleep, or watchfulness is another 
cause of the same effects; and in its turn, is an effect 
from disordered nerves. But physical causes are not 
the only ones which produce this painful state of feel- 
ing. It is often produced, in a moment, by hearing 
some unpleasant intelligence, or by the occurrence of 
some disagreeable event. But, as was hinted, when 
these people of nervous temperament are relieved 
from a fit of depression, their sky is uncommonly 
free from clouds; their hopes are lively, their spirits 
buoyant, and nothing can trouble them. These alter- 
nations of day and night, of sun-shine and darkness, 
must of necessity affect the feelings in regard to all 
matters, temporal and spiritual, for as in a dark night 
every object appears black, so when the mind is over- 
cast with gloomy clouds every view must partake of 
the same aspect. To many persons this description 
will be unintelligible; but by others, it will be recog- 
nized, at once, as a just view of their own case. But 
when religious melancholy becomes a fixed disease, 
it may be reckoned among the heaviest calamities to 



52 THOUGHTS ON 

which our suffering nature is subject. It resists all 
argument and rejects every topic of consolation, from 
whatever source it may proceed. It feeds upon dis- 
tress and despair, and is displeased even with the sug- 
gestion or offer of relief. The mind thus affected 
seizes on those ideas and truths which are most awful 
and terrific. Any doctrine which excludes all hope 
is congenial to the melancholy spirit, and it seizes on 
such things with an unnatural avidity, and will not 
let them go. 

There is no subject on which it is more vain and 
dangerous to theorize than our religious experience. 
It is therefore of unspeakable importance that minis- 
ters of the gospel, who have to deal with diseased 
consciences, should have had some experience them- 
selves in these matters. This, no doubt, is one reason 
why some, intended to be "sons of consolation" to 
others, have been brought through deep waters, and 
have been buffeted by many storms, before they ob- 
tained a settled peace of mind. It is a proper object 
of inquiry, why, in our day, so little is heard about 
the spiritual troubles, of which we read so much in 
the casuistical treatises of writers of a former age. It 
can scarcely be supposed that the faith of modern 
Christians is so much stronger than that of believers 
who lived in other, days, that they are enabled easily 
to triumph over their melancholy fears and despon- 
dency. Neither can we suppose that Satan is less 
busy in casting his fiery darts, and in attempts to 
drive the children of God to despair. There is rea- 
son to fear, that among Christians of the present time, 
there is less deep, spiritual exercise, than in former 
days; and as little is said on this subject in public dis- 
courses, there may be greater concealment of the 
troubles of this kind than if these subjects were more 
frequently discussed. It is observable that all those 
who have experienced this sore affliction and have 
been mercifully delivered from them, are very solicit- 
ous to administer relief and comfort to others who are 
still exposed to the peltings of the pitiless storm; and 
these are the persons who feel the tenderest sympathy 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 53 

with afflicted consciences, and know how to bear with 
the infirmities and waywardness which accompany a 
state of religious melancholy. It is also remarkable, 
that very generally, they who have been recovered 
from such diseases, attribute no small part of their 
troubles to a morbid temperament of body, and ac- 
cordingly, in their counsels to the melancholy, they 
lay particular stress on the regular, healthy state of 
the body. 

About the close of the seventeenth century, the 
Rev. Timothy Rogers, a pious and able minister of 
London, fell into a state of deep melancholy; and 
such was the distressing darkness of his mind, that he 
gave up all hope of the mercy of God, and believed 
himself to be a vessel of wrath, designed for destruc- 
tion, for the praise of the glorious justice of the Al- 
mighty. His sad condition was known to many pious 
ministers and people throughout the country, who, it 
is believed, were earnest and incessant in their suppli- 
cations in his behalf. And these intercessions were 
not ineffectual; for it pleased God to grant a complete 
deliverance to his suffering servant. And having re- 
ceived comfort of the Lord, he was exceedingly de- 
sirous to be instrumental in administering the same 
comfort to others, with which he himself had been 
comforted. He therefore wrote several treatises with 
this object in view, which are well calculated to be of 
service to those labouring under spiritual distress. 
One of these is entitled, " Recovery from Sickness," 
another " Consolation to the Afflicted/' and a 
third, " A Discourse on Trouble of Mind, and the 
Disease of Melancholy." In the "preface" to this 
last, the author gives directions to the friends of per- 
sons labouring under religious melancholy, how to 
treat them. The substance of these, I will now com- 
municate to the reader. " 1. Look upon your dis- 
tressed friends as under one of the worst distempers 
to which this miserable life is obnoxious. Melan- 
choly incapacitates them for thought or action: it 
confounds and disturbs all their thoughts and fills 
them with vexation and anguish. I verily believe, 



54 THOUGHTS 0>" 

that when this malign humour is deeply fixed and 
has spread its deleterious influence over every part, 
it is as vain to attempt to resist it. by reasoning and 
rational motives, as to oppose a fever, or the gout, or 
pleurisy. One of the very worst attendants of this 
disease is. the want of sleep, by which in other dis- 
tresses men are relieved and refreshed: but in this 
disease, either sleep flies far away, or is so disturbed, 
that the poor sufferer, instead of being refreshed, is 
like one on the rack. The faculties of the soul are 
weakened, and all their operations disturbed and 
clouded; and the poor body languishes and pines 
away, at the same time. And that which renders 
this disease more formidable is, its long continuance. 
It is a long time often before it comes to its height; 
and usually as tedious in its declension. It is, in 
every respect, sad and overwhelming; a state of dark- 
ness that has no discernible beams of light. It gene- 
rally begins in the body, and then conveys its venom 
to the mind. I pretend not to tell you what medicines 
will cure it, for I know of none. I leave you to ad- 
vise with such as are skilled in physic, and especially 
to such doctors as have experienced something of it 
themselves: for it is impossible to understand the 
nature of it in any other way than by experience. 
There is danger, as Mr. Greenham says, -that the 
bodily physician will look no further than the body, 
while the spiritual physician will totally disregard the 
body, and look only at the mind/* 

" 2. Treat those who are under this disease with 
tender compassion. Remember also, that you are 
liable to the same affliction: for however brisk your 
spirits and lively your feelings now, you may meet 
with such reverses, with such long and sharp afflic- 
tions, as will sink your spirits. Many, not naturally 
inclined to melancholy, have, by overwhelming and 
repeated calamities, been sunk into this dark gulf. 

•• 3. Never use harsh language to your friends when 
under the disease of melancholy. This will only 
serve to fret and perplex them the more, but will 
never benefit them. I know that the counsel of i 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 55 

is, to rebuke and chide them, on all occasions; but I 
dare confidently say, that such advisers never felt the 
disease themselves; for if they had, they would know 
that thus they do but pour oil into the flames, and 
chafe and exasperate their wounds, instead of heal- 
ing them. Mr. Dod, by reason of his mild, meek, 
and merciful spirit, was reckoned one of the fittest 
persons to deal with those thus afflicted. Never was 
any person more tender and compassionate as all will 
be convinced, who will read the accounts of Mr. Pea- 
cock and Mrs. Drake, both of whom were greatly 
relieved by his conversation. 

"4. If you would possess any influence over your 
friends in this unhappy state of mind, you must be 
careful not to express any want of confidence in what 
they relate of their own feelings and distresses. On 
this point, there is often a great mistake. When they 
speak of their frightful and distressing apprehensions, 
it is common for friends to reply, ' that this is all 
imaginary' — 'nothing but fancy/ 'an unfounded 
whim/ Now the disease is a real one, and their 
misery is as real as any experienced by man. It is 
true, their imagination is disordered, but this is mere- 
ly the effect of a deeper disease. These afflicted per- 
sons never can believe that you have any. real sym- 
pathy with their misery, or feel any compassion for 
them, unless you believe what they say. 

"5. Do not urge your melancholy friends to do what 
is out of their power. They are like persons whose 
bones are broken, and who are incapacitated for ac- 
tion. Their disease is accompanied with perplexing 
and tormenting thoughts; if you can innocently 
divert them, you would do them a great kindness; 
but do not urge them to any thing which requires 
close and intense thinking; this will only increase 
the disease. But you will ask, ought, we not to urge 
them to hear the word of God? I answer, if they are 
so far gone in the disease as to be in continual, unre- 
mitting anguish, they are not capable of hearing, on 
account of the painful disorder of their minds. But 
if their disorder is not come to such a distressing 



56 THOUGHTS OH 

height, you may kindly and gently persuade them to 
attend on the preaching of the word; but beware of 
using a peremptory and violent method. The method 
pursued by Mr. Dod, with Mrs. Drake, should be 
imitated. 'The burden which overloaded her soul 
was so great, that we never durst add any thereunto, 
but fed her with all encouragements, she being too 
apt to overcharge herself, and to despair upon any 
addition of fuel to that fire which was inwardly con- 
suming her. And so, wherever she went to hear, 
notice was given to the minister officiating, that he 
had such a hearer, and by this means she received no 
discouragement from hearing/' 

•'•'6. Do not attribute the effects of mere disease to 
the devil; although I do not deny that he has an agen- 
cy in producing some diseases; especially, by harass- 
ing and disturbing the mind to such a degree, that 
the body suffers with it. But it is very unwise to as- 
cribe every feeling and every word of the melancholy 
man to Satan; whereas, many of these are as natu- 
ral consequences of bodily disease, as the symptoms 
of a fever, which the poor sufferer can no more avoid, 
than the sick man can keep himself from sighing and 
groaning. Many will say to such an one, 'Why do 
you so pore over your case and thus gratify the 
devil?' whereas, it is the very nature of the disease 
to cause such fixed musings. You might as well say 
to a man in a fever, B Why are you not well, why will 
you be sick?' Some, indeed, suppose, that the mel- 
ancholy hug their disease, and are unwilling to give 
it up, but you might as well suppose that a man 
would be pleased with lying on a bed of thorns, or in 
a fiery furnace. No doubt the devil knows how to 
work on minds thus diseased, and that by shooting 
iery darts, he endeavours to drive them to utter 
despair. But if you persuade them that all which 
they experience is from the devil, you may induce the 
opinion in them, that they are actually possessed of 
the evil one; which has been the unhappy condition 
of some whose minds were disordered. I would not 
have you to bring a railing accusation, even against 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 57 

the devil, neither must you falsely accuse your friends 
by saying that they gratify him. 

"7. Do not express much surprise or wonder at any 
thing which melancholy persons say or do. What 
will not they say, who are in despair of God's mercy? 
What will not they do, who think themselves lost, 
for ever? You know that even such a man as Job 
cursed his day, so that the Lord charged him ' with 
darkening counsel by words without knowledge.' 
Do not wonder that they give expression to bitter 
complaints; the tongue will always be speaking of the 
aching tooth. Their soul is sore vexed, and although 
they get no good by complaining; yet they cannot but 
complain, to find themselves in such a doleful case. 
And they can say with David, <I am weary with my 
groaning: all the night make I my bed to swim, I 
water my couch with my tears;' yet they cannot for- 
bear to groan and weep more, until their very eyes 
be consumed with grief. Let no sharp words of 
theirs provoke you to talk sharply to them. Sick peo- 
ple are apt to be peevish, and it would be a great 
weakness in you, not to bear with them, when you 
see that a long and sore disease has deprived them of 
their former good temper. 

" 8. Do not tell them any frightful stories, nor re- 
count to them the sad disasters which have overtaken 
others. Their hearts do already meditate terror, and 
by every alarming thing of which they hear, they are 
the more terrified, and their disordered imagination is 
prepared to seize upon every frightful image which 
is presented. The hearing of sad things always 
causes them more violent agitations. Yet you must 
avoid merriment and levity in their presence, for this 
would lead them to think that you have no sympa- 
thy with them, nor concern for them. A mixture of 
gravity and afTableness will best suit them; and, if I 
might advise, I would counsel parents not to put their 
children, who are naturally inclined to melancholy, 
to learning, or to any employment, which requires 
much study; lest they should at length be preyed 
upon, by their own thoughts. 



58 



THOUGHTS OX 



" 9. Do not, however, think it needless to talk with 
them. Bat do not speak as if you thought their dis- 
ease would be of long continuance; for this is the 
prospect which appears most gloomy to the melan- 
choly. Rather encourage them to hope for speedy 
deliverance. Endeavour to revive their spirits by 
declaring, that God can give them relief iu a mo- 
ment, and that he has often done so with others; that 
he can quickly heal their disease, and cause his amia- 
ble and reconciled face to shine upon them. 

10. It will be useful to tell them of others, who 
have been in the same state of suffering, and yet have 
been delivered. It is, indeed, true, that they who are 
depressed by such a load of grief, are with difficulty 
persuaded, that any were ever in such a condition as 
they are. They think themselves to be more wicked 
than Cain or Judas, and view their own cases to be 
entirely singular. It will, therefore, be important to 
relate real cases of deliverance from similar distress 
and darkness. Several such cases have been known 
to me, as that of Mr. Rose well, and also Mr. Porter, 
both ministers of the gospel. The latter was six 
years under the pressure of melancholy; yet both 
these experienced complete deliverance, and after- 
wards rejoiced in the light of God's countenance. I 
myself, was near two years in great pain of body, 
and greater pain of soul, and without any prospect 
of peace or help; and yet God hath recovered me by 
his sovereign grace and mercy. Mr. Robert Bruce, 
minister in Edinburgh, was twenty years in terrors of 
conscience, and yet delivered afterwards. And so, of 
many others, who after a dark and stormy night, 
were blessed with the cheerful light of returning day. 
Mr. Fox, in his book of Martys, gives an account of 
a certain Mr. Glover, who was worn and consumed 
with inward trouble, for five years, so that he had no 
comfort in his food, nor in his sleep, nor in any enjoy- 
ment of life. He was so perplexed, as if he had been 
in the deepest pit of hell, and yet this good servant 
of God, after all these horrid temptations and buffer- 
ings of Satan, was delivered from all his trouble, and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 59 

the effect was such a degree of mortification of sin, 
that he appeared as one already in heaven. 

" 11. The next thing which you are to do for your 
melancholy friends, is to pray for them. As they have 
not light and composure to pray for themselves, let 
your eyes weep for them in secret, and there let your 
souls melt in fervent holy prayers. You know that 
none but God alone can help them. Mr. Peacock 
said to Mr. Dod, and his other friends, ( Take not the 
name of God in vain, by praying for such a repro- 
bate.' Mr. Dod replied, i If God stir up your friends 
to pray for you, he will stir up himself to hear their 
prayers.' You ought to consider that nothing but 
prayer can do them good. It is an obstinate disease 
that nothing else will overcome. Those who can 
cure themselves by resorting to wine and company, 
were never under this disease. 

" 12. Not only pray for them yourself, but engage 
other Christian friends, also, to pray for them. When 
many good people join their requests together, their 
cry is more acceptable and prevalent. When the 
church united in prayer for Peter, in chains, he was 
soon delivered, and in the very time of their prayers. 
All believers have, through Christ, a great interest in 
heaven, and the Father is willing to grant what they 
unitedly and importunately ask, in the name of his 
dear Son. I myself have been greatly helped by the 
prayers of others, and I heartily thank all those espe- 
cially, who set apart particular days to remember 
at a throne of grace, my distressed condition. Bless- 
ed be God that he did not turn away his mercy from 
me, nor turn a deaf ear to their supplications! 

" 1 3. Put Your poor, afflicted friends, in mind, con- 
tinually, of the sovereign grace of God, in Jesus 
Christ. Often impress on their minds, that He is 
merciful and gracious; that as far as the heavens are 
above the earth, so far are his thoughts above their 
thoughts; his thoughts of mercy above their self-con- 
demning, guilty thoughts. Teach them as much as 
you can, to look unto God, by the great Mediator, for 
grace and strength, and not too much to pore over 



60 THOUGHTS ON 

their own souls, where there is so much darkness and 
unbelief. And turn away their thoughts from the 
decrees of God. Show them What great sinners God 
has pardoned, and encourage them to believe and 
to hope for mercy. When Mrs. Drake was in her 
deplorable state of darkness, she would send a descrip- 
tion of her case to distinguished ministers, concealing 
her name, to know whether such a creature, without 
faith, hope, or love to God or man — hard-hearted, 
without natural affection, who had resisted and 
abused all means, could have any hope of going to 
heaven ? Their answer was, that such like, and much 
worse, might, by the mercy of God, be received into 
favour, converted and saved; which did much allay 
her trouble. ' For,' said she, ' the fountain of all 
my misery hath been, that I sought that in the law, 
which I should have found in the gospel; and for that 
in myself, which was only to be found in Christ.' 
' From my own experience, I can testify,' says Rog- 
ers, 'that the mild and gentle way of dealing with 
such is the best.' " 

A volume might be written on the subject of reli- 
gious melancholy, and such a volume is much needed: 
but it would be difficult to find a person qualified for 
the undertaking. We have some books written by 
pious casuists; and the subject is handled in medical 
treatises on insanity; but, to do it justice, physiolo- 
gical knowledge must be combined with an accurate 
acquaintance with the experience of Christians. Bur- 
ton's "Anatomy of Melancholy," is one of the 
strangest books I ever read. For curious learning 
and classical quotations, it cannot be surpassed. And 
there is much originality of remark, and frequent 
strokes of wit in the work, but very little valuable 
information on the subject of which it treats. The 
author seems to have been himself troubled with fits 
of melancholy, and, enjoying much learned leisure, 
amused his melancholy hours by searching after and 
heaping up much learning, out of the common track. 
The spiritual physician, who has the cure of diseased 
souls, takes much less pains to inquire minutely and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 61 

exactly into the maladies of his patients, than is ob- 
servable in physicians of the body. I have often 
admired the alacrity and perseverance with which 
medical students attend upon anatomical and physio- 
logical lectures; although often, the exhibitions are 
extremely repulsive to our natural feelings. The 
patience and ingenuity, with which the men of this 
profession make experiments are highly worthy of im- 
itation. Many of our young preachers, when they go 
forth on their important errand, are poorly qualified to 
direct the doubting conscience, or to administer safe 
consolation to those troubled in spirit. And in modern 
preaching, there is little account made of the various 
distressing cases of deep affliction under which many 
serious persons are suffering. If we want counsel 
on subjects of this kind, we must go back to the old 
writers; but as there is now small demand for such 
works, they are fast sinking into oblivion; and their 
place is not likely to be supplied by any works which 
the prolific press now pours forth. It is, however, a 
pleasing circumstance, that the writings of so many 
of our old English divines have recently been reprint- 
ed in London. But still many valuable treatises are 
destined to oblivion. The only object which I have 
in view, in introducing this subject, is to inquire, 
what connexion there is between real experimental 
religion and melancholy. And I must, in the first 
place, endeavour to remove a prevalent prejudice, 
that in all religious persons there is a strong tendency 
to melancholy. Indeed, there are not a few who* 
confound these two things so completely, that they 
have no other idea of becoming religious, than sink- 
ing into a state of perpetual gloom. Such persons 
as these are so far removed from all just views of the 
nature of religion, that I shall not attempt, at pres- 
ent, to correct their errors. There are others, who 
entertain the opinion, that deep religious impressions 
tend to produce that state of mind called melancholy; 
and not only so, but they suppose that in many cases, 
insanity is the consequence of highly raised religious 
affections. The fact cannot be denied, that religion 

5 



62 THOUGHTS ON 

is often the subject which dwells on the minds of 
both the melancholy and the insane. But, I am of 
opinion, that we are here in danger of reversing the 
order of nature, and putting the effect in the place of 
the cause. Religion does not produce melancholy, 
but melancholy turns the thoughts to religion. Per- 
sons of a melancholy temperament seize on such 
ideas as are most awful, and which furnish the great- 
est opportunity of indulging in despondency and des- 
pair. Sometimes, however, it is not religion which 
occupies the minds and thoughts of the melancholy, 
but their own health, which they imagine, without 
reason, to be declining; or their estates, which they 
apprehend to be wasting away, and abject poverty 
and beggary stare them in the face. Not unfrequent- 
ly this disease alienates the mind entirely from reli- 
gion, and the unhappy victim of it refuses to attend 
upon any religious duties, or to be present where 
they are performed. Frequently it assumes the form 
of monomania, or a fixed misapprehension in regard 
to some one thing. The celebrated and excellent 
William Cowper laboured, for years, under one of 
the most absurd hallucinations, respecting a single 
point; and in that point, his belief — though invinci- 
ble — was repugnant to the whole of his religious 
creed. He imagined, that he had received from the 
Almighty a command, at a certain time, when in a fit 
of insanity, to kill himself; and as a punishment for 
disobedience, he had forfeited a seat in paradise. And 
so deep was this impression, that he would attend on 
no religious worship, public or private; and yet at 
this very time took a lively interest in the advance- 
ment of Christ's kingdom; and his judgment was so 
sound on other matters, that such men, as John New- 
ton and Thomas Scott, were in the habit of consult- 
ing with him on all difficult points. The case of this 
man of piety and genius, was used by the enemies of 
religion, and particularly by the enemies of Calvin- 
ism, as an argument against the creed which he had 
embraced; whereas his disease was at the worst, be- 
fore he had experienced any thing of religion, or had 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 63 

embraced the tenets of Calvin. And, let it be remem- 
bered, that it was by turning his attention to the con- 
solations of religion, that his excellent physician was 
successful in restoring his mind to tranquillity and 
comfort; and the world will one day learn, that of 
all the remedies for this malady, the pure doctrines of 
grace are the most effectual to resuscitate the melan- 
choly mind. This is, in fact, a bodily disease, by 
which the mind is influenced and darkened. Thus 
it was received by the ancient Greeks; for the term is 
compounded of two Greek words which signify black 
bile. How near they were to the truth, in assigning 
the physical cause which produces the disease, I leave 
to others to determine. Casuists have often erred 
egregiously, by referring all such cases to mental or 
moral causes. It is probable, even when the disease 
is brought on by strong impressions on the mind, that, 
by these physical derangement occurs. To reason 
with a man against the views which arise from mel- 
ancholy, is commonly as inefficacious, as reasoning 
against bodily pain! I have long made this a crite- 
rion, to ascertain whether the dejection experienced 
was owing to a physical cause; for, in that case, 
argument though demonstrative, has no effect. Still 
such persons should be affectionately conversed with; 
and their peculiar opinions and views should rarely 
be contradicted. Cases often occur, in which there is 
a mixture of moral and physical causes; and these 
should be treated in reference to both sources of their 
affliction. Melancholy is sometimes hereditary, and 
often constitutional. When such persons are relieved 
for a while, they are apt to relapse into the same 
state, as did William Covvper. The late excellent and 
venerable James Hall, D. D. of N. C, was of a mel- 
ancholy temperament; and, after finishing his educa- 
tion at Princeton, he fell into a gloomy dejection, 
which interrupted his studies and labours for more 
than a year. After his restoration, he laboured suc- 
cessfully and comfortably in the ministry for many 
years, even to old age; but at last was overtaken 
again, and entirely overwhelmed by this terrible mal- 



r ; 7 ~:::i: ; :: 



£:i: •:: :.:s 77 
.: . :- " z : . . ; : -. :. ; . ;;. g : 
. ..:■: ;-r:s:i5 ~h 
» nntil die decline < 
v f : : " in 2 : : s-: r. 



TzTzr.i i :::.,:.- .: zz.i.2 : ;..::: ~ ._ :r.r ::• 
casion he mentioned his case to me. and observed 
with emphasis, that he had no power whatever tc 
resist the disease, and said he. with despair in his 

: : ; 771:77 ■ I s '.-.: 7. 5 : : 1 rf 77i : 7 :' ::~i: 7 : : 
And so it torned onu for the disease advanced until 
it ended in the worst form of mania, and soon termi 

1 \ : z : : 5 .. :'i 7 ■; ; - . T : ~ : h f : - : f : : :. 2 : r ■ 

::_:--.: _:L z :: :~[- . . z Aiir:;:i7 : 777. :i :"i-e 

17 ~: . .: " :;" ~.~ : A : 1: 77 7- ~r :- :t. :::...:: £ 

- : : : : : : : : . : : - 5 : : f 5 : 

:i:-r rr.:; *.r i :-f :": rf . 3.1 i ": 7 irf :r t<. S7i i: :::: : : .".: : r 

: r ; ' .. . ■: - -. —;-..:'- ii t :';;■ 

m 7 : "- : - ■ . : 1 e .. : 7 :i . 7 : ~- :f . t 17 

thing which I noticed, was, a morbid sensibility ol 

77 z: 7 : . £ : ; - . 7 i zi 7 " '7 ". :f n:r=r. ::: 

17.5. — ; ::h :.i: .: z :: :.: :: ::: . :i:z ::le .77.-7 7: 

: : 777. 

I would state then, as the result of all my obserra- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 65 

tion, that religion, in its regular and rational exercise, 
has no tendency to melancholy, or insanity, but the 
contrary; and that, religion is the most effectual re- 
medy for this disease, whatever be its cause. But 
melancholy persons are very apt to seize on the dark 
side of religion, as affording food for the morbid state 
of their minds. True Christians, as being subject to 
like diseases with others, may become melancholy ; but 
not in consequence of their piety: but in this melan- 
choly condition, they are in a more comfortable, as 
well as in a safer state, than others; they may relin- 
quish all their hopes; but they cannot divest them- 
selves of their pious feelings. 

I have said nothing respecting the supposed ten- 
dency of strong religious feelings to produce insanity, 
for what has been said respecting melancholy is equally 
applicable to this subject. Indeed, I am of opinion, 
that melancholy is a species of insanity; and in its 
worst form, the most appalling species; for, in most 
cases, insane persons seem to have many enjoyments, 
arising out of their strange misconceptions, but the 
victim of melancholy is miserable; he is often suffer- 
ing under the most horrible of all calamities, black 
despair. When a child, I used to tremble when I 
I read Bunyan's account, in his Pilgrim, of the man 
shut up in the iron cage. And in the year 1791, 
when I first visited the Pennsylvania Hospital, I saw 
a man there who had arrived a few days before, said 
to be in a religious melancholy, and to be in despair. 
He had made frequent attempts on his own life, and 
all instruments, by which he might accomplish that 
direful purpose, were carefully removed. Having 
never been accustomed to see insane persons, the 
spectacle of so many, deprived of reason, made an 
awful impression on my mind, but although some 
were raving and blaspheming, in their cells, and 
others confined in strait-jackets, the sight of no one so 
affected me, as that of this man in despair. Although 
.near half a century has elapsed since I beheld his sor- 
rowful countenance, there is still a vivid picture of it 
in my imagination. We spoke to him, but he re- 



66 



THOUGHTS ON 



turned no answer; except that he once raised his des- 
pairing eyes; bat immediately cast them down again. 
Whether this man had been the subject of any re- 
ligious impressions, I did not learn. But this one 
thing, I must testify, that I never knew the most pun- 
gent convictions of sin to terminate in insanity; and 
as to the affections of love to God, and the lively hope 
of everlasting life producing insanity, it is too absurd 
for any one to believe it. I do not dispute, however, 
that enthusiasm may have a tendency to insanity; 
and some people are so ignorant of the nature of true 
religion as to confound it with enthusiasm. I will go 
further and declare, that, after much thought on the 
subject of enthusiam, I am unable to account for 
the effects produced by it, in any other way, than by 
supposing that it is a case of real insanity. Diseases 
of this class are the more dangerous, because they are 
manifestly contagious. The very looks and tones of 
an enthusiast are felt to be powerful by every one; 
and when the nervous system of any one is in a state 
easily susceptible of emotions from such a cause, 
the dominion of reason is overthrown, and wild ima- 
gination and irregular emotion govern the infatuated 
person, who readily embraces all the extravagant 
opinions, and receives all the disturbing impressions 
which belong to the party infected. Without a sup- 
position such as the foregoing, how can you account 
for the fact, that an educated man and popular 
preacher, and a wife, intelligent and judicious above 
most, having a family of beloved children, should 
separate from each other; relinquish all the comforts 
of domestic life, and a pleasant and promising con- 
gregation, to connect themselves with a people who 
are the extreme of all enthusiasts — the Shakers? But 
such facts have been witnessed in our own times, and 
in no small numbers. In a town in New Hampshire, 
the writer, when in the neighbourhood, was told of 
the case of a young preacher, who visited the Shaker 
settlement, out of curiosity, to see them dance, in 
which exercise their principal worship consists: but, 
while he stood and looked on, he was seized with the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 67 

same spirit, and began to shake and dance too; and 
never returned, but remained in the society. But, 
there being no demand for his learning or preaching 
talents, whatever they might be — and he being an 
able bodied man, they employed him in building 
stone fences. This species of infatuation, which is 
called enthusiasm, is apt to degenerate into bitterness 
and malignity of spirit, towards all who do not em- 
brace it, and then it is termed fanaticism. This spe- 
cies of insanity, as I must be permitted to call it, dif- 
fers from other kinds in that it is social, or affects 
large numbers in the same way, and binds them to- 
gether by the link of close fraternity. It agrees with 
other kinds of monomania, in that the aberration of 
mind relates to one subject, while the judgment may 
be sound in other matters. No people know how to 
manage their agricultural, horticultural, and mechani- 
cal business more skilfully, and successfully than the 
Shakers. And the newer sect of Mormonites, would 
soon settle down to peaceable industry, if the people 
would let them alone. This country promises to be 
the theatre of all conceivable forms of enthusiasm and 
fanaticism; and as long as these misguided people 
pursue their own course, without disturbing other 
people, they should be left to their own delusions, as 
it relates to the civil power; but if any of them 
should be impelled by their fanatical spirit, to disturb 
the peace, they should be treated like other maniacs. 
The causes of melancholy and insanity, whether 
physical or moral, cannot easily be explored. The 
physician will speak confidently about a lesion of the 
brain, but when insane persons have been subjected 
to a post-mortem examination, the brain very seldom 
exhibits any appearance of derangement. The casu- 
ist, on the other hand, thinks only of moral causes, 
and attributes the disease to such of this class as are 
known to have existed, or flees to hypothesis, which 
will account for every thing. There is a remarkable 
coincidence, however, which has fallen under my ob- 
servation, between those who assign a moral and 
those who assign a physical cause for melancholy 



68 THOUGHTS ON 

and madness, in regard to one point. Some forty or 
fifty years ago, the writer, about the same time, read 
Shepard's "Sincere Convert," and Robe on '-'Reli- 
gious Melancholy," and he noticed, that they both 
ascribe the deep and fixed depression of spirits, fre- 
quently met with, to a secret, criminal indulgence. 
Well, in the statistics of several insane asylums and 
penitentiaries which have been published recently, 
the most of the cases of insanity are confidently as- 
cribed to the same thing, as its physical cause. This 
increasing evil is of such a nature that we cannot be 
more explicit. Those who ought to know the facts, 
will understand the reference. It must, after all, be 
admitted that the claims of intemperance, in the use 
of intoxicating drinks, to a deleterious influence on 
the reason, stand in the foremost rank; but the mad- 
ness produced by this cause is commonly of short du- 
ration. I do not speak of that loss of reason which 
is the immediate effect of alcohol on the brain; but of 
that most tremendous form of madness called deliri- 
um tremens. I have said that it was short, because 
it is commonly the last struggle of the human consti- 
tution, under the influence of a dreadful poison, which 
has now consummated its work — and death soon 
steps in and puts an end to the conflict. 

After spending so much time in speaking of melan- 
choly as a disease, I anticipate the thoughts of some 
good people, who will be ready to say, what, is there 
no such thing as spiritual desertion — times of dark- 
ness and temptation, which are independent of the 
bodily temperament? To which I answer, that I 
fully believe there are many such cases; but they de- 
serve a separate consideration, and do not fall within 
the compass of my present design. The causes, symp- 
toms, and cure of such spiritual maladies are faith- 
fully delineated by many practical writers; and al- 
though these cases are entirely distinct from melan- 
choly, they assume, in many respects, similar symp- 
toms, and, by the unskilful casuist, are confounded 
with it. These two causes, as I have before intima- 
ted, may often operate together, and produce a mixed 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 69 

and very perplexed case, both for the bodily and 
spiritual physician. 

After all that has been said, the fact, with which we 
commenced, is that religious exercises are very much 
modified by the temperament; and in some cases, by 
the idiosyncrasy of the individual. The liquor put 
into an old cask, commonly receives a strong tincture 
from the vessel. Old habits, although a new govern- 
ing principle is introduced into the system, do not 
yield at once; and propensities, apparently extin- 
guished, are apt to revive, and give unexpected trou- 
ble. It is a comfortable thought, that those bodies 
cannot go with the saints to heaven, until they are 
completely purified. What proportion of our present 
feelings will be dropped with the body, we cannot 
tell. How a disembodied spirit will perceive, feel, 
and act, we shall soon know by consciousness; but, 
if ever so many of the departed should return and at- 
tempt to communicate to us their present mode of 
existence, it would be all in vain; the things, which 
relate to such a state, are inconceivable, and unspeak- 
able. What Paul saw in the third heaven he dare 
not, or he could not communicate; but he did not 
know whether he saw these wonderful things in the 
body or out of the body. This was a thing known, 
as he intimates, only to God. 



CHAPTER V. 



Effect of sympathy illustrated. — Cautions in relation to this subject — 
A singular case in illustration. 

The causes, already considered, which modify reli- 
gious experience, relate to Christians as individuals: 
but man is constitutionally a social being; and reli- 
gion is a social thing; so that we cannot have a com- 
plete view of this subject, without considering them 
as they stand connected with others; and, especially, 
as they are influenced by one another. There is a 
mysterious bond, called sympathy ', by which not only 



70 



THOUGHTS ON 



human beings, but some species of animals are con- 
nected. It is much easier, on this subject, to state 
facts than to account for them. A man cannot go 
into any company without being sensible of some 
change in his feelings. Whatever passion agitates 
those around him, he involuntarily participates in the 
emotion; and the mere external expression of any 
feeling, often produces the same expression in himself, 
whether it be yawning, smiling, crying, or coughing, 
and this must be effected by an assimilation of the 
mind of the beholder, to the state of mind which 
produced the external act. The wilder and stronger 
the passions which agitate others, the more are we 
affected by them. This operation of mutual sympa- 
thetic excitement, when many persons are brought 
together under some agitating influence, produces a 
stream of emotion which cannot easily be resisted; and 
far above what any one of the crowd would have felt, if 
the same cause had operated on him alone. Hence the 
ungovernable fury of mobs, carrying desolation, and 
often murder in their train; and yet the ring-leaders, 
had they been alone, would have experienced no such 
violence of passion; and hence the danger, in large 
cities, of permitting multitudes of undisciplined peo- 
ple to assemble promiscuously. A mob is an artifi- 
cial body, pervaded by one spirit; by the power of 
sympathy; for which the French have an appropriate 
phrase, esprit dn corps. If there be any thing in 
animal magnetism, which has of late made so much 
noise, beside sheer imposture, it must be grafted on 
this principle; for the extent to which human beings 
may influence each other, by contact or proximity, in 
certain excitable states of the nervous system, has 
never been accurately ascertained. In those remark- 
able bodily affections, called the jerks, which appear- 
ed in religious meetings some years ago, the nervous 
irregularity was commonly produced by the sight of 
other persons thus affected; and if, in some instances, 
without the sight, yet by having the imagination 
strongly impressed by hearing of such things. It 
is a fact, as undoubted as it is remarkable, that, as this 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 71 

bodily affection assumed a great variety of appear- 
ances, in different places, nothing was more common, 
than for a new species of the exercise, as it was called, 
to be imported from another part of the country, by 
one or a few individuals. This contagion of nervous 
excitement is not unparalleled; for whole schools of 
young ladies have been seized with spasmodic or epi- 
leptic fits, in consequence of a single scholar being 
taken with the disease. There are many authentic 
facts ascertained in relation to this matter, which I 
hope some person will collect and give to the public, 
through the press. It will not be thought strange 
then, that sympathy should have a powerful influence 
in increasing and modifying the feelings which are 
experienced in religious meetings; nor is it desirable 
that it should be otherwise. This principle, no doubt, 
is liable to abuse, and when unduly excited, may be 
attended with disagreeable and injurious effects, but 
without it, how dull and uninteresting would social 
worship be ? When a whole assembly, in listening 
to the same evangelical discourse, or praising God in 
the same divine song, or sitting together around the 
same sacramental table, are deeply affected, they form, 
as it were, one body, and the whole mass is melted 
down and amalgamated into one grand emotion. 
They seem to have but one heart and one soul; and 
as harmoniously as their voices mingle in the sacred 
song of praise to the Redeemer, do their feelings amal- 
gamate in one ascending volume, towards heaven. The 
preacher, who is privileged to address such an assem- 
bly, seems to have before him one great body, having 
many eyes, but one soul. Hence we see the reason, 
why a company thinly scattered over a large house, 
always appears cold and uncomfortable; while the 
same persons brought near together, in a small house, 
have an entirely different appearance ; and also we 
see why social meetings in private houses, are felt by 
sincere Christians to be more profitable, often, than 
the more solemn assemblies of the church. And, 
upon the same principle, all worshippers feel more 
animated when surrounded by a multitude. But, it 



72 



THOUGHTS ON 



is in times of revival, or general awakening, that the 
power of this principle manifests itself most evidently; 
and it is no evidence of a spurious work, that the 
sympathies of the people are much awakened, or that 
many are led to seriousness by seeing others affected. 
God often blesses this instinctive feeling in this very 
way. But, is it not to be expected that, at such a 
time, many will be affected by mere sympathy? And 
will not such as are thus affected, be in great danger 
of being deceived, by taking these tender emotions 
of sympathy to be the exercises of true repentance, 
especially, as they fall in with those convictions of 
conscience, which all who hear the gospel experience? 
Is it then judicious, by impassioned discourses, ad- 
dressed to the sympathies of our nature, to raise this 
class of feelings to aflame? or to devise measures, 
by which the passions of the young and ignorant may 
be excited to excess? That measures may be put 
into operation, which have a mighty influence on a 
whole assembly, is readily admitted; but are excite- 
ments thus produced really useful? They may bring 
young people, who are diffident, to a decision, and as 
it were, constrain them to range themselves on the 
Lord's side, but the question which sticks with me, is, 
does this really benefit the persons ? In my judgment, 
not at all, but the contrary. If they have the seed of 
grace, though it may come forth slowly, yet this prin- 
ciple will find its way to the light and air, and the 
very slowness of its coming forward, may give it op- 
portunity to strike its roots deep in the earth. If I 
were to place myself on what is called an anxious 
seat, or should kneel down before a whole congrega- 
tion to be prayed for, I know that I should be strangely 
agitated, but I do not believe that it would be of any 
permanent utility. But if it should produce some 
good effect, am I at liberty to resort to any thing in 
the worship of God which I think will be useful ? If 
such things are lawful and useful, why not add other 
circumstances to increase the effect ? Why not require 
the penitent to appear in a white sheet, or to be clothed 
in sackcloth, with ashes on his head? and these, re- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 73 

member, are Scriptural signs of humiliation? And 
on these principles, who can reasonably object to holy- 
water, to incense, and the use of pictures or images in 
the worship of God. All these things come into the 
church upon this same principle, of devising new mea- 
sures to do good; and if the anxious seat is so pow- 
erful a means of grace, it may soon come to be reck- 
oned among the sacraments of the church. The lan- 
guage of experience is, that it is unsafe and unwise to 
bring persons, who are under religious impressions, 
too much into public view. The seed of the word, 
like the natural seed, does not vegetate well in the 
sun. Be not too impatient to force into maturity the 
plant of grace. Water it, cultivate it, but handle it 
not with a rough hand. The opinion, entertained by 
some good people, that all religion obtained in a revi- 
val is suspicious, has no just foundation. At such 
times, when the Spirit of God is really poured out, 
the views and exercises of converts are commonly 
more clear and satisfactory, than at other times, and 
the process of conversion more speedy. But doubt- 
less, there may be expected a considerable crop of 
spurious conversions, and these may make the great- 
est show; for the seed, on the stony grounds, seems to 
have vegetated the quickest of any. And this is the 
reason that, after all revivals, there is a sad declension 
in the favourable appearances; because that which 
has no root must soon wither. In looking back, after 
a revival season, I have thought, how would matters 
have been if none had come forward, but such as per- 
severe and bring forth fruit. Perhaps things would 
have gone on so quietly, that the good work would 
not have been called a revival. But ministers cannot 
prevent the impressions which arise merely from 
sympathy — neither should they attempt it; but, when 
they are about to gather the wheat into the garner, 
they should faithfully winnow the heap; not that 
they can discern the spirits of men, but the word of 
God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the 
heart. The church is no place of safety for the un- 
converted. Hundreds and thousands are shielded 



74 



THOUGHTS ON 



from salutary convictions, by their profession and 
situation in the church. Let ministers be " wise as 
serpents," as well as " harmless as doves." " Be not 
many masters, (SiSaaxai.ci,) knowing that ye shall re- 
ceive the greater condemnation." " They watch for 
souls as they that must give account," — awful ac- 
count ! 

From what has been said about the power of 
sympathy, some may be ready to conclude, that all 
experimental religion, and all revivals may be ac- 
counted for, on this principle, without the necessity 
of supposing any supernatural agency to exist; and 
if no effects were produced but those excitements 
which often mingle with religious exercises, this 
would be no irrational conclusion. But under the 
preaching of the gospel we find a permanent change 
of moral character taking place: so great a change, 
that, even in the view of the world who observe it, 
the subject appears to be "a new man." An entire 
revolution has taken place in his principles of action 
as well as in his sentiments respecting divine things. 
Now those who would ascribe all experimental re- 
ligion to mere natural feelings, artificially excited, 
must believe that there are no such transformations 
of character as have been mentioned; and that all 
who profess such a change are false pretenders. But 
this ground is manifestly untenable; for no facts are 
more certain than such reformations; and if there be 
men of truth and sincerity in the world, they are to 
be found among those who have undergone this 
moral transformation. Surely there are no pheno- 
mena now taking place in our world half so impor- 
tant and worthy of consideration, as the repentance 
of an habitual sinner; so that he utterly forsakes his 
wicked courses, and takes delight in the worship of 
God and obedience to his will. Let it be remem- 
bered, that these are effects observed only where the 
gospel is preached, and in some instances, numerous 
examples of such conversions from sin to holiness 
occur about the same time, and in the same place. 
No series of miracles could give stronger evidence of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



75 



the divine origin and power of the gospel, than the 
actual and permanent reformation of wicked men; 
and the skeptic may be challenged to account for 
such effects on any natural principles. But it may 
still be asked how the person who is the subject of 
these new views and exercises, can know that they 
are the effects of a supernatural agency? It is readily 
admitted that we cannot be conscious of the agency 
of another spirit on ours, because our consciousness 
extends only to our own thoughts, and often when 
new feelings arise in our minds we are unable to 
trace them to their proper cause. In this case, if we 
had no revelation from God, we might not be able 
with certainty to account for such effects; but in the 
word of God we are distinctly and repeatedly in- 
formed, that God by his Spirit will continue to ope- 
rate on the minds of men, to turn them from iniquity, 
and to cause them to engage with delight in his 
service ; and when we find these very effects taking 
place, in connexion with the means appointed to pro- 
duce them, we can have no doubt about their divine 
origin; and our faith is confirmed in this doctrine 
of divine agency by observing the wonderful change 
produced by the preaching of the gospel upon the 
most depraved and degraded of the heathen. The 
transformation of character, in thousands of instances 
now existing, is enough to produce conviction in any 
mind, not rendered obdurate by the prejudices of infi- 
delity. It may be objected, that, in many instances, 
the change professed is not permanent, but temporary, 
and they who appear saints to day, may be found 
wallowing in the mire of iniquity, to morrow. These 
are facts which we cannot gainsay; but we do deny 
that they go to invalidate the argument from the ex- 
amples of a permanent and thorough change which 
do really take place. If there were only one real, 
sound conversion, and reformation, in a hundred of 
those who may be religiously impressed, still, the 
conclusion in favour of a divine influence, would be 
valid. In the spring we behold the trees clothed and 
adorned with millions of blossoms, which never pro- 



7€ THOUGHT- 

duce mature fruit; but when in autumn, we find here 
and there, apples, large, sweet, and mellow, do we 
hesitate to belie re that this is a good tree which pro- 
duces good fruit? For reasons already given, it 
: nghi not to be expected that all serious impressions 
should eventuate in a sound conversion. External 
appearances may be the same to our view, where 
the causes are entirely diverse, T ecial :: 

be expected when a great many are affected at once, 
and meet in the same assembly. And if these tran- 
sient appearances did not take place under the preach- 
ing of the gospel, our S .: s doctrine of the various 
effects of the word would not be verified. Ministers 
of the gospel cannot be blamed for these temporary 
impressions; unless they use unauthorized means to 
work upon the sympathies of their hearers. Thai 
through ignorance, vanity and enthusiastic ardour, 
mauy preachers in our day, have attempted to pro- 
duce such excitements, cannot be denied, and by the 
true friends of vital piety, is greatly lamented. Per- 
haps nothing has so much prejudiced the minds of 
sensible men against experimental religion, as the ex- 
travag :: and violence of those factitious excite- 
ich have been promoted, in various places. 
ntrived to work upon the pas- 
sions and imagination of weak and ignorant people. 
And as the preacher must have his reward of glory 
for his efforts, all this must be so brought out, that 
their number may be counted and published to the 
world. Alas! alas! poor human nature! 1 be 
that all respectable denominations, among us, are be- 
coming more and more sensible, that something more 
is requisite in the ministry than fiery zeal. Some 
who. within our remembrance, disparaged a learned 
ministry, are now using noble exertions to erect semi- 
naries, and encourage their young preachers :: 
to be learned. Tins is a matter of rejoicing, and 
angnrs well for the American Church hereafter. I 
i be unwilling to bring before the public all the 
at I have witnessed under the name of re- 
ligious worship. But as the subject of sympathy is 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 77 

still under consideration, I will relieve the reader by 
a short narrative. Being in a part of the country 
where I was known, by face, to scarcely any one, and 
hearing that there was a great meeting in the neigh- 
bourhood, and a good work in progress, I determined 
to attend. The sermon had commenced before I 
arrived, and the house was so crowded that I could 
not approach near to the pulpit, but sat down in a 
kind of shed connected with the main building where 
I could see and hear the preacher. His sermon was 
really striking and impressive, and in language and 
method, far above the common run of extempore dis- 
courses. The people were generally attentive, and, 
so far as I could observe, many were tenderly affected, 
except that in the extreme part of the house, where I 
sat, some old tobacco-planters kept up a continual 
conversation in a low tone, about tobacco-plants, 
seasons, &c. When the preacher came to the appli- 
cation of his discourse he became exceedingly vehe- 
ment and boisterous, and I could hear some sounds in 
the centre of the house which indicated strong emo- 
tion. At length, a female voice was heard, in a 
piercing cry, which thrilled through me and affected 
the whole audience. It was succeeded by a low 
murmuring sound from the middle of the house; but, 
in a few seconds, one and another arose in different 
parts of the house, under extreme and visible agita- 
tion, casting off bonnets and caps, and raising their 
folded hands, they shouted to the utmost extent of 
their voice; and in a few seconds more, the whole 
audience was agitated, as a forest when shaken by a 
mighty wind. The sympathetic wave, commencing 
in the centre, extended to the extremities; and at 
length it reached our corner, and I felt the conscious 
effort of resistance as necessary as if I had been ex- 
posed to the violence of a storm. I saw few persons 
through the whole house who escaped the prevailing 
influence; even careless boys seemed to be arrested 
and to join in the general outcry. But, what aston- 
ished me most of all was, that the old tobacco-planters, 
whom I have mentioned, and who, I am persuaded, 

6 



78 THOUGHTS ON 

had not heard one word of the sermon, were violently 
agitated. Every muscle of their brawny faces ap- 
peared to be in tremulous motion, and the big tears 
chased one another down their wrinkled cheeks. 
Here I saw the power of sympathy. The feeling 
was real, and propagated from person to person by 
the mere sounds which were uttered; for many of the 
audience had not paid any attention to what was said; 
but nearly all partook of the agitation. The feelings 
expressed were different, as when the foundation of 
the sacred temple was laid; for while some uttered 
the cry of poignant anguish, others shouted in the 
accents of joy and triumph. The speaker's voice 
was soon silenced, and he sat down and gazed on the 
scene with a complacent smile. When this tumult 
had lasted a few minutes, another preacher, as I sup- 
pose he was, who sat on the pulpit steps, with his 
handkerchief spread over his head, began to sing a 
soothing and yet lively tune, and was quickly joined 
by some strong female voices near him; and in less 
than two minutes the storm was hushed, and there 
was a great calm. It was like pouring oil on the 
troubled waters. I experienced the most sensible re- 
lief to my own feelings from the appropriate music; 
for I could not hear the words sung. But I could not 
have supposed that any thing could so quickly allay 
such a storm; and all seemed to enjoy the tranquil- 
lity which succeeded. The dishevelled hair was put 
in order, and the bonnets, &c. gathered up, and the 
irregularities of the dress adjusted, and no one seemed 
conscious of any impropriety. Indeed, there is a pe- 
culiar luxury in such excitements, especially when 
tears are shed copiously, which was the case here. 
But I attended another meeting in another place 
where there had been a remarkable excitement, but 
the tide was far on the ebb; and although we had 
vociferation and outcrying of a stunning kind, I did 
not hear one sound indicative of real feeling, and I 
do not think that one tear was shed during the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 79 



CHAPTER VI. 

Erroneous views of regeneration. — The correct view. — The operation 
of faith. — Exercises of mind, as illustrated in President Edwards' 
narrative. — The operations of faith still further explained. 

It is proper now to inquire, what are the precise 
effects of regeneration, or the exercises of a newly- 
converted soul. As the restoration of depraved man 
to the image of God, lost by the fall, is the grand ob- 
ject aimed at in the whole economy of salvation, it 
can easily be said, in the general, that by this change 
a principle of holiness is implanted, spiritual life is 
communicated, the mind is enlightened, the will re- 
newed, and the affections purified and elevated to 
heavenly objects. Such general descriptions do not 
afford full satisfaction to the inquiring mind; and 
as we have taken into view many of those circum- 
stances which diversify the exercises of grace, in dif- 
ferent subjects, let us now endeavour to ascertain, with 
as much precision as we can, what are those things 
which are essential to the genuineness of this work, 
and which, therefore, will be found in every sincere 
Christian. But in this attempt, great difficulty must 
be met in conveying our ideas with precision. Even 
those terms which are most used in the Holy Scrip- 
tures, to designate the essential exercises of piety 
are differently understood, and when used, convey 
different ideas to different persons. I will endeavour, 
however, to avoid this difficulty, as much as possible, 
by defining the terms which I employ. I have all 
along admitted, that the mode of the Spirit's opera- 
tion, in regeneration, is altogether inscrutable: and an 
attempt to explain it, is worse than folly. We may, 
however, without intruding into things unseen, or at- 
tempting to dive into the unsearchable nature of the 
divine operations, say, that God operates on the hu- 
man mind, in a way perfectly consistent with its na- 
ture, as a spirit, and a creature of understanding and 
will. On this principle some suppose, that there can 



80 THOUGHTS OX 

be no other method of influencing a rational mind but 
by the exhibition of truth, or the presentment of mo- 
tives: any physical operation, they allege, would 
be unsuitable. Their theory of regeneration, there- 
fore, is, that it is produced by the moral operation of 
the truth, contemplated by the understanding and in- 
fluencing the affections and the will, according to the 
known principles of our rational nature. But re- 
specting what is necessary to bring the truth fairly 
before the mind, the abettors of this theory, divide 
into several parts. The Pelagian, believing human 
nature to be uncontaminated, and needing nothing 
but a correct knowledge of the truth, rejects all super- 
natural aid, and maintains, that every man has full 
ability to perform all good actions; and to reform 
what is amiss by simply attending to the instructions 
of the word, and exercising his own free will, by 
which he is able to choose and pursue what course 
he pleases. The semi-Pelagian agrees with the views 
given, except in one particular. He believes that the 
truth, if seriously contemplated, will produce the ef- 
fects stated, but that mankind are so immersed in the 
world of sensible objects, and so occupied and filled 
with earthly thoughts and cares, that no man will, or 
ever does contemplate the truth so impartially and 
steadily, as to produce a change in his affections and 
purposes, until he is influenced by the Holy Spirit; 
and, according to him, the only need of divine 
agency, in regeneration, is to direct and fix the atten- 
tion on divine things. This being done, the truth, as 
contained in the divine word, and as apprehended by 
the natural understanding, is adequate to produce all 
the desired effects on the active principles of our na- 
ture. There is still a third party, who attribute regen- 
eration to the simple operation of the truth on the 
mind, whose views are neither Pelagian nor semi-Pe- 
lagian. They hold, that the natural man cannot dis- 
cern the things of the Spirit of God, and that if a man 
should ever so long contemplate the truth with such 
views as natural reason takes of it, it would never 
transform him into the divine likeuess: but that, by 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 81 

the illumination of the Holy Spirit, the sinner must 
obtain new, spiritual views of divine things, by which 
he is renovated or regenerated: yet, these deny that 
any operation on the mind itself is necessary, as they 
allege that these spiritual views of truth will cer- 
tainly draw after them the exercise of those affections, 
in which holiness essentially consists. Now, in my 
judgment, this theory is defective, only in one point, 
and that is, it supposes the mind, which is already in 
possession of doctrinal knowledge of the truth, to 
have this same truth presented to it in an entirely new 
light, without any operation on the soul itself. Just 
as if a man was blind, but standing in the clear 
shining of the sun's rays. These he feels, and can 
talk philosophically about the sensation of light and 
colours; while he has not in his mind the first simple 
perception of any object of sight. Could this man be 
made to perceive the visible objects around him, 
without an operation on the eyes to remove the ob- 
struction, or to rectify the organ? The case of the 
soul is entirely analogous. Here is light enough, the 
truth is viewed by the intellect of unregenerate man, 
but has no transforming efficacy. The fault is not in 
the truth, which is perfect, but the blindness is in the 
mind, which can only be removed by an influence on 
the soul itself; that is, by the power of God creating 
"a new heart" to use the language of Scripture. 
The apostle Paul was sent to the Gentiles " to open 
their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light." 
Two things are always necessary to distinct vision; 
the medium of light, and a sound organ; either of 
these without the other, would be useless; but com- 
bined, the beauties of nature, and the glory of God in 
the visible world, are seen with delight. It is so in 
the spiritual world. The truth is necessary; but until 
the mind is brought into a state in which it can per- 
ceive it in its beauty and glory, it is heard, and read, 
and contemplated, without any transforming effect — 
without drawing the affections to God, or subduing 
the power of selfish and sensual desires. The fault 
being in the percipient being, there must be such an 
exertion of divine power as will remove it, and this 



82 



THOUGHTS ON 



is regeneration. Then, all the effects of the truth will 
take place, as according to the former theory. But 
I seem to hear the common objection, that if the 
soul be the subject of any operation, this must be 
physical, and what is this but to make man a mere 
machine, or to deal with him as if he were a block? 
I believe that a more ambiguous, unhappy word 
could not be used than physical; the best way to get 
clear of the mists which surround it, is to drop its use 
altogether in this connexion. Indeed, it is a term 
which properly belongs to another science — to natu- 
ral philosophy. If the operation must have a name, 
let it receive it from the nature of the effect produced; 
this being spiritual, let it be called a spiritual opera- 
tion; or, as the effect produced, is confessedly above 
the powers of unassisted nature, let us call it super- 
natural, which is the precise technical term, used by 
the most accurate theologians. Can the Almighty, 
who made the soul, operate upon it in no other way 
than by a mechanical force? Cannot he restore its 
lost power of spiritual perception and susceptibility of 
holy feeling, without doing any violence to its free 
and spiritual nature? But I shall be told, that there 
neither is, nor can be, any moral or spiritual nature, 
or disposition prior to volition, in the mind — for mo- 
rality consists, essentially, in choice; and to suppose 
morality to have any other existence, than in the 
transient act, is an absurdity. If this be sound moral 
philosophy, then my theory must fall. This is a 
question not requiring or admitting of much reason- 
ing. It is a subject for the intuitive judgment of the 
moral faculty. If there are minds so constituted, that 
they cannot conceive of permanent, latent dispositions 
in the soul, both good and evil, I can do no more 
than express my strong dissent from their opinion, 
and appeal to the common sense of mankind. 

Some of my most serious readers, I know, will ob- 
ject to my theory of the mind's operations, in one 
important particular. They are so far from thinking 
that any illumination of the mind will produce holy 
affections, that it is a radical principle in their philos- 
ophy of religion, that light always increases or stirs 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 83 

up the enmity of an unregenerate heart; that the 
more unholy beings know of God, the more they 
will hate him, as is supposed to be proved by the ex- 
perience of thousands under conviction of sin; and 
by the case of the devils who believe and tremble, 
but never love. The difference between me and 
these persons is not so great as at first view it seems. 
Their error consists, if I am right, in making too 
wide a severance between the understanding and the 
will; between the intellect and the affections. I am 
ready to admit, that all the knowledge which you 
can communicate to a man remaining unregenerate, 
may have the tendency of increasing or stirring up 
his enmity to God and his law; but, observe, that I 
make illumination the first effect of regeneration. 
And I hold that no unregenerate man is, while in 
that state, any more capable of spiritual perception 
than a blind man is of a perception of colours. The 
blind man, however, has his own ideas about colours, 
and may understand their various relations to each 
other, and all the laws which regulate the reflexion 
and refraction of light as well as those who see. 
This was remarkably exemplified in the case of Dr. 
Sanderson, who, though blind from his early infancy, 
delivered an accurate course of lectures, on light and 
colours, in the University of Oxford. Just so, an un- 
regenerate man may be able to deliver able lectures 
on all the points in theology, and yet not have one 
glimpse of the beauty and giory of the truth, with 
which he is conversant. The Sacred Scriptures re- 
present all unconverted men, as destitute of the true 
knowledge of God. If there be a clear truth in the 
laws of mental operation, it is, that the affections are 
in exact accordance with the views of the under- 
standing. If men are unaffected with the truth 
known, it must be because they do not know it 
aright: neither can they perceive it in its true nature 
until they are regenerated. Did any man ever see 
an object to be lovely and not feel an emotion cor- 
responding with that quality? And what unconvert- 
ed man ever beheld in Christ, as represented in Scrip- 



84 



THOUGHTS ON 



ture, the beauty and glory of God? Hence thatdoc- 
trine is not true, which confines depravity or holiness 
to the will; and which considers the understanding 
as a natural and the will a moral faculty. The soul 
is not depraved, or holy by departments; the disease 
affects it, as a soul; and of course, all faculties em- 
ployed in moral exercises, must partake of their moral 
qualities. There is, however, no propriety in calling 
either of them a moral faculty; for although both 
understanding and will are concerned in every moral 
act; yet not one hundredth part of the acts of either 
partakes of a moral nature. The will is just as much 
a natural faculty as the understanding; and the un- 
derstanding is as much a moral faculty as the will. 
But in strict propriety of speech, the only faculty 
which deserves to be called a moral faculty is con- 
science; because, by it only are we capable of moral 
perceptions or feelings. 

I am afraid that I have gone too far into abstruse 
distinctions, for most of my readers; but there are 
thousands of plain, private Christians, in our country, 
who can, not only enter into such disquisitions, but 
will relish them. 

I come now to what I intended when I began this 
subject, to describe as exactly as I can, what are the 
exercises of the new heart, or the regenerate man. 
And here my appeal is to no theories, but to experi- 
ence, combined with the word of God. Every man, 
on whom this divine operation has passed, experi- 
ences new views of divine truth. The soul sees that, 
in these things, which it never saw before. It dis- 
cerns, in the truths of God, a beauty and excellence, 
of which it had no conception until now. Whatever 
may be the diversity in the clearness of the views of 
different persons, or in the particular truths brought 
before the mind, they all agree in this, that there is a 
new perception of truth; whether you ascribe it to 
the head or the heart, I care not. It is a blessed re- 
ality, and there are many witnesses of sound mind, 
arid unquestionable veracity, who are ready to attest 
it as a verity, known in their own delightful experi- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 85 

ence. But, as the field of truth is very wide, and 
divine things may be perceived under innumerable 
aspects and relations, and as there is no uniformity in 
the particular objects which may first occupy the at- 
tention of the enlightened mind, it is impossible to lay 
down any particular order of exercises which take 
place. The case may be illustrated by supposing a 
great multitude of blind persons restored to sight by 
an act of divine power. Some of them would be so 
situated, that the first object seen would be the glori- 
ous luminary of day; another might receive the gift 
of sight in the night, and the moon and stars would 
absorb his wondering attention; a third might direct 
his opened eyes to a beautiful landscape; and a 
fourth might have but a ray of light shining into a 
dark dungeon without his knowing whence it came. 
Of necessity, there must be the same endless variety 
in the particular views of new converts; but still they 
all partake of new views of divine truth; and the 
same truths will generally be contemplated, sooner 
or later; but not in the same order, nor exhibited to 
all with the same degree of clearness. Now, accord- 
ing to the views which I entertain, this spiritual 
knowledge granted to the regenerated soul is nothing 
else but saving faith; for knowledge and belief in- 
volve each other. To know a thing and not believe 
it is a contradiction; and to believe a thing and not 
know it is impossible. Faith is simply a belief of 
the truth, when viewed as distinct, and discriminated 
from all other mental acts. Some will be startled at 
this nakedness of faith; and many will be ready to 
object, that it is to make faith to be no more than a 
bare assent of the understanding to the truth: well, 
if it be uniformly accompanied by all holy affections 
and emotions what is the difference? But I deny that 
as described, it is a naked assent of the understand- 
ing, as those words are commonly understood. The 
wide distinction between the understanding and will, 
which has very much confounded our mental philo- 
sophy, has come down to us from the schoolmen. 
But in making the distinction, they made simple 



86 THOUGHTS ON 

verity, the object of the understanding. And that is 
what we commonly mean by bare assent; it relates 
to the simple truth; but the will, has respect, they 
said, to good — every species of good. Now the faith 
of which I have spoken, at the same time contem- 
plates the truth, and the beauty, excellency, and good- 
ness of the object, and also its adaptedness to our 
necessities: all these things are comprehended in the 
views which the Holy Spirit gives to the mind. 
Therefore, though faith be a simple uncompounded 
act, a firm belief, or persuasion, it comprehends the 
objects ascribed both to the understanding and will. 
Here I shall be met by a definition of faith, which 
makes the act simple also, but considers that act to 
be trust or confidence. This the reader will remem- 
ber is Dr. Dwight's definition of Faith. And the 
only objection to it, is, that it is too narrow to com- 
prehend all that belongs to the subject. Trust is no- 
thing else than the firm belief or persuasion of the 
truth of a promise. When we say that we trust, or 
have confidence in a person, it relates to some pro- 
mise. This definition comprehends all acts of faith, 
which have a promise of God for their object, and 
these are certainly the most important acts, and ac- 
companied with the most sensible emotions. But all 
divine truth is not in the form of a promise. The 
whole word of God is the proper object of a true 
faith ; and a large part of divine revelation is taken 
up with histories, prophecies, doctrines, and precepts. 
The Christian believes all these, as well as the pro- 
mises. 

Here faith is the first act of the regenerated soul; 
and the most important act, for it draws all holy 
affections and emotions in its train. But though it 
sweetly mingles with every other grace, it is distinct 
from them all. All its diversified acts arise from the 
nature of the truths believed, and men may enumer- 
ate and name as many of these acts as they please; 
still the nature of faith remains simple. It is a firm 
persuasion or belief of the truth, apprehended under 
the illumination of the Holy Spirit. It necessarily 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 87 

works by love and purifies the heart, for divine things 
thus discerned, cannot but excite the affections to holy- 
objects, by which sinful desires and appetites will be 
subdued; and when we are persuaded of the truth of 
God's gracious promises, there will always be a sweet 
repose of soul because the promises contain the very 
blessings which we need; and to be assured that there 
are such blessings for all who will receive them, and 
especially if the soul is conscious that it is exercising 
faith, will produce sweet consolation — " There is joy 
and peace in believing." 

According to the view of faith now given, there is 
nothing mysterious about it. To believe in divine 
truth is an act of the mind, precisely the same as to 
believe in other truth; and the difference between a 
saving faith and a historical or merely speculative 
faith, consists not in the truths believed: for in both 
they are the same; nor in the degree of assent given 
to the proposition, but in the evidence on which they 
are respectively founded. A saving faith is produced 
by the manifestation of the truth, in its true nature to 
the mind, which now apprehends it, according to the 
degree of faith, in its spiritual qualities, its beauty, 
and glory, and sweetness; whereas a historical or 
speculative faith may rest on the prejudices of edu- 
cation, or the deductions of reason; but in its exer- 
cise, there is no conception of the true qualities of 
divine things. The humblest, weakest believer pos- 
sesses a knowledge of God, hidden from the wisest 
of enlightened men. According to that saying of 
Christ, " I thank thee, Father, Lord of heaven and 
earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise 
and prudent, and has revealed them to babes." 

On the subject of experimental religion our depen- 
dence must not be on the theories of men, but on the 
unerring word of God, and on the facts which have 
been observed in the experience of true Christians. 
In the exercises of new converts there is, in some res- 
pects, a remarkable similarity, and in others a remark- 
able variety. All are convinced of sin, not only of 
life but of heart. All are brought to acknowledge 



88 



THOUGHTS ON 



the justice of God, in their condemnation, and to feel 
that they might be left to perish, without any dero- 
gation from the perfections of God; and that they 
have no ability to bring God under any obligations to 
save them, by their prayers, tears, or other religious 
duties. All true Christians, moreover, love the truth 
which has been revealed to their minds, and are led 
to trust in Christ alone for salvation; and they all 
hunger and thirst after righteousness, and resolve to 
devote themselves to the service of God, and prefer 
his glory above their chief joy. But, beside those 
varieties already described, as arising from several 
causes, there is often much difference in their exerci- 
ses, arising from the particular truths which they are 
led to contemplate when their eyes are first opened. 
I do not mean to go over the ground which we have 
already passed, otherwise than by a statement of facts 
from authentic sources, which may serve to corrobor- 
ate and illustrate the statements already given. Per- 
haps no man, who has lived in modern times, has had 
a better opportunity to form an accurate judgment of 
facts of this kind, than President Edwards; and few 
men, who ever lived, were better qualified to discrim- 
inate between true and false religion. It is a thing 
much to be prized, that this great and good man has 
left a record of that most remarkable revival which 
took place in Northampton, New England, in the year 
1734 and onwards. This narrative was written soon 
afterwards, and was communicated to Dr. Watts and 
Dr. Guyse, who united in a preface which accompa- 
nied the narrative, when published in London. In 
this account, carefully drawn up, we have a satisfac- 
tory account of the exercises of the subjects of the 
work, with the varieties which were observed in the 
experience of different persons. The leading facts 
have here been selected from the narrative, so as to 
occupy the least possible room. To any, who take 
an interest in this subject, these facts cannot but be 
gratifying; and however the narrative may have been 
perused by some, yet it will not be disagreeable to 
them to have some of the promiuent traits of the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 89 

religious exercises, at that time, presented to them in 
a condensed form. Mr. Edwards informs us, " that 
there was scarcely a single person in the town, old or 
young, left unconcerned about the great things of the 
eternal world;" and although he does not pretend to 
know the precise number of converts, he is of opinion 
that it could not be less, in a judgment of charity, 
than three hundred. Our object is not to abridge the 
narrative, but merely to select the account of the vari- 
ety of exercises experienced, as there given. "There 
is a great variety," says he, "as to the degree of 
trouble and fear, that persons are exercised with, be- 
fore they attain any comfortable evidence of pardon 
and acceptance with God. Some are from the begin- 
ning carried on with abundantly more hope and en- 
couragement than others. Some have had ten times 
less trouble than others, in whom the work yet ap- 
pears the same in the issue The awful apprehen- 
sions persons have had of their misery have, for the 
most part, been increasing, the nearer they have ap- 
proached to deliverance. Sometimes they think them- 
selves wholly senseless, and fear that the Spirit of God 
has left them, and that they are given up to judicial 
hardness, yet they appear very deeply exercised with 
that fear, and in great earnestness to obtain conviction 
again. Many times, persons under great awakenings 
were concerned because they thought they were not 
awakened, but miserably hard-hearted, senseless, sot- 
tish creatures still, and sleeping on the brink of hell 

Persons are sometimes brought to the borders of des- 
pair, and it looks as black as midnight to them, a 
little before the day dawns on their souls. The de- 
pravity of the heart has discovered itself in various 
exercises, in the time of legal convictions. Some- 
times it appears as in a great struggle, like something 
roused by an enemy. Many, in such circumstances, 
have felt a great spirit of envy towards the godly; es- 
pecially towards those thought to have been recently 
converted. As they are gradually more and more 
convinced of the corruption and wickedness of their 
hearts, they seem to themselves to grow worse and 



90 THOUGHTS OX 

worse, harder and blinder, more desperately wicked 

instead of growing better ....When awakenings first 

begin, their consciences are commonly more exercised 
about their outward vicious courses, but afterwards 
are much more burdened with a sense of heart sins, 
the dreadful corruption of their nature, their enmity 
against God, the pride of their hearts, their unbelief, 
their rejection of Christ, the stubbornness of their will, 

and the like Very often, under first awakenings, 

they set themselves to walk more strictly, confess 
their sins, and perform many religious duties, with a 
secret hope of appeasing God's anger. Aud some- 
times, at first setting out, their affections are so moved, 
that they are full of tears, in their confessions and 
prayers, which they are ready to make much of, as 
if they were some atonement, and conceive that they 
grow better apace, and shall soon be converted; but 
their affections and hopes are short-lived, for they 
quickly find that they fail, and then they think them- 
selves to be grown worse again. When they reflect 
on the wicked working of their hearts against God, 
they have more distressing apprehensions of his anger, 
and have great fears that God will never show mercy 
to them; or perhaps, that they have committed the 
unpardonable sin, and are often tempted to leave off 

in despair When they begin to seek salvation, 

they are commonly profoundly ignorant of themselves. 
They are not sensible how blind they are, and how 
little they can do, to bring themselves to see spiritual 
things aright, and towards putting forth gracious ex- 
ercises in their own souls. When they see unexpect- 
ed pollution in themselves, they go about to wash 
their own defilements and make themselves clean; 
and they weary themselves in vain, till God shows 
them that it is in vain; and that their help is not 
where they have sought it. But some persons con- 
tinue to wander in such a labyrinth ten times as long 
as others, before their own experience will convince 
them of their own insufficiency — so that it is not their 
own experience at last, that convinces them, but the 
Spirit of God. There have been some who have 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 91 

not had great terrors, but yet have had a very quick 
work. Some, who have not had very deep convic- 
tions before their conversion, have much more of it 
afterwards. God has appeared far from limiting 
himself to any certain method, in his proceedings with 
sinners, under legal convictions. There is in nothing 
a greater difference in different persons, than with 
respect to the time of their being under trouble: 
some, but a few days, and others for months and 
years. As to those in whom legal convictions seem 
to have a saving issue, the first thing that appears 
after their trouble, is a conviction of the justice of God 
in their condemnation, from a sense of their exceeding 
sinfulness. Commonly, their minds, immediately be- 
fore the discovery of God's justice, are exceedingly 
restless — in a kind of struggle or tumult; and some- 
times in mere anguish; but commonly, as soon as 
they have this conviction, it immediately brings their 
minds to a calm and unexpected quietness and com- 
posure; and most frequently, then, though not always, 
the pressing weight upon their spirits is taken off; or 
a general hope arises, that some time God will be 
gracious, even before any distinct, particular discove- 
ries of mercy. Commonly, they come to a conclusion, 

that they will lie at God's feet and wait his time 

That, calm of spirit which succeeds legal conviction, 
in some instances, continues some time before any 
special and delightful manifestation is made to the 
soul, of the grace of God, as revealed in the gospel. 
But, very often some comfortable and sweet views of 
a merciful God, of a sufficient Redeemer, or of some 
great and joyful things of the Gospel, immediately 
follows, or in a very little time. And in some, the 
first sight of their desert of hell, of God's sovereignty 
in regard to their salvation, and a discovery of all- 
sufficient grace, are so near, that they seem to go to- 
gether. The gracious discoveries, whence the first 
special comforts are derived, are, in many respects, 
very various. More frequently, Christ is distinctly 
made the object of the mind, in his all-sufficiency and 
willingness to save sinners; but some have their 



92 THOUGHTS ON 

thoughts more especially fixed on God, in some of 
his sweet and glorious attributes, manifested in the 
Gospel and shining forth of Jesus Christ. Some view 
the all-sufficiency of the grace of God — some chiefly, 
the infinite power of God and his ability to save them, 
and to do all things for them — and some look most to 
the truth and faithfulness of God. In some, the truth 
and certainty of the Gospel, in general, is the first 
joyful discovery they have: in others, the certain 
proof of some particular promise. In some, the grace 
and sincerity of God, in his invitations, very com- 
monly, in some particular invitation, is before the 
mind. Some are struck with the glory and wonder- 
fulness of the dying love of Christ; and others with 
the sufficiency of his blood, as offered to make an 
atonement for sin; and others again, with the value 
and glory of his obedience and righteousness. In 
many, the excellency and loveliness of Christ chiefly 
engage their thoughts, while in some, his divinity; 
being filled with the idea, that He is indeed the Son 
of the living God; and in others, the excellency of 
the way of salvation by Christ, and the suitableness 

of it to their necessities There is often in the mind, 

some particular text of Scripture, holding forth some 
particular ground of consolation; at other times, a 
multitude of texts, gracious invitations, and promises, 
flowing in one after another, filling the soul more and 
more with comfort and satisfaction. Comfort is first 
given to some while reading some portion of Scrip- 
ture; but in others, it is attended with no particular 
Scripture at all. In some instances, many divine 
things seem to be discovered to the soul at once ; while 
others have their minds fixed on some one thing; and 
afterwards a sense of others is given; in some, with 
a slower, in others, a swifter succession. 

" It must be confessed, that Christ is not always 
distinctly and explicitly thought of in the first sensible 
act of grace — though most commonly he is — but some- 
times he is the object of the mind only implicitly. 
Thus when persons have evidently appeared stripped 
of their own righteousness, and have stood condemn- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 93 

ed, as guilty of death, they have been comforted with 
a joyful and satisfactory evidence, that the mercy 
and grace of God is sufficient for them — that their 
sins, though never so great, shall be no hindrance to 
their being accepted — that there is mercy enough in 
God for the whole world, &c. — while they give no ac- 
count of any particular or distinct thought of Christ; 
but yet it appears, that the revelation of mercy, in the 
gospel, is the ground of their encouragement and 
hope, yet such persons afterwards obtain distinct and 
clear discoveries of Christ, accompanied with lively 
and special actings of faith and love towards him. 
Frequently, when persons have had the gospel ground 
of relief opened to them, and have been entertaining 
their minds with the sweet prospect, they have thought 
nothing at that time of their being converted. The 
view is joyful to them as it is in its own nature glori- 
ous; gives them quite new and delightful ideas of 
God and Christ, and greatly encourages them to seek 
conversion, and begets in them a strong resolution to 
devote themselves to God and his Son. There is 
wrought in them a holy repose of soul in God through 
Christ, with a secret disposition to fear and love him, 
and to hope for blessings from him in this way, yet 
they have no conception that they are now converted; 
it does not so much as come into their minds. They 
know not that the sweet complacence they feel in the 
mercy and complete salvation of God, as it includes 
pardon and sanctification, and is held forth to them 
through Christ, is a true receiving of this mercy, or a 
plain evidence of their receiving it. Many continue 
a long time in a course of gracious exercises and ex- 
periences, and do not think themselves to be convert- 
ed, but conclude otherwise; and none knows how 
long they would continue so, were they not helped 
by particular instructions. There are undoubted in- 
stances of some who lived in this way for many years 
together. Those who, while under legal convictions, 
have had the greatest terrors, have not always ob- 
tained the greatest light and comfort; nor has the 
light always been most speedily communicated; but 

7 



94 THOUGHTS ON 

yet I think the time of conversion has been most sen- 
sible in such persons. Converting influences com- 
monly bring an extraordinary conviction of the cer- 
tainty and reality of the great things of religion; 
though in some, this is much greater, sometime after 
conversion, than at first/*' 

The religious exercises, contained in the preceding 
statement, will not be new to those who have been at 
all conversant with revivals. Such will recognise, in 
the account, what they have observed, and will be 
gratified to find the same facts which they have ob 
served, recorded and published by such a master in 
Israel. Almost the only remark which I feel disposed 
to make, is, that it is too commonly supposed that the 
time of receiving comfort, is always the time of re- 
generation; whereas, this might rather be termed the 
time of conversion; for then the exercises of the re- 
newed soul came to a crisis, and faith, which was 
before weak and obscure, shines forth with vigour. 
Perhaps it is the prevalent opinion among orthodox 
writers, that the first views of the renovated soul are 
views of Christ; and when mere legal convictions are 
immediately followed by such views and their attend- 
ant consolations, this opinion may be correct; but in 
many cases, it is reasonable to believe, that the con- 
victions experienced are those of the true penitent. 
And as, in almost ati cases here recorded and observ- 
ed by others, there is a distinct view and approbation 
of God's justice in the condemnation of the sinner, I 
cannot but think, agreeably to what was stated in a 
former number, that the soul has passed from death 
unto life, before these feelings are experienced; and 
and that may help to account for the remarkable calm 
which now succeeds the dark and stormy night. This 
revelation of Jesus Christ in the believer, may be 
compared to the birth of a child into the light of this 
world; but its conception was long before. And so 
this interesting point in experience is the new birth, 
but the principle of spiritual life commonly exists be- 
fore. Besides, comfort is no sure evidence of a genu- 
ine birth; some who become strong men in the Lord 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 95 

are born in sorrow, like Benoni. They weep before 
they are able to smile; but, in the spiritual birth, joy 
and sorrow often sweetly mingle their streams. 

There are two reasons why faith, though one of 
the simplest exercises of the mind, is represented as 
having so many different acts; the one is, the great 
variety in the truths believed; and the other, that, 
commonly, various exercises are included in the ac- 
count of faith, which do always accompany or follow 
a true faith, but do not appertain to its essence. As 
faith has all revealed truth for its object, the feelings 
produced in the mind correspond with the particular 
nature of the truth which is, at any time, in the con- 
templation of the mind. If, to the soul under the 
illumination of the Holy Spirit, the law is viewed in 
its spirituality and moral excellence, while there will 
be experienced an approbation of the will of God 
thus expressed, yet a lively sense of the sinfulness of 
our hearts and lives, must be the predominant feel- 
ing. This discovery of the purity of the law, and 
deep feeling of the evil of sin, commonly precedes 
any clear view of Christ, and the plan of salvation; 
and has given rise to the prevalent opinion, that re- 
pentance goes before faith in the natural order of 
pious exercises. But, according to our idea of faith, 
as given above, it must necessarily precede and be 
the cause of every other gracious exercise. Com- 
monly, indeed, when we speak of faith, we describe 
its maturity; but there are often many obscure but 
realacts of faith, before the soul apprehends the ful- 
ness, and excellency, and suitableness of Christ. And 
in many cases, when some view of the plan of salva- 
tion is obtained, the single truth believed is, the ability 
of Christ to save; and even the full persuasion of this 
gives rise to joy, when the soul has been long cast 
down with gloomy forebodings of everlasting misery, 
and with the apprehension that, for such a sinner, 
there was no salvation. As faith does no more than 
bring the truth before the mind in its true nature, 
every act of faith must, of course, be characterized by 
the qualities of the truth thus presented, and by its 



96 THOUGHTS ON 

adaptation to the circumstances and convictions of 
the sinner. All those acts of faith which bring the 
extent and spirituality of the law of God fully into 
view must be accompanied with painful emotions, on 
account of the deep conviction of disconformity to 
that perfect rule which cannot but be experienced, 
when that object is before the mind. But all those 
invitations, promises, and declarations which exhibit 
a Saviour, and the method of recovery, when truly 
believed, under a just apprehension of their nature, 
must be accompanied, not only with love, but joy, 
and hope, and a free consent to be saved in God's 
appointed way; and when the previous distress and 
discouragement have been great, and the views of 
gospel truth clear, the joy is overflowing, and as long 
as these views are unclouded, peace flows like a 
river. But even in the discoveries which faith makes 
of Christ, there is a great variety in the extent and 
combination of divine truth which comes before the 
mind at any one time. Probably no two persons, in 
believing, have precisely the same truths in all their 
relations, presented to them; and not only so, but it 
is hardly credible, that the same believer, in his vari- 
ous contemplations of divine truth, takes in exactly 
the same field of view at different times. Hence it 
appears, that the whole power of faith is derived from 
the importance, excellence, amiableness, and suitable- 
ness of the truths believed. And when faith is " im- 
puted for righteousness," it is not the simple act of 
faith which forms a righteousness. If any exercise 
of the renewed mind could constitute a righteousness, 
it would be love — which according to its strength, is 
"the fulfilling of the law;" but when the soul by 
faith is fully persuaded that Christ is the end of the 
law for righteousness; this righteousness of the Surety, 
when received by faith, is imputed; and by this alone, 
which is perfect, can God be just in justifying the 
ungodly. " Faith thus receiving and resting on Christ 
and his righteousness, is the alone instrument of jus- 
tification; yet is not alone in the person justified, 
but is ever accompanied with all other saving graces, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 97 

and is no dead faith: but worketh by love.'* "By 
this faith, a Christian believeth to be true, whatsoever 
is revealed in the word, for the authority of God him- 
self speaking therein; and acteth differently, upon that 
which each particular passage thereof containeth; 
yielding obedience to the commands, trembling at the 
threatenings, and embracing the promises of God for 
this life, and that which is to come. But the princi- 
pal acts of faith are, accepting and resting upon Christ 
alone for justification, sanctiflcation, and eternal life, 
by virtue of the covenant of grace." This quotation, 
taken from a formulary, known to many of my read- 
ers, contains as just and comprehensive a view of the 
nature of a saving faith as could be given in words. 

But another reason why so many divine acts are 
attributed to faith is, because other exercises are in- 
cluded in the description of faith, which though they 
always accompany it, ought not to be confounded 
with it. It was, two hundred years ago, a question 
much agitated among the divines of Holland, whether 
love or charity entered into the essence of faith? And 
in our own country, faith and love have not been 
kept distinct. A very prevalent system of theology 
makes the essence of faith to be love. Much evil 
arises from confounding what are so clearly distin- 
guished in the word of God. If faith and love were 
identical, how could it be said that "faith works by 
Ipve?" The apostle Paul speaks of faith, hope, and 
charity, or love, as so distinct, that, although they are 
all necessary, they may be compared, as to excel- 
lency — " The greatest of these is charity." The cele- 
brated Witsius, in his "Economy of the Covenants," 
in describing faith, among the various acts which he 
attributes to this divine principle, reckons " love of 
the truth," and " hungering and thirsting after Christ." 
Now, it is an abuse of language to say that faith loves 
or desires; faith works by love, and excites hungering 
and thirsting desires after Christ. But, it may be asked, 
if these graces are inseparably connected, why be so 
solicitous to distinguish them? First, because in so 
doing, we follow the sacred writers; secondly, be- 



98 THOUGHTS ON 

cause it has a bad effect to use a Scriptural word to 
express what it was never designed to express; and, 
thirdly, because of the special office of faith in a sin- 
ner's justification; in which neither love, nor any 
other grace has any part, although they are the effects 
of faith. When love is confounded with a justifying 
faith, it is very easy to slide into the opinion that as 
love is the substance of evangelical obedience, when 
we are said to be justified by faith, the meaning is, 
that we are justified by our own obedience. And 
accordingly, in a certain system of divinity, valued 
by many, in this country, the matter is thus stated: 
faith is considered a comprehensive term for all 
evangelical obedience. The next step is — and it has 
already been taken by some — that our obedience is 
meritorious, and when its defects are purged by aton- 
ing blood, it is sufficient to procure for us a title to 
eternal life. Thus have some, boasting of the name 
of Protestants, worked around, until they have fallen 
upon one of the most offensive tenets of Popery. But, 
it would be difficult to bring a true penitent to enter- 
tain the opinion, that his own works were meritori- 
ous, or could, in the least, recommend him to God. 
The whole of God's dealings with the souls of his 
own people effectually dispels from their minds every 
feeling of this kind. The very idea of claiming merit 
is most abhorrent to their feelings. 

But while it is of importance to distinguish faith 
from every other grace, yet it is necessary to insist 
on the fact, that that faith, which does not produce 
love and other holy affections, is not a genuine faith. 
In the apostles' days, a set of libertines arose, who 
boasted of their faith, but they performed no good 
works to evince the truth of their faith. Against 
such the apostle James writes, and proves that such 
a faith was no better than that of devils, and would 
justify no man; that the faith of Abraham and other 
believers, which did justify, was not a dead faith, but 
living; not a barren faith, but productive of good 
works, and proved itself to be genuine by the acts 
of duty which it induced the believer to perform. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 99 

While then faith stands foremost in the order of gra- 
cious exercises, because it is necessary to the exist- 
ence of every other, love may be said to be the cen- 
tre, around which all the virtues of the Christian re- 
volve, and from which they derive their nature. 
Love, of some kind, is familiar to the experience of 
all persons; and all love is attended with some plea- 
sure in its exercise; but it varies on account of the 
difference of the objects of affection. Divine love is 
itself a delightful and soul-satisfying exercise. The 
soul which has tasted the goodness of God, is con- 
vinced, that nothing more is necessary to complete 
felicity, than the perfection of love. This supposes, 
however, that our love to God is ever accompanied 
with some sense of his love to us. Love, unless reci- 
procated, would not fill up the cup of human happi- 
ness. But to love, and be beloved, this is heaven. 
And " we love Him because he first loved us." In 
the first exercises of a renewed mind, love to God 
and man are both brought into action; but often the 
prospect of deliverance from eternal misery which 
threatened, may absorb the attention. It is indeed a 
marvellous deliverance, to be snatched from the verge 
of hell, and assured of everlasting life; what a tumult 
of feeling must it create? But notwithstanding this, 
it frequently happens, that in the first discoveries of 
the plan of salvation, the soul loses sight of its own 
interest, and is completely occupied in contemplating 
and admiring the wisdom, love, and justice of God, 
as exhibited in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ. 
Indeed, the believer, when these spiritual discoveries 
are afforded, thinks nothing of the nature of those 
acts which he is exercising; and it may not be till 
long afterwards, that he recognises these outgoings of 
soul to be true love to the Saviour. 

There are two affections, distinct from each other in 
their objects, which are included under the term love; 
the one terminates on the goodness or moral excel- 
lence of its object, and varies according to the particu- 
lar view, at any time enjoyed, of the divine attributes. 
This comprehends all pious affections and emotions 



] 00 THOUGHTS ON 

arising from the contemplation of the affections of 
God ; and some of them, such as reverence and humi- 
lity, would not fall under the name of love, when 
taken in a strict sense; but when used as a general 
term for our whole obedience, it must comprehend 
them all. This may, for convenience, be called the 
love of complacency, in which the rational soul de- 
lights in the character of God as revealed in his word. 
The other affection, called love, has not the character 
of the person beloved for its object, but his happiness. 
It may be intensely exercised towards those in whose 
moral qualities there can be no complacency, and is 
called the love of benevolence. God's love to sin- 
ners is of this kind; and this is the kind of love which 
Christians are bound to exercise to all men in the 
world, even to those that hate and persecute them. 
Though the love of benevolence may exist without 
the love of complacency, yet the converse cannot be 
asserted. No one ever felt love to the character of 
another without desiring his happiness. Before con- 
version, the soul is sordidly selfish, but no sooner does 
this change take place, than the heart begins to be 
enlarged with an expansive benevolence. The whole 
world is embraced in its charity. "Good will to 
man" is a remarkable characteristic of the "new 
creature;" and this intense desire for the salvation of 
our fellow men, and ardent wish that they might all 
become interested in that Saviour, whom we have 
found to be so precious, is the true source of the mis- 
sionary spirit, and is the foundation, often of labo- 
rious and long continued exertions to prepare for the 
holy ministry; and prompts and inclines delicate fe- 
males to consent to leave all the endearments of home, 
for arduous labour in a foreign, and sometimes a 
savage land. 

But, however lively the affection of love in the ex- 
ercises of the real Christian, he never can lose sight of 
his own un worthiness. Indeed, the brighter his dis- 
coveries of the divine glory, and the stronger his love, 
the deeper are his views of the turpitude of sin; the 
more he is elevated in affection and assured hope, the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 101 

deeper is he depressed in humility and self-abasement. 
His penitential feelings, from the nature of the case, 
keep pace with his love and joy; and when his tears 
flow in copious showers, he would be at a loss to tell, 
whether he was weeping for joy or for sorrow. He 
might say, for both; for in these pious exercises, these 
opposite emotions sweetly mingle their streams; and 
so delightful is this mingling of affections naturally 
opposite, that the person could hardly be persuaded, 
that the sweet would be as agreeable, without, as with 
the bitter. One hour spent under the cross, while the 
soul is thus elevated— thus abased — thus joyful — and 
thus sorrowful — is better than a thousand of earthly 
delights. Observe, Bunyan does not make the burden 
of Christian fall off instantly on his entering in at the 
strait gate; but when, as he travelled, he came in 
sight of the cross. Then, in a moment, those cords 
which had bound it to his back, and which none could 
loose, were burst asunder, and his burden fell off, and 
never was fastened on him again; although he lay so 
long in the prison of Giant Despair. The feelings of 
a renewed heart, are never afterwards the same as 
under legal conviction. There are scenes, in the ex- 
perience of the lively Christian, of which the wise 
men of the world never dream; and which, if they 
were told of them, they would not believe; and 
these things, while they are hidden from the wise and 
prudent, are revealed unto babes. The secret of the 
Lord is with them that fear him. The soul, which 
has thus returned from its wanderings to the bishop 
and shepherd, feels under the strongest obligations to 
live for God — to deny itself — to forsake the world — 
to do any thing — be any thing — or suffer any thing, 
which may be for the honour of its divine Master. 
Hence a new life commences — a new spirit is mani- 
fested — and the new man, maugre all his remaining 
ignorance and imperfection, gives lucid evidence to all 
who carefully observe him, that he has been with 
Jesus, and has been baptized with the Holy Ghost; 
and, the more frequently these views and exercises 
are reiterated, the more spiritual and heavenly is his 



102 THOUGHTS ON 

conversation. This is a light which cannot be hid, 
and which ought to shine more and more unto the 
perfect day. Hear then the exhortation of the apos- 
tle Jude, "But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on 
your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, 
keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the 
mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life." 



CHAPTER VII. 

Considerations on dreams, visions, &c. — Remarkable conversion of a 
blind infidel from hearing the Bible read. 

There are many professors of religion in our coun- 
try, who, if they should peruse this work would ima- 
gine a great defect in the account given of a sinner's 
conversion, because nothing has been said about 
dreams and visions, or voices and lights, of a super- 
natural kind. During the various religious excite- 
ments which extended over the southern States, un- 
der the preaching of different denominations, there 
was mingled with the good influence by which sin- 
ners were converted and reformed, no small degree 
of enthusiasm, which led the people to seek and ex- 
pect extraordinary revelations; which were supposed 
to be granted in dreams or visions. Indeed, at one 
time, the leaders in a very general excitement, which 
occurred in Virginia, about the commencement of the 
Revolutionary war, were impressed with the idea, 
that they possessed precisely the same gifts and 
powers which had been bestowed upon the apostles; 
and this enthusiastic idea would have spread widely, 
if they had not failed, in some private attempts, to 
work miracles. But the opinion, that certain persons 
had an extraordinary call from God to preach, and 
that they needed neither learning nor study, to enable 
them to preach the gospel, continued to prevail for a 
long time, and this species of enthusiasm is not en- 
tirely passed away even to this day. Such preachers 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 103 

were much in the habit of declaiming in every ser- 
mon, against letter-learned and college-bred ministers, 
and they seldom failed to inform their hearers, that 
they had selected the subject of discourse, after enter- 
ing the pulpit; and some of them even gloried that 
they had never learned to read, as they believed, that 
all learning interfered with the inspiration of the 
Spirit, which they were confident that they possessed. 
While this notion of an extraordinary call and imme- 
diate inspiration was common, it is not surprising 
that the people should have entertained wild opinions 
respecting the nature of conversion. As it was cus- 
tomary to give the narratives of religious experience 
in public; not only in the presence of the church, but 
of a promiscuous assembly, there was a strong temp- 
tation to tell an extraordinary story; and the more 
miraculous it was, the higher evidence it was sup- 
posed to afford of being the work of God; concern- 
ing the genuineness of which the subject never ex- 
pressed a doubt. Seldom was a narrative of expe- 
rience heard, which did not contain something super- 
natural; such as a remarkable prophetic dream; an 
open vision; a sudden and brilliant light shining 
around, as in the case of Paul ; or an audible voice, 
calling them by name; or uttering some text of Scrip- 
ture; or some other encouraging words. Sometimes, 
however, the cause of experimental religion was 
sadly dishonoured by the ludicrous stories of poor 
ignorant people — especially the unlettered slaves; for 
this religious concern seized upon them with mighty 
force, and many of them, I doubt not, were savingly 
converted. 

The philosophy of dreams is very little understood: 
and it is not our purpose to entertain, or perplex the 
reader with any theories on the subject. Dreams have 
by some been divided into natural, divine, and dia- 
bolical. The wise man says, " A dream cometh 
through the multitude of business." Most dreams 
are undoubtedly the effect of the previous state of 
the mind, and of the peculiar circumstances and state 
of the body, at the time. Most persons find their 



104 



THOUGHTS ON 



thoughts, in sleep, occupied with those things which 
gave them concern when awake; and every cause 
which disorders the stomach or nerves, gives a char- 
acter to our dreams. Most persons have expe- 
rienced the distress of feverish dreams. But there 
are sometimes remarkable dreams, which leave on 
the mind the strong impression that they have a 
meaning, and portend coming events. And that there 
have been dreams of this description, we learn from 
the authority of the Bible; and these prophetic dreams 
were not confined to the servants of God, as we learn 
from the instances of the butler and baker, in the pri- 
son of Pharaoh, and from the remarkable dream of 
Pharaoh himself. All these must have proceeded 
from some supernatural influence, as, when inter- 
preted by Joseph, they clearly predicted future events, 
of which the persons dreaming had not the least know- 
ledge. So, Nebuchadnezzar's dream, contained a sym- 
bolical representation of future events of great impor- 
tance, which, however, neither he nor his wise men 
understood, but which was intrepreted by Daniel, by 
divine inspiration. Why God so frequently made his 
communications to his servants by dreams, is not 
easily explained. Perhaps, the mind is better pre- 
pared for such revelations, when external objects are 
entirely excluded: or, it might have been to obviate 
that terror and perturbation to which all men were 
subject, when an angel or spirit appeared to them. 
Whether God ever now communicates any thing by 
dreams is much disputed. Many, no doubt, deceive 
themselves, by fancying that their dreams are super- 
natural; and some have been sadly deluded by trusting 
to dreams ; and certainly people ought not to be encour- 
aged to look for revelations in dreams; but there is 
nothing inconsistent with reason or Scripture, in sup- 
posing that, on some occasions, certain communica- 
tions, intended for the warning or safety of the indi- 
vidual himself, or of others, may be made in dreams. 
To doubt of this, is to run counter to a vast body of 
testimony in every age. And if ideas, received in 
dreams, produce a salutary effect, in rendering the 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 105 

careless, serious, or the sorrowful comfortable in 
the view of divine truth, very well; such dreams 
may be considered providential, if not divine. But 
if any are led by dreams, to pursue a course repug- 
nant to the dictates of common sense or the pre- 
cepts of Scripture, such dreams may rightly be con- 
sidered diabolical. Some persons have supposed 
that they experienced a change of mind while asleep. 
They have gone to rest with a heart unsubdued and 
unconverted, and their first waking thoughts have been 
of faith and love. Some have sunk to sleep, worn 
down with distress, and in their sleep have received 
comfort, as they supposed, from a believing view of 
Christ. Such changes are suspicious; but if they are 
proved to be genuine by the future life of the person, 
we should admit the possibility of God's giving a new 
heart, just as he does to the infant. Or, truth may be 
as distinctly impressed on persons' minds in sleep, as 
when they are awake. Some persons appear to have 
their faculties in more vigorous exercise, in some kinds 
of sleep, than when their senses are all exercised. 
The Rev. John Fletcher, vicar of Madely, relates that 
he had a dream of the judgment day, the effect of 
which was a deep and abiding impression of eternal 
things on his mind. As the scene was vividly paint- 
ed on his imagination, and the representation of truth 
was as distinct and coherent as if he had been awake, 
it may be gratifying to the reader to have the account 
of it, set before him. He had been variously exer- 
cised about religion before this. " I was," says he, 
"in this situation, when a dream, in which I am 
obliged to acknowledge the hand of God, roused me 
from my security. On a sudden, the heavens were 
darkened, and clouds rolled along in terrific majesty, 
and a thundering voice like a trumpet, which pene- 
trated to the bowels of the earth, exclaimed, ' arise 
ye dead and come out of your graves.' Instantly the 
earth and the sea gave up the dead which they con- 
tained, and the universe was crowded with living 
people who appeared to come out of their graves by 
millions. But what a difference among them ! Some, 



106 THOUGHTS OS 

convulsed with despair, endeavoured in vain to hide 
themselves in their tombs, and cried to the hills to fall 
on them, and the mountains to cover them from the 
face of the holy Judge, while others rose with seraphic 
wings above the earth which had been the theatre 
of their conflicts and their victory. Serenity was 
painted on their countenances, joy sparkled in their 
eyes, and dignity was impressed on every feature. 
My astonishment and terror were redoubled when I 
perceived myself raised up with this innumerable 
multitude into the vast regions of the air, from 
whence my affrighted eyes beheld this globe con- 
sumed by the flames, the heavens on fire, and the 
dissolving elements ready to pass away. But what 
did I feel, when I beheld the Son of man coming in 
the clouds of heaven, in all the splendour of his glory, 
crowned with the charms of his mercy, and surround- 
ed with the terrors of his justice; ten thousand thou- 
sands went before him, and millions pressed upon his 
footsteps. All nature was silent. The wicked were 
condemned, and the sentence was pronounced — the 
air gave way under the feet of those who surrounded 
me, a yawning gulf received them and closed upon 
them. At the same time He that sat upon the throne 
exclaimed, ' Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit 
the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of 
the world/ Happy children of God, I cried, 'You 
are exalted in triumph with your Redeemer,' and 
my dazzled eyes will soon lose sight of you, in the 
blaze of light which surrounds you. Wretch that I 
am, what words can express the horrors of my situa- 
tion ! A fixed and severe look from the Judge, as he 
departed, pierced me to the heart, and my anguish 
and confusion were extreme, when a brilliant per- 
sonage despatched from the celestial host, thus ad- 
dressed me, i Slothful servant, what dost thou here? 
Dost thou presume to follow the Son of God, whom 
thou hast served merely with thy lips, while thy 
heart was far from him? Show me the seal of thy 
salvation and the earnest of thy redemption. Exam- 
ine thy heart, and see if thou canst discover there a 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



107 



real love to God, and a living faith in his Son? Ask 
thy conscience what were the motives of thy pretend- 
ed good works? Dost thou not see that pride and 
self-love were the source of them? Dost thou not see 
that the fear of hell rather than the fear of offending 
God, restrained thee from sin?' After these words 
he paused; and regarding me with a compassionate 
air, seemed to await my reply. But conviction and 
terror closed my mouth, and he thus resumed his 
discourse, i Withhold no longer from God the glory 
which is due him. Turn to him with all thy heart, 
and become a new creature. Watch and pray was 
the command of the Son of God; but instead of hav- 
ing done this by working out thy salvation with fear 
and trembling, thou hast slept the sleep of security. 
At this very moment dost thou not sleep in that state 
of lethargy and spiritual death, from which the word 
of God, the exhortations of his servants, and the striv- 
ings of his grace have not been sufficient to deliver 
thee? Time is swallowed up in eternity. There is 
no more place for repentance. Thou hast obstinately 
refused to glorify God's mercy in Christ Jesus — go 
then, slothful servant and glorify his justice.' Hav- 
ing uttered these words he disappeared, and, at the 
same time, the air gave way under my feet — the 
abyss began to open— dreadful wailings assailed my 
ears, and a whirlwind of smoke surrounded me. The 
agitation of my mind and body awoke me, the horror 
of which nothing can equal, and the mere recollection 
of which still makes me tremble. how happy I 
felt on awaking to find that I was still in the land of 
mercy, and the day of salvation! my God, I cried, 
grant that this dream may continually influence my 
sentiments and my conduct! May it prove a power- 
ful stimulus to excite me to prepare continually for 
the coming of my great Master!" 

By this dream Mr. Fletcher was convinced that he 
had been indulging vain hopes, and that his mind 
was still unrenewed. His conviction of this truth, 
however, did not rest entirely, nor chiefly on what 
had been told him in his dream, but he now set to 



108 



THOUGHTS ON 



work in sober earnest to examine his religious princi- 
ples and motives, by the Scriptures; and the more he 
examined the more fully was he convinced that he 
was yet in an unconverted state. P'rom this time 
he began with all earnestness to seek for justification 
through the blood of Christ; and never rested until he 
found peace with God by a living faith in the truth 
and promises of God. 

The dream of John Newton, which he had long 
before his conversion, when in the harbour of Ve- 
nice, is probably known to most of our readers. — " I 
thought," says he, " that it was night, and my watch 
upon the deck — a person came to me and brought 
me a ring, with an express charge to keep it care- 
fully; assuring me that while I preserved that ring, 
I should be happy and successful; but if I lost or 
parted with it, I must expect nothing but trouble and 
misery. I accepted the present and the terms will- 
ingly, not in the least doubting my own care to pre- 
serve it, and highly gratified to have my happiness 
in my own keeping. I was engaged in these thoughts, 
when a second person came to me and observing the 
ring on my finger, he took occasion to ask me some 
questions concerning it. I readily told him its vir- 
tues, and his answer expressed a surprise at my 
weakness, in expecting such effects from a ring. I 
think he reasoned with me sometime on the impos- 
sibility of the thing; and at length urged me in direct 
terms to throw it away. At first, I was shocked at 
the proposal; but his insinuations prevailed. I began 
to reason and doubt, and at last plucked it off my 
finger, and dropped it over the ship's side into the 
water, which it had no sooner touched, than I saw, 
at the same instant, a terrible fire burst out from a 
range of mountains (the Alps) which appeared at 
some distance behind the city of Venice. I saw the 
hills as distinct as if awake, and that they were all in 
flames. I perceived too late my folly, and my tempter, 
with an air of insult, informed me that all the mercy 
God had in reserve for me was comprised in the ring 
which I had wilfully thrown away. I trembled and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 109 

was in great agony, and stood self-condemned, when 
a third person, or the same who gave me the ring, 
came to me and demanded the cause of my grief. 
He blamed my rashness, and asked me if I thought 
I should be wiser, if I had my ring again. I could 
hardly answer, but thought it gone beyond control. 
He went down under the water, and soon returned, 
bringing the ring with him — the moment he came on 
board, the flames were extinguished. I approached 
to receive the ring, but he refused to restore it, say- 
ing ' If you should receive this ring again, you would 
soon bring yourself into the same distress — you are 
not able to keep it; but I will preserve it for you, 
and whenever it is needful will produce it in your 
behalf.' Upon this I awoke in a state of mind not to 
be described. I could hardly eat or sleep or transact 
necessary business for two or three days, but the im- 
pression soon wore off, and in a little time I totally 
forgot it, and I think it hardly occurred to my mind 
till several years afterwards." 

I will conclude this unsubstantial discussion by 
citing the words of that remarkable young sage of 
remote antiquity, Elihu, the reprover of both Job 
and his friend, and the sublime defender of God and 
his dispensations. " For God speaketh once, yea 
twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a 
vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon 
men, in slumberings upon the bed. Then he openeth 
the ears of men and sealeth their instruction." 

Sometime in the year 1811, as well as he remem- 
bers, the substance of the following narrative was 
put into the hands of the writer, by the Rev. Dr. Wil- 
liam M. Tennent, of Abington, Pennsylvania, when 
this excellent man was on his death-bed, and near 
his end. It will be seen that it was drawn up with 
a view to publication as soon as the subject of the 
memoir, who was then alive in Dr. Tennent's con- 
gregation, should be called home to his rest. That 
event occurred some time since; and in communica- 
ting this memoir to the public, the writer considers 

8 



110 THOUGHTS ON 

himself as fulfilling an implied promise, when he ac- 
cepted the manuscript. 

Having, however, ascertained that Mrs. Ann Snow- 
den, of Philadelphia, was the lady at whose house 
this gentleman resided, and that she was the person 
by whom the Scriptures were read; and knowing, 
also, that she was both pious and intelligent, the wri- 
ter requested her to put down on paper an exact ac- 
count of this pleasing and remarkable event; which 
she did with the utmost readiness. From these au- 
thentic sources, the following narrative is derived: 
and will be given with very slight verbal alterations, 
in the very words of the respected persons named. 

Dr. Tennent's memoir is prefaced by the following 
words: 

" Unfinished memoir of George Inglis, who has 
been a member of the Presbyterian church in Abing- 
ton from 1790 till the present time, 1810. It is ex- 
pected, that some fit person into whose hand these 
sketches of his character may fall, will, after his de- 
cease, prepare them for the press; as it is hoped the 
Church of Christ may derive some advantage from 
them." 

The narrative then proceeds as follows: a George 
Inglis was born in the city of Philadelphia, A. D. 
of honourable parentage, and received a lib- 
eral education in the university of that city, which 
was completed between his 16th and 17th year. 
Having served a regular apprenticeship to a mer- 
chant, he entered into the mercantile business, and 
settled in the island of Jamaica, where he continued 
about eleven years. Very early in life he begun to 
drink in iniquity like water, discovered strong pre- 
judices against serious persons and serious things; 
associated with the gay, libertine, and dissipated: 
never read the Scriptures except so much of them as 
enabled him to construe his Greek lessons, whilst in 
college. His propensities to sinful indulgences in- 
creased with his years, and in the island where he 
resided, temptations being increased, and the means 
of restraint from vicious courses diminished, he be- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. Ill 

came more and more confirmed in the habits of sin, 
until at length he was given up to almost every spe- 
cies of iniquity. Amidst his open and avowed en- 
mity to God and religion, at the close of the afore 
mentioned period, an awful tornado fell upon that 
part of the island where he resided, by which he lost 
the greater part of his property, and was compelled 
to return to the continent. This happened during 
the revolutionary war. All this made no alteration 
in his morals for the better; but the more he was 
corrected, the more hardened he grew ; casting off 
the fear of God, and putting to defiance the scourges 
of Jehovah. Thus he continued till some years after- 
wards. Being in the town of Manchester, Virginia, 
without any natural (known) cause, to produce the 
effect, he was smitten by the immediate hand of God, 
whilst in the possession of good health, with the total 
loss of sight within a few days. In this situation his 
mind was all distraction. His cry was to man only 
for help; but to God his Maker, who givelh songs in 
the night to the afflicted and oppressed, he had not 
learned to cry. This lesson, however, he was taught 
not long afterwards." 

Thus far the narrative has been given in the words 
of Dr. Tennent; it will now be proper to hear Mrs. 
Snowden's account of the conversion of this man, as 
she was the only human instrument made use of in 
bringing him to the knowledge of the truth. It is in 
the form of a letter addressed to the writer. 

" Rev. and Dear Sir — I will now endeavour to fulfil 
the promise made to you some time ago, by giving 
such information as is within my recollection, respect- 
ing the case of Mr. George Inglis. That gentleman, 
a native of Philadelphia, had received a classical 
education, and with it every indulgence which a 
father's partiality could bestow. Brought up in the 
gay world, it is to be feared there was but little atten- 
tion paid to his immortal interests. After spending 
the time necessary to acquire the knowledge of mer- 
cantile affairs, he left the city for the West Indies,, 
where he was, for a while, successful in business, 



112 THOUGHTS ON 

and found himself in circumstances to visit England; 
and, while in London, throwing aside every restraint, 
he indulged himself in all the amusements and levi- 
ties of that gay metropolis. Returning to America, 
he engaged in business in the state of Virginia. 
After residing some time there, it pleased the Lord 
to deprive him of his sight; an affliction at that time 
looked upon by him as insupportable, for he saw not 
the hand from whence it came, but after he was 
made sensible that he was a brand snatched from the 
burning, often have I heard him bless the chastise- 
ment as that of a tender Father. 

" Mr. Inglis had weak eyes from an early age, but 
his blindness came on him suddenly. Finding no re- 
lief from the physicians where he resided, he left 
Virginia for Philadelphia; and upon the application 
of his friends, was received, with his servant, into my 
house, as a boarder. I found him a man of strong 
passions, impatient under sufferings, and not willing 
to submit to restraints of any kind. When the phy- 
sicians of the city were consulted, they gave his 
friends no hope of the recovery of his eyesight: him 
they soothed with the promise of a further considera- 
tion of his case. A few weeks after he came to my 
house, a gentleman, very much celebrated as an 
oculist, came to the city. Mr. Inglis applied to him 
for advice. He did not tell him that his was an incura- 
ble case, but said that he would see him again. He 
bore this very impatiently, observing to me that life 
was now becoming an intolerable burden ; but that he 
had this consolation, that he had it in his power at 
any time to lay it down. It was but to increase the 
quantity of opium (he was in the habit of taking 
opium) and all his sufferings would be at an end; 
and that, after seeing the doctor once more, if he 
found there was no hope of his recovering his sight, 
he would certainly take that method of putting an 
end to his existence. I remonstrated with him on the 
impropriety of his behaviour; alleging, that he had 
no more right to take away his own life, than he had 
to take away the life of his neighbour; asking him if 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



113 



he had considered the consequences of rushing un- 
called into the presence of his Maker. His answer 
was, that he had considered it well ; and advocated 
his opinion on this principle, that he was by a 
merciful Creator placed on this earth to enjoy the 
good things of this life as far as it was in his 
power honestly to obtain them. That the duties re- 
quired of him were, to be as useful to his friends in 
particular, and society at large, as his circumstances 
would admit of — that having lost his sight, he should 
no longer enjoy any happiness here, would become a 
burden to his friends, and could be of no use in the 
world. He alleged, that the purposes for which life 
was given to him were now defeated; of course there 
would be no impropriety in laying it down. I made 
some remarks on what he had advanced as his senti- 
ments, and to strengthen what I said, quoted some 
passages of Scripture. These he treated in a very 
light manner — spoke of the Bible as the work of a 
man, contrived to keep the vulgar in awe — with 
many other observations too common with men of 
deistical principles. I then inquired if he had ever 
read the Bible; he frankly acknowledged that he had 
not since he left school. Upon asking him if he had 
not read the works of those that were opposed to the 
Scriptures, he admitted that he had. If so, I observed, 
he must have formed his opinions from the avowed 
enemies of that sacred book. Was this a fair method 
of proceeding? Was it just? That I thought he 
would not act thus, on any other occasion. This book 
you acknowledge you have not read since you were 
a boy. All that you know about it, you have 
from the enemies of the Christian religion. Taking 
these things into consideration, I hope you will no 
more speak against the Bible, as it is a book that you 
have never read since you were capable of forming a 
judgment of its contents. He apologized for what he 
had said, in a handsome manner, acknowledged that 
he was wrong in speaking as he had done, and ex- 
pressed a wish to have it read to him. This I de- 
clined, and gave my reasons for so doing, which were, 



114 THOUGHTS ON 

that a man so prejudiced, as he appeared to be, was 
not likely to profit by the reading of the Bible; that 
he would most probably cavil at, and perhaps ridicule 
it; in so doing, he would wound my feelings without 
benefitting himself; for I considered it as the word of 
God; and my hopes of eternal salvation rested on 
the truths contained in it. He then assured me on 
the word of a gentleman, that if I would read to him, 
whatever his opinions might be, he would carefully 
avoid saying any thing that might have a tendency 
to wound my feelings, or give offence, in the smallest 
degree. There was an earnestness in his manner of 
addressing me which satisfied my mind, that he was 
sincerely desirous to have the Scriptures read to him; 
and the next day was fixed upon for that purpose. It 
appeared to me that he waited impatiently for the 
arrival of the appointed hour, for, no sooner did the 
time come, than he sent for me. Before we began, 
I observed to him, that as in the New Testament he 
would find the fulfilment of the promises of the Sa- 
viour, I would point out those promises as they should 
occur in reading the Old Testament; and which it 
would be necessary for him to take notice of as we 
proceeded. Beginning then with the first chapter of 
Genesis, before we had gone through the chapter, he 
stopped me to express his admiration of the language. 
' It was sublime beyond any thing he had ever read.' 
While I was reading, he was all attention; and when 
the time arrived when I was under the necessity of 
leaving off, it was with regret that he observed that I 
had finished: putting me in mind, at the same time, 
of my promise to attend to him, on the next day. I 
think it was on the second day of my reading to him, 
that he cried out, ' What a wretch am I to have 
spoken against such a book! a book that I knew no- 
thing of, having never given it an attentive perusal/ 
I went on for a few days, reading to him according 
to the plan laid down, which was one hour every 
day; when the distress of his mind greatly increased. 
There was now no more said about a second visit to 
the doctor — no complaints — no murmurings, on ac- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 1 ] 5 

count of the loss of sight. He now saw the hand of 
God in the dispensation of his providence, and would 
acknowledge that it was less, far less, than he de- 
served. My family duties preventing me from being 
with him as much as I wished, I now called in the 
aid of some of my religious friends, among whom 
was Mr. Joseph Eastburn, to converse with him and 
to assist in reading to him. Several religious books 
were now occasionally read to him, among which 
were Boston's Fourfold State, Newton's Works, Her- 
vej^-'s Dialogues, &c. The descriptive parts of the last 
mentioned author, were at his request passed over, 
except where it more fully served to explain the doc- 
trines of free grace — a subject to him of the deepest 
interest. Though totally deprived of sight, and unac- 
customed to go out, he now neglected no opportunity 
of hearing the word of God; attending sermons on 
Sabbaths, and weekly societies as often as was in his 
power. As might be expected, his natural disposition, 
sometimes getting the better of the good resolutions 
he had formed, would betray him into a frelfulness 
that was troublesome to his friends, and occasioned 
much uneasiness to himself. On such occasions I 
have heard him lament deeply over his sinful nature, 
accusing himself of ingratitude to that God who had 
mercifully stopped him in his career of vice, by de- 
priving him of the light of day, and enlightening his 
darkened mind, and had enabled him to understand 
the truths contained in his blessed word. I do not 
recollect how long he staid with me, but it was some- 
thing less than a year, when his friends thought it 
would be best to remove him to the country; and 
boarding was obtained for him in the neighbourhood 
of the Rev. Dr. Tennent, of Abington." 

Dr. Tennent, in the memoir already quoted, after 
mentioning some circumstances which have been 
given in detail in the former number, goes on to say, 
" It pleased God, by these means to bring him to very 
serious and deep impressions of his moral character, 
and to constrain him, after some time, to attempt to 
pray. This [change] was effected in the gentleness, 



116 THOUGHTS ON 

kindness, and tenderness of infinite mercy, and with- 
out those horrors which often precede the conversion 
of high-handed and daring sinners. In his case, all 
was mercy, without extraordinary terror. He was 
embracea" in the arms of redeeming love, and deli- 
vered from the fiery pit without beholding its awful 
flames. In his first attempt to supplicate the Deity, 
he was principally affected with a sense of the baseness 
of his conduct, and vile ingratitude for the mercies 
bestowed, and this exercise was accompanied with an 
involuntary flow of tears, and a desire to call God 
his Father, and afterwards to mention the blessed 
name of Jesus, the Saviour. Probably, this was the 
beginning of his new birth, and the hour of his con- 
version; which was not long afterwards confirmed 
by a remarkable vision of two books, with a glorious 
light shining in the midst of them, as he was lying in 
his bed; which he apprehended to be the Old and 
New Testaments of the living God, presenting to, and 
impressing on his mind this sacred declaration, but 
withouL a voice, " This is the way," and filling 
his soulat the same time, with inexpressible joy." 

What is here related, is no doubt strictly true, but 
there is no propriety in calling it " a vision," since it 
can easily be accounted for by a vivid impression on 
the imagination. A vision is something supernatural 
seen with the bodily eyes ; but this man was totally 
blind; the objects so clearly discerned must then have 
been from impressions on the imagination. But in 
saying this, it is not intended to deny that the cause 
was the Spirit of God. This divine agent can, and 
does produce vivid impressions on the imagination, 
which have so much the appearance of external re- 
alities, that many are persuaded that they do see and 
hear what takes place only in their own minds. 

"In the year 1790, Mr. Inglis was removed to 
Abington, and became a boarder in the house of the 
Rev. William M. Tennent, and soon afterwards was 
admitted to the communion of the church, in that 
place, with which he hath walked steadfastly in the 
faith ever since; exemplifying in a striking and high 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



117 



degree the power of God's grace to the 6 new creation/ 
From the beginning of his turn to God, there was 
abundant proof that < old things had passed away and 
that all things had become new.' Before a blas- 
phemer, but now a worshipper of the true God. 
Before, a drunkard, and a Sabbath-breaker, unclean, 
a ridiculer of holy things, and indulgent habitually in 
all ungodliness and wickedness — led captive by the 
prince of the power of the air, who ruleth in the 
children of disobedience, but now, freed from his 
bonds and made by sovereign grace to rejoice in the 
liberty of the gospel. Before, a hater of good men 
and good things, but now a lover of both. He was 
made to hunger and thirst after righteousness — after 
the bread of life — after the knowledge of His will; and 
seemed only to be happy when he had a glimpse of 
his glory. For more than a year after his conversion, 
he could not bear to hear any other book read to 
him than the Holy Scriptures; and the most practical 
authors on religion. He shunned all political conver- 
sation, the reading of newspapers, and whatever might 
divert his thoughts from holy meditations and a fur- 
ther knowledge of his Redeemer. 

" Whilst residing in his first permanent lodgings 
in the country, it may not be improper to mention a 
second remarkable vision which he had. Walking in 
the garden one day, as he usually did for sacred me- 
ditation, he was suddenly arrested and overcome with 
a most affecting view of his Saviour, as suspended 
on the cross, and bearing his very sins. In this 
vision of redeeming love he was so lost that he knew 
not where he was — overwhelmed with unutterable 
joy, and the most affecting gratitude for the discharge 
of the immense debt which he owed to the justice of 
a holy God. The impressions then made are still 
kept in strong remembrance. How long he was in 
this state he knew not, but was finally conducted to 
the house, after having called for a guide — full of joy 
and gladness: a second remarkable proof of his inte- 
rest in gospel redemption." 

We will simply repeat our objection to the use of 



118 



THOUGHTS ON 



the word "vision" to represent what was nothing 
more than a strong, believing view of the scene of the 
crucifixion, accompanied, no doubt, with a vivid ima- 
gination of the bleeding, dying Saviour, suffering for 
his sins. 

" The writer will only add, that he has frequently, 
within the term of twenty years, heard Mr. Inglis 
say, he would not if it had been within the power of 
a wish, have had his natural sight restored, having 
found his eyes such an avenue to sin. His whole 
conduct, since his conversion has corresponded with 
his profession as a Christian disciple. He has, in the 
view of his brethren where he resides, made a visible 
growth in grace, even in the knowledge of our Lord 
and Saviour Jesus Christ. He has, with others 
travelling to the same blessed country, been on the 
mount and in the valley — an humble, meek, patient, 
self-denying Christian, rejoicing in the hopes of a 
better country — weeping on account of his own un- 
fruitfulness — looking for strength to vanquish his 
enemies, and hoping for victory by the merits of the 
great Redeemer. Hitherto steadfast, may he hold 
fast unto the end! and may many such be added unto 
the Lord! Blessed be God for the gift of his Son, 
for the revelation of his incomprehensible love and 
grace, and for the crown of glory which is laid up for 
all who are looking and longing for his second ap- 
pearance!" 

The foregoing account was written about thirty 
years ago, and Mr. Inglis, who was then in years, did 
not depart this life until two or three years since. 
As the Rev. Robert Steel succeeded Dr. Tennent, as 
pastor of the Presbyterian church at Abington, I re- 
quested him to give me notice of the old gentleman's 
death, with an account of his state of mind in his latter 
days. This he did, and I regret that I have mislaid 
his letter, so that I cannot at present put my hands on 
it. But I confess that I was much disappointed in 
not finding something more memorable in the closing 
scene of one who had been so manifestly snatched 
" as a brand from the burning." As well as I recol- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 119 

lect, Mr. Steel represents that the spirituality and 
ardour of Mr. Inglis's religion considerably declined 
in his latter years; that he became somewhat worldly 
minded, and appeared to be too much concerned about 
his little property; and that he had nothing remarka- 
ble in the exercises of his mind, while on his death- 
bed; but no one, I believe, ever doubted the reality 
of the change which he had experienced: neither was 
he ever left to do any thing to bring discredit on the 
profession which he had made. 

One reflection which occurred to me on reading 
Mr. Steel's letter was, that it is not desirable for a 
Christian to live to be very old; especially when all 
active service in the cause of Christ is precluded. 
Old age is a peculiarly unfavourable season for growth 
in grace. Many of the natural auxiliaries to piety 
are then removed; and at the same time, many in- 
firmities cluster around us; so that a declension in 
religion is not uncommon in the protracted years of 
the aged. 

Another solemn reflection was, that a man is never 
too old nor too decrepit to be covetous. Covetousness 
is peculiarly the vice of the aged, and when indulged, 
strikes its roots deeper, the older we grow. What 
Christ says to all, may with emphasis be addressed 
to the aged, " Take heed, and beware of covetous- 
ness." The writer remembers to have seen and con- 
versed with the old gentleman in the church at 
Abington, soon after Dr. Tennent's death. At that 
time he was always in his place in the house of God, 
and attracted attention by his venerable and solemn 
appearance. It was agreed that his taste and judg- 
ment in regard to preaching were uncommonly sound 
and good; but nothing would pass with him in which 
Christ was not made conspicuous. Purely evange- 
lical preaching was that in which he delighted; and 
at that period, his conversation was in a strain of 
warm and pious feeling. 

My closing remark is, that we should despair of 
the conversion of no one; and we should use all our 
efforts to prevail on skeptical men to read the Bible. 



120 



THOUGHTS ON 



The Bible has converted more infidels than all the 
books of "evidences" which exist. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Religious Conversation. — Stress laid by some on the knowledge of the 
time and place of Conversion. — Religious experience of Halybur- 
ton. 

It is often a question among serious people, whether 
every person, who is a real Christian, knows not only 
that he is such, but the time and place of his conver- 
sion. This subject has already been partially dis- 
cussed in these essays, but demands a more particular 
and extended consideration. 

It is well known to all, that the Christian denomi- 
nations, which exist in this country, differ from one 
another in their views of various doctrines and rites 
of religion; but the fact is not so well known, that 
the religious experience of the individuals of the seve- 
ral denominations is as various as their doctrines and 
external forms of worship. To those who view these 
things at a distance, and superficially, all religious 
people appear alike; and many, when they hear of a 
number converted, take it for granted that they have 
all passed through the same train of exercises, to 
whatever sect they belong. There are some serious 
people, well indoctrinated in the Scriptures, who, 
while they hold a sound theory respecting the nature 
of regeneration, never speak of their own religious 
exercises ; believing that such exposures are not for 
edification, as they tend to foster spiritual pride and 
vain glory, and afford a temptation to hypocrisy, 
which is commonly too strong for the deceitful heart. 
Among such professors, you hear nothing of convic- 
tion and conversion ; and when any of this class fall 
into a distressing case of conscience which urges them 
to seek spiritual counsel, they always propose the 
case in the third person. They will talk to you by 
the hour and the day, about the doctrines of religion. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 121 

and show that they are more conversant with their 
Bibles, than many who talk much of their religious 
feelings. There are two objections to this practice. 
The first is, that it has the effect of keeping out of 
view the necessity of a change of heart. The second 
is, that it is a neglect of one effectual means of grace. 
Religious conversation, in which Christians freely tell 
of the dealings of God with their own souls, has been 
often a powerful means of quickening the sluggish 
soul, and communicating comfort. It is in many 
cases, a great consolation to the desponding believer, 
to know that his case is not entirely singular; and if 
a traveller can meet with one who has been over the 
difficult parts of the road before him, he may surely 
derive from his experience some solitary counsel and 
warning. The Scriptures are favourable to such 
communications. " Come and hear/' says David, 
" all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath 
done for my soul." " Then they that feared the Lord 
spake often one to another, and the Lord hearkened 
and heard it, and a book of remembrance was writ- 
ten before him for them that feared the Lord, and 
that thought upon his name." Paul seldom makes a 
speech or writes a letter, in which he does not freely 
speak of his own religious joys and sorrows, hopes 
and fears. There is, no doubt, an abuse of this means 
of grace, as of others; but this is no argument against 
its legitimate use, but only teaches that prudence 
should govern such religious intercourse. The oppo- 
site extreme is not uncommon in some denominations; 
as where professors are publicly called upon, and 
that periodically, for their experience ; or where, 
when professors are met, it is agreed that every one, 
in turn, shall give a narrative of his or her experience, 
in religion. Such practices are not for edification. 
There are, however, cases in which it may be expe- 
dient — it may be delightful— for a few select friends 
to enter into a full detail of the dealings of God with 
their souls, respectively. The writer, in another 
place, published an account of such a conference in 
Holland, which he received from the late Rev. Dr. 



122 THOUGHTS ON 

Livingston, of New Brunswick. A company of pious 
friends having met for religious conversation, the sub- 
ject which came up was the striking similarity of the 
experience of God's people in all ages, and in all 
countries; when some one observed, that there were 
present, four persons from the four quarters of the 
world, respectively, and who had embraced religion 
in their native country. One was from the Dutch set- 
tlements in the East Indies, a second from the Cape 
of Good Hope, the third a young nobleman of Hol- 
land, and the fourth Dr. Livingston himself, from the 
United States of America. It was then proposed as 
an illustration of the subject of conversation, that each 
should give a narrative of his Christian experience. 
The company in attendance expressed the highest 
gratification, and were no doubt greatly edified. It 
is much to be lamented, that many persons who are 
fond of religious conversation, deal so much in cant 
phrases, and assume an air so affected and sanctimo- 
nious. This is the thing which disgusts grave and 
intelligent Christians; and often occasions the wicked 
to ridicule or blaspheme. "Let not your good be 
evil spoken of. ,J Be not public nor indiscriminate in 
your communications of this kind. "Take heed that 
you cast not your pearls before swine, lest they tram- 
ple them under their feet, and then turn again and 
rend you." 

It is a fact, that what passes for conversion in one 
sect, will be condemned as altogether insufficient in 
another. A few years since there was, what was 
called a great revival, in a Presbyterian congregation, 
in New Jersey. The Presiding Elder of the Metho- 
dist Society, for that district, having classes of his 
Church, mingled with the people of that congregation, 
so that he had the opportunity of conversing with a 
number of the subjects of this work, gave it as his 
opinion, to a person who communicated the fact to 
me, that none with whom he spoke, were converted, 
for he did not meet with one who would say, that he 
knew his sins were pardoned. On the other hand, 
many of the conversions which take place at camp 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 123 

meetings, and other meetings, where there is much 
excitement, though the subjects do profess to know 
that their sins are pardoned, are not believed to be 
cases of sound conversion by Presbyterians; and 
they are confirmed in this opinion, often, by the 
transitory nature of the reformation produced. We 
have known instances of persons professing conver- 
sion at a camp-meeting, and filling the camp with 
their rejoicing, who relapsed into their old habits of 
sin, before reaching their own dwellings. In these 
strong excitements of the animal sensibilities, there is 
great danger of deception. When feelings of distress 
are wound up to a very high pitch, there often occurs 
a natural re-action in the nervous system, by which 
the bodily sensations are suddenly changed, and this, 
attended with some text of Scripture impressed on the 
mind, leads the person to believe, that he was in that 
moment converted, when in reality no permanent 
change has been effected. It is one thing to be per- 
suaded of the truth of the gospel, and quite another 
to be certain that I have believed, and that my sins 
are pardoned. Mr. Wesley was for several years in the 
ministry, and a missionary to America before he had 
this joyful sense of the forgiveness of sins, and he 
seems to intimate, that until this time he was an un- 
converted man; and most of his followers make this 
joyful sense of pardoned sin, the principal evidence 
of conversion, and one which all must experience. 
Most serious, intelligent readers, however, will be of 
opinion, that Mr. Wesley was as humble and sincere 
a penitent, before this joyful experience, as after- 
wards; and that it is a dangerous principle to make a 
man's opinion of his own state, the criterion by which 
to judge of its safety. Certainly, we should greatly 
prefer to stand in the place of some broken-hearted, 
contrite ones, who can scarcely be induced to enter- 
tain a hope respecting their acceptance, to that of 
many who boast that they never feel a doubt of their 
own safety. Men will not be judged in the last day 
by the opinion which they had of themselves. For 
the confidence, it would seem, never forsakes some 



124 THOrGHTS ON 

to the last, who nevertheless will be cast into outer 
darkness. "Not every one that saith unto me Lord, 
Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he 
that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 
Many will say unto me in that day Lord, Lord, have 
we not prophesied in thy name, and in thy name have 
cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonder- 
ful works. And then will I profess unto them, I 
never knew you, depart from me ye workers of ini- 
quity. " In early life, the writer knew some high 
professors of his own denomination, who could tell 
the day and hour when God had mercy on them. 
One of these, a fair spoken, plausible man, who had 
spent the former part of his life in pleasure and dissi- 
pation, gave such an account of his conversion as was 
adapted to produce envy and discouragement in pro- 
fessors who had been less favoured; and not only 
could designate the month and day of the month, but 
the hour of the day, when he obtained reconciliation 
with God. No one doubted of his piety — but mark 
the event. This high professor, a few years after- 
wards, was excommunicated from the chnrch, for 
manifest perjury! Another, whose experience was 
remarkable and his conversion sudden, became a 
preacher, then a fanatic — and finally an infidel. This 
man told me, that though often in great spiritual dis- 
tress, he never doubted of the goodness of his state. 
They who believe that a man may be a saint to-day 
and a devil to-morrow, not in appearance only, but 
in reality, easily account for these apostasies, but we 
are inclined to hold fast by what the beloved disciple 
says about such, in his time, u They went out from 
us, but they were not of us, for if they had been of 
us they would no doubt have continued with us: but 
they went out, that they might be made manifest 
that they were not all of us." 

Few men in later times appear to have arisen to 
greater eminence in piety than Henry Martyo, the 
missionary. The strength of the principle of holi- 
ness, in his case, was manifested in his habitual spir- 
ituality of mind, and the constant exercise of self-de- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 125 

nial; yet, as far as is related, his incipient exercises 
of religion were no how strongly marked, but seem 
to have been rather obscure and feeble. The same 
is the fact respecting those two distinguished men of 
God, Philip and Matthew Henry, the father and the 
son. The early exercises of these men were not in 
any respect, remarkable. Indeed, they both became 
pious when very young; and we rarely get a very 
distinct and accurate account of the commencement 
of piety in early life. But no one, who is acquainted 
with the lives of these eminent ministers, will deny 
that they grew up to an uncommon degree of piety, 
which in the experience of both, though characterized 
by genuine humility, was free from any mixture of 
gloom or austerity. True religion can rarely be 
found exhibiting so cheerful a mien and so amiable 
an aspect, and yet, with these men every thing be- 
came a part of their religion; to this one object their 
whole lives were devoted. I have derived much satis- 
faction, and I hope, profit, from the account which 
Halyburton gives of his religious experience; especial- 
ly, because the account was given when the writer was 
advanced in years, and when his judgment was fully 
matured. Many youthful narratives of pious exer- 
cises are very fervent, but they are frothy, and marked 
with that kind of ignorance and self-confidence which 
arise from inexperience. Halyburton is an example 
of a person brought up under religious discipline and 
instruction, and under constant restraint, whose con- 
victions of sin were nevertheless exceedingly pungent 
and awful. His conversion too was sudden, and his 
first exercises of faith clear and strong. " I cannot," 
says he, " be very positive about the day or the hour 
of this deliverance; nor can I satisfy many other 
questions about the way and manner of it. As to 
these things I may say with the blind man, ' One 
thing I know, that whereas I was blind now I see.' 
It was towards the close of January, or the begin- 
ning of February, 169S, that this seasonable relief 
came; and, so far as I can remember, I was at secret 
prayer, in very great extremity, not far from despair, 

9 



126 THOUGHT; OS 

when the Lor i seasonably stepped in and gave this 
merciful turn to affairs. When I said these was none 
to save, then • his arm brought salvation/' God. who 
commanded the light to shine out of darkness, 'sbined 
into my mind.-' to give the light of the knowledge of the 
glory of God in the face of J 31 isl Thai ; hich 

afforded me relief was a discovery of the Lord, is man- 
ifested in his word. He said to me, -thou hast destr : ye 1 
thyself, but in me is thy help.' He let me see that there 
are forgivenesses with him. that with him is mercy 
and plenteous redemption. He made all his good- 
ness pass before me. and proclaimed his name, ■ The 
Lord, the Lord God. merciful and gracious, long-suf- 
fering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping 
mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and fransgi &*- 
sion and sin.' Who will be gracious to whom he will 
be gracious, and will show mercy to whom he 
show mercy. This was a strange sight to one who 
before looked on God as a -consuming fire' which I 
could not see and live. He brought me from Sinai 
and its thunderings, to Mount Zion. and to the Medi- 
atoi :>f the new covenant, and to the blood of sprink- 
ling that cleanseth from all sin. and speaketh better 
things than the blood of Abel. He revealed Christ in 
his glory. I now with wonder beheld his glory, the 
glory as of the only begotten of the Father, fall of grace 
and truth. And I was made, by this sight, to say. 

• Thou art fairer than the sons of men.' And I 

was hereby further satisfied, that not only was there 
forgiveness of sins and justification by free grace, 
through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom 

lath sei rbrih to be a propitiation through faith 
in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remis- 
sion of sins that are past, through the forbearance of 
God — but I saw moreover, with wonder and delight, 
how God by this means might be just even in justi- 
fy] g the ungodly, who believe in .T-s-.-.s. How was 

shed with delight when made to see that the 
God in whom a little before I thought there was no 
help for me, or any sinner in my case — if indeed there 
wck - i — nhstanding his spotless purity, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 127 

his deep hatred of sin, his inflexible justice and righ- 
teousness, and his unimpeachable faithfulness pledged 
in the threatenings of the law, might not only pardon, 
but without prejudice to his justice or his other attri- 
butes, might be just, even in justifying the ungodly. 

And the Lord further opened the gospel-call 

to me, and let me see that even to me, was < the word 
of this salvation sent/ All this was offered unto 
me, and I was invited to come and freely take of the 
waters of life, and to come in my distress unto the 

blessed rest He, to my great satisfaction, gave 

me a pleasing discovery of his design in the whole, 
that it was, l that no flesh might glory in his sight,' 
but that he who glories, should glory only in the 
Lord; and that he might manifest the riches of his 
grace, and be exalted in showing mercy, and that we 
in the end might be saved. The Lord revealed to 
my soul the full and suitable provision, made in this 
way against the power of sin — that as there is right- 
eousness in him, so there is strength, even 6 everlast- 
ing strength' in the Lord Jehovah, to secure us against 

all enemies When this strange discovery was 

made of a relief, wherein full provisions were made 
for all the concerns of God's glory and my salvation 
in subordination thereto, my soul was, by a sweet 
and glorious power, carried out to rest in it, as worthy 
of God, and every way suitable and satisfying in my 
case. « They that know thy name will put their trust 
in thee.' All these discoveries were conveyed to me 
by the Scriptures only. It was not indeed by one 
particular promise or testimony of Scripture, but by 
the concurring light of a great many, seasonably set 
home, and most plainly expressing the truths above 
mentioned. The promises and truths of the Bible, in 
great abundance and variety, were brought to remem- 
brance, and the wonders contained in them, were set 
before my eyes in the light of the word. ' He sent 

his word and healed me.' But it was not the 

Bible alone that conveyed the discovery; for most of 
these passages whereby I was relieved, I had formerly 
in my distress, read and thought upon, without find- 



128 THOUGHTS OS 

ing any relief in them. But now the Lord shined 
into my mind by them. Formerly, I was acquainted 
only with the letter, which profits not, but now the 
Lord's words were spirit and life, and in his light I 
saw light. God opened my eyes to see wonders out 
of his law. There was light in his words; a burniDg 
light by them shone into my mind, not merely some 
doctrinal knowledge, but *the light of the knowledge 
of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.' The 
light, that I now had, shone from heaven; it was not 
a spark kindled by my own endeavours, but it shone 
suddenly about me; it came by the word of God, a 
heavenly means. It opened heaven and discovered 
heavenly things, even the glory of God; and it led 
me up as it were to heaven. Its whole tendency was 
heavenward. It was a true light, giving manifesta- 
tions of God, even the one true God, and the one Me- 
diator between God and man : and giving a true view 
of my state with respect to God It was a pleas- 
ant and a sweet light: it had a heavenly satisfaction 
in God attending it. It led to a pleasure in the foun- 
tain whence it came. It was a distinct and clear light, 
not only representing spiritual things, but manifesting 
them in their glory. It put all things in their proper 
place, in due subordination to God, and gave distinct 
views of their genuine tendency. It was a satisfying 
light. The soul rested in the discoveries that it made 
and was satisfied; it could not doubt of what it saw. 
and that things were as they were represented. It 
was a quickening, refreshing and healing light: when 
'the Sun of Righteousness' arose, there was i healing 
under his wings.' It was a great light : it made dis- 
coveries which were easily distinguished from any 
former discoveries it had ever made: and it was a 
powerful light. It dissipated that thick darkness 
which had overspread my mind, and made all those 
frightful temptations, which had formerly disturbed 
me, fly before it. It was composing: not like a sud- 
den flash of lightning, which fills the soul with fear 
and amazement, but it composed and quieted my soul 
and put all my faculties, as it were, in their due pos- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 129 

tare, and gave me the exercise of them. It destroyed 
not, but improved my former knowledge. But, as 
the true idea of light is not conveyed by the ear; so 
no words can convey the idea of light to the blind. 
And he who has eyes, will need no words to describe 
it. It is like the new name that none knows, save he 
that has it. 

" The first discernible effect of this light was, an 
approbation of God's way of saving sinners by Jesus 
Christ, to the glory of his grace. And this I take to 
be the true Scriptural notion of justifying faith; for it 
not only answers the Scripture descriptions of it, by 
receiving, coming, looking, trusting, believing, &c, 
but it really gives God that glory which he designed 
by all this contrivance — the glory of his wisdom, 
grace, mercy, and truth. Now this discovery of the 
Lord's name brought me to trust in him, and glory 
only in the Lord. I found my soul fully satisfied in 
these discoveries, as pointing out a way of relief, 
altogether and in all respects suitable to the need of a 
poor, guilty, self-condemned, self-destroyed sinner, 
driven from all other reliefs. In this I rested, as in a 
way of full peace, comfort, security, and satisfaction, 
as providing abundantly for all those ends I desired to 
have secured. And this approbation was not merely 
for a time; but ever after in all temptations it dis- 
covered itself, by keeping in me a fixed assent and 
adherence of mind to this truth, and full persuasion 
of it, that God hath granted unto us eternal life, and 
this life is in his Son. 

" The next remarkable effect of this discovery was, 
that it set me right as to my chief end, and made me 
look to the glory of God, for which formerly I had no 
real concern. Now mine eye was made, in some 
measure, single in eyeing the Lord's honour. It 
manifested itself in frequent desires, that the Lord 
might be honoured and glorified, in my life, or by my 
death. It kept my soul fixed in the persuasion that 
it was every way meet that I should take shame and 
confusion to myself as what only belonged to me; and 



130 



THOUGHTS ON 



that the glory of my salvation was only and entirely 
the Lord's due. 

"A third discernible effect was, that I was led to 
look upon his yoke to be easy and his burden light; 
and to count that his commandments were not griev- 
ous, but ' right concerning all things.' — This was 
very contrary to my former temper. I now came to 
a fixed persuasion that the law was not only just, 
such as I could make no reasonable exception against, 
but holy, and such as became God; and good, such as 
was every way suited to my true interest and peace, 
and advantage — which I could never think before. 
The duties to which my heart was most averse had 
now become agreeable and refreshing. 

" A fourth remarkable effect of this discovery was, 
the exercise of evangelical repentance, which was 
very different, in many respects, from that sorrow 
with which I was before acquainted. It differed in 
its rise. Sorrow before flowed from the discovery of 
sin as it brings on wrath; now it flowed from a sense 
of sin as containing wretched unkindness to one, 
who was himself astonishingly kind to an unworthy 
wretch. I looked on him whom I had pierced, and 
did mourn. Sorrow formerly wrought death, alien- 
ated my heart from God, and thus dispirited me for 
duty, and made me fear hurt from him; but this sor- 
row filled my heart with kindness to God and to his 
ways, sweetened my soul, and endeared God to it. 
It flowed from a sense of his favour to an unworthy 
wretch that deserved none, and was thus a godly sor- 
row leading to kindness to God, and a drawing near 
him, but with much humble sense of my own unwor- 
thiness, like the returning prodigal. The more God 
manifested of his kindness, the more still did this feel- 
ing increase: when he was pacified, then was I 
ashamed and confounded. The sorrow I had before 
looked on as a burden: it was nothing but selfish con- 
cern for my own safety, and a fear of the righteous 
resentment of God. But this sorrow was sweet and 
pleasant, as being the exercise of filial gratitude; and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



131 



I took pleasure in the surprising manifestations of 
God's favour to one so unworthy, and in acknow- 
ledging my own unworthiness. This sorrow was a 
spring of activity, and I was glad to be employed in 
the meanest errand that might give opportunity to 
evidence how deeply I was grieved for my former 
disobedience. It resulted in a return to the way of 
life, and to such a course, as upon a review, I did not 
repent of, but delighted in, and in which I desired 
continually to advance. It wrought carefulness to 
avoid sin, anxiety to please God, indignation against 
sin, fear of offending God again, vehement desire of 
having sin removed, the Lord glorified, and obedi- 
ence promoted. 

"A fifth discernible effect was, an humble, but 
sweet and comfortable hope, and persuasion of my 
own salvation, answerable to the clearness of the dis- 
covery. When the Lord gave me this view of the 
way of salvation, he satisfied me, that it was a way 
full of peace and security, the only way which I might 
safely venture. Hereby I was freed from the dis- 
quieting fear that the ground of my trust would fail. 
I was satisfied I could not fail, otherwise than by mis- 
sing the way. While I held fast and reposed with 
satisfaction on what I was convinced was safe, I 
could not but be quiet and composed about the result. 
This shows how nearly allied faith and assurance are; 
though they are not the same, no wonder the one 
should be taken for the other. This discovery, mani- 
fested that salvation was in the way of self-denial, 
and trust in the Lord alone ; for nothing so soon mar- 
red this hope, as the least appearance of self, and 
stirring of pride. Whenever the glory of the Lord 
appeared and he spake peace, I was filled with 
shame, and the deeper this humiliation was, the more 
the humble confidence of my safety increased. 

" A sixth discernible difference was, with respect 
to the ordinances of the Lord's appointment. I was 
drawn to follow them as the Lord's institutions, and 
his appointed means of our obtaining discoveries of his 
beauty. I desired * to behold the beauty of the Lord, 



132 THOUGHTS ON 

and to inquire in his temple.' I was brought to exer- 
cise more liveliness when the Lord discovered him- 
self; ' my soul then followed hard after him/ When 
the Lord enlarged me and caused me to approach to 
him and see his glory, he still humbled me, discovered 
self, and put me in opposition to it. I was now ac- 
quainted, in some measure, with that boldness and 
freedom of access, with humble confidence, to God as 
on a throne of grace, manifesting himself in Christ. 
In a word, I was in some measure, sensible of the 
Lord's hiding or manifesting himself, according as I 
performed my duty, and of the necessity of the exer- 
cise of grace, particularlv faith, in all approaches to 
God." 

Although in the preceding authentic narrative of 
religious experience, we have entered more into detail 
than usual, yet we are persuaded, that the serious 
reader will not think the account too long or too par- 
ticular. I have not met with any account of Chris- 
tian experience which is so full and satisfactory as 
this; and when it is known to have been written by 
a man of sound understanding, and most exemplary 
piety, at a late period of life, when his judgment was 
matured by much experience, it cannot but furnish a 
decisive proof of the reality of experimental religion, 
which cannot be gainsayed. In these exercises there 
is not a tincture of enthusiasm. Indeed, holy affec- 
tions thus produced by the contemplation of truth is 
the very opposite of enthusiasm; which always sub- 
stitutes human fancies or impulses for the truths of 
God, which it uniformly undervalues. In this case, 
we see also, how high the exercises of Scriptural piety 
may rise, without degenerating into any extrava- 
gance. Many Christians seem not to know or believe 
that such spiritual discoveries of the beauty of holi- 
ness and the glory of the Lord, are now attainable: 
but still there are some, and often those of the hum- 
bler class of society, who are privileged with these 
spiritual discoveries, and prize them above all price. 
The language of such is, " One day in thy courts is 
better than a thousand. I would rather be a door- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



133 



keeper in the house of God, than dwell in the tents 
of sin," " Return unto thy rest my soul, for the 
Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee." It is delight- 
ful to trace the effects of God's truth in producing 
every holy affection, when it is discerned by the light 
of the Holy Spirit. Faith is almost identified with 
this view; love flows out sweetly and spontaneously; 
evangelical repentance is enkindled ; the soul is clothed 
with humility; zeal for God's glory is predominant; 
his ordinances are sought with desire, and found to 
be channels which freely communicate with the rich 
fountain of grace beneath the throne of God. So 
far are right views of free grace from leading those 
who entertain them to indulge in indolence, or be 
careless about holy living, that they impart the only 
true cause of activity and diligence in the work of 
the Lord. In the foregoing account, the reader may 
learn the nature of true religion more clearly than 
from many sermons and long treatises; but the hum- 
ble, doubting Christian must not make the measure of 
grace which this favoured saint enjoyed, the standard 
by which to judge of the reality of his own religious 
experience. The same light may shine with vastly 
different degrees of clearness, from the meridian blaze 
down to the faint crepuscular dawn, but the rays 
come from the same source; and that which is now 
but just discernible in the midst of shades of depart- 
ing night, will go on to increase, until it shines more 
and more to the perfect day. Let not the extraor- 
dinary clearness and distinctness discourage those 
who are sincerely desirous to see "the beauty of the 
Lord," but let them rather take fresh courage in a 
pursuit, which from this example, they find may be 
crowned with glorious success. " They that wait 
upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall 
mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and 
not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint." 



134 



THOUGHTS ON 



CHx\PTER IX. 



Christian experience of R C . — Narrative of Sir Richard 

Hill's experience. 

The following extracts, from a narrative of the 

Christian experience of R C , will serve to 

illustrate some points which have heretofore been 
treated; particularly the gradual manner in which 
some persons are brought to the knowledge of the 
truth; and the extreme difficulty of ascertaining, in 
many cases, where common grace ends and special 
grace commences. 

" I grew up," says the narrator, " to manhood with 
very little thought of religion, and without expe- 
riencing any serious impressions, except the alarm 
occasionally produced by the death of a companion, 
or relative. Whilst I habitually cherished a strong 
dislike to strict religion, which frowned upon a life of 
pleasure and amusement, I entertained a strong preju- 
dice in favour of Christianity in general, and that 
particular denomination to which my parents and 
ancestors belonged. I call this a prejudice, for I 
knew nothing of the evidences of the truth of Chris- 
tianity, and had only a very vague and confused 
notion of what the Scriptures contained; except that, 
when a child, I had read, frequently, many portions 
of the historical parts of the Bible. In this state of 
mind, I was exposed to the common objections of 
infidels; which arose from reading history, and find- 
ing that all nations had their respective religions, in 
which they believed as firmly as we did in ours; and 
the thought occurred, often, l Why may they not be 
in the right and we in the wrong? but, about this 
time, infidelity began to prevail, and its abettors to be 
bold in declaring their opinions. My mind was so 
completely unfurnished with arguments in favour of 
Christianity that the only thing on which I could fix 
was, that it had come down from my ancestors, and 
the people with whom I was conversant, generally 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 135 

believed in it. But this was far from satisfying my 
mind. I began to feel uneasy for fear that we were 
all wrong in our belief; but the thought was never 
pleasing to my mind. As to books of evidence, I 
knew nothing about them, and cannot remember that 
I had ever heard of such works. And I was so situated 
that I had no one to whom I could apply for instruc- 
tion. The only person with whom I had any com- 
munication, on literary subjects, was a gentleman, 
who though he said nothing to me on the subject, was 
deeply imbued with skeptical opinions. Being sepa- 
rated from the companions of my youth, and placed 
in a secluded situation, where, except on particular 
occasions, I saw little company, and where there were 
few opportunities of hearing instructive preaching, I 
was cast upon my own thoughts, and my reflections 
were often not very pleasing. One day — it was the 
Lord's day — as I was looking over some books, which 
I had in a trunk, my eye caught the words, < Internal 
Evidences of the Christian Religion.' I had often 
seen the same book, and never so much as thought 
what the subject of it was; but in my present per- 
plexity, I seized it with avidity, and began to read. 
The work was, the celebrated treatise of Soame Je- 
nyns, Esq. I never removed from where I was 
sitting until I had finished it, and as I proceeded, the 
light of evidence poured in upon my mind with such 
power of demonstration, that at the conclusion, I had 
the idea of the room being full of resplendent light. I 
enjoyed a pleasure which none can appreciate but 
those who have been led to the contemplation of the 
truth, in like perplexing circumstances. Not only 
were all my doubts removed, but I wanted no more 
evidence. My conviction of the truth of Christianity 
was complete. I believe it could not have been 
increased. 

"But still I knew scarcely anything of the method 
of salvation, revealed in the gospel. I entertained 
the common legal notions of thousands of ignorant 
people, 'that at a convenient time I would become 
good/ never doubting, for a moment, of my ability to 



136 



THOUGHTS ON 



do all that was requisite. The only thing which gave 
me uneasiness was, the fear of a sudden death, which 
would not afford me the opportunity of repenting and 
making my peace with God. But the hope prevailed, 
that I should die a lingering death, and be in my 
senses, and then I would do all that was requisite to 
prepare me for heaven; while at the same time, I had 
no definite idea, what that preparation was. During 
this period, I was exposed to few temptations; but 
still some sins had dominion over me. One day a 
child brought to me a small book and said that Mrs. 
T. requested that I would read it, and return it 
soon, as it was borrowed. The title, was, ' Jenks on 
Justification by Faith/ I read the book through at 
a single sitting, and again a new light sprung up in 
my mind. The author, in the introduction, gives an 
account of his ignorance of the true method of a sin- 
ner's justification, until he had been for years a 
preacher. He was a minister of the church of Eng- 
land. I now found that I likewise had been all my 
life ignorant of the way of salvation; for I entertained 
the same legal and unscriptural notions which he 
proves to be utterly erroneous. Although these new 
views seem to have been merely intellectual, yet they 
afforded me a great satisfaction. I had now a dis- 
tinct knowledge of the gospel method of justification, 
which I ever afterwards retained. Another copy of 
this book I have never seen. 

" The preaching, to which I had access, was mostly 
of a wild, fanatical kind, and the way in which I 
heard the new birth described, tended to prejudice me 
against the doctrine of regeneration. I had never 
before heard any thing about this change, and yet I 
was sure that I knew some very good and religious 
people. I began to be troubled to know, whether 
sober, intelligent Christians believed in this doctrine. 
It also became a subject of discussion in the little cir- 
cle with which I was conversant; and I found that 
one person in the company professed to have expe- 
rienced this change; another was convinced of its 
reality, but professed to be merely an inquirer; a 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 137 

third was of opinion, that it related to the conversion 
of Jews and infidels, and that there was no other re- 
generation, except in baptism; and the fourth, was 
the skeptical gentleman, already mentioned, who was 
incredulous about the whole matter. In these con- 
versations, I, being young and ignorant, took no part, 
but I listened to them with intense interest. I had 
recourse to such books as I had access to, but could 
find nothing that was satisfactory; for my range of 
religious books was very narrow, and few of these of 
an evangelical cast. The person of my acquaintance, 
who professed conversion, one day gave me a narra- 
tive of the various steps and changes experienced in 
this transition from darkness to light. As I enter- 
tained a favourable opinion of the veracity and sin- 
cerity of the individual, I began to think there might 
be something in it. Although I had experienced 
no remarkable change thus far, I knew that the sub- 
ject of religion had become one of much more fre- 
quent thought, and excited much more interest in my 
mind than formerly. One evidence of which was, 
that I commenced secret prayer, a duty utterly neg- 
lected until this time, except when some one of the 
family was dangerously sick. I had selected a re- 
tired spot, surrounded by a thick growth of trees and 
bushes, on the margin of a brook. Here I made a 
kind of arbour, over a little plat of green grass, and 
in the summer evenings I would resort to this seques- 
tered spot. It was on the afternoon of a Sunday, I 
was reading a sermon on the long-suffering and pa- 
tience of God, in waiting with delaying sinners; and 
so many things applied so exactly to my own case, 
that I became so much affected with a sense of the 
divine goodness and forbearance, in sparing me, and 
waiting so long with me, while I was living in neg- 
lect of him, that I felt impelled to go out and weep. 
I was reading the sermon aloud to the family, by re- 
quest. I laid down the book abruptly, and hastened 
to my retirement, where I poured out a flood of tears, 
in prayer. And, suddenly, I was overwhelmed with 
a flood of joy. It was extatic beyond any thing 



138 



THOUGHTS ON 



which I had ever conceived; for though I thought re- 
ligion a necessary thing, I never had an idea that there 
was any positive pleasure in its exercises. Whence 
this joy originated, I knew not. The only thing 
which had been on my mind was, the goodness and 
patience of God, and my own ingratitude. Neither 
can 1 now say how long it continued; but the impres- 
sion left was, that I was in the favour of God, and 
should certainly be happy for ever. When the tumult 
of feeling had subsided, I began to think that this was 
conversion — this was the great change, of which I had 
recently heard so much. It occurred to me, when 
walking home, that if this was indeed the change 
called the new birth, it would be evinced by my for- 
saking all my sins. This suggestion appeared right, 
and I determined to make this the test of its reality. 
All the evening, my mind was in a delightful calm; 
but the next day my feelings had returned into their 
old channel. I was grieved at this, and resorted to 
the same place where I had experienced such a de- 
lightful frame, in hopes, that by some kind of associa- 
tion, the same scene would be renewed; but though 
there was the place and all the objects of yesterday, 
the soul-ravishing vision was not there; and after a 
feeble attempt at prayer, and lingering for some time, 
I returned without meeting any thing which I sought, 
and desired. It was not long before I was subjected 
to the test which I had fixed; a temptation to a beset- 
ting sin was presented, and I had no strength to re- 
sist, but was instantly overcome. This failure gave 
me inexpressible pain, on reflection. I did not know 
how dear were my cherished hopes until they were 
wrested from me. I never felt a keener regret at any 
loss which I ever experienced." 

" Although I was constrained to admit, that I was 
not a regenerated person, I was sensible of a consid- 
erable change in my views and feelings on the subject 
of religion. I had no longer any doubt of the neces- 
sity of regeneration, and entertained some consistent 
notions of what its effects must be. I had, as before 
stated, acquired evangelical views of the way in 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 139 

which a sinner must be justified; and entertained dif- 
ferent feelings from what I had formerly towards 
religious people. Formerly they were objects of dread 
and aversion, now I felt a sincere regard, and high 
respect for the same characters; and was pleased, 
when I heard of any of my friends becoming religious, 
or more serious than before. I had now an oppor- 
tunity of hearing an able minister preach an evange- 
lical sermon on the text, ' For our righteousnesses 
are as filthy rags/ &c, and I cannot tellt he gratifi- 
cation I experienced, in hearing the doctrine of justi- 
fication, which I had fully embraced, preached dis- 
tinctly and luminously from the pulpit: but when I 
looked around on the audience, I had the impression, 
that they were all, or nearly all, ignorant of what he 
was saying, and were still trusting to their own works. 
It gave me pleasure, also, now, to converse on the 
doctrines of religion; and I felt a real abhorrence of 
vicious courses. This was my state of mind when 
Providence cast my lot where a powerful revival 
had been in progress for some time. I had witnessed 
something of this kind in a wild, fanatical sect; where 
bodily agitations were common and violent; but this 
was a different scene. The principal conductor and 
preacher was a man of learning and eloquence; and 
his views of experimental religion, as I think, most 
correct and scriptural. If he erred, it was on the safe 
side, in believing in the thorough conversion of but a 
small number of those who appeared impressed. In 
entering into this scene, I experienced various new, 
and conflicting feelings. The young converts spoke 
freely, in my presence, of their conviction and con- 
version; but often with a degree of levity, which sur- 
prised me. In their conversations I could take no 
part, and although my general purpose was to con- 
sider myself an unawakened, unconverted sinner; yet 
when I heard the marks of true religion laid down, 
and especially by the distinguished preacher, before 
mentioned, I could not prevent the thought arising 
continually, 6 If this is religion, then you have expe- 
rienced it.' This seemed to me to be the suggestion of 



140 THOUGHTS ON 

a false hope, by the enemy, to prevent my falling un- 
der conviction. Still the idea was continually pre- 
sented to my mind, and with the appearance of truth. 
I took occasion to state the matter to the clergyman 
above alluded to, as soon as I could gain access to 
him; for I was diffident and timid, and had never 
opened my case to any one, freely. I told him all my 
former exercises, and stated distinctly, that they had 
not been sufficient to break the habit of sinning, to 
which I was addicted. As soon as I mentioned this 
part, he said, in a peremptory tone, 'then surely 
your exercises were not of the nature of true reli- 
gion; and you must seek a better hope or you will 
never be admitted into heaven.' This decisive an- 
swer drove away, from that moment, every idea of 
my being in a state of grace; and I felt relieved from 
what I had myself considered a temptation, to enter- 
tain a false hope. Now I began to seek conviction, 
as a necessary preliminary to conversion; and hoped 
that every sermon which I heard, would be the 
means of striking terror into my soul. I read the 
most awakening discourses, went to hear the most 
arousing preachers; endeavoured to work on my own 
mind by imagining the awful realities of the judg- 
ment, and the torments of the damned. I strove to 
draw the covering from the pit, that I might behold 
the lake of fire, and hear the wai lings of the damned. 
But the more I sought these awful feelings of con- 
viction, the further they seemed to fly from me. My 
heart seemed to grow harder every day. I was sen- 
sible of nothing but insensibility. I became discour- 
aged; and the more, because I was obliged to re- 
move from the scene of the revival, to a place where 
there was no concern about religion, in the people 
generally: and where, I expected the preaching to be 
cold and lifeless. I spent a day before my departure, 
in secret, and in solemn reflection on my deplorable 
and hopeless case. I ran over all the kind dispensa- 
tions of God's providence towards me, and reflected 
on the many precious means of grace, which I had 
recently enjoyed, without effect. The conclusions 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 141 

which seemed now to be forced on my mind was, that 
God had given me up to a hard heart, and that I 
never should be so happy as to obtain religion. This 
conclusion had, to my mind, all the force of a cer- 
tainty; and I began to think about the justice of God 
in my condemnation: and no truth ever appeared 
with more lucid evidence to my mind. I fully justi- 
fied God in sending me to hell. I saw that it was not 
only right, but I did not see how a just God could 
do otherwise. And I seemed to acquiesce in it, as a 
righteous and necessary thing. At this moment, 
my mind became more calm than it had been for a 
long time. All striving and effort on my part ceased, 
and being in the woods, I recollected that it was time 
for me to return to the house, where I expected to 
meet some friends. Here I found a minister waiting 
for me, whom I had seen but never spoke to. He 
took me aside, and began to represent the many pri- 
vileges which I had enjoyed, and expressed a hope 
that I had received some good impressions. I told 
him that it was true, that I had been highly favoured; 
but that I had now come to a fixed conclusion that I 
should certainly be for ever lost; for under all these 
means, I had not received the slightest conviction, 
without which my conversion was impossible. He 
replied, by saying, 'that no certain degree of con- 
viction was necessary — that the only use of convic- 
tion was, to make us feel our need of Christ as a 
Saviour; and appealed to me, whether I did not feel, 
that I stood in need of a Saviour.' He then went on 
to say, ' Christ is an advocate at the right hand of 
God, and stands ready to receive any case which is 
committed to his hands, and however desperate your 
case may now appear to be, only commit it to him 
and He will bring you off safely, ' for He is able to 
save to the uttermost all that come unto God by 
Him.' Here, a new view broke in on my mind. I 
saw that Christ was able to save even me, and I felt 
willing to give my cause into his hands. This disco- 
very of the bare possibility of salvation, was one of 
the greatest deliverances I ever experienced. I was 

10 



142 THOUGHTS OS 

affected exceedingly with the view, which I had of 
this truth, so as to be unable to speak. Hope now 
sprung up in my desolate soul — not that I was par- 
doned or accepted. Such a thought did not occur — 
but that it was yet possible, that I might be, hereaf- 
ter, and I was resolved never to give over seeking, 
until I obtained the blessing. All that evening I was 
sweetly composed, and precious promises and decla- 
rations of the word of God came dropping succes- 
sively into my mind, as if they had been whispered to 
me. I never could have believed, unless I had ex- 
perienced it, that the mere possibility of salvation 
would produce such comfort. 

About this time, next morning, probably — when I 
retired to the woods — where my secret devotions were 
usually performed, I experienced such a melting of 
heart from a sense of God's goodness to me, as I never 
felt before or since. . It seemed as if my eyes — so hard 
to weep commonly — were now a fountain of tears. 
The very earth was watered with their abundance. 
Indeed, my heart itself seemed to be dissolved, just as 
a piece of ice is dissolved by the heat of the sun. Of 
the particular exercises of this melting season, my 
memory does not retain a distinct recollection. 

"For some months I attended to religious duties, 
with various fluctuations of feeling. Sometimes I 
entertained a pleasing hope that I was indeed a Chris- 
tian — a renewed person; but, at other times, I was 
not only distressed with doubts, but came to the con- 
clusion, that I was still in my sins. The only thing 
which I deem it important to mention during this pe- 
riod, was, a deeper discovery of the wickedness of my 
own heart. This conviction of deep-rooted, inherent 
depravity, distressed me much: but I obtained con- 
siderable relief from reading Owen on ' Indwelling 
Sin.' This book exhibited the state of my heart 
much better than I could have done myself. Still, 
however, I was much dissatisfied with myself, because 
after so long a time, I had made so little progress. On 
one occasion, at the close of the exercises of the Sab- 
bath, I was so deeply sensible that my soul was still 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 143 

in imminent clanger of perdition, that I solemnly re- 
solved to begin a new and more vigorous course of 
engagedness to secure my salvation. I had spent 
much time in reading accounts of Christian expe- 
rience, and those which lay down the marks and evi- 
dences of true religion, such as 'Owen on Spiritual 
Mindedness,' 'Edwards on the Affections,' 'Guth- 
rie's Trial of a Saving Interest in Christ,' 'New- 
ton's Letters,' ' Pike and Hay ward's Cases of Consci- 
ence,' &c. I also conversed much with old and ex- 
perienced Christians, as well as with those of my own 
age. But all these having, as it then seemed to me, 
very little facilitated my progress, and the evils of my 
heart seeming rather to increase, I hastily resolved to 
lay aside all books, except the Bible, and to devote 
my whole time to prayer and reading, until I expe- 
rienced a favourable change. In pursuance of this 
purpose, I withdrew into a deeply retired spot, where 
I knew I should be free from all intrusion from mor- 
tals, and began my course of exertion with fasting 
and strong resolution never to relinquish my efforts, 
until I found relief. For five or six hours I was en- 
gaged alternately in reading the Scriptures and at- 
tempting to pray; but the longer I continued these 
exercises, the harder did my heart become, and the 
more wretched my feelings, until at length I was 
exhausted and discouraged, and began to despair of 
help, and was about returning from my chosen retire- 
ment, in gloomy despondence, when it occurred to 
me with peculiar force, that if I found I could do no- 
thing to help myself, yet I might call upon God for 
mercy. Accordingly, I fell down before him, and 
said little more than is contained in the publican's 
prayer, ' God be merciful to me a sinner;' but this I 
uttered with a deep and feeling conviction of my utter 
helplessness. The words were scarcely out of my 
mouth, when God was pleased to give me such a 
manifestation of his love in the plan of redemption 
through Christ, as filled me with wonder, love, and 
joy. Christ did indeed appear to me as altogether 
lovely, and I was enabled to view Him as my Saviour, 



144 THOUGHTS ON 

and to see that his sufferings were endured for me. 
At no time before had I the full assurance of being in 
the favour of God; but now every doubt of this was 
dissipated. I could say, for the first time with un- 
wavering confidence, ( My beloved is mine, and I 
am his.' And this assurance of God's favour arose 
not from any suggestion or impulse directly made to 
my mind, but from the clear view, that Christ, as a 
Saviour, was freely offered, and from a conscious 
assurance, that I did truly accept the offer. I now 
opened my Bible and began to r:ad at the ISth chap- 
ter of John and onward. Every word and sentiment 
appeared glorious. I seemed to be reading a book 
which was perfectly new, and, truly, the sacred pages 
seemed to be illuminated with celestial light. And 
I rejoiced to think that the Sacred Scriptures would 
always be read in the same manner. How little did 
I know of the spiritual warfare! After my feelings 
had a little subsided, but while the glorious truths of 
the Gospel were still in full view, I made a formal 
and solemn dedication of myself to God, the Father, 
Son, and Holy Spirit; and having writing materials 
with me, I wrote down the substance of this covenant, 
and subscribed it with my hand. 

"I now believed, assuredly, that I was reconciled 
to God through Jesus Christ; but being naturally in 
clined to be suspicious of myself, I resolved to make 
the Holy Scriptures the test of the genuineness of my 
exercises, and to leave the final determination to the 
fruits produced, as our Lord says, 'By their fruits ye 
shall know them.' I remembered that it was writ- 
ten, that faith works by love and purifies the heart. 
I hoped, therefore, that I should now be delivered 
from those evils of the heart with which I had been 
lately so much affected. But, alas! in a few days, 
I found that the 'old man' was not dead, but had 
power to struggle in a fearful manner. I must 
acknowledge, therefore, that, after a few weeks, I 
was much in the same spiritual condition in which 
I was before this remarkable manifestation." 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 145 

Here the narration breaks off abruptly. It will not 
escape the notice of the attentive reader, that in this 
account all circumstances are avoided which could 
lead to the discovery of the writer. The true reason 
of this, I have reason to believe is, that the writer is 
still alive, and has no desire to be made conspicuous. 
It would be attended with no advantage to explain 
by what means this imperfect narrative came into 
my possession. The use which I make of it is not 
contrary to the wishes of the writer, while the injunc- 
tion is peremptory, that no hint shall be given to the 
public, by which it may be conjectured who it is. 

It may be remarked, in the first place, on this nar- 
rative, that sometimes persons are brought along very 
gradually in their acquisition of the knowledge of the 
truth. One discovery is made at one time, and an- 
other truth is revealed at another time; and between 
these steps there may be a long interval. It may 
again be remarked, that commonly before a person 
comes to the knowledge of a truth, the need of infor- 
mation is sensibly felt; and the appropriate means of 
communicating it are provided. A book, a sermon, 
a casual conversation, may be intimately connected 
with our salvation. Those, who commence a religi- 
ous life, though they may appear sincere, should 
always be urged to go forward; there is much before 
them which they have not yet experienced. If they 
are not yet in the right way they may arrive at it. 
In looking over the various exercises here detailed, I 
am utterly at a loss to say when the work of grace 
commenced. Perhaps, scarcely any two persons, 
taken at random, would agree in this point; for, while 
some would scarcely admit, that there was any exer- 
cising of saving faith until the last manifestation here 
described, others would be for carrying back to the 
very beginning of the exercised soul's serious atten- 
tion to religion. However this matter may be deci- 
ded, one thing, I think, is evident, that it is a great 
practical error to suppose, that nothing, connected 
essentially with the sinner's conversion, is experien- 
ced or done, until the moment of his conversion. He 



146 THOUGHTS ON 

may have to unlearn many erroneous opinions, taken 
up through prejudices or inclination. He must learn 
the truth of the Christian religion, if unhappily he 
has adopted skeptical notions. He must learn to 
know what the Bible teaches, as to man's duty, and 
the true method of salvation. God's methods of 
bringing his chosen into the paths of truth and holi- 
ness are often wonderful. They are, at every step, 
led in a way which they knew not. How remarka- 
bly true is this, as it relates to conviction of sin? 
When the sinner is most convinced, he thinks he has 
no conviction at all. And in regard to conversion, 
what a different thing does it turn out to be in expe- 
rience, from what it was conceived to be beforehand. 
Whilst the anxious saint was expecting something 
miraculous, or entirely out of the way, he experi- 
ences a new train of thought, new and pleasing views 
of truth, with corresponding emotions, by which the 
mind is so occupied, that it has no time nor inclina- 
tion to scrutinize the nature or cause of these pleas- 
ing exercises. He believes and hopes without asking 
himself the question, are these the views and feelings 
of a renewed soul? Afterwards, he can look back 
and see that faith was exercised in these very acts, 
and that the peace which he then enjoyed was the 
peace of reconciliation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 
But when the love of God is shed abroad in the heart 
by the Holy Ghost, as described in the last part of 
this narrative, the distressed soul is made sensible at 
once of its happy state, and is made to rejoice in the 
smiles of the divine favour. Then he can no more 
doubt that God is reconciled and has lifted upon him 
the light of his countenance, than that the sun is shining 
at mid-day. All Christians, however, are not favoured 
with these bright discoveries, but always walk in a 
degree of darkness, or at best in a mere crepuscular 
light; yet they fear the Lord and obey the voice of 
his servants. I have known instances of some per- 
sons changing their opinion of the time of their own 
conversion, several times, and fixing it at different 
periods of their experience, as their sentiments be- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 147 

came more correct and mature; and those converts 
who shine forth more brightly at first, are not always 
they who appear best after the lapse of years. 

The following narrative of the experience of Sir 
Richard Hill, written by himself, is found in his life, 
by the Rev. Edwin Sidney, and has been inserted in 
the Christian Observer of London, for September, 
1839. We make no apology for its length, as we are 
confident that all who have a taste for this kind of 
reading, will be gratified to have the whole of this 
interesting account, without curtailment. 

"It would not be an easy matter for me to ascer- 
tain the time, when the first dawnings of divine light 
began to break in upon my soul; but I remember 
particularly that, when I was about eight or nine 
years of age, being then at a neighbouring school, and 
repeating the catechism one Sunday evening with 
some other boys, to the master, I found my heart 
sweetly drawn up to heavenly objects, and had such 
a taste of the love of God, as made every thing else 
appear insipid and contemptible. This was but a 
transitory glimpse of the heavenly gift; and I was no 
sooner withdrawn with the rest of my school-fellows, 
than my religious impressions vanished, and I return- 
ed to folly with the same eagerness as before. But 
God did not leave me to myself; I had frequent checks 
of conscience, and the thoughts of death sometimes 
came forcibly into my mind. I remained about two 
years at the school before mentioned, after which I 
was removed to Westminster, where my convictions 
still pursued me, and forced me to several superficial 
repentances and resolutions; but these, being all made 
in my own strength, soon came to nothing. 

" When I had been about four or five years at West- 
minster, I was to be confirmed with several more of 
my school-fellows. I looked upon this as going into 
a new state, and therefore made the most solemn 
resolutions of becoming a new creature. But, alas! 
my happiness and conversion were far from begin- 
ning here, as I had fondly imagined. The adversary, 
now finding that he was not likely to make me con- 



148 



THOUGHTS ON 



tinue any longer in a state of practical wickedness by 
his former stratagems, began to attack me on another 
side, viz. by suggesting horrible doubts concerning 
the very fundamentals of all religion — as the being of 
a God — the immortality of the soul, and the divine 
origin of the Scriptures. I endeavoured to reason 
myself into the belief of these truths, but all in vain. 
However, I thought I might easily get some book 
that should convince me of their certainty. Accord- 
ingly, I borrowed Dr. Beveridge's Private Thoughts, 
of a clergyman's widow, with whom I boarded, she 
having first read to me a few pages in that excellent 
work. It was, to the best of my remembrance, whilst 
she was reading, that such glorious instantaneous 
light and comfort were diffused over my soul, as no 
tongue can express; the love of God was shed abroad 
in my heart, and I rejoiced with joy unspeakable and 
full of glory. However, these comforts, I think, did 
not last above half an hour at most, but went off by 
degrees, when the same doubts succeeded; upon 
which I again had recourse to Bishop Beveridge's 
Thoughts, or to conversation on the subject of reli- 
gion ; and for several times, as I did this, I experienced 
the same manifestations of divine love, which were 
sometimes of longer, sometimes of shorter duration. 

"At length I began to be tired of this state of un- 
certainty, especially as the comfortsl had before felt be- 
gan to be few and faint. Add to this the bad exam- 
ple of my school-fellows, and the despair I began to 
be in of obtaining satisfaction of the truth of what is 
called natural as well as revealed religion, contributed 
not a little to make me lay aside my inquiries, and to 
fall into many sins that youth and strong passions 
prompted me to; and this I did with the more eager- 
ness, as I was desirous of laying hold of every op- 
portunity of turning my thoughts from within myself. 

" I believe I might now be about eighteen years 
of age, when, having gone through the school at 
Westminster, I was entered at Magdalen College, 
Oxford, where I continued between four and five 
years. After which I went abroad for about two 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 149 

years more, returning to England in 1757, being then 
about the age of twenty-three or twenty -four. During 
my residence at Oxford and in foreign parts, notwith- 
standing all the wretched pains I took to lull con- 
science asleep, still my convictions pursued me; yea, 
the more I endeavoured to put from me the thoughts 
of my soul by drinking deeper draughts of iniquity, 
the more strongly did the insulted Spirit plead with 
me, and often in the very act of sin, would so em- 
bitter my carnal gratifications and strike me with such 
deep remorse, that, oh! horrid to think! I have even 
been ready to murmur, because God would not let 
me alone, nor suffer me to sin with the same relent- 
less satisfaction which I observed in my companions. 
"But He that hath loved me with an everlasting 
love, had all this while thoughts of mercy towards 
me, and would not take his loving kindness utterly 
away from me. He therefore waited that he might 
be gracious unto me, and followed me with such loud 
and constant convictions as often brought me upon 
my knees, and sometimes forced me to break off my 
sins for a month, or a quarter of a year together, for, 
though I still remained full of doubts as to the truth 
of religion, yet I thought that, if there was a God 
and a future state, and if Jesus Christ was indeed the 
true Messiah and the author of eternal salvation to 
those who obey him, I could by no means be saved 
in the state I was in; and that, being uncertain 
whether these things were so or not, it was the 
highest infatuation to leave the eternal happiness or 
misery of my soul at a peradventure, especially as I 
could be no loser by admitting the truths of religion, 
and living under their influence; whereas, were I to 
continue in sin under the supposition of their being 
false, I might find myself fatally mistaken, when it 
would be too late to recant or retrieve my error. 
But, notwithstanding I came to this conclusion, and 
plainly saw its reasonableness, yet were my religious 
fits of no long continuance, but every temptation that 
offered itself hurried me impetuously away, and I 
became seventimes more the child of hell than before. 



150 THOUGHTS ON 

Nevertheless, every new fall increased my anguish of 
spirit, and set me upon praying and resolving; inso- 
much, that I frequently hound myself under the most 
solemn imprecations. 

"But alas! alas! I was, all this while, as igno- 
rant of my own weakness, as of Him on whom my 
strength was laid: and therefore no wonder all my 
attempts to make myself holy, were attended with no 
better success than if I had tried to wash the Ethio- 
pian white, and answered no other end than to dis- 
tress my soul a thousand times more than if I had 
never made such solemn vows; for, all this while, I 
had no other notion of religion than that it consisted 
in something which I was to do in order to make 
God amends for my past sins, and to please him for 
the time to come, in consideration of which I should 
escape hell and be entitled to everlasting life. 

"In this manner I went on vowing and breaking 
my vows, sinning, and repenting, till my most mer- 
ciful God and Saviour, seeing that all his gracious 
calls would not overrule the horrible perverseness 
of my will, instead of giving me up, as in just judg- 
ment he might have done, or pronouncing against me 
that dreadful sentence, 'Cut it down, why cumbereth 
it the ground?' — I say, instead of this, he began to 
deal with me after a far more violent method than he 
had hitherto done, filling my soul with the most un- 
imaginable terrors, insomuch that I roared for the 
very disquietness of my heart. The arrows of the 
Almighty stuck fast in me, the poison whereof drank 
up my spirits, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me. 

" From this time, which was about October, 1757, 
I may say that sin received its mortal blow, (I mean 
its reigning power, for God knows the body of sin 
yet is far from being done away,) and I set myself to 
work with all the earnestness of a poor perishing 
mariner, who is every moment in expectation of 
shipwreck. I fasted, prayed, and meditated; I read 
the Scriptures, communicated, and gave much alms. 
But these things could bring no peace to my soul; on 
the contrary, I now saw, what I never had seen be- 



BELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 151 

fore, that all my works were mixed with sin and im- 
perfection. Besides this, Satan furiously assaulted 
me with suggestions that I had committed the npar- 
donable sin against the Holy Ghost; and had let my 
day of grace slip; that therefore my prayers were 
cast out of God, and were an abomination to him, 
and that it was too late to think of mercy, when it 
was the time of judgment. 

"It is beyond the power of conception, much more 
of expression to form an idea of the dreadful agonies 
my poor soul was now in. What to do, or to whom 
to have recourse, I knew not; for, alas, I had no ac- 
quaintance with any body who seemed to have the 
least experience in such cases. However, those 
about me showed the greatest concern for my situa- 
tion, and offered their remedies for my relief, such as 
company, physic, exercise, &c, which, in order to 
oblige them, I complied with; but my disorder not 
being bodily, but spiritual, was not to be removed by 
these carnal quackeries, as they were soon convinced. 

" I recollected, however, that once, if not oftener, 
the Rev. Mr. Fletcher, then tutor to two neighbouring 
young gentlemen, but since vicar of Madely, in this 
county, had, in my hearing been spoken of in a very 
disrespectful manner, for things which seemed to me 
to savour of a truly Christian spirit. I therefore de- 
termined to make my case known to him, and ac- 
cordingly wrote him a letter, without mentioning my 
name, giving him some account of my situation, and 
begging him for God's sake, if he had a word of 
comfort to offer to my poor, distressed, despairing 
soul, to meet me that very night at an Inn in Salop, 
in which place I then was. Though Mr. Fletcher 
had four or five miles to walk, yet he came punctually 
to the appointment, and spoke to me in a very com- 
fortable manner, giving me to understand that he had 
very different thoughts of my state from what I had 
myself. After our discourse, before he withdrew, he 
went to prayer with me; and among other petitions 
that he put up in my behalf, he prayed that I might 
not trust in my own righteousness, which was an ex- 



152 THOUGHTS ON 

pression, that, though I did not ask him its import, I 
knew not well what to make of. 

"After my conversation with Mr. Fletcher, I was 
rather easier, but this decrease of my terrors was but 
for a few days' duration; for, though I allowed that 
the promises and comforts he would have me apply 
to myself belonged to the generality of sinners, yet I 
thought they were not intended Tor me, who had been 
so dreadful a backslider, and who, by letting my day 
of grace slip, had sinned beyond the reach of mercy. 
Besides I concluded that they could be made effectual 
to none but such as had faith to apply them: whereas 
I had no faith, consequently they could avail me no- 
thing. I therefore wrote again to Mr. F., telling him, 
as nearly as I can remember, that however others 
might take comfort from the Scripture promises, I 
feared none of them belonged to me, who had cruci- 
fied the Son of God afresh, and sinned wilfully after 
having received the knowledge of the truth. I told 
him also, that I found my heart to be exceeding hard 
and wicked; and that, as all my duties proceeded 
from a slavish dread of punishment, and not from the 
principles of faith and love, and were withal so very 
defective, I thought it was impossible God should 
ever accept them. In answer to this, the kind and 
sympathising Mr. F. immediately wrote me a sweet 
and comfortable letter, telling me that the perusal of 
the account I had given him had caused him to shed 
tears of joy to see what great things the Lord had 
done for my soul, in convincing me experimentally of 
the insufficiency of all my own doings to justify me 
before God, and of the necessity of a saving faith in 
the blood of Jesus. He also sent me c The Life and 
Death of Mr. Halyburton, Professor of Divinity in 
the University of St. Andrews,' which book I read 
with the greatest eagerness, as the account Mr. H. 
therein gives of himself, seemed in a very particular 
manner to tally with my own experience. I there- 
fore thought that what had been, might be: that the 
same God who had showed himself so powerfully, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 153 

on the behalf of Mr. H., and delivered him out of all 
his troubles, was able to do the same for me. 

" You will wonder how I could hold out under all 
these pressures; the half of which, I might say, has 
not been told; and indeed it was impossible I could 
have held out, had it not been that, at those very 
times when I thought all was over with me, there 
would, now and then, dart in upon me some com- 
fortable glimmering of hope, which kept me utterly 
from fainting. 

"In this situation I continued from September 1757, 
to January 175S, when the Vinerian Professor of 
Oxford being to read a course of lectures upon the 
Common Law, I resolved to set out for that place, 
not through any desire I had to attend the lectures, 
for I had no heart for any such thing, but because I 
knew I should have chambers to myself in college, 
and thereby have an opportunity of being much 
alone,and of giving way to those thoughts, with which 
my heart was big, as also of seeking the Lord with 
greater diligence, if peradventure I might find him. 
Accordingly, when I arrived at the University, though 
to save appearances, I dragged my body to several of 
the lectures, yet my poor heavy-laden soul engrossed 
all my attention ; and so sharp was the spiritual an- 
guish I laboured under, that I scarcely saw a beggar 
in the streets, but I envied his happiness, and would 
most gladly have changed situations with him, had 
it been in my power. 0, thought I, these happy 
souls have yet an offer of mercy, and a door of hope 
open to them, but it is not so with me; I have re- 
jected God so long, that now God has rejected me as 
he did Saul; my day of grace is past, irrecoverably 
past, and I have forever shut myself out of all the 
promises. 

" All this while, one thing that greatly astonished 
me was, to see the world about me so careless and 
unconcerned, especially many that were twice my 
age amongst the Doctors of Divinity, and fellows of 
the college. Surely, thought I, these people must be 
infatuated indeed, thus to mind earthly things and to 



154 THOUGHTS ON 

follow the lusts of the flesh, when an eternity of hap- 
piness or misery is before them, when they know not 
how short a time they have to live, and their ever- 
lasting state depends on the present moment. 

" It was now the season of Lent, the first or second 
Sunday in which, the sacrament of the Lord's Supper 
is always administered in Magdalen College Chapel. 
I therefore besought the Lord with strong cryings, 
that he would vouchsafe me some token for good, 
some sense of his love towards me, and willingness 
to be reconciled to me, that I might wait upon him at 
his table without distraction, and partake of those 
blessings which that ordinance is instituted to convey 
to the souls of true believers. 

" And 0, for ever and for ever blessed be his holy 
name, he did not reject the prayer of the poor desti- 
tute; he heard me what time the storm fell upon me, 
and, I make no doubt, had heard, and, in his purpose 
at least, answered me, from the first day he inclined 
my heart to understand, and to seek after him. But 
he knew better than I did myself, when it was meet 
to speak peace to my soul, and therefore waited that 
he might be gracious unto me; first, in order to con- 
vince me the more deeply of the exceeding sinfulness 
of sin, and the desert thereof; secondly, to show me 
more experimentally my own weakness and the in- 
sufficiency of any righteousness of my own to recom- 
mend me to his favour; thirdly, to make me prize 
more highly, and hunger and thirst more earnestly. 
for Jesus Christ, and the salvation that is in him. 
These ends being in some measure answered, on 
Saturday, February 18th, to the best of my remem- 
brance, the night before the sacrament, it pleased the 
Lord, after having given me, for a few days before, 
some taste of his love, first to bring me into a com- 
posed frame of spirit, and then to convey such a tho- 
rough sense of his pardoning grace and mercy to my 
poor soul, that I, who was just before trembling upon 
the brink of despair, did now rejoice with joy un- 
speakable and full of glory! The love of God was 
shed abroad in my heart through the Holy Ghost that 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



155 



was given unto me, even that perfect love which 
casteth out fear; and the Spirit itself bore witness 
with my spirit that I was a child of God. 

"For some time after these sensible manifestations 
of God's love were withdrawn, my mind was com- 
posed and my hope lively; but. I had still, at seasons, 
secret misgivings and many doubts as to the reality 
of my conversion, which put me seriously to examine 
my state, whether the Scripture marks of a work of 
grace were really to be found in me or not; and in 
these examinations I had great help from those ex- 
cellent books, Guthrie's Trial of a Saving Interest in 
Christ, and Palmer's Gospel New Creature. Add to 
this, that being now in London, I had there the oppor- 
tunity of hearing that faithful minister of Christ, the 
Rev. Mr. Romaine, whose discourses were so exactly 
descriptive of, and adapted to, my own experience, 
that they afforded me a good confirmation that I was 
indeed passed from death unto life, and from the 
power of Satan unto God. 

"During my stay in London, it pleased God to 
make me acquainted with many of his people, to 
whom my heart was immediately knit with the 
closest affection; yea, so great was my love to all 
those, in whom I discerned the Divine image of the 
Lord Jesus, that the yearnings of Joseph's heart to- 
wards his brethren will but very faintly express it. 
Be they who or what they would, high or low, rich 
or poor, ignorant or learned, it mattered not; if I had 
reason to believe they were born of God and made 
partakers of a divine nature, they were equally dear to 
me; my heart was open to receive them without re- 
serve, and I enjoyed the sweetest fellowship and 
communion with them, whilst all other company was 
insipid and irksome. 

"For about two years after this, I was, in a good 
measure, relieved from those piercing terrors and that 
deep distress with which I was before overwhelmed. 
This, you will say, was living upon frames and experi- 
ences, more than upon the exceeding great and pre- 
cious promises made to returning sinners in Christ 



156 



THOUGHTS ON 



Jesus. It is true it was so, and of this God soon con- 
vinced me; for I now began to doubt whether these 
great comforts I had set so high a value upon, might 
not be all delusion, or proceed from the workings of 
my own spirit; and if so, my case was just as bad as 
ever. My day of grace might still be past, and no- 
thing yet remain for me but 'a fearful looking for of 
judgment and fiery indignation.' 

" This was in April, 1759, soon after my return 
from London into Shropshire, where I had not been 
long before I wrote to Mr. Fletcher, giving him an 
account of my state. After this it pleased the Lord 
to remove my burthen, and to exchange these sharp 
terrors of the spirit of bondage, for the sweet reviving 
comforts of the spirit of adoption, showing me the 
rich treasures of Gospel promises, and that they, and 
not my own frames, were to be the ground of my 
hope and my stay in every time of need. Since this 
time, I may say with Bishop Cowper, that my soul 
has never experienced the like extremity of terror; 
and though I have had many ups and downs, many 
grievous temptations and sharp conflicts, much aridi- 
ty of soul, deadness, and strong corruptions to fight 
against, yet have I always found the Lord to be a 
very present help in trouble; his grace has been suffi- 
cient for me in every hour of need, and I doubt not 
but all his dealings with me, however thwarting to 
my own ideas of what was fit and meet for me, have 
some way or other been subservient to my spiritual 
interest, since his most sure promise is that all things 
work together for good, to them that love God 'and' 
are the called according to his purpose." 



CHAPTER X. 

Imperfect sanctification. — The spiritual warfare. 

It may be difficult to account for the fact, that when 
the power of God was as sufficient to make the sin- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 157 

ner perfect, in the new creation, as to implant a prin- 
ciple of spiritual life, he should have left the work 
imperfect; and that this imperfection, according to 
our views of Scripture, and of the fact as made 
known by experience, should continue through the 
whole period of human life, to whatever extent it may- 
be protracted. Some, indeed, seem to suppose, that 
the remainders of sin in believers are seated in the 
body, and therefore as long as this sinful body conti- 
nues, this inbred corruption will manifest itself, more 
or less. This opinion seems to have been imbibed, at 
a very early period of the history of the church, and 
was probably derived from the Platonic philosophy, 
which considers matter to be the origin of evil. From 
this view of the seat of indwelling sin, men, in all 
ages, who entertained it, have been led to lay great- 
stress on fasting and other bodily austerities, by which 
the body was enfeebled and emaciated. But, the 
principle assumed being false, all that is built upon it 
must be false likewise. The body, though infected 
with the pollution of sin, through its connexion with 
the soul, is not, and cannot be the source of iniquity. 
Mere matter, however curiously organized and ani- 
mated, is apart from the soul, no moral agent, and 
therefore not susceptible of moral qualities. Sin must 
have its origin and seat in the free rational soul, and 
the appetites and passions, which have their seat in 
the body, partake of the nature of sin, by their excess 
and irregularity, and by their cravings, often influence 
the will to choose that which is not good, or is not the 
best. Still, however, the body is a great clog to the 
soul, and the appetites and passions, which are seated 
in the body, being very urgent in their cravings for 
gratification, greatly disturb the exercises of piety, 
and sometimes prevail against the higher principles 
which by grace have been implanted. As the body 
is also subject to various diseases, these, on account 
of the close connexion between the soul and body, 
mightily affect the mind, and often create a great hiu- 
derance to devotion, and the exercises of piety. 

Where two opposite principles exist in the same 
11 



158 



THOUGHTS ON 



soul, there must be a perpetual conflict between 
them, until " the weaker dies." JBut as the "old 
man," though crucified, never becomes extinct in this 
life, this warfare between the flesh and spirit never 
ceases until death. As these opposite moral princi- 
ples operate through the same natural faculties and 
affections, it is a matter of course, that as the one gains 
strength, the other must be proportionably weakened; 
and experience teaches that the most effectual way 
to subdue the power of sin, is, to cherish and exer- 
cise the principle of holiness. But, if the love of God 
grows cold, or declines in vigour, then the motions of 
sin become more lively, and the stirring of inbred cor- 
ruption is sensibly experienced. Just then, in the same 
proportion, will the principle of evil be diminished, 
as the principle of grace is strengthened. Every vic- 
tory, over any particular lust, weakens its power; and 
by a steady growth in grace, such advantage is ob- 
tained over inbred sin, that the advanced Christian 
maintains the mastery over it, and is not subject to 
those violent struggles which were undergone when 
this warfare commenced. Young Christians, how- 
ever, are often greatly deceived by the appearance of 
the death of sin, when it only sleeps, or deceitfully 
hides itself, waiting for a more favourable opportunity 
to exert itself anew. When such an one experiences, 
in some favoured moment, the love of God shed 
abroad in his heart, sin appears to be dead, and those 
lusts which warred against the soul, to be extin- 
guished; but when these lively feelings have passed 
away, and carnal objects begin again to entice, the 
latent principle of iniquity shows itself; and often 
that Christian who had fondly hoped that the enemy 
was slain and the victory won, and in consequence, 
ceased to watch and pray, is suddenly assailed and 
overcome by the deceitfnlness of sin. Christians are 
more injured in this warfare, by the insidious and 
secret influence of their enemies lulling them into the 
sleep of carnal security, than by all their open and 
violent assaults. No duty is more necessary, in main- 
taining this conflict, than watchfulness. Unceasing 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 159 

vigilance is indispensable. "Watch and pray that 
ye enter not into temptation,"™" and what I say unto 
you, I say unto all, watch." Lawful pursuits are 
more frequently a snare than those which are mani- 
festly sinful. It is a duty "to provide things honest 
in the sight of all men," but while this object is in- 
dustriously pursued, the love of the world gradually 
gains ground. The possession of wealth is viewed as 
important. Eternal things are out of. view, or viewed 
as at a great distance, and the impression from them 
is faint. Wordly entanglements and embarrassments 
are experienced; the spiritual life is weakened. A 
sickly state commences, and a sad declension ensues. 
Alas! for the Christian now. Where is the burning 
zeal with which he commenced his course? Where 
now are the comforts of religion, with which he was 
so entirely satisfied, that the world was viewed as an 
empty bauble? Where now is his spirit of prayer, 
which made this duty his delight? Where his love of 
the Bible, which drew him aside often from wordly 
business to peruse its sacred instructions? 0! what a 
change! Reader, it is, perhaps, thy own case. "Thou 
art the man" who has thus fallen, and left thy first 
love. " Repent, therefore, and do the first works," 
lest some heavy judgment fall upon thee. God holds 
a rod for his own children r and when the warnings 
and exhortations of the word, and the secret whis- 
pers of the Spirit are neglected, some painful provi- 
dence is sent — some calamity, which has so much 
natural connexion with the sin, as to indicate that it 
is intended as a chastisement for it. These strokes 
are often very cutting and severe, but they must be so 
to render them effectual. "No chastening for the 
present, seemeth to be joyous, but grievous, never- 
theless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of 
righteousness unto them which are exercised there- 
by." Our heavenly Father afflicteth not willingly, 
but "for our profit, that we might be partakers of his 
holiness." The followers of Dr. Hawker, in England, 
who are ultra Calvinists, entertain the opinion, that 
" the law in our members " is not, in the least, affected 



160 THOUGHTS OX 

or weakened, by our regeneration or sanctification, 
but that through life, it remains the very same, no 
how weakened in its strength, by any progress in the 
divine life which the Christian may make. But this 
is contrary to the word of God, which speaks of 
"dying daily unto sin" — of "mortifying the deeds of 
the body" — "crucifying the flesh," &c. The same 
opinion, or one near akin to it, was held by Mr. 
William Walker, of Dublin, which he brings to view 
in bis able " address to the Wesleyan Methodists." 
His opinion, however, I think, was, that there is no 
such thing as a progressive work of sanctification 
which word properly means a consecration to God. 

In a former chapter, I mentioned the different views 
of different denominations of Christians respecting the 
nature of the soul's exercises in conversion, but this 
difference is far more considerable as it relates to the 
spiritual conflict and sanctification. It is far from the 
wish of the writer to give offence to any body of 
Christians, much less to provoke controversy. This is 
no proper field for controversy. In the midst of this 
militant state, there ought to be one peaceful ground, 
where all true followers of Jesus might sit down to- 
gether and compare their experiences of the loving 
kindness and faithful dealings of their Lord and Mas- 
ter. But surely it ought not to be offensive to any 
body of Christians simply to state what their views 
are in regard to experimental religion, and how far 
they agree or differ from those of other Christians. 
If there be mistakes, or erroneous views, on any side, 
they should be considered and corrected. And the 
writer of these essays will be thankful to any one 
who will kindly point out any mistakes in regard to 
matters of fact into which he may happen to fall. 
There has long been a difference of opinion respect- 
ing the true interpretation of the seventh chapter of 
the epistle to the Romans, respecting Paul's descrip- 
tion of the spiritual conflict, whether he describes the 
exercises of a convinced sinner, whom he personates; 
or whether he does not express honestly the feelings 
of his own heart, and describe the painful conflict be- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 161 

tween the powers of sin and holiness which was go- 
ing on in his own bosom. The latter, undoubtedly, 
is the obvious meaning, for the apostle speaks in the 
first person, and gives no notice of introducing a per- 
son of another character; and some of the expres- 
sions here employed, are as strongly descriptive of a 
regenerate heart as any in the Bible. Who, but a re- 
generate man, can say, " I delight in the law of God 
after the inward man !" And the closing words show 
clearly enough, that the apostle was detailing the 
exercises of his own soul; for he give thanks to God 
for giving him the victory, in this severe conflict, but 
still intimates that the two irreconcilable principles 
continued, according to their respective natures, to 
operate within him. "I thank God, through Jesus 
Christ our Lord. So then, with the mind, I myself 
serve the law of God, but with the flesh, the law of 
sin." Arminius began his career of departure from 
the commonly received opinions of the reformed 
churches, by writing a book in exposition of the vii. 
of the Romans; and it is a remarkable coincidence 
that Faustus Socinus, in Poland, was engaged at the 
same time in writing a book on the same subject, and 
to support the same views. This subject is excel- 
lently treated in one of President Dickinson's Letters; 
and more largely by " Frazer on Sanctification." The 
same subject is also treated accurately and judiciously 
by Dr. Hodge, in his commentary on the Epistle to 
the Romans. It is understood that the followers of 
Mr. John Wesley, hold, in conformity with his re- 
corded opinion, that sanctification is not a gradual 
and progressive work, which remains imperfect in 
the best, in this life, but that, like regeneration, it is 
instantaneous, and that the result is a complete de- 
liverance from indwelling sin; so that from that mo- 
ment they are perfectly holy, and sin no more — unless 
they fall from this high state of grace — in thought, 
word, or deed. Here then there can be no similarity 
between the religious experience of an Arminian, 
who has attained sanctification, and a Calvinist, who 
is seeking to grow in grace and in the knowledge of 



162 THOUGHTS OX 

our Lord Jesus Christ. The one is conscious of no 
sin, inward or outward, of nature or of act, and must 
have perpetual joy — a heaven on earth; while the 
other is groaning under a deep sense of inherent de- 
pravity, which works powerfully against his will, and 
continually interrupts and retards his progress. His 
frequent language is, " wretched man that I am, 
who shall deliver me from the body of this death !" 
Here, indeed, we have a wide difference in the reli- 
gious experience of professing Christians; and it must 
be acknowledged, that if the experience of the Ar- 
minian is in accordance with the word of God, he- 
has greatly the advantage over the contrite, broken 
hearted penitent, whose complaints are so great that 
they often cause him to wet his couch with tears. 
How to reconcile these widely different views of our 
condition as sanctified sinners, I know not. There 
must be a grand mistake somewhere; and I sincerely 
pray to God, that if my views on this subject are 
erroneous, they may be corrected! 

The Christian is a soldier, and must expect to en- 
counter enemies, and to engage in many a severe 
conflict. The young convert may well be likened to 
a raw recruit just enlisted. He feels joyous and 
strong, full of hope and full of courage. When the 
veteran Christian warns him of coming dangers and 
formidable enemies, and endeavours to impress on 
his mind a sense of his weakness and helplessness 
without divine aid, he does not understand what he 
says. He apprehends no dangers or enemies which 
he is not ready to face, and is ready to think that the 
aged disciples, with whom he converses, have been 
deficient in courage and skill, or have met with ob- 
stacles which are now removed out of the way. He 
views the contests, of which they speak, as the young 
soldier does the field of battle at a distance, while he 
is enjoying his bounty-money, and marches about 
with a conscious exultation, on account of his mili- 
tary i?isigni(i. and animated with martial music. 
The young Christian is commonly treated by his 
Lord with peculiar tenderness. He is like the babe. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 163 

dandled on the knee, and exposed to no hardships. 
His frames are lively, and often joyous, and he lives 
too much upon them. His love to the Saviour and 
to the saints is fresh and fervent, and his religious 
zeal, though not well regulated by knowledge, is 
ardent. He often puts older disciples to the blush 
by the warmth of his affections, and his alacrity in 
the service of his Redeemer, and it is well, if he does 
not sometimes indulge a censorious spirit, in judging 
those who have been long exercised in the spiritual 
life. This is indeed the season of his "first love" 
which began to flow in the day of his espousals; and 
though occasionally dark clouds intercept his views, 
these are soon forgotten, when the clear sunshine 
breaks forth to cheer him on his way. During this 
period he delights in social exercises, especially in 
communion with those of his own age, and in prayer, 
and in praise, and spiritual conversation, his heart is 
lifted up to heaven, and he longs for the time, when 
he may join the songs of the upper temple. But ere 
long the scene changes. Gradually the glow of fer- 
vent affections subsides. Worldly pursuits, even the 
most lawful and necessary, steal away the heart; and 
various perplexing entanglements beset the inexperi- 
enced traveller. He begins to see that there were 
many things faulty in his early course. He blames 
his own weakness or enthusiasm; and, in avoiding 
one extreme he easily falls into the opposite, to which 
human nature has a strong bias. He enters into more 
intercourse with the world, and, of course, imbibes in- 
sensibly some portion of its spirit. This has a deaden- 
ing effect on his religious feelings; and his devotions 
are less fervent and less punctual; and far more inter- 
rupted with vain, wandering thoughts, than before; 
and he is apt to fall into a hasty or formal attendance 
on the daily duties of the closet; and a little matter will 
sometimes lead him to neglect these precious seasons 
of grace. A strange forgetfulness of the presence of 
God, and of his accountableness for every thought, 
word, and action, seizes upon him. Close self-exami- 
nation becomes painful, and when attempted, is un- 



164 THOUGHTS ON 

successful. New evils begin to appear springing up 
in the heart. The imagination, before he is aware, 
is filled with sensual imagery, which affording carnal 
pleasure, the train of his thoughts is with difficulty 
changed. A want of prompt resolution is often the 
occasion of much guilt, and much unhappiness. Pride 
is sure to lift its head when God is out of view ; and 
it is wonderful how this and kindred evils will get 
possession and grow, so as to be visible to others, 
while the person himself is not aware of the disease. 
Anger, impatience, fretfulness, envy, undue indul- 
gence of the appetites, love of riches, fondness for 
dress and show, the love of ease, aversion to spiritual 
duties, with numerous similar and nameless evils are 
now bred in the heart, and come forth to annoy 
and retard the Christian in his course. His pride 
makes him unwilling to open his ear to friendly and 
fraternal reproof; such words fall heavily on him, 
and wound his morbid sensibility, so that a conflict 
takes place between a sense of duty and unmortifled 
pride. He inwardly feels that the rebuke of a brother 
is just and should be improved to the amendment of 
the evil pointed out; but pride cannot brook the 
thought of being exposed and humbled; and he tries 
to find something in the manner or circumstances 
which can be censured; or suspicion will ascribe it 
to a bad motive. If in this spiritual conflict, pride 
should gain the victory, alas how much sin follows 
in its train; — resentment towards a kind brother, hy- 
pocrisy in concealing the real dictates of conscience, 
and approbation of the inner man ; and a neglect of 
all efforts at improvement. The person thus circum- 
stanced, is instinctively led to endeavour to persuade 
himself that he has done right. Still, however, the 
language of his better part is that of self-condemna- 
tion. But he hushes it up, and assumes an air of 
innocence and boldness, and thus the Spirit is griev- 
ed. Who can describe the train of evils which ensue, 
on one defeat of this kind? The mind becomes dark 
and desolate; communion with God is interrupted, 
and a course of backsliding commences, which some- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 165 

times goes on for years, and then the wanderer is not 
arrested and brought back without severe chastise- 
ment. In such cases the judgments of God against 
his own straying children are fearful; and if any 
experience them not, who have thus declined, it is 
because they are not children, "for what son is he 
whom the father chasteneth not?" 

Worldly prosperity has ever been found an un- 
favourable soil for the growth of piety. It blinds the 
mind to spiritual and eternal things, dries up the 
spirit of prayer, fosters pride and ambition, furnishes 
the appropriate food to covetousness, and leads to a 
sinful conformity to the spirit, maxims, and fashions 
of the world. Some few have been enabled to pass 
this ordeal, without serious injury; and have come 
forth like the three children from Nebuchadnezzar's 
furnace, without the smell of fire on their garments; 
but this could not have been unless the Son of Man 
had been with them. Such persons use all their 
health, influence, and wealth in promoting the king- 
dom of Christ; but generally, God in mercy, refuses 
to give worldly prosperity to his children. He hath 
chosen the poor of this world, rich in faith ; that is, 
he hath commonly chosen poverty as the safest con- 
dition for his children. His are " an afflicted and 
poor people, and they shall trust in the name of the 
Lord." But the poor have their conflicts and temp- 
tations, as well as the rich. They are continually 
tempted to discontent, to envy at the prosperity of the 
rich, and sometimes to use unlawful means to satisfy 
their craving wants. On account of the dangers of 
both these conditions, Agur prayed, " Give me neither 
poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for 
me; lest I be full and deny thee, and say, who is the 
Lord; or lest I be poor and steal and take the name 
of my God in vain." But in whatever state Provi- 
dence has placed us, we should therewith be content. 
Certainly when Christians make haste to be rich, 
they are not governed by the wisdom which cometh 
from above. No wonder that they pierce themselves 
through with many sorrows, and are often in danger 



166 THOUGHTS ON 

of eternal perdition. If we sought wealth from no 
other motive but to use it for God's glory, it would 
do us no harm; for this principle would regulate the 
pursuit; so that it would not be detrimental to the 
kingdom of God within us. 

The enemies of the Christian have been commonly 
divided into three classes, the world, the flesh, and the 
devil; but though these may be conceived of, and 
spoken of separately, they resist the Christian soldier 
by their combined powers. The devil is the agent, 
the world furnishes the bait or the object of tempta- 
tion, and the flesh, or our own corrupt nature, is the 
subject on which the temptation operates. Some- 
times, indeed, Satan injects his fiery darts, enkindled 
in hell, to frighten the timid soul, and drive it to des- 
pair; but in this he often overshoots his mark, and 
drives the poor trembling soul nearer to his Captain, 
whose broad shield affords ample protection. And 
we are not to suppose that we are not often led as- 
tray by the enticements of sin within us, without the 
aid of Satan; but we need not be afraid of charging 
too much evil upon this arch adversary. He is ever 
on the alert, and is exceedingly cautious in his ap- 
proaches. Long experience has doubtless greatly 
increased his power and subtlety, unless he should be 
more restrained than formerly. Some people make a 
mock of Satan's temptations, as though they were the 
dreams of superstitious souls. Not so Paul, and 
Peter, and John — not so Luther, and Calvin, and 
Zuingle. Not so any who understand the nature of 
the spiritual warfare. It is to the great injury of 
many professors, that they are not constantly on the 
watch against the wiles of the devil. If you wish 
to know where he will be likely to meet you, I 
would say, in your closet, in the church, on your bed, 
and in your daily intercourse with men. A single 
thought which suddenly starts up in your mind, will 
show that the enemy is near, and is suggesting such 
thoughts, as without his agency never can be ac- 
counted for. " Watch, therefore," " resist the devil, 
and he will flee from vou." 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 167 



CHAPTER XI. 



Narrative of G A S , an Episcopal Clergyman. — Narra- 

tive of a young Officer in the Army. 

The following is the religions experience of G 

A S , an Episcopal Clergyman in H- 



which he recently communicated to the author of 
these essays, to be used as he might think proper. 

" I entered the military academy at West Point, in 
the summer of 1825; the second year of the present 
Bishop Mcllvaine's residence there as chaplain. I 
sat under his preaching 'as with the Spirit of God/ 
with eyes that did not see, and ears that did not hear. 
The Bishop departed, the curse was still upon my 
soul. Finally, I became much involved in the spirit 
of infidelity, together with several others. One even- 
ing, in particular, I trembled at the thoughts of our 
conversation: in the darkness of our minds, we had 
denied all. A few days afterwards, one of my com- 
panions, noted for his brightness of intellect, called at 
my room, and said, I have been reading 's ' Evi- 
dences of the Christian Religion,' and it has almost 
persuaded me to be a Christian. I well remember 
with what great delight I received the communica- 
tion, resolving to get the book, and ' see if those things 
were so;' not however, with any view or desire of 
becoming a Christian, at present. In due time, the 
book was procured, I retired to my room, my heart as 
hard as the mill-stone, the heavens over my head as 
brass, and the earth beneath my feet as iron. I 
opened to the introduction, the most blind of unbe- 
lievers; all around me were perfect clouds and dark- 
ness. I began to read, I had proceeded half way 
through the introduction, and was suddenly im- 
pressed^ that the religion of Christ was of God. I 
did not doubt its truth more than I did my life: yet I 
was entirely without argument. At that time I could 
have given no reason, yet I did not doubt. I felt 
a perfect belief that an Omnipresent Spirit did it. 



168 THOUGHTS 0>" 

Before. I hardly believed there was a God: now I felt 
it as by a two-edged sword. It was a most awfully 
sublime moment; yet I had not the least fear. I did 
not even think of sin. The next impression was, 
that I was undergoing a conversion. This. I would 
not then: the thought was very pleasant, that now I 
knew Christ died for the world: and that at some 
future time, I would go further in his love. I was 
happy, sublime; no terror: a thought did not enter my 
mind of the consequence of delay. To avoid the 
progress of conversion, I threw down the book per- 
fectly satisfied, for I had attained to one of the most 
splendid pieces of consciousness imaginable; a sight 
beyond the veil, within eternity, worth thousands of 
worlds to me. I turned to think of something else. 
And oh! the horrors of hell, how they came flooding 
in upon my soul. I felt that an Omnipotent hand 
was guiding them there. Commensurate with my 
agony, was my awful sense of sinfulness; a convic- 
tion of sin, righteousness, and judgment to come, rose 
before my eyes in immense reality. I felt no anguish, 
no fear, no sin, until I resolved not to attend to these 
things at present. My anguish of soul became in- 
supportable, it thickened and darkened, I could not 
endure it longer. And with the sole view of escaping 
my present misery, I resolved to yield to the will of 
that Mighty Being who w r as rending my soul. I in- 
stantly caught up the book, and offered a prayer for 
mercy. The intensity of my anguish began immedi- 
ately to subside. The wrath of God seemed to miti- 
gate, in a few moments, I settled down into a state of 
deep and solemn conviction of sin: a state more tolera- 
ble than the former; but still one of gloom so thick 
that it could be felt. A mountain weight pressed 
upon my soul: how to remove it I knew not, for the 
spirit still held me bound. I did not know but this 
was to continue through life. I endeavoured to lose 
my feelings, and feel at ease, but I could not. I knew 
nothing of the way of salvation; I had no spiritual 
guide: but in order to keep my present sorrow as 
light as possible, I continued to read and pray for 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 169 

mercy. Thus I continued in the wilderness for about 
a week: when, sitting by my fireside, dwelling upon 
my despair, a sudden light came down from heaven; 
I saw the open gate — i the way, the truth, and the 
life' — a new song was put into my mouth, and I re- 
joiced with joy unspeakable, and full of glory ! Un- 
speakable gratitude be to the Father, Son, and Holy 
Ghost, for ever and ever.' I have thought that two 
particulars in the above are worthy of notice. 1st. 
The motives that actuated me. 2d. That being per- 
fectly ignorant of the way of salvation, the Spirit was 
a perfect teacher." 

There are several things very remarkable in the 
preceding narrative. The delight at finding an infidel 
companion convinced, or almost convinced of his 
error; the desire to see the book which had produced 
this effect; the sudden persuasion of the truth of the 
Christian religion, by a sudden impression on the 
mind, the elevated happiness experienced on account 
of having discovered the truth, the determination still 
not to become a Christian at present, the horror and 
anguish consequent on this resolution, the relief ob- 
tained by resuming attention to religion, and finally, 
the discovery of the way of salvation through Christ, 
when the moment before, no idea was entertained of 
such a way, are all remarkable circumstances; and to 
some, may seem to savour of enthusiasm. But we 
cannot prescribe limits to the Holy Spirit, in his ways 
of leading benighted souls into the path of life. Still, 
it may be asked, how could there be a rational con- 
viction of the truth of Christianity, when the individ- 
ual knew no reasons or arguments in favour of it? 
To which it may be answered, that Christianity has 
a light of its own, independent of all external evi- 
dences; and if the Spirit of God cause one ray of this 
divine light to irradiate the mind the truth becomes 
manifest. This person was on the borders of athe- 
ism. By an awful impression on his mind, God 
caused him to feel and know that He existed, and 
held him in his hand; and at the same time, let a ray 
of light from Divine Revelation into his mind. Sup- 



170 THOUGHTS OX 

pose a number of human beings to be educated in a 
dark cavern, where they never saw the light of 
heaven; bat being visited by one and another who 
testified to them the existence of the celestial lumi- 
naries, the candid among them, upon weighing the 
evidence, would acknowledge the existence of such 
bodies; although, of necessity, their conceptions of 
these objects would be very inadequate. Bat some, 
depending on their own reason, might reject the testi- 
mony as a mere fabrication, since what was related 
was totally contrary to all their own experience. Sup- 
pose then that the guardian of these subterranean 
inhabitants, should take one of these skeptics to a 
point where a single ray of light from the sun should 
be let in apon his eyes, how wonderful the sensation, 
how sublime the emotion, how strong now the per- 
suasion of the existence of such a bright luminary ! 
The doubts of such an one, however deep and invet- 
erate, would be dissipated in a moment : not by ar- 
gument; where we possess intuition, argument is 
superfluous. So, in the case before us, one ray of 
divine light produced instantaneously, the undoubted 
persuasion of the divine existence, and that the Chris- 
tian religion was from God. The next ray of light 
opened to the astonished view of the man, the awful 
sinfulness of his character, and discovered to him that 
he was in the hands of an angry God, from whose 
terrors he could not escape; and the third cast a clear 
light on the way of salvation, filling the soul with 
joy unspeakable. The only thing which seems con- 
trary to our common theory is, that the person sup- 
posed, that he was taught the method of salvation by 
the Spirit without any aid from the external teaching 
of the word. Now, this is very possible; but it 
would be of the nature of inspiration and not mere 
illumination. I am, therefore, of opinion, that there 
was within the knowledge of the individual so much 
acquaintance with Christ and his mediatorial work, 
that, agreeably to his usual method, the Spirit took of 
the things of Christ, and showed it unto him. And 
although now, when inspiration has ceased, the Spirit 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 171 

makes no new revelations to men; yet he often brings 
to their remembrance truths once known, but which 
may have been long forgotten. According to John 
xiv. 26: see also xvi. S — 14. One single evangelical 
text may be made the object of saving faith. 

It is exceedingly gratifying to be made acquainted 
with such cases. It shows that the Holy Spirit, who 
operates where and when he will, is often at work 
on the minds of those whom we would least sus- 
pect to be thus visited. Here a thoughtless cadet 
at our military academy, falls into infidelity, yea, athe- 
ism; is surrounded by companions in the same state 
of mind. Providence throws a book of " Evidences" 
in his way; and, while he reads, a new light darts 
into his mind; not from the book, but from the Father 
of lights, and this infidel young man becomes a 
preacher of that very gospel, which he aimed to de- 
stroy. Latjs Deo. 

The writer of the following narrative, is a young 
officer of high promise, belonging to the American 
army. It is a pleasing thing to find that men, who, 
by their profession, are commonly far removed from 
the usual means of grace, are not beyond the reach 
of the divine mercy. It is much to be desired that 
both our army and navy should be supplied with a 
competent number of pious and exemplary chaplains; 
but this want seems to be very little felt, and therefore 
is very imperfectly provided for. When men of either 
of these professions embrace religion, they are com- 
monly remarkable for the eminence of their piety. The 
fact is, that they are exposed to so much ridicule and 
opposition, that unless their religious impressions were 
strong, and their resolutions firmly fixed, they would 
not be able to stand up against the opposing current. 

This narrative will at least encourage the hearts of 
pious parents, who have sons in exposed situations, 
not to despair of their conversion, but to be incessant 
in their prayers, that God would graciously follow 
them with the strivings of his Holy Spirit, and in due 
season bring them to the foot of the cross. And may 
it not be a good opportunity to remind all praying 



172 THOUGHTS ON 

persons, that in the variety of their intercessions, the 
young men in our army and navy should not be for- 
gotten. As long as such institutions are needed, they 
who are set for the defence of our country, by sea and 
land, should not be forgotten in the prayers of Chris- 
tians and of the Church. 

" I entered the Military Academy in 1S28. As was 
customary with my parents, I was furnished with a 
Bible, with the injunction to read it often, and make it 
the rule of my life. Like most other youths, however, 
I kept it in my trunk; and I blush while I say it, I do 
not believe that during the whole time I was there, four 
years, I took it out to read more than six times; and 
then, probably, I had a desire to, if I did not actually 
conceal the act from my room-mates around me. How 
strange the aversion to that good Book, and yet how 
general this antipathy in the thoughtless around us ! 
I must confess, however, that though my aversion to 
it was strong, I had a firm belief in its truth, and 
though in such a body of young men, I could not, but 
now and then, hear an effort on the part of one or 
another around me, to convince himself of its untruth, 
yet, I must say, that I never could get rid of the fear 
of God in my heart, or of the firm conviction of the 
truth of His word. Still, however, I graduated an 
impenitent sinner; and being let loose from scholastic 
restraint, and left to my own guidance, like most 
other youths under the same circumstances, I fol- 
lowed the ways of pleasure and worldly gratification. 

"After graduating, in 1S32, I went home. But, 
alas, how changed ! My father and brother had both 
gone during my absence, to that bourne from which 
no traveller returns. . Their spirits had fled — it is 
hoped to heaven. I did not see them in their dying 
hours; but their spirits, though gone, still speak. I 
was told of the anxiety they both expressed, just 
before death, on my account; and in particular the 
reply of my father, to the question asked him, if he 
had any word to send to me: ' No, only to read my 
letters,' was his reply. Yes, father, I have read 
those letters, and long shall they be treasured up in 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 173 

recollection of thy solicitude. But I must continue 
my narrative. Though the scenes at home, this visit, 
were impressive, yet they did not result in producing 
within me the conviction that I was a sinner. I left 
my home again as impenitent as I had come. This 
time my sister furnished me with a Bible, with the 
prayer written in it, that I ' would make it the rule of 
my conduct and the guide of my life. 5 As before, I 
stowed it away in my trunk; thence scarcely, if ever 
at all, to come out. Probably for years together, I 
did not so much as look into it, and during all this 
time, except when at home, I was as much a stranger 
to the church, as I was to the Bible. Indeed, what 
is more shameful, in 1836, I, in some unaccountable 
way lost my Bible; so that, from that time till the 
latter part of the year 1838, or during an interval of 
two years, I was entirely without one: and during 
all this time, besides having no Bible, (I did not 
dream of buying one,) I was so situated, at least for 
much the greater portion of the time, that I could not 
have access to any church. I was serving with the 
army, against the Indians at the South, and every 
one knows how ill calculated an active life in the 
field is to produce serious impression. Still, I may 
say, during all this time I had the fear of God before 
my eyes; though not to the extent as to cause me to 
love and serve Him, or to cut off any of my darling 
pleasures. And yet how good the Lord was! Though 
I went on sinning, day after day, and was often 
thrown into discussion with infidels around me, who 
strove their utmost to argue or laugh me out of what 
they would call my early prejudices, and though I 
indulged in reading infidel productions, Tom Paine's 
work among the number, yet still His Spirit would 
strive with me, and would not give me entirely over 
to my own devices. 

" I returned North in the fall of 183S, and again saw 
my widowed mother; she who had nurtured me with 
a Christian's care, and had early instilled into me 
those religious principles and feelings, which, by the 
grace of God, had never been entirely lost to me, and 

12 



174 THOUGHTS ON 

to which under the same spiritual influence, I must 
attribute my having been kept from utterly falling 
away. I saw her again, exhibiting as before, the 
chastening influences of the religion she professed. 
The same calm and resigned countenance; the same 
sweet smile of welcome, still showed the powerful 
influence of the Holy Spirit upon her heart. I thought 
I could see the workings of her feelings in my behalf; 
and I could not but imagine that in every look she 
gave me, she offered up a prayer on my account. 

"I left her for a station North. I may say I went away 
this time with better feelings than I ever did before. I 
had had, by this time, some experience of the world, 
and had already thought of the nothingness of its 
pleasures; and, besides, the calm, peaceful, and happy 
deportment of my mother, made me anxious to be- 
come a partaker also of religion. I went away with the 
firm determination of at least looking more into the 
Bible, and thus to take the first step towards making 
myself better. Another sister, this time, on my 
leaving her, presented me with a Testament. This, 
when I got to my station, I read, or attempted to 
read, every evening. I tasked myself to one chapter. 
But a late return from a party, or ball, would cause 
me to defer it till the morning! and then if the break- 
fast bell should arouse me from my slumbers, I would 
neglect it till the evening. And so, between the par- 
ties and balls, and indolence in the morning, my 
reading of the Testament was very irregular. But 
still, I had a great respect for religion, and admired 
the truths of the gospel. I would always uphold 
good principles of conduct in those around me, and 
would as often reprobate those that were bad. But 
all my ideas of virtue were founded on a wrong basis. 
I believed that it was in the power of every indivi- 
dual, of himself, to do good and eschew evil. And, 
therefore, when I did see good principles in those 
around me, my admiration was upon the individual 
himself and not upon the Holy Spirit which restrained 
him: and when I saw wickedness in those around 
me, my condemnation, (and my self-righteousness 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 175 

could not make it too strong,) was upon the indi- 
vidual, and not upon the sin which impelled him. 

"But still, though I strongly criticised the conduct of 
others; upholding the good and denouncing the had; 
yet I felt that I was not a Christian, in the Bible sense 
of the term. I knew this from my utter inability to 
pray. On retiring, I had often attempted to realize 
the overshadowing presence of a God above me; but 
all was hard, dark, and impenetrable. I could not 
realize the existence of an all merciful Saviour. 
During all this time, I regularly attended divine ser- 
vice, at least once a day, every Sunday. I was de- 
lighted to either hear or read a good sermon. But I 
heard, or read it, more with the feelings of a critic 
than of an humble follower of the lowly Jesus, desi- 
ring the sincere milk of the Word. And so, whenever 
the preacher expatiated upon the beauties of virtue, 
though I received pleasure from his discourse, yet I 
had none of the consciousness that virtue was to be 
followed because God had commanded it; but because 
it seemed to be a necessary element in society; and, 
perhaps, because its votary reciprocally recommended 
himself to society, by its pursuit. I recollect, in par- 
ticular, that Dr. Chalmer's sermons afforded me great 
satisfaction. But the beautiful imagery in them, as 
well as his elegant diction, probably pleased me quite 
as much as the truths he inculcated. 

" Things went on in this way, for nearly a year, 
when at the close of this time, I began to feel myself 
strongly tempted by the evil one, though, at the time, 
I did not attribute it to this unseen Spirit. Probably, 
it is better to say, (to use the language I would have 
then used,) I was uneasy, discontented, looked at 
things awry, extracted more of the bitter than the 
sweet from the things and circumstances around me; 
or, in other words, was extremely miserable. I could 
experience no joy from the things of earth, and of the 
joys of heaven, I knew nothing of them. 

"But thanks to a good and righteous God ? he was 
pleased to let me into this state, to show me that all 
my hopes of happiness from earthly things were vain. 



176 THOUGHTS 09 

is in the act of throwing myself on the settee, 
when I carelessly took up the Bible, which happened 
to be lying near me. The first chapter I opened at, 
the Is: Epistle general of Peter, chapter 1st. 
But how shall I describe my feelings, the moment I 
cast my eyes upon its pages! My heart was melted 
into deep contrition. I felt the love of God shed 
abroad in my whole being. I was convinced that I 
had the Holy Spirit at work within me. I was affect- 
ed to tears at his goodness. 1 icept like a child. I 
.at I had been a sinner. My ingratitude came 
like a rlood upon me. I was overcome with gratitude 
for his mercy. It completely possessed my whole 
being. I rejoiced in the thought, that though I had 
been a wanderer from him. yet that he was a good 
and kind Saviour, and was ready to forgive me all 
the injuries I had done him. I could indeed say, 
with deep conviction, as I read the pass? re which 
i.ted itself to me: 'Blessed be the God and 
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which, according to 
:undant mercy, hath begotten us again unto a 
hope, by the :esurrectiuL : Jesm 1 1 :~ rist. from 
the dead.-' Indeed, this whole chapter seemed to be 
perfectly adapted to my state. I recollect, in particu- 
e eighth verse was singularly pleasing to me. 
■Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom though 
now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy 
unspeakable, and ful] :: glory. 3 

u Another remarkable circumstance connected with 
this display of divine goodness, was, the wonderful 
? : -. sse »f intellect I felt myself to have, in reading 
the word of God. And not only could I perceive 
things in the gospel that I never saw before, but I 

ay whole character changed. I felt not only a 
strong love to God, but to every body around me. I 
have wept over the bosom of my bitterest ene- 
my. Oh, the joys of that moment! But, alas, how 
vain and impotent are the attempts of man, unless the 
Holy Spirit ::' God remains with him. I ree; 
very weii, that I thought I would go and see the 
minister, and tell him what had passed. But not 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 177 

acting up to the suggestion immediately, I neglected 
it, and soon again, sad to say, I had relapsed into my 
former forgetfulness of the Lord. The fear of the 
ridicule of the world had been too strong for my faith, 
and I felt, too, that I could not yet give up the world, 
and declare myself on the Lord's side. But still he 
would not let me go. He would not give me up. I 
was removed shortly afterward to another station, 
and here I can see the all gracious design of Provi- 
dence in this change. I was by this means thrown 
into the society of several pious officers. One in 
particular, whom I valued very highly, and who, the 
very evening he conversed with me upon the good- 
ness of God, in twice leading him back from signal 
relapses into sin, was seized with the fever, that in 
five days carried him to his grave, was in particular 
of great service to me, under the divine blessing, in 
confirming me in my resolves to renounce the world, 
and cleave unto the Lord; and so indeed were all the 
others. Suffice it to say, that not many months after, 
I came among them, I openly proclaimed myself on 
the Lord's side, and sealed the covenant by partaking 
of the emblems of his body and blood. And it is an 
additional source of happiness for me to state, that it 
was not long after that, the partner of my bosom, also 
renounced the world, and joined me in the race set 
before us in the gospel. 

"The foregoing narrative, I have thought would be 
of some interest to you. But if it serve no other pur- 
pose than to show you how good the Lord has been 
to me, it will answer its end." 



CHAPTER XII. 

The spiritual conflict. — Various exhibitions of it. — Evil thoughts. — 
A case in illustration. 

We have spoken of the Christian's enemies, in the 
general, it is now intended to enter into a more partic- 



178 THOUGHTS ON 

ular view of the conflict which is experienced by the 
pilgrim to Zion. Swarms of vain thoughts maybe 
reckoned among the first and most constant enemies 
of the servant of God. The mind of man is like a 
fountain which is continually sending forth streams. 
There is not a moment of our waking time when the 
rational soul is entirely quiescent. How it may be in 
our sleeping hours, this is not the place to inquire — 
as we are not in that state engaged in this warfare. 
Perhaps, this is saying too much. I believe that sin 
may be committed in sleep; for there is often a deli- 
berate choice of evil, after a struggle between a sense 
of duty and an inclination to sin. And often the same 
vain and impure thoughts, which were too much in- 
dulged in waking hours, infest us when asleep, and 
may find much readier entertainment than when we 
have all our senses about us. It is difficult indeed, to 
say when moral agency is suspended, so as to render 
the person inculpable for his volitions; and many 
know that they consent to temptations in sleep, when 
they abhor the evil as soon as they are awake. And, 
in other cases, inclination is indulged, where there is 
not the least sense of the moral turpitude of the act. 
But, in other cases, persons in sleep consent to sin 
with a clear apprehension of the evil of the thing to 
which they consent; here, there must be some guilt; 
for, if there was not an evil nature, prone to iniquity, 
such volitions would not take place. Two things are 
in our power, and these we should do: first, to avoid 
evil thoughts and such pampering of the body as have 
a tendency to pollute our dreams; and, secondly, to 
pray to God to preserve us from evil thoughts, even 
in sleep. Particularly, we should pray to be deliv- 
ered from the influence of Satan during our sleeping 
hours. Mr. Andrew Baxter, in his work on the soul, 
is of opinion that dreams can in no way be accounted 
for, but by the agency of other spirits acting on ours. 
While I do not adopt this theory of dreaming, I am 
inclined to believe, that, some how or other, both 
good and evil spirits have access to our minds in sleep. 
They actually seem to hold conversation with us, and 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 179 

suggest things of which we had never thought before. 
To return from this digression — it may be safely as- 
serted that no human mind, in this world, is free from 
the incursion of vain thoughts. The proportion of 
such thoughts depends on the circumstances of the 
individual, and the degree of spirituality and self- 
government to which he has attained. The question 
very naturally arises here, is the mere occurrence of 
vain or wicked thoughts sinful? This is a nice ques- 
tion in casuistry, and should not be answered incon- 
siderately. It is said in Scripture, " the thought of 
foolishness is sin;" but by thought, in this place, we 
should probably understand "intention." The wise 
man would teach that sin may be committed in the 
mind without any external act; a doctrine abundant- 
ly taught in other parts of Holy Writ. Or, we may 
understand it to mean that, when thoughts of evil are 
entertained and cherished in the mind, there is sin. 
But as our thoughts are often entirely involuntary, 
arising from we know not what causes, it cannot be 
that every conception of a thing wrong is itself sinful. 
If I conceive of another person stealing, or murder- 
ing, or committing adultery, if my mind abhors the 
deed, the mind is not thereby polluted. Thoughts 
may not in themselves be sinful, and yet they may 
become so, if they fill and occupy the mind to the 
exclusion of better thoughts. Ideas of present scenes 
and passing transactions, are not, in themselves, sin- 
ful, because necessary, and often required by the 
duties which we have to perform; but if the current 
of these thoughts is so continuous that they leave no 
room for spiritual meditations, they become sinful by 
their access. Again, as every Christian has set times 
for prayer and other devotional exercises; if the mind, 
on such occasions, wanders off from the contemplation 
of those objects, which should occupy it, such forget- 
fulness of God's presence, and vain wandering of the 
thoughts is evidently sinful. And here is an arena on 
which many a severe conflict has been undergone, 
and where, alas, many overthrows have been expe- 
rienced by the sincere worshipper of God. How our 



180 THOUGHTS ON 

perfectionists dispose of this matter, and what their 
professed experience is, I know not. I suppose, 
however, that they are, at best, no more exempt from 
wandering thoughts than other Christians; and if so, 
they must practise a double hypocrisy, first, in per- 
suading themselves that there is no sin in all this; and, 
secondly, in denying, or concealing from others, their 
real experience on this subject. Bin is it not true, 
that from the very laws of association of ideas, 
there will often be an involuntary wandering of the 
thoughts? This is admitted; and it is conceded, also, 
that it may be impossible, in all cases, to determine 
with precision which of our straying thoughts con- 
tracts guilt, and how much blame to us, when our 
thoughts suddenly start aside from the mark like a 
deceitful bow. There are, however, some plain prin- 
ciples which sound casuistry can establish. If, when 
the thoughts thus start aside, they are not immediately 
recalled, then there is sin; for the mind has this power 
over its thoughts, and, when it is not exercised, it 
argues negligence, or something worse. Again, if 
this deviation of our thoughts would have been pre- 
vented by a solemn sense of the divine presence and 
omniscience, then it is sinful; for such impressions 
should accompany us to the throne of grace. And, 
finally, if the true reason of these erratic trains of 
thought, at such seasons, is owing to a secret aversion 
to spiritual things, and a preference, at the moment, 
to some carnal or selfish indulgence — then, indeed, 
there is not only sin, but sin of enormous guilt. It is 
the direct acting of enmity against God. There are 
many, it is to be feared, who take little or no account 
of their thoughts; and who, if they run through the 
external round of duties, feel satisfied. Multitudes 
are willing to be religious and even punctilious in 
duty, if no demand is made upon them for fixedness 
of attention, and fervency and elevation of affection. 
The carnal mind hates nothing so much as a spiritual 
approach to God, and the remainders of this enmity, 
in the pious, is the very "law in their members, 
which wars aeainst the law of the mind." This is 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 181 

the very core of their inbred sin, from which all evil 
thoughts proceed, on account of which they need to 
be humbled in the dust, every day that they live. 
There is much reason to fear, however, that many who 
appear to be serious Christians, are not at all in the 
habit of watching their thoughts, and ascertaining the 
evil that is in them. I knew a person, nearly half a 
century ago, who, being greatly troubled with wan- 
dering thoughts in times of devotion, was solicitous 
to know whether any other person was troubled in 
the same way, and to the same degree, with such 
swarms of vain thoughts. He carefully wrote down 
what he experienced in this way, and then took it to 
two serious professors, of whose piety he had a good 
opinion, and, without intimating that it was his own 
experience, inquired whether they were acquainted 
with any thing like this. They both acknowledged 
that they were often interrupted with wandering 
thoughts in prayer; but, in the degree described in 
the paper, they were not, and could not believe that 
any real Christian was. There may be, and no doubt 
is, a constitutional difference among men in regard to 
this matter. In some minds the links of association 
are so strong, that, when a particular idea is suggested, 
the whole train must come along, and thus the object 
previously before the mind is lost sight of, and will 
not be recovered without a resolute effort. 

An old writer says, "what busy flies were to the 
sacrifices on the altar, such are vain thoughts to our 
holy services; their continued buzzing disturbs the 
mind and distracts its devotion." St. Bernard com- 
plained much of these crowds of vain thoughts, he 
said — " Intrceunt and exeunt," they pass and repass, 
come in and go out, and will not be controlled. 
"Amovere volo, nee valeo," I would fain remove 
them, but cannot. This is in perfect accordance with 
Paul's experience, "when I would do good, evil is 
present with me." And Chrysostom says, " that 
nothing is more dreadful to the godly than sin. This 
is death — this is hell" Therefore, though nothing 
amiss be discerned by man, yet is he afflicted, deeply 



182 THOUGHTS ON 

afflicted on account of his rebellious thoughts, which 
being in the secret closet of the heart, can only appear 
unto God. 

The old writer, before mentioned, introduces a 
struggling soul, mourning on this account. "Othe 
perplexing trouble of my distracting thoughts! How 
do they continually disturb the quiet of my mind, and 
make my holy duties become a weariness of my soul? 
They cool the heart, they damp the vigour, they 
deaden the comfort of my devotions. Even when I 
pray God to forgive my sins, I then sin whilst I am 
praying for forgiveness; yea, whether it be in the 
church, or in the closet, so frequently and so violently 
do these thoughts withdraw my heart from God's 
service, that I cannot have confidence he hears my 
suit, because I know by experience, I do not hear 
myself; surely therefore God must need be far off 
from my prayer, whilst my heart is so far out of his 
presence, hurried away with a crowd of vain imagina- 
tions." To whom he applies the following consola- 
lations: " 1. These vain thoughts, being thy burden, 
shall not be thy ruin ; and though they do take from 
the sweetness, they shall not take from the sincerity 
of thy devotions. 2. It is no little glory which we 
give to God in the acknowledgment of his omnipres- 
ence and omniscience, that we acknowledge Him to 
be privy to the first risings of our most inward 
thoughts. 3. It is much the experience of God's 
children, even the devoutest saints, that their thoughts 
of God and of Christ, of heaven and holiness, are very 
unsteady and fleeting. Like the sight of a star through 
an optic glass, held by a palsied hand, such is our 
view of divine objects. 4. Know thou hast the 
gracious mediation of an all-sufficient Saviour to 
supply thy defects, and procure an acceptance of thy 
sincere though imperfect devotions. 5. As thou hast 
the gracious mediation of an all-sufficient Saviour to 
supply thy defects, so hast thou the strengthening 
power of His Holy Spirit to help their infirmities; 
which strength is made perfect in weakness. — When 
thou art emptied it shall fill thee ; when thou art stum- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 183 

bled, it shall raise thee. The experience of God's 
saints will tell thee, that they have long languished 
under this cross of vain thoughts: yet, after long con- 
flict, have obtained a joyful conquest, and from 
mourning doves have become mounting eagles." 

The conflict with vain and wandering thoughts is 
common to all Christians, and is the subject of their 
frequent and deep lamentations: but there are other 
conflicts, which seem to be peculiar to some of God's 
children, or are experienced in a much greater degree 
by some than others. These arise from horribly 
wicked thoughts, blasphemous, atheistical, or abomi- 
nably impure, which are injected with a power which 
the soul cannot resist, and sometimes continue to rise 
in such thick succession, that the mind can scarcely 
be said to be ever entirely free from them. I have 
known persons of consistent piety and sound intellect, 
who have been infested with the continual incursion 
of such thoughts, for weeks and months together: so 
that they had no rest during their waking hours; and 
even their sleep was disturbed with frightful dreams; 
and whilst thus harassed, they had no composure to 
attend on religious duties; but when they attempted 
to pray, Satan was present with his terrific sugges- 
tions; and when they presented themselves with God's 
people, in his house, they found no comfort there; for 
the thought was continually introduced into their 
minds, that there was no truth in the Bible, or any of 
its doctrines And it is wondered what new and un- 
thought of iorms of blasphemy and infidelity do, in 
such cases arise ; so that the ideas which occupy their 
minds are often inexpressible, and indeed not fit to be 
expressed, in words These may emphatically be 
called " the fiery darts of the wicked one." They 
may be compared to balls or brands of fire cast into a 
house full of combustibles. The object of the enemy, 
by such assaults, is, to perplex and harass the child of 
God, and to drive him to despair; and as many, who 
are thus tempted, are ignorant of Satan's devices, and 
of the "depths" of his subtlety, and charge upon them- 
selves the fault of all these wicked thoughts, the effect 



154 



rz:7.-ZTf : >" 



i::: z::i : 
1:3; :hesf 
L 111 37. ~: 



SI V:?: 

rhf 337-2. :h 
:: 21 I 3 2:3 : 
A friend 
rzmiis s: : 
:i3. 222 I 
3112.3 : ::: 
;hf:e 7,-5 : 
:hf:e ~f:e 
1:35 -." : : f 
lence. Kr.« 
;• . : / i I Zi 
dreadful sfc 
ir. ; . "•: 3 : . . 3 : 
: :..:/-. :. It 



322:3 :-:. : ":t= 3::uiIIt :: 23 323:3, ii: :f-u:ei. 
1^ :. ; ?. 5 e t ;". 5:22 is 7.:: ;::.t ;.i.3z:: : . : 32335223. 
:::. ::: :. =3:1:2. is 3:21.3 .7 :: 2 i:~r. :■: 213 : ::ir:s 
::' irfji;:, We iiitt ;:' 2: :-±.-. :::::;. 21 :21s lire. 
7721:2 : : 21:13 ::;:: 1^:3:1= 2::- 2 5 .: 21 :. 1223 ::' 13 127 11- 
tion, when continued long. IL no doubt, is true, thai 
:'LzZz 3:1 if:: 3.1 5 3:15 :: lis 12751:3. s 5 ^ _ . -2212 
13712: 113 3373:: : :' :if5f if 21 : ■ :- :::s :u: 12= ires 
7:: ;.::: 113: 12353 ;;.::r:.:5 :: 1:: : :: 1333 ::: 12 
Satan. This arch-fiend is deeply versed in the physi- 
:I:*7 ::' ..." 22-3 . ; 22 3 :- . :' ~'r.ez~T-: ..- i:s::Tiz> 3 
""tz: : 2.2 22. : if ...: 135 25 35533 : T.ir 2:32 
:'.. :..:.:.::". 33:511s 735:33 : ' t^Izlt: ~;:. ex- 
:335i7f grifi 3:3 - : : • .: ■■-.. 7 51 2 re; :. :Ir : : ' .. 12 7 :';: m 
r:. \- :.:. 2 3 2 : is . 3 s is : r. 3: : 355 : : ; : .1 2 . ::. : .1 ; :i - 

ians, who are for eve bok ; 

:':.- :3:z size : :' 133 :.i3.3. z : i ~h: 3:3 - •;;: ■•;: 
write bitter things against themselves." On unin- 
s:: 22 : 32 11 • . : ..7 3 if 2 : : 2.. .1 : : .. 1 . . 2 : .1 file:. 
that they have sinned the sin unto death, by blas- 
pheming the Holy Ghost: or. that they hare sinned 
337: f 2: : -: 2. : :' 2.7. : 7 ? : in }:: :.;s : 
line: i.fn :: ':= ?. ::ev :: 5:2 



Satam But it is 
.:-: 1 73:5.25 :i ;.* 

: 

this kind; and he 

if '.3233:3.1:1s : :' 
1:3 : . 3s 221:1 



::: is e: ilire. ~": s :":: 
fiery darts of the wicked 
hamFQ being in a more 

: 5 .:::..::. 3.1 i 3l:l::u*b 
. . . r 1.5 _ 3z;:;r hiurs. 
553 : 1: 5; ..;:.: 35 sirrfs- 
enliar and terrify ing rio- 
: :: :f iisirffi. 35 7rf7 35 
r, some account of this 
: .3 :f --35 3 1:333; 32 \: 

1 2 : ..S "21 I It ; 312 3 .3- 

the following is an ex- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 185 

tract: " I feel a singular reluctance to speak of my re- 
ligious experience. I have felt that my case was a 
very remarkable one. I have thought, at times, that 
no one could recount a similar experience. It has 
appeared to me so uncommon, that I have refrained 
from disclosing the peculiar exercises of my mind to 
the most intimate friend. I know not that I ever 
opened to you my case, with the exception of that 
distressing point to which you refer, and even then I 
think I was not very particular. That was a season 
far more distressing than any I ever experienced — 
6 1 well remember mine afflictions and my misery; the 
wormwood and the gall.' My deliverance from it 
was an unspeakable mercy. I have no doubt that the 
state of my health had some connexion with the 
mental sufferings I then endured. My constitution, 
which had always been feeble, had given to my dis- 
position a proneness to melancholy; and in my be- 
reaved and desolate state I was peculiarly susceptible 
of gloomy impressions. My nervous system was deep- 
ly affected. Sleep at one time forsook my pillow for 
successive nights. It was under these circumstances 
that I sunk into the darkness and distress which you 
witnessed. In all this there was nothing very re- 
mark-able. I think very many can record a similar 
experience. It was not the fact that in a feeble state 
of health I was dark and comfortless in spirit, that 
has so much tried me, but the peculiarity of my case 
seemed to consist in the nature of my spiritual con- 
flicts. You may, perhaps, recollect that I stated to 
you that my chief distress arose from blasphemous 
suggestions — unnatural, monstrous, and horrid, 
which seemed to fill the mind, and hurry away my 
thoughts, with a force as irresistible as a whirlwind. 
I strove against them — I prayed against them; but it 
was all in vain. The more I strove, the more they 
prevailed. The very effort to banish them appeared 
to detain them. My soul all this while was wrapped 
in midnight darkness, and tossed like the ocean in a 
storm. It seemed to me as if I was delivered over to 
the powers of darkness, and that to aggravate my 



155 



THOUGHTS OS 



wretchedness, some strange and awfully impious as- 
sociation would be suggested by almost every object 
that met my eye. You ask me :o describe my de- 
liverance. It was gradual. A return of domestic 
comforts, a restoration of health, and an occupation 
or the mind with DUTY, were the means which 
God was pleased to bless to the removal of this dis- 
tressing experience. For twelve :. thirteen years I 
have had no return of this state of mind, except to a 
partial extent: yet I have, at times, been greatly ha- 
rassed with these fiery darts of the wicked one. whi : h 
I can truly s?.y. are my sorest affliction. I have 
always remarked, that these painful exercises of mind 
have attended seasons of special examination and 
sr. Wheo I have thought most of my obligation 
to God; and endeavoured to meditate most on divine 
things, then it has been, that my mind has suffered 
most from the intrusion of thoughts, at which my 
is 6 Led with anguish, and from which I desire deliv- 
erance more than from death. This fact is mysterious 
to me. I cannot but think I love G: I. I am sure I 
do desire an entire consecration to Christ. It is my 
i prayer to attain holiness. I esteem the way of 
salvation glorious: and justification through the alone 
righteousness oi Christ is a precious doctrine. But 
did ever any Christian experience such trials, is a 
question which I am ready often to ask. I know of 
no uninspired writer that has come nearer a descrip- 
tion of what I have expe: iei iced than John Bunyan 
and John Newton. The hymn of the latter, com- 
mencing with •' I asked the Lord that I might ^ 
&e.j contains many thoughts remarkably accordant 
with my experience. 

'• You see. I have nothing to relate, that is instruc- 
tive or cheering — and yet I sometimes feel thankful 
for the terrible conrlicts which I endure, for there is 
nothing which so constantly drives me to a throne of 
grace — nothing that strips me so entirely :; ^^'-de- 
pendence, and creates within me such longing after 
holiness. I am much inclined to think that Satan is far 
.ess dangerous when he ;: raes as *'a roaring lion. 7 and 



KELIGI0T7S EXPERIENCE. 187 

frightens the soul with his horrid blasphemies, than 
when ' he transforms himself into an angel of light/ 
and seduces our affections gradually and secretly 
away from God, and attaches them sinfully to the 
world. 

"P. S. — The most discouraging fact in all my ex- 
perience has been, what I have already alluded to — 
the rustling in of a tide of unutterably impious 
thoughts or imaginations, at a time when I have 
sought the most elevated and glorious views of God, 
breaking up my peace and comfort, when I have tried 
to fix my mind most intently on spiritual objects. Is 
the onset of the enemy to drive one from a close com- 
munion with God? or is it to be traced to a law of 
association recalling past experiences? 

" If I had more confidence in my religious experi- 
ence I think I could suggest many thoughts that might 
be useful to Christians under temptation; and espe- 
cially, when suffering under certain physical disor- 
ders. One thing, I am free to say, useful occupa- 
tion is essential to the restoration and peace of some 
minds." 

Many other eminent servants of God have expe- 
rienced, in various forms, the same conflicts with the 
great adversary: and when we describe these temp- 
tations as not unfrequent in the experience of the 
children of God, we do not speak without authority. 
Paul says, " For we wrestle not against flesh and 
blood, but against principalities, against powers, 
against the rulers of the darkness of this world, 
against spiritual wickedness in high places." From 
this passage, it is evident, that our spiritual foes are 
numerous, and powerful, and that the believer's con- 
flict with them is violent: it is a "wrestling," or a 
contention which requires them to put forth all their 
strength, and to exercise all their skill. Therefore, it 
was, that the apostle, who was himself engaged in 
this conflict, urges it upon Christians to put on the 
panoply of God. Against such enemies, armour, 
offensive and defensive, is requisite. And blessed be 
God, there is a magazine, from which such armour 



188 



THOUGHTS ON 



may be drawn. Hear Paul's enumeration of the sev- 
eral parts of this panoply: "The girdle of truth, 
the breast-plate of righteousness, — sandals of gospel 
peace, — the shield of faith." This he places highest, 
as being an indispensable defence against " the fiery 
darts of the wicked" — "the helmet of salvation," 
"the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." 
To all which must be added prayer and watchful- 
ness. As one of God's methods of comforting and 
strengthening his mourning children is, by good 
books, I will embrace this opportunity of recommend- 
ing to those engaged in the spiritual warfare, " Gur- 
nall's Christian Armour." In such cases, there is 
almost a necessity of referring to old authors; for, 
some how or other, our modern sermons and tracts 
touch but seldom on these things, which filled so many 
of the pages of our fathers. 

The soul struggling with the intrusion of wicked 
thoughts may be supposed to express its feelings in 
language like the following: " my wretchedly wick- 
ed heart, which is the fountain from which proceed 
such streams of abominable thoughts! Sure if I had 
ever been washed in the fountain of Christ's blood, 
or at all purified by his Spirit, so foul a corruption 
could never cleave unto my soul. Woe is me! for so 
far am I from being a holy temple of the Lord, that 
my heart rather seems to be the cage of every un- 
clean bird, and even a den of devils. The flames of 
hell seem to flash in my face, and the amazing ter- 
rors of cursed blasphemies torture my soul and wound 
my conscience even unto death. I would rather 
choose to die ten thousand deaths than undergo the 
fears, and frights, and bitter pangs of my amazing 
thoughts and dreadful imaginations. In every place, 
in every action — in the church and in the closet — in 
my meditations and in my prayers, these abominable 
and tormenting thoughts follow and harass me; so 
that I loathe myself and am a burden to myself. ' 
wretched man, that I am, who shall deliver me from 
the body of this death!' Alas! I perish, whilst 
ashamed to speak what I abhor to think, I must 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 189 

needs despair of a cure, not knowing how to lay open 
my sore." 

To a complaint of this kind, the pious Robert Mos- 
som, addresses the following grounds of consola- 
tion: 

1. " The horrid blasphemies which affright thy soul, 
though they are thy thoughts, yet are they Satan's 
suggestions; and not having the consent of thy will, 
they bring no guilt upon thy conscience. It is agree- 
able to the truth of God's word, and the judgment of 
all divines, ancient and modern, that where the will 
yields no consent, there the soul may suffer tempta- 
tion, but act no sin. Again, ' The importunity and 
frequency of these suggestions which weary the soul, 
resisting, shall bring a greater crown of glory in its 
overcoming,' True it is, that, < he that is born of 
God, keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth 
him not.' But how toucheth him not? Is it meant 
of wicked temptations? No, sure, but of wilful trans- 
gressions. He toucheth him not so as to leave the 
impress of sin and guilt upon the soul. It is no 
sin to be tempted; for Christ our Lord and Saviour, 
was tempted, ' but without sin.' To admit the temp- 
tation with allowance or delight, that is sin. 

2. "That these foul and frightful suggestions have 
not the consent of thy will appears by this, that thou 
hast a loathing and abhorring of them; which speaks 
the greatest aversion, and so is far from a consenting 
of the will. What is forcibly cast into the mind can- 
not be said to be received with our consent. It is out 
of our power to prevent Satan from suggesting evil 
thoughts. These arise not from thy own corrupt na- 
ture: they are brats laid at thy door, not thine own 
lawful children. These are the buffetings of Satan. 
Paul had ' a messenger of Satan to buffet him,' which 
was as a i thorn in his flesh,' constantly pricking and 
keeping him uneasy, and tempting him to impatience; 
and he prayed earnestly and repeatedly to be deliv- 
ered from this cross, but his request was not granted; 
yet he received an answer more gracious and bene- 
ficial than the removal of the thorn would have 

13 



j Ml :x:t z:= •::■•- 

been; for God said unto him, 'My grace is sufficient 
for thee.' " 

The heart assailed by Satan, is like a city besieged, 
within which there lie concealed many traitors, who, 
as far as they dare, will give encouragement and aid 
to the enemy without. And this creates the chief dif- 
ficulty in the case of many temptations; for although 
there is not a full consent, or a prevailing willingness, 
yet there is something which too much concurs with 
the temptation; except in shocking blasphemies, 
which fill the soul with terror. The soul afflicted 
with these temptations is apt to think its case singu- 
lar, it is ready :: exclaim. ■• Nevex were any of God ? s 
children in this condition. It must be some strange 
corruption which induces the enemy thus tc assaulJ 
me, and some awful displeasure of God towards me, 
which makes him permit such a temptation.'"' T 
which it may be replied, u Afflictions, of this kind, 
are no new thing; and that with the real children of 
God. Such cases are not uncommon, in every age, 
and occur in the pastoral experience of every faithful 
minister. Some persons have, for years, been so afflic- 
ted with these temptations, that they have pined away 
and have been brought near the gates of death: and 
these, :::. persons of no ordinary piety. Take then 
the following directions: 1. Learn to discriminate be- 
tween the temptation and the sin of temptation. 2. 
Z mine with care, what transgjressioiis may have 
> oned this sore affliction. 3. Humble yourself 
before God with fasting and prayer, and supplicate 
the throne of grace to obtain the mercy of God 
through the merits of thy Saviour, for the full and 
free pardon of whatever sin has occasioned these 
temptations; beseeching God to rebuke Satan; and 
then make an unreserved resignation of thyself into 
the hands of Issus, the Gjl 7 ; h:pherd of the 
flock, that he may keep thee as a tender lamb, from 
the paw and teeth of the roaring lion. 4. if still these 
thoughts intrude, turn your mind quickly away from 
them; they are ON dued by _ 

J thou afflicted, tossed with tempests and not 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 191 

comforted," do as children with their parents when 
they see any thing frightful: they cling closer and 
hold faster. So do thou with thy God and Saviour. 
Satan's aim is to drive you from God into some des- 
perate conclusions, or into some ruinous act; but thou 
mayest disappoint this subtle adversary, by running 
to Christ as your refuge, and cleaving to him with 
humble, believing confidence; and when Satan sees 
this, he will soon cease from the violence of his temp- 
tations. And when the devil hath left thee, angels 
will come and minister unto thee; especially the 

ANGEL OF THE COVENANT, CHRIST JeSTJS. He shall 

rejoice thy soul with the quickening graces and cheer- 
ing comforts of his Spirit. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

Growth in grace. — Signs of it. — Practical directions how to grow in 
grace. — Hinderances to it. 

When there is no growth there is no life. We have 
taken it for granted, that among the regenerate, at 
the moment of their conversion, there is a difference 
in the vigour of the principle of spiritual life, analo- 
gous to what we observe in the natural world; and no 
doubt the analogy holds, as it relates to growth. As 
some children, who were weak and sickly in the first 
days of their existence, become healthy and strong, 
and greatly outgrow others who commenced life with 
far greater advantages; so it is with the " new man;" 
some who enter on the spiritual life with a weak and 
wavering faith, by the blessing of God on a diligent 
use of means, far outstrip others who, in the begin- 
ning, were greatly before them. 

It is often observed, that there are professors who 
never appear to grow, but rather decline perpetually, 
until they become, in spirit and conduct, entirely con- 
formed to the world, from whence they professed to 



] 92 THOUGHTS ON 

come out. The result, in regard to them, is one of 
two things; they either retain their standing in the 
Church, and become dead formalists, " having a name 
to live while they are dead;" "a form of godliness, 
while they deny the power thereof;" or they re- 
nounce their profession and abandon their connexion 
with the Church, and openly take their stand with the 
enemies of Christ, and not unfrequently go beyond 
them all in daring impiety. Of all such we may con- 
fidently say, "they were not of us, or undoubtedly 
they would have continued with us." But of such I 
mean not now to speak further, as the case of back- 
sliders will be considered hereafter. 

That growth in grace is gradual and progressive is 
very evident from Scripture; as in all those passages 
where believers are exhorted to mortify sin and cru- 
cify the flesh, and to increase and abound in all the 
exercises of piety and good works. One text on this 
subject will be sufficient: " Grow in grace and in the 
knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." 
And this passage furnishes us with information of the 
origin and nature of this growth. It is knowledge; 
even the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus 
Christ. Just so far as any soul increases in spiritual 
knowledge, in the same degree it grows in grace. 
Persons may advance rapidly in other kinds of know- 
ledge, and yet make no advances in piety; but the 
contrary. They may even have their minds filled 
with correct theoretical knowledge of divine truth; 
and yet its effect may not be to humble, but to "puff 
up." Many an accurate and profound theologian 
has lived and died without a ray of saving light. 
The natural man, however gifted with talent, or en- 
riched with speculative knowledge, has no spiritual 
discernment. After all his acquisitions, he is desti- 
tute of the knowledge of Jesus Christ. But it should 
not be forgotten, that divine illumination is not inde- 
pendent of the word, but accompanies it. Those 
Christians, therefore, who are most diligent in attend- 
ing upon the word in public and private, will be most 
likely to make progress in piety. Young converts are 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 193 

prone to depend too much on joyful frames, and love 
high excitement in their devotional exercises; but 
their heavenly Father cures them of this folly, by 
leaving them for a season to walk in darkness, and 
struggle with their own corruptions. When most 
sorely pressed and discouraged, however, he strength- 
ens them with might in the inner man. He enables 
them to stand firmly against temptation; or, if they 
slide, he quickly restores them, and by such exercises 
they become much more sensible of their entire de- 
pendence, than they were at first. They learn to be 
in the fear of the Lord all the day long, and to dis- 
trust entirely their own wisdom and strength, and to 
rely for all needed aid on the grace of Christ Jesus. 
Such a soul will not readily believe that it is growing 
in grace; but to be emptied of self-dependence, and to 
know that we need aid for every duty, and even for 
every good thought, is an important step in our pro- 
gress in piety. The flowers may have disappeared 
from the plant of grace, and even the leaves may 
have fallen off, and wintry blasts may have shaken it, 
but it now is striking its roots deeper, and becoming 
every day stronger, to endure the rugged storm. One 
circumstance attends the growth of a real Christian, 
in grace, which renders it exceedingly difficult for 
him to know the fact, upon a superficial view of his 
case, and that is, the clearer and deeper insight which 
he obtains into the evils of his own heart. Now this 
is one of the best evidences of growth, but the first 
conclusion is apt to be, " I am growing worse every 
day" — " I see innumerable evils springing up within 
me which I never saw before." This person may be 
compared to one shut up in a dark room, where he is 
surrounded by many loathsome objects. If a single 
ray of light be let into the room, he sees the more pro- 
minent objects; but if the light gradually increase, he 
sees more and more of the filth by which he has been 
surrounded. It was there before, but he perceived it 
not. His increased knowledge of the fact is a sure 
evidence of increasing light. Hypocrites often learn 
to talk by rote of the wickedness of their hearts; but 



194 THOUGHTS ON 

go to them and seriously accuse them of indulging 
secret pride, or envy, or covetousness, or any other 
heart sins, and they will be offended. Their confes- 
sions of sin are only intended to raise them in the^ 
opinion of others, as truly humble persons; and not 
that any should believe that corruption abounds with- 
in them. Growth in grace is evinced by a more hab- 
itual vigilance against besetting sins and temptations, 
and by greater self-denial, in regard to personal indul- 
gence. A growing conscientiousness in regard to 
what may be called minor duties, is also a good sign. 
The counterfeit of this is, a scrupulous conscience, 
which sometimes haggles at the most innocent gratifi- 
cations, and has led some to hesitate about taking their 
daily food. Increasing spiritual-mindedness is a sure 
evidence of progress in piety; and this will always be 
accompanied by deadness to the world. Continued 
aspirations to God, in the house and by the way, in 
lying down and rising up, in company and in solitude, 
indicates the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, by whose 
agency all progress in sanctification is made. A 
victory over besetting sins by Avhich the person was 
frequently led away, shows an increased vigour in the 
renewed principle. Increasing solicitude for the sal- 
vation of men, and sorrow on account of their sinful 
and miserable condition, and a disposition tenderly to 
warn sinners of their danger, evince a growing state 
of piety. It is also a strong evidence of growth in 
grace, when you can bear injuries and provocations 
with meekness, and when you can from the heart de- 
sire the temporal and eternal welfare of your bitterest 
enemies. An entire and confident reliance on the 
promises and providence of God, however dark may 
be your horizon, or however many difficulties environ 
you, is a sign that you have learned to live by faith; 
and humble contentment with your condition, though 
it be one of poverty and obscurity, shows that yon 
have profited by sitting at the feet of Jesus. Diligence 
in the duties of our calling, with a view to the glory 
of God, is not an evidence to be despised. Indeed, 
there is no surer standard of spiritual growth, than a 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 195 

habit of aiming at the glory of God in every thing. 
That mind which is steady to the main end, is as 
good evidence of being touched by divine grace, as 
the tendency of the needle to the pole proves that it 
has been touched by the magnet. Increasing love to 
the brethren is a sure sign of growth; for as brotherly 
love is a proof of the existence of grace, so exercising 
brotherly love is of vigour in the divine life. This 
love, when pure, is not confined within those limits 
which party spirit circumscribes, but overleaping all 
the barriers of sects and denominations, it embraces 
the disciples of Christ wherever it finds them. A 
healthy state of piety is always a growing state; that 
child which grows not at all must be sickly. If we 
would enjoy spiritual comfort, we must be in a 
thriving condition. None enjoy the pleasures of 
bodily health, but they who are in health. If we 
would be useful to the Church and the world we must 
be growing Christians. If we would live in daily 
preparation for our change, we must endeavour to 
grow in grace daily. The aged saint, laden with the 
fruits of righteousness, is like a shock of corn fully 
ripe, which is ready for the garner; or like a mature 
fruit, which gradually loosens its hold of the tree, until 
at last it gently falls off. Thus the aged, mature 
Christian, departs in peace. As growth in grace is 
gradual, and the progress from day to day impercep- 
tible, we should aim to do something in this work 
every day. We should " die daily unto sin and live 
unto righteousness." Sometimes the children of God 
grow faster when in the fiery furnace than elsewhere. 
As metals are purified by being cast into the fire, so 
saints have their dross consumed and their evidences 
brightened, by being cast into the furnace of affliction. 
" Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery 
trial which shall try some of you, as though some 
strange thing happened unto you," but rejoice, be- 
cause " the trial of your faith, being much more 
precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried 
with fire, might be found unto praise, and honour, 
and glory." 



196 V3HOUGHT5 H 

We shall here present some practical directions how- 
to grow in grace, or make progress in piety. 

1. Set it down as a certainty that this object will 
never be attained without vigorous, continued effort; 
and it must not only be desired and sought, but must 
be considered more important than all other pursuits, 
and be pursued in preference to every thing which 
claims your attention. 

2. While you determine to be assiduous in the m 
of appointed means of sanctifi cation, you must have 
it deeply fixed in your mind, that nothing can I e : :- 
fected in this work without the aid of the Divine S 

u Paul may plant and Apollos water, but it is God 
that giveth the increase." The direction of the old 
divines is good; use the means is vigorously as 
you w^ere to be saved by your own efforts^and vel 
trust as entirely to the grace of God, as if you made 
use of no means whatever. 

: 3e much in the perusal of the Holy Scriptures, 
and strive to obtain clear and eonsisten: views :f the 
plan of redemption. Learn to contemplate the truth 
in its true nature, simply/devoutly, and long at a time, 
that you may receive on your soul the impression 
which it is calculated to make. Avoid carious and ab- 
struse speculations respecting thin^: Tiled; and 
do not indulge a spirit of contr: • t Many lose the 
benefit of the good impression which the truth is calcu- 
lated to make, because they do not vie 
its own nature, but as related to some dfannte, di as 
bearing on some other point. As when a man would 
receive the genuine impression which a beautiful land- 
scape is adapted to make, he must not be turned : 
by minute inquiries respecting the botanical character 
of the plants, the value of the timber or the fertility 
of the soil; but he must place his mind in the attitude 
of receiving the impression which « ; rmbined view 
of the objects before him, will nar; duee on 
the taste. In such cases the effect is not produced by 
any exertion of the intellect; all such active stri ing 
is unfavourable, except in bringing the mind to its 
proper state. When the impression :; most perfect, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



197 



we feel as if we were mere passive recipients of the 
effect. To this there is a striking analogy in the way 
in which the mind is impressed with divine truth. 
It is not the critic, the speculative or polemic theolo- 
gian, who is most likely to receive the right impres- 
sion, but the humble, simple-hearted, contemplative 
Christian. It is necessary to study the Scriptures 
critically, and to defend the truth against opposers; 
but the most learned critic and the most profound 
theologian must learn to sit at the feet of Jesus in the 
spirit of a child, or they are not likely to be edified 
by their studies. 

4. Pray constantly and fervently for the influences 
of the Holy Spirit. No blessing is so particularly 
and emphatically promised in answer to prayer as 
this; and if you would receive this divine gift, to be 
in you as a well of water springing up to everlasting 
life, you must not only pray, but you must watch 
against every thing in your heart or life which has a 
tendency to grieve the Spirit of God. Of what ac- 
count is it to pray, if you indulge evil thoughts and 
imaginations almost without control: or if you give 
way to the evil passions of anger, envy, pride and 
avarice, or bridle not your tongue from evil speaking? 
Learn to be conscientious; that is, obey the dictates 
of your conscience uniformly. Many are conscien- 
tious in some things, and not in others; they listen to 
the monitor within, when he directs to important 
duties; but in smaller matters, they often disregard 
the voice of conscience, and follow present inclina- 
tion. Such cannot grow in grace. 

5. Take more time for the duties of the closet, and 
for looking into the state of your soul. Redeem an 
hour daily from sleep, if you cannot obtain it other- 
wise; and as the soul's concerns are apt to get out 
of order, and more time is needed for thorough self- 
examination, than an hour a day, set apart, not peri- 
odically, but as your necessities require, days of fasting 
and humiliation before God. On these occasions, 
deal faithfully with yourselves. Be in earnest to 
search out all your secret sins, and to repent of them. 



198 THOUGHTS ON 

Renew your covenant with God, and form holy re- 
solutions of amendment in the strength of divine 
grace, and if you find upon examination, that you 
have been living in any sinful indulgence, probe 
the festering wound to the core, and confess your 
fault before God, and do not rest until you have had 
an application of the blood of sprinkling. You need 
not ask why you do not grow, while there is such an 
ulcer within you. Here, it is to be feared, is the root 
of the evil. Sins indulged are not thoroughly re- 
pented of and forsaken; or the conscience has not 
been purged effectually, and the wound still festers. 
" Come to the fountain opened for the washing away 
of sin and uncleanness." Bring your case to the 
great Physician. 

6. Cultivate and exercise brotherly love more than 
you have been accustomed to do. Christ is displeased 
with many of his professed followers, because they 
are so cold and indifferent to his members on earth; 
and because they do so little to comfort and encourage 
them; and with some, because they are a stumbling 
block to the weak of the flock; their conversation 
and conduct not being edifying, but the contrary. 
Perhaps these disciples are poor, and in the lower 
walks of life, and therefore you overlook them, as 
beneath you. And thus would you have treated 
Christ himself, had you lived in his time; for he took 
his station among the poor and afflicted ; and he will 
resent a neglect of his poor saints with more displea- 
sure than he would of the rich. Perhaps they do not 
belong to your party or sect, and you are only con- 
cerned to build up your own denomination. Remem- 
ber how Christ condescended to treat the sinful wo- 
man of Samaria, and the poor woman of Canaan, 
and remember what account he has given of the last 
judgment, when he will assume to himself all that 
has been done, or neglected to be done, to his humble 
followers. There should be more Christian conver- 
sation and friendly intercourse between the followers 
of Christ. In former days, "They that feared the 
Lord spake often one unto another, and the Lord 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 199 

hearkened and heard it, and a book of remembrance 
was written for them that feared the Lord and thought 
upon his name." 

7. If you are in good earnest to make greater pro- 
gress in piety, you must do more than you have done 
for the promotion of God's glory and of Christ's 
kingdom on earth. You must enter with livelier, 
deeper feeling, into all the plans which the Church 
has adopted to advance these objects. You must 
give more than you have done. It is a shame to 
think how small a portion of their gains some pro- 
fessors devote to the Lord. Instead of being a tithe, 
it is hardly equal to the single sheaf of first fruits. If 
you have nothing to give, labour to get something. 
Sit up at night and try to make something, for Christ 
hath need of it. Sell a corner of your land and throw 
the money into the treasury of the Lord. In primi- 
tive times many sold houses and lands, and laid the 
whole at the Apostles' feet. Do not be afraid of 
making yourselves poor by giving to the Lord, or to 
his poor. His word is better than any bond, and he 
says, " I will repay it." Cast your bread on the 
waters, and after many days you will find it again. 
Send the Bible — send missionaries — send tracts to the 
perishing heathen. 

8. Practise self-denial every day. Lay a whole- 
some restraint upon your appetites. Be not con- 
formed to this world. Let your dress, your house, 
your furniture, be plain and simple, as becometh a 
Christian. Avoid vain parade and show in every 
thing. Govern your family with discretion. Forgive 
and pray for your enemies. Have little to do with 
party politics. Carry on your business on sober, judi- 
cious principles. Keep clear of speculation and surety- 
ships. Live peaceably with all men as much as in 
you lies. Be much in ejaculatory prayer. Keep your 
heart with all diligence. Try to turn to spiritual 
profit every event which occurs; and be fervently 
thankful for all mercies. 

9. For your more rapid growth in grace, some of 
you will be cast into the furnace of affliction. Sick- 



200 



THOUGHTS ON 



ness, bereavement, bad conduct of children and rela- 
tives, loss of property, or of reputation, may come 
upon you unexpectedly, and press heavily on you. 
In these trying circumstances, exercise patience and 
fortitude. Be more solicitous to have the affliction 
sanctified, than removed. Glorify God while in the 
fire of adversity. That faith which is most tried, is 
commonly most pure and precious. Learn from 
Christ how you ought to suffer. Let perfect submis- 
sion to the will of God be aimed at. Never indulge 
a murmuring or discontented spirit. Repose with 
confidence on the promises. Commit all your cares 
to God. Make known your requests to him by 
prayer and supplication. Let go your too eager 
grasp of the world. Become familiar with death and 
the grave. Wait patiently until your change cometh; 
but desire not to live a day longer than may be for 
the glory of God. 

If we are on the watch we often may find good 
things when they were least expected. It is seldom 
that I consult an almanac for any purpose, but wish- 
ing, the other day, to see when the moon would 
change, I opened the calendar at the current month, 
and the first thing which struck my eye was the 
heading of a paragraph in the very words which I had 
selected as the subject of this essay — " Hinderances to 
Growth in Grace/ 5 Of course I preserved the short 
paragraph, and I was so well pleased with what I 
read, that I resolved to take it for my text — and here 
it is, word for word: 

" The influence of wordly relatives and compa- 
nions — embarking too deeply in business — approxi- 
mations to fraud for the sake of gain — devoting too 
much time to amusements — immoderate attachment 
to a wordly object — attendance on an unbelieving or 
unfaithful ministry — languid and formal observance 
of religious duties — shunning the society and religious 
converse of Christian friends — relapse into known 
sin — oversight and of course non-improvement of 
graces already attained." 

Now, all this is very good and very true; the only 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 201 

objection is, that several of the particulars mentioned 
should rather be considered as the effects of a real 
declension in religion than the mere hinderances to 
growth; although it is true, that nothing so effectually 
hinders our progress as an actual state of backsliding. 
It seems desirable to ascertain, as precisely as we can, 
the reasons why Christians commonly are of so diminu- 
tive a stature and of such feeble, strength in their reli- 
gion. When persons are truly converted they always 
are sincerely desirous to make rapid progress in piety; 
and there are not wanting exceeding great and gra- 
cious promises of aid to encourage them to go for- 
ward with alacrity. Why then is so little advance- 
ment made? Are there not some practical mistakes 
very commonly entertained, which are the cause of 
this slowness of growth? I think there are, and will 
endeavour to specify some of them. And first, there 
is a defect in our belief of the freeness of divine grace. 
To exercise unshaken confidence in the doctrine of 
gratuitous pardon is one of the most difficult things in 
the world; and to preach this doctrine fully without 
verging towards antinomianism is no easy task, and 
is therefore seldom done. But Christians cannot but 
be lean and feeble when deprived of the proper nutri- 
ment. It is by faith, that the spiritual life is made to 
grow; and the doctrine of free grace, without any 
mixture of human merit, is the only true object of 
faith. Christians are too much inclined to depend 
on themselves, and not to derive their life entirely 
from Christ. There is a spurious legal religion, 
which may flourish without the practical belief in 
the absolute freeness of divine grace, but it pos- 
sesses none of the characteristics of the Christian's 
life. It is found to exist in the rankest growth 
in systems of religion which are utterly false. But 
even when the true doctrine is acknowledged, in 
theory, often it is not practically felt and acted on. 
The new convert lives upon his frames, rather than 
on Christ; and the older Christian still is found 
struggling in his own strength; and failing in his 
expectations of success, he becomes discouraged first, 



202 THOUGHTS OS 

and then he sinks into a gloomy despondency", 
becomes, in a measure, careless, and then the spirit 
of the world comes in with resistless force. Here, I 
am persuaded, is the root of the evil; and, until reli- 
gious teachers inculcate clearly, fully, and practically, 
the grace of God as manifested in the gospel, we shall 
have no vigorous growth of piety among professing 
Christians. We must be, as it were, identified with 
Christ — crucified with him, and living by him, and in 
him by faith, or rather have Christ living in us. The 
covenant of grace must be more clearly and repeat- 
edly expounded in all its rich plenitude of mercy, and 
in all its absolute freeness. 

Another thing which prevents growth in graiT 
that Christians do not make their obedience to C 
comprehend every other object of pursuit Their 
religion is too much a separate thing, and they pursue 
their wordly business in another spirit. They : 
unite the service of God and Mammon. Their minds 
are divided, and often distracted with earthly cares 
and desires, which interfere with the service of God; 
whereas they should have but one object of pursuit, 
and all that they do and seek, should be in subordina- 
tion to this. Every thing should be done for 3 - 1 
and to God; whether they eat or drink, they should 
do all to his glory. As the ploughing and sowi: r ; t 
the wicked is sin, because done without regal 
God and his glory; so the secular employments and 
pursuits of the pious should all be consecrated 
become a part of their religion. Thus they « : a i 
serve God in the field and in the shop, in buying and 
selling, and getting gam — all would be for God. 7 fa o i 
their earthly labours would prove no bindenncc : 
their progress in piety; and possessing an und:~ 
mind, having a single object of pursu:: they 
not but grow in grace, daily. He whosf eye is sin* 
shall have his whole body full of light. 

Again, another powerful cause of hinderance in 
the growth of the life of God in the 
make general resolutions of improvement, t: . _ -. . 
to extend our efforts to particulars: and we pr; 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 203 

ourselves that in the indefinite future, we will do 
much in the way of reformation, but are found doing 
nothing each day in cultivating piety. We begin and 
end our days without aiming or expecting to make 
any particular advance on that day. Thus our best 
resolutions evaporate without effect. We merely 
run the round of prescribed duty, satisfied if we do 
nothing amiss, and neglect no external service which 
we feel to be obligatory. We resemble the man who 
purposes to go to a certain place, and often resolves 
with earnestness that he will some day perform the 
journey, but never takes a step towards the place. Is 
it at all strange that that person who on no day makes 
it his distinct object to advance in the divine life, at 
the end of months and years is found stationary? The 
natural body will grow without our thinking about it, 
even when we are asleep, but not the life of piety, 
which only increases by, and through the exercises of 
the mind, aiming at higher measures of grace. And, 
as every day we should do something in this good 
work, so we should direct our attention to the growth 
of parlicular graces; especially of those in which we 
know ourselves to be defective. Are we weak in 
faith? let us give attention to the proper means of 
strengthening our faith; and, above all, apply to the 
Lord to increase our faith. Is our love to God cold 
and hardly perceptible, and greatly interrupted by 
long intervals in which God and Christ is not in all 
our thoughts? let us have this for a daily lamentation 
at the throne of grace — let us resolve to meditate more 
on the excellency of the divine attributes, and espe- 
cially on the love of God to us — let us be much in 
reading the account of Christ's sufferings and death, 
and be importunate in prayer, until we receive more 
copious effusions of the Holy Spirit; for the fruit of 
the Spirit is love, and the love of God is shed abroad 
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto 
us. And so we should directly aim at cultivating 
and increasing every grace; for the divine life, or 
"new man," consists of these graces, and the whole 



204 THOUGHTS ON 

cannot be in health and vigour, while the constituent 
parts are feeble and in a state of decay. The same 
remarks are applicable to the mortification of sin ; we 
are prone to view our depravity too much in the 
general, and under this view to repent of it, and hum- 
ble ourselves on account of it; whereas, in order to 
make any considerable progress in this part of sancti- 
fication, we must deal with our sins in detail. We 
must have it as a special object, to eradicate pride and 
vain glory, covetousness, indolence, envy, discontent, 
anger, &c. There should be appropriate means used, 
suited to the extirpation of each particular vice of the 
mind. It is true, indeed, that if we water the root we 
may expect the branches to flourish; if we invigorate 
the principle of piety, the several Christian virtues 
will flourish; but a skilful gardener will pay due 
attention both to the root and the branches; and, in 
fact, these graces of the heart are parts of the root, 
and it is by strengthening these, that we do invigo- 
rate the root. The same is true, as it relates to the 
remaining principle of sin; we must strike our blows 
chiefly at the root of the evil tree, but those inherent 
vices which were mentioned, and others, should be 
considered as belonging to the root, and when we aim 
at their destruction particularly, and in detail, our 
strokes will be most effectual. 

I shall mention, at present, but one other cause of 
the slow growth of believers in piety, and that is the 
neglect of improving in the knowledge of divine 
things. As spiritual knowledge is the foundation of 
all genuine exercises of religion; so growth in religion 
is intimately connected with divine knowledge. Men 
may possess nnsanctified knowledge and be nothing 
the better for it; but they cannot grow in grace with- 
out increasing in the knowiedge of our Lord Jesus 
Christ. " Being," says Paul, u fruitful in every good 
work, and increasing in the knowledge of God." 
" Grow in grace," says Peter, "and in the knowledge 
of our Lord Jesus Christ." Mr. Edwards remarks, 
that the more faithful he was in studying the Bible, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 205 

the more he prospered in spiritual things. The rea- 
son is plain, and other Christians will find the same to 
be true. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

Backsliding. — The Backslider restored. 

There is a perpetual, and there is a temporary back- 
sliding. The first is the case of those who, being par- 
tially awakened and enlightened by the word accom- 
panied by the common operations of the Spirit, make 
a profession of religion, and, for a while, seem to run 
well, and to outstrip the humble believer in zeal and 
activity; but having no root in themselves, in the 
time of temptation, fall totally away, and not only 
relinquish their profession, but frequently renounce 
Christianity itself, and become the bitterest enemies 
of religion. Or, seduced by the pride of their own 
hearts, they forsake the true doctrines of the gospel, 
and fall in love with some flattering, flesh-pleasing 
form of heresy; and spend their time in zealous ef- 
forts to overthrow that very truth, which they once 
professed to prize. Or, thirdly, they are overcome 
by some insidious lust or passion, and fall into the ha- 
bitual practice of some sin, which at first they secretly 
indulge, but after awhile cast off all disguise, and 
show to all that they are enslaved by some hurtful 
and hateful iniquity. Persons who thus apostatize 
from the profession and belief of Christianity, or who 
fall into a habitual course of sinning, are commonly 
in the most hopeless condition of all who live in the 
midst of the means of grace. When they openly 
reject Christianity, their infidelity is commonly accom- 
panied by contempt and a malign temper, which often 
prompts them to blasphemy; and are, according to 
our apprehension, in great danger of committing the 
unpardonable sin; and some who in these circum- 

14 



206 THOUGHTS ON 

stances are actuated by inveterate hatred to the truth, 
and who make use of their tongues to express the 
feelings of enmity which rankle in them, do often fall 
into this unpardonable sin. The case of such seems 
to be described by Paul, in the sixth chapter of his 
Epistle to the Hebrews. "For it is impossible for 
those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of 
the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the 
Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God 
and the powers of the world to come, if they shall 
fall away, to renew them again to repentance, seeing 
they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh and 
put him to an open shame." Some suppose that the 
Apostle here describes the character of the true Chris- 
tian, and that he merely supposes the case, if such 
should fall away, what would be the fearful conse- 
quence; but this seems to us a forced construction. 
It seems more reasonable to believe that he is descri- 
bing a case which may, and often does occur, and 
that the description applies to such professors as had 
received the miraculous endowments of the Holy 
Spirit, and yet apostatized: and by crucifying the 
Son of God afresh he probably alludes to the manner 
in which those who went back to the Jews, were 
required to execrate the name of Christ in the Syna- 
gogues, and to profess that he deserved to be crucified 
as he had been, and thus put him to an open shame. 
But whether such apostates do actually commit the 
unpardonable sin or not, seems in most cases to be of 
little consequence, for they commonly die in their 
sins, and all sin unrepented of is unpardonable. In 
some cases, however, apostates stop short of infidel- 
ity and blasphemy, and while they stand aloof from 
religion, content themselves with decency, and do not 
treat religion with disrespect; yet it will be found on 
examination, that the hearts of such are extremely 
callous, their consciences are seared as with a hot 
iron. The Spirit of God, evidently has left them, 
and strives no more with them: and they often die as 
they have lived, fearfully insensible, having » no bands 
in their death."" But sometimes conscience is let 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 207 

loose upon them in their last hours, and they are left 
to die in the horrors of despair. In the days of the 
apostles, they seem to have had some way of know- 
ing when a man had committed " the sin unto death," 
and for such, Christians were not to pray, as their 
destiny was irretrievably fixed; but such knowledge 
cannot be possessed now, and we may therefore 
pray for all, as long as they are in the place of repent- 
ance. 

But when we speak of backsliding, we commonly 
mean those sad departures of real Christians from 
God, which are so common, and often so injurious to 
the cause of religion. These cases are so common, 
that some have thought that all Christians had their 
seasons of backsliding; when they left their first love, 
and lost the sweet relish of divine things, and were 
excluded from intimate communion with God. But, 
however common backsliding may have been among 
Christians, there is no foundation for the opinion, 
that it is common to all ; we find no such declension 
in the experience of Paul or John; and in the bio- 
graphies of some modern saints we find no such sad 
declension. We could refer to many recorded ac- 
counts of personal experience, but it will be sufficient 
to mention Mr. Baxter, Col. Gardiner, G. Whitefield, 
and Mr. Brainerd. No doubt all experience short 
seasons of comparative coldness and insensibility, 
and they who live near to God have not always equal 
light, and life, and comfort, in the divine life. Those 
fluctuations of feeling, which are so common, are not 
included in the idea of a state of backsliding. This 
occurs when the Christian is gradually led off from 
close walking with God, loses the lively sense of 
divine things, becomes too much attached to the 
world and too much occupied with secular concerns; 
until at length the keeping of the heart is neglected, 
closet duties are omitted or slightly performed, zeal 
for the advancement of religion is quenched, and 
many things once rejected by a sensitive conscience, 
are now indulged and defended. 

All this may take place, and continue long before 



208 THOUGHTS ON 

the person is aware of his danger, or acknowledges 
that there has been any serious departure from God. 
The forms of religion may be still kept up, and open 
sin avoided. But more commonly backsliders fall 
into some evil habits; they are evidently too much 
conformed to the world, and often go too far in par- 
ticipating in the pleasures and amusements of the 
world; and too often there is an indulgence in known 
sin, into which they are gradually led, and on account 
of which they experience frequent compunction, and 
make solemn resolutions to avoid it in future; but 
when the hour of temptation comes, they are over- 
come again and again, and thus they live a miserable 
life, enslaved by some sin, over which, though they 
sometimes struggle hard, they cannot get the victory. 
There is in nature no more inconsistent thing than a 
backsliding Christian. Looking at one side of his 
character, he seems to have sincere, penitential feel- 
ings, and his heart to be right in its purposes and 
aims, but look at the other side, and he seems to be 
" carnal, sold under sin."' wretched man! how he 
writhes often in anguish, and groans for deliverance, 
but he is like Sampson shorn of his locks, his strength 
is departed, and he is not able to rise and go forth, at 
liberty, as in former times. All backsliders are not 
alike. Some are asleep, but the one now described is 
in a state of almost perpetual conflict, which keeps 
him wide awake; sometimes when his pious feelings 
are lively he cannot but hope that he loves God and 
hates sin, and is encouraged; but oh, when sin pre- 
vails against him, and he is led away captive, he can- 
not think that he is a true Christian. Is it possible 
that one who is thus overcome, can have in him any 
principle of piety? Sometimes he gives up all hope, 
and concludes, that he was deceived in ever thinking 
himself converted; but then again, when he feels a 
broken and contrite heart, and an ardent breathing 
and groaning after deliverance, he cannot but con- 
clude, that there is some principle above mere nature, 
operating with him. 

The sleeping backslider is one who, by being sur- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 209 

rounded with earthly comforts, and engaged in secu- 
lar pursuits, and mingling much with the decent and 
respectable people of the world, by degrees, loses the 
deep impression of divine and eternal things; his 
spiritual senses become obtuse, and he has no longer 
the views and feelings of one awake to the reality of 
spiritual things. His case nearly resembles that of a 
man gradually sinking into sleep. Still he sees dimly, 
and hears indistinctly, but he is fast losing the im- 
pression of the objects of the spiritual world, and 
sinking under the impression of the things of time 
and sense. There may be no remarkable change in 
the external conduct of such a person; except that he 
has no longer any relish for religious conversation, 
and rather is disposed to waive it. And the differ- 
ence between such an one, and the rest of the world 
becomes less and less distinguishable. From any 
thing you see or hear, you would not suspect him to 
be a professor of religion, until you see him taking 
his seat at the Lord's table. Such backsliders are 
commonly awakened by some severe judgments, the 
earthly objects on which they had too much fixed 
their affections are snatched away, and they are 
made bitterly to feel that it is an evil thing to forget, 
and depart from the living God. 

There is still another species of backsliding, where 
by a sudden temptation, one who appeared to stand 
firm, is cast down. Such was the fall of Peter, and 
many others have given full evidence, that a man's 
standing is not in himself; for frequently men are 
overcome in those very things in which they were 
least afraid, and had most confidence in their own 
strength. These cases are usually more disgraceful 
than other instances of backsliding, but they are less 
dangerous; for, commonly, where there is grace they 
produce such an overwhelming conviction of sin, and 
shame of having acted so unworthily, that repentance 
soon follows the lapse, and the person, when restored, 
is more watchful than ever against all kinds of sin, 
and more distrustful of himself. Such falls may be 
compared to a sudden accident by which a bone is 



210 



THOUGHTS OZV 



broken, or put out of joint, they are very painful, and 
cause the person to go limping all the remainder of 
his life, but do not so much affect the vitals, as more 
secret and insidious diseases, which prey inwardly, 
without being perceived. 

There are many persons, who never made a pub- 
lic profession of religion, who for a while, are the 
subjects of serious impressions, whose consciences 
are much awake, and whose feelings are tender. 
They seem to love to hear the truth, and in a con- 
siderable degree fall under its influence, so as to be 
almost persuaded to be Christians; and for a season 
give to the pious, lively hopes of their speedy conver- 
sion. They are such as the person to whom Christ 
said, "thou art not far from the kingdom of God." 
But through the blinding influence of avarice or am- 
bition, or some other carnal motive, they are led 
away and lose all their serious thoughts and good 
resolutions. Such persons usually lose their day of 
grace. I have seen an amiable young man, weep- 
ing under the faithful preaching of the gospel, and 
my hopes were sanguine, that I should soon see him 
at the table of the Lord, but alas! I believe that, on 
that very day, he quenched the Spirit, and has been 
going further and further from the Lord ever since! 

The backsliding believer can only be distinguished 
from the final apostate by the fact of his recovery: at 
least, when Christians have slidden far back, no satis- 
factory evidence of the genuineness of their piety can 
be exhibited; nor can they have any which ought to 
satisfy their own minds. In the course of pastoral 
visitation I once called upon a habitual drunkard 
who had been a flaming professor. I asked him 
what he thought of his former exercises of religion. 
He said, that he was confident that they were genu- 
ine; and expressed a strong confidence that the Lord 
would recover him from his backsliding state. Now 
here was the very spirit of Antinomianism. Whether 
he was ever recovered from his besetting sin, I cannot 
tell; but I rather think that he continued his intem- 
perate habits to the very last. I have often remarked 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 211 

how tenaciously the most profane and obstinate sin- 
ners will cleave to the hope of having been once con- 
verted, if they have ever been the subjects of religi- 
ous impressions. One of the profanest men I ever 
heard speak, and one of the most outrageous drunk- 
ards, when asked on his death-bed, to which he was 
brought by intemperance, respecting his prospects 
beyond the grave, said, that when a very young 
man, he had been among the Methodists, and thought 
that he was converted; and though he had lived 
in the most open and daring wickedness for more 
than twenty years since that time, yet he seemed 
to depend on those early exercises. Miserable de- 
lusion! But a drowning man will catch at a straw. 
An old captain, whom I visited on his death-bed, 
seemed to be trusting to a similar delusion. He re- 
lated to me certain religious exercises which he had 
when he first went to sea, but of which he had no 
return ever since, though half a century had elapsed. 
I have met with few persons who had neglected to 
cherish and improve early impressions, who were 
ever afterwards hopefully converted. They are gene- 
rally given up to blindness of mind and hardness of 
heart. But some of these are sometimes brought in, 
in times of revival; or, at a late period, driven to the 
gospel refuge, by severe affliction. The conviction 
of a Christian backslider is often more severe and 
overwhelming than when first awakened. When his 
eyes are opened to see the ingratitude and wicked re- 
bellion of his conduct, he is ready to despair, and to 
give up all hopes of being pardoned. He sinks into 
deep waters where the billows of divine displeasure 
roll over him; or he is like a prisoner, in a horrible 
pit, and in the miry clay. All around him is dark and 
desolate, and he feels himself to be in a deplorably 
helpless condition. His own strivings seem to sink 
him deeper in the mire; but, as his last and only re- 
source, he cries out of the depths unto God. As his 
case is urgent he cries with unceasing importunity, 
and the Lord hears the voice of his supplications, and 
brings him up out of the horrible pit, and places his 



212 THOUGHTS ON 

feet upon a rock, and establishes bis goings, and puts 
a new song into his mouth, even of praise to the Re- 
deemer. The freeness of pardon to the returning 
backslider is a thing which is hard to be believed, un- 
til it is experienced. No sooner is the proud heart 
humbled, and the hard heart broken into contrition, 
than Jehovah is near with his healing balm. To heal 
the broken in heart, and to revive the spirit of the 
contrite ones is the delight of Immanuel. And he re- 
ceives the returning penitent without reproaches. He 
pardons him freely, and sheds abroad his love in his 
heart, and fills him with the joy of the Holy Ghost. 
It is, in fact, a new conversion; there is but one regen- 
eration. We never hear of a sinner being born a 
third time — but we remember that Christ said unto 
Peter, " when thou art converted strengthen thy 
brethren." Indeed, the exercises of the soul on these 
occasions may be so much more clear and comforta- 
ble than on its first conversion, that the person is dis- 
posed to think that this is the real commencement 
of spiritual life, and to set down all his former expe- 
rience as spurious; or, at least, essentially defective. 
Christians, when recovered from backsliding, are com- 
monly more watchful, and walk more circumspectly 
than they ever did before. They cannot but be more 
humble. The remembrance of their base departure 
from God fills them with self-loathing. Whenever 
spiritual pride would lift up its head, one thought of 
a disgraceful fall will often lay the soul in the dust. 
And whether the backslider's sins have been open 
or secret, the recollection of his traitorous behaviour 
fills him with shame and self-abhorrence. When such 
persons have so conducted themselves as to bring 
upon them the censures of the church, so as to be 
separated from the communion of his people, at first, 
it is probable, resentment would be felt towards the 
officers of the church who performed this painful duty; 
but after reflection, these resentments are turned 
against themselves, and they pass much heavier cen- 
sures on themselves than the church ever did. Judi- 
cious, seasonable discipline is a powerful means of 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 213 

grace, and often would be the effectual means of re- 
covering the backslider, if exercised as it should be." 
Indeed, this may be said to be one main design of its 
appointment. If whenever there is an appearance of 
declension in a church member, the pastor, or some 
other officer of the church, would go to the person, 
and, in the spirit, and by the authority of Christ, 
would address a serious admonition to him, and then 
a second, and a third, and if these were unheeded, 
then to bring him before the church, backsliding, in 
most cases, would be arrested before it proceeded far. 
But every member of the church has a duty to per- 
form towards erring brethren. When they see them 
going astray, they should not act towards them as if 
they hated them, but should in any wise rebuke them. 
Christian reproof from one Christian to another seems 
to be almost banished from our churches. There is a 
quick eye to discern a brother's faults, and a ready 
tongue to speak of them to others; but where do we 
now find the faithful reprover of sin, who goes to the 
man himself, without saying a word to any one, and 
between themselves, faithfully warns, exhorts, and 
entreats a straying brother to return. The serious 
discipline of formal accusations, and witnesses, &c, by 
such a course would be, in a great measure, rendered 
unnecessary; but the practice is, to let the evil grow 
until it has become inveterate, and breaks out into 
overt acts, and then there is a necessity to pay atten- 
tion to the matter, and to put in force the discipline of 
the church. But even this often proves salutary, and 
is a powerful means of reclaiming the offender; or, if 
he persists in his evil courses, it serves to separate an 
unworthy member from the communion of saints. 
But when church officers and private Christians ut- 
terly fail in their duty towards backsliding brethren, 
God himself often makes use of the means of his own, 
which does not require the intervention of men. He 
smites the offender with his rod, and causes him to 
smart in some tender part. He sends such afflictions 
as bring his sins forcibly before his conscience. He 
deprives him of the objects for the sake of which he 



214 



THOUGHTS ON 



forsook the Lord. — It may be the wife of his youth, 
or a beloved child, on which his affections were too 
fondly fixed, so as to become idolatrous. Or, if it was 
the love of the world which was the seductive cause 
of his backsliding, "riches are caused to make to 
themselves wings and flee away like the eagle to 
heaven." Or, was the love of ease and indulgence 
of the sensual appetites the cause of his delinquency, 
the stroke falls on his own body. He is brought low 
by sickness, and is tried upon his bed with excru- 
ciating pains, until he cries out in his distress, and 
humbly confesses his sins. Or, if he was carried 
away by an undue love of the honour that cometh 
from men, it is not unlikely that his reputation, which 
he cherished with a fondness which caused him to 
neglect the honour of his God, will be permitted to be 
tarnished by the tongue of slander, and things may 
be so situated, that although innocent, he may not 
have it in his power to make the truth appear. 
Children, too much indulged, become, by their mis- 
conduct, fruitful causes of affliction to parents; and 
thus they are made to surfer in the very point where 
they had sinned. Look at the case of Eli and of 
David. All afflictions, however, are not for chastise- 
ment, but sometimes for trial; and those whom God 
loves best are most afflicted in this world. They are 
kept in the furnace, and that heated seven times, until 
their dross is consumed, and their piety shines forth 
as pure gold, which has been tried in the fire. But 
we are now concerned only with those afflictions 
which are most effective to bring back the backslider; 
the virtue of which the Psalmist acknowledges when 
he says, "It is good for me to be afflicted, for before 
I was afflicted I went astray." It may be truly said, 
that many who had backslidden never would have 
returned had it not been for the rod; other means 
seemed to have lost their power, but this comes home 
to the feelings of every one. Whether a believer is 
ever permitted to go out of the world in a backslid- 
den state, is a question of no practical importance; 
but it seems probable that Christians die in all condi- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 215 

tions in which any of this character are ever found. No 
one has any right to presume, that if he backslides, 
death may not overtake him in that unprepared con- 
dition. Backsliding then is a fearful evil ; may we all 
be enabled to avoid it; or if fallen into it, to be reco- 
vered speedily from so dangerous a state! 



CHAPTER XV. 

The rich man and the poor. — The various trials of believers. 

They are not the happy whom the blinded would 
think to be such. This man of successful enterprise, 
and increasing wealth had some enjoyment while 
busily occupied in making a fortune; but now when 
he has arrived at a higher pitch of wealth than his 
most sanguine hopes had anticipated, he is far from 
being happy, pr even contented. The desire of ac- 
quisition has grown into an inveterate habit, and he 
cannot stop in his career; he must find out some new 
enterprise; he must engage in some new speculation; 
and before all is over, it is well if he loses not all he 
had gained; and being accustomed to live high, he is 
unprepared to meet poverty; and to preserve his 
family from such a mortifying change of circum- 
stances, he contrives ways and means to defraud his 
creditors. This man is not happy in his prosperity, 
and under a reverse of fortune, he is truly miserable. 
He has put away a good conscience, which is the 
most essential ingredient in that peace which Christ 
gives to his disciples. His reputation too, if not tar- 
nished, remains under a dark cloud of suspicion, 
which never can be removed. Abroad, he meets 
with neglect and sometimes contempt, from those on 
whom he once looked down ; at home he has before 
him the sad spectacle of a family degraded from their 
former rank, and under all the feelings of mortified 



216 



THOUGHTS ON 



pride, struggling to conceal their poverty from the 
gaze and contempt of an unpitying world. But even 
if no reverse is experienced, and the man continues to 
be successful in all his enterprises; and if at the close 
of his career, he can calculate millions, in the bank, 
or in real estate; and his only remaining difficulty 
is, how to dispose of such a mass of wealth. He has 
a son, it is true, but he is a base profligate, and in a 
single year, would, by reckless speculation, or at the 
gaming table, dissipate the whole which has been 
so carefully hoarded up. And yet this man could 
scarcely be induced to give a dollar to any benevo- 
lent object, lest he should lessen the amount which he 
was by every means raking together, for this unwor- 
thy son. He has daughters, too, whose husbands in 
selecting them had more respect to their fortunes, than 
to any personal qualifications, and these are impa- 
tient, that the old man should live so long, and hold 
the purse-strings with so close a gripe. Though they 
will go through all the ceremonial of deep grief, and 
mourn as decently, and as long as fashion requires; 
yet no event is heard with more heart-felt pleasure, 
than that their aged relative is at last obliged to give 
up all his possessions. 

Are the rich happy? not such as have been de- 
scribed. But there are a favoured few who seem 
to have learned the secret of using wealth so as to 
do much good, and to derive from it much enjoy- 
ment. They are desirous of making increase too, but 
it is all for the Lord ; not to be hoarded, until they are 
obliged to leave it, and then to be distributed among 
benevolent societies. No; they are continually con- 
triving methods of making it produce good, now. 
They are parsimonious to themselves, that they may 
be liberal to the poor: and may be able to enrich the 
treasury of the Lord. Such men are blessed, in their 
deed; and though unostentatious in their charities, 
their light cannot be hid. A few rich men of this 
description have lived in England, and even our new 
country, records with gratitude, the names of a few 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 217 

benefactors of the public; and we trust in God that 
the number will be multiplied, Reader, go and do 
likewise. 

But, more commonly, the elect of God are not called 
to glorify him in this way. Wealth is a dangerous 
talent, and is very apt so to block up the way to 
heaven, that they who do press in, have, as it were, 
to squeeze through a gate as difficult of entrance as 
the eye of a needle to an elephant: and alas! many 
professors who bid fair for heaven, when in moderate 
circumstances, when become rich, are found " drown- 
ed in perdition" — "pierced through with many sor- 
rows." Poverty and suffering are by infinite wisdom 
judged best for the traveller to Zion. Let the Lord's 
people be contented with their condition, and thank- 
ful that they are preserved from snares and tempta- 
tions, which they would have found it difficult to with- 
stand. God will not suffer them to be tempted above 
what they are able to bear, but with the temptation 
provides a way for their escape. The rich are ex- 
posed to suffering as well as the poor; though his suf- 
ferings may be of a different kind. The poor man 
may be forced by necessity to live on coarse bread'; 
the rich also, while tantalized with the daily sight of 
the finest of the wheat, is obliged for the sake of his 
health to live upon bran. The poor man lies on a 
hard bed, because he can afford to get no better; the 
rich man lies as hard to preserve himself from aches 
and pains, which are the natural fruit of luxury. 
The poor man has little of the honours of the world, 
but then he is envied by none, and passes along in 
obscurity, without being set up as a mark to be shot 
at, by envy and malignity, which is often the lot of 
the rich. When sickness comes, the rich man has 
some advantages, but when oppressed with painful 
sickness neither a bed of down, nor rich hangings and 
carpets, contribute any thing to his relief; and in such 
a time of distress, the privations of the poor, though 
the imagination readily magnifies them, add much to 
the pain produced by disease. But we have dwelt 
too long on this comparison between the real suffer- 



218 THOUGHTS ON 

ings of the rich and the poor. More after all depends 
upon the submission and patient temper of mind, 
than upon external circumstances; and, indeed, so 
short is the time of man's continuance upon earth, 
and so infinite the joys or miseries of the future 
world, that to make much of these little differences 
would be like estimating the weight of a feather, 
when engaged in weighing mountains. Who thinks 
it a matter of any concern, whether the circum- 
stances of persons who lived a thousand years ago 
were affluent or destitute? except, so far as these 
external enjoyments and privations contributed to 
their moral improvement, or the contrary? If we 
could be duly impressed with the truths which re- 
spect our eternal condition, we should consider our 
afflictions here as scarcely worthy of being named. 
Thus the apostle Paul seemed to view his own suffer- 
ings, and those of his fellow Christians, when he said, 
" For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time, 
are not worthy to be compared with the glory which 
shall be revealed in us." Compared with the suffer- 
ings of others, those of the apostle were neither few 
nor small; but in the view of eternity by faith, he 
calls them " these light afflictions which are but for a 
moment;" and he had learned the happy art, not only 
of being contented, in whatever state he was, but of 
rejoicing in all his tribulations; not that tribulation, 
considered in itself, could be a matter of rejoicing, for 
who ever found pain and reproach to be pleasant? 
But he rejoiced in these things on account of their 
salutary effects, "for, 7 ' says he, "tribulation work- 
eth patience, and patience experience, and expe- 
rience hope, because the love of God is shed abroad 
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost." The primitive 
Christians were encouraged to bear patiently and joy- 
fully, their present sufferings, on account of the rich 
and gracious reward which awaited them in the 
world to come. Upon the mere principle of con- 
trast, our earthly sorrows will render our heavenly 
joys the sweeter. But this is not all, — hear the words 
of Jesus himself, "Blessed are they who are perse- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 219 

cnted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom 
of heaven. Blessed are ye when men shall revile 
you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil 
against you falsely, for my sake, rejoice and be ex- 
ceeding glad, for great is your reward in heaven." 
Peter also testifies, " and if ye suffer for righteousness 
sake, happy are ye," — " for it is better, if the will of 
God be so, that ye suffer for well doing than for evil 
doing. For Christ once suffered, the just for the un- 
just." He was also of the same opinion with his 
brother Paul, that Christians ought to rejoice in all 
their sufferings for righteousness sake. "Beloved," 
says he, " think it not strange concerning the fiery 
trial which is to try you, as though some strange 
thing happened unto you: but rejoice, inasmuch as 
ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings, that when his 
glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with 
exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of 
Christ, happy are ye, for the Spirit of God resteth on 
you." " If any man suffer as a Christian, let him 
not be ashamed, but let him glorify God on this be- 
half." Let Zion's mourners lift up their heads and 
rejoice, for though weeping may endure for the night, 
joy cometh in the morning! Let all Christians mani- 
fest to others the sweetness and excellency of religion, 
by rejoicing continually in the Lord. The perennial 
sources of their spiritual joy can never fail — for while 
God lives and reigns, they ought to rejoice, since 
Christ has died, and ever lives to make intercession 
for them, they have ground of unceasing joy. While 
the throne of grace is accessible, let the saints rejoice; 
let them rejoice in all the promises of God, which are 
exceeding great and precious, and are all yea and 
amen in Christ Jesus to the glory of God. 

In one sense, all our sufferings are the fruits of sin, 
for if we had never sinned, we should never have 
suffered: but, in another sense, the sufferings of be- 
lievers are produced by love, "whom the Father 
loveth, he chasteneth and scourgeth every son which 
he receiveth." As in the economy of salvation, God 
leaves his chosen people to struggle with the remain- 



220 THOUGHTS ON 

ders of sin in their own hearts; so he has ordained, 
that their pilgrimage to the heavenly Canaan, shall be 
through much tribulation. From the beginning the 
saints have generally been a poor and afflicted people, 
often oppressed and persecuted, and when exempt 
from sufferings from the hands of men, they are often 
visited with sickness, or have their hearts sorely 
lacerated by the bereavement of dear friends, are 
punished with poverty, or loaded with obloquy and 
reproach. There seems to be an incongruity in be- 
lievers enjoying ease and prosperity, in this world, 
when their Lord was "a man of sorrows and ac- 
quainted with grief." It seems, indeed, to be a con- 
dition of our reigning with Him, that we should suffer 
with Him. When James and John, under the influ- 
ence of ambition, asked for the highest places in 
his kingdom, he said to them, "can ye drink of the 
cup which I drink of, and be baptized with the bap- 
tism that I am baptized with?" they seem not to 
have understood his meaning, for, with self-confi- 
dence, they answered, "we are able." He replied, 
" ye shall, indeed, drink of the cup that I drink of, 
and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized 
with." For the Christian to seek great things for 
himself here, does not become the condition of a dis- 
ciple of the meek and lowly Jesus. The early Chris- 
tians were called to endure much persecution, but 
they did not count their lives dear unto them. When 
the apostles, after our Lord's ascension, were publicly 
beaten for preaching that the Saviour was risen, they 
rejoiced together that they were counted worthy to 
suffer such things for his name's sake. It is a stri- 
king peculiarity in the religion of Christ, that, in the 
conditions of discipleship, "taking up the cross" is 
the first thing. He never tempted any to follow him 
with the promise of earthly prosperity, or exemption 
from suffering. On the contrary, he assures them 
that in the world they should have tribulation. He 
does, indeed, promise to those who forsake father and 
mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, houses 
and lands, a compensation of a hundred fold more 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 221 

than they left; but he permits them not to fall into 
the delusion that this hundred fold was to consist in 
earthly good things, for he immediately adds, "with 
persecution" Whosoever will not take Christ with 
his cross, shall never sit with him on his throne. 
"No cross, no crown/ 7 holds out an important truth 
in few words. Christ, in his intercessory prayer, does 
request, for his disciples, that they may be kept from 
the evil, which is in the world, but he means from the 
"evil one," — from the evil of sin, and from tempta- 
tions above their strength to endure. 

The reasons why Christ has chosen that his people 
should be afflicted, and often sorely persecuted, are 
not difficult to be ascertained. In the former essay, 
it was shown that the rod is one of God's means for 
recovering backsliders from their wanderings; but 
afflictions are also employed to prevent Christians 
from backsliding. In prosperity, pride is apt to rise 
and swell; carnal security blinds their eyes; the love 
of riches increases; spiritual affections are feeble; 
and eternal things are viewed as far off, and concealed 
by a thick mist. These circumstances are, indeed, 
the common precursors of backsliding; but to prevent 
this evil, and to stir up the benumbed feelings of piety, 
the believer is put into the furnace. At first, he finds 
it hard to submit, he is like a wild bull in a net. 
His pride and his love of carnal ease resist the hand 
that smites him; but severe pain awakes him from 
his sleep, and he finds himself in the hands of his 
heavenly Father, and sees that nothing can be gained 
by murmuring or rebelling. His sins rise up to 
view, and he is convinced of the justice of the di- 
vine dispensations. His hard heart begins to yield, 
and he is stirred up to cry mightily to God for help- 
ing grace. Although he wishes, and prays for de- 
liverance from the pressure of affliction; yet he is 
more solicitous that it should be rendered effectual 
to subdue his pride, wean him from the love of the 
world, and give perfect, exercise to patience and re- 
signation, than that it should be removed. He knows 
that the furnace is the place for purification. He 

15 



222 THOUGHTS ON 

hopes and prays that his dross may be consumed; and 
that he may come forth as gold, which has passed 
seven times through the refiner's fire. 

Paul attributes a powerful efficacy to afflictions; 
so as to place them among the most efficacious means 
of grace. " For," says he, " our light affliction 
which is but for a moment, worketh out for us a far 
more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." " Fur- 
thermore, we have had fathers of the flesh, which 
corrected us and we gave them reverence, shall we 
not much rather be in subjection to the Father of 
spirits and live. For they, verily, for a few days, 
corrected us after their own pleasure, but He for our 
profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 
Now, no chastening for the present seemeth to be joy- 
ous but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth 
the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them who 
are exercised thereby." When faith is in very 
lively exercise, believers can rejoice even in tribula- 
tion. Not that they cease to feel the pain of the rod 
— for then it would cease to be an affliction — but 
while they experience the smart, they are convinced 
that it is operating as a salutary though bitter medi- 
cine; and they rejoice in the prospect, or feeling of 
returning health. But, again, God pours not the rich 
consolations of his grace into a heart that is not 
broken. " He sendeth the rich empty away." " The 
whole need not a physician;" but when by affliction 
he has broken the hard heart, and emptied it of self- 
confidence, he delights to pour in the joy of the Holy 
Ghost. Therefore, it often occurs, that the believer's 
most joyful seasons are his suffering seasons. He 
has, it is true, more pungent pain, than when in 
prosperity and ease, but he has also richer, deeper 
draughts of consolation. Though sorrow and joy 
are opposite, there is a mysterious connexion between 
them. Sorrow, as it were, softens and prepares the 
heart for the reception of the joy of the Lord. As 
the dispensations of God towards his children, are 
exceedingly diverse, in different ages, so his dealings 
with individual believers, who live at the same time, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 223 

are very different. Why it is so we cannot tell; but 
we are sure, that he has wise reasons for all that he 
does. In some cases, pious persons appear to pass 
through life with scarcely a touch from his rod ; 
while others, who to us do not appear to need more 
chastisement than those, are held the greater part of 
their life under the heavy pressure of affliction, with 
scarcely any intermission. Here is a Christian man 
who has nearly reached the usual termination of 
human life, and has hardly known what external 
affliction is, in his own experience. Prosperity has 
attended him through his whole course. But there 
is a desolate widow who has been bereaved of her 
husband and children, and has neither brother nor 
sister, nephew nor niece, and for eight years has been 
confined to her bed, by wasting and painful disease, 
and has no hope of relief on this side of the grave. 
Such a disparity is striking; but we see only the 
outside of things. There are sore afflictions of the 
mind, while the body is in health. That man may 
have had severer chastisement than this afflicted, des- 
olate widow. I have heard an aged Christian de- 
clare, that though he had experienced much sickness, 
lost many dear friends, and met. with many sore dis- 
appointments in life, his sufferings on these accounts 
were not to be compared with the internal anguish 
which he often endured, and of which no creature 
had the least conception. This shows that we are 
not competent to form an accurate judgment of the 
sufferings of different persons. Besides, when afflic- 
tion has been long continued, we become, in a mea- 
sure, accustomed to it; and, as it were, hardened 
against it; but when we judge of such cases, we 
transfer our own acute feelings to the condition; 
which are no correct standard of the sufferings of the 
patient, under a lingering disease. The widow, to 
whom I referred, was not a fictitious, but a real per- 
son. I once visited her, and conversed with her, 
and found her serene and happy; desiring nothing 
but a speedy departure, that she might be absent 
from the body, and present with the Lord; but she 



224 THOUGHTS ON 

was not impatient; she was willing to remain and 
suffer just as long as God pleased. Her heart was 
truly subdued to the obedience of Christ. There was 
only one earthly object for which she seemed to feel 
solicitude, and that was for the little forsaken, and 
almost desolate church of which she was a member. 
For a series of years, disaster after disaster had fallen 
upon this little flock. Their house of worship had 
been accidentally burnt, they had been so long with- 
out a pastor, that they dwindled down to a few dis- 
heartened and scattered members, and only one aged 
elder remained. Seldom was there an occasional 
sermon in the place, as they had no convenient house 
of meeting on the Sabbath. Now, although this poor 
widow could not have attended, if there had been 
preaching every Lord's day, yet that little church 
lay as a burden on her mind; and I heard a minister 
who knew the circumstances say, that as once a poor 
wise man saved a city, so this poor, pious widow, by 
her prayers; saved a church from extinction. For 
before her death, a neat, new church was erected, and 
a pastor settled, and a number of souls hopefully 
converted, and gathered into the church. I was 
once on a visit to a friend, who requested me to ac- 
company her to see a sick woman, supposed to be 
near her end. The house was not a cabin, but a 
mere wreck of a once comfortable dwelling. Every 
appearance of comfort was absent. The partitions 
appeared to have been taken down, and the whole 
house was turned into one large room. There was 
no glass in the windows — but that mattered not, it 
was summer. Upon entering this desolate place, I 
saw the sick woman lying on a miserable bed, unable 
to raise her head from the pillow, and attended only 
by an aged mother above eighty years of age. and a 
little daughter about seven or eight. Here, indeed, 
seemed to be the very picture of wretchedness; and I 
was told that the brute of a husband generally came 
home drunk, and never gave her a kind or soothing 
word. — Hear the conclusion — I verily thought be- 
fore I left the house, that this was the happiest woman 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 225 

I ever saw. Her devout and tender eye was sweetly 
fixed on heaven. Her countenance was serene, and 
illumined with a heavenly smile. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

Death-bed of the Believer. 

We have arrived now, at a very solemn part of our 
subject. The writer feels that it is so to himself, as 
he knows that he must soon be called to travel the 
road which leads to the narrow house, appointed for 
all living. If after having gone through this scene, 
he were permitted to return, and finish these papers 
on religious experience, by narrating what the soul 
suffers in passing the gate of death: and more es- 
pecially, what are its views and feelings, the moment 
after death, he would be able to give information 
which at present no mortal can communicate. The 
thought has often occurred, when thinking on this 
subject, that the surprise of such a transition as that 
from time to eternity, from the state of imprisonment 
in this clay tenement, to an unknown state of exist- 
ence, would be overwhelming even to the pious. 
But these are short-sighted reflections. We under- 
take to judge of eternal things, by rules only suited 
to our present state of being, and our present feel- 
ings. That the scene will be new and sublime, 
beyond all conception, cannot be doubted; but what 
our susceptibilities and feelings will be, when sepa- 
rated from the body, we cannot tell. Is it not possi- 
ble, that our entrance on the unseen world, may be 
preceded by a course of gradual preparation for the 
wonderful objects which it contains, analogous to our 
progress through infancy in the present world? That 
knowledge of future things will be acquired gradu- 
ally, and not instantaneously, we are led to believe 



226 



THOUGHTS ON 



from the constitution of the human mind, and from 
all the analogies of nature. The soul may therefore 
have to go to school again, to learn the first elements 
of celestial knowledge; and who will be the instruc- 
ted, or how long this training may continue, it would 
be vain to conjecture. Whether in this gradual pro- 
gress in the knowledge of heavenly things, our remin- 
iscence of the transactions in which we were engaged 
upon earth, will be from the first vivid and perfect, 
or whether these things will at first be buried in a 
sort of oblivion, and be brought up to view gradually 
and successively, who can tell us? Bat I must with- 
draw my imagination from a subject, to which her 
powers are entirely inadequate. Though I have been 
fond of those writings of Dick, Taylor, and Watts, 
which give free scope to reasonings from analogy, in 
regard to the future condition of the believer, yet I 
am persuaded, that they add nothing to our real 
knowledge. Their lucubrations resemble the vain 
efforts of a man born blind to describe to his fellow 
sufferers, the brilliance of the stars, the splendours of 
the sun, or the milder beauties of a lovely landscape. 
While he seems to himself to approach nearest to the 
object, he in fact is most remote from any just con- 
ceptions of it. This brings to recollection, what has 
often appeared highly probable, in regard to the de- 
velopement of our mental powers; that as in infancy 
some of our most important faculties, as for example, 
reason, conscience, and taste, are entirely dormant, 
and gradually and slowly make their appearance 
afterwards; so, probably, this whole life is a state of 
infancy in relation to that which is to come, and there 
may exist now, in these incomprehensible souls of 
ours, germs of faculties never in the least developed 
in this world, but which will spring into activity as 
soon as the soul feels the penetrating beams of celes- 
tial light; and which will be brought to maturity 
just at the time when they are needed. The capacity 
of the beatific vision may now be possessed by the 
soul, deeply enveloped in that darkness which cou- 
ceals the internal powers of the mind even from itself, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 227 

except so far as they are manifested by their actual 
exercise. How shallow then, is all our mental phi- 
losophy, by which we attempt to explore the depths 
of the human mind? But are these conjectural specu- 
lations for edification? Do they bring us any nearer 
to God, and to our beloved Redeemer? I cannot say, 
that they do. At the best, they are no more than an 
innocent amusement; and in indulging them, we are 
in great danger of becoming presumptuous, and even 
foolish, by supposing that we possess knowledge, 
when in fact our brightest light is but darkness. 
Vain man would be wise. Let us then cease from 
man — let us cease from our own unsubstantial dreams, 
and lay fast hold of the sure word of prophecy as of 
a light shining in a dark place. " To the law and to 
the testimony, if they speak not according to these, 
there is no light in them," or as some render the pas- 
sage, "light shall never rise to them." One simple 
declaration of the word of God is worth more to a 
soul descending into the valley and shadow of death, 
than all the ingenious and vivid imaginings of the 
brightest human minds. 

Considering the absolute and undoubted certainty 
of our departure out of life, it seems passing strange 
that we should be so unconcerned. If even one of a 
million escaped death this might afford some shadow 
of a reason for our carelessness; but we know that 
" it is appointed unto men once to die." In this war- 
fare there is no discharge, and yet most men live as 
if they were immortal. I remember the foolish 
thought which entered my childish mind when my 
mother informed me that we all must die. I enter- 
tained the hope that before my time came some great 
change would take place, 1 knew not how, by which 
I should escape this dreaded event. I have nothing 
to do with the death of the wicked at present. The 
dying experience of the believer is our proper sub- 
ject, and we read that one object of Christ's coming 
into the world was " to deliver such as were all 
their life time in bondage through fear of death." 
Death, in itself considered, is a most formidable evil, 



228 THOUGHTS oar 

and can be desirable to none. The fear of death is 
not altogether the consequence of sin; the thing is 
abhorrent to the constitution of man. Death was 
held up in terror to our first parents when innocent, 
to prevent their transgression, and having entered the 
world by their sin in whom we all sinned, this event 
has been, ever since, a terror to mortals — " The Ki>-g 
of terrors." Man instinctively cleaves to life, so 
does every sentient being. There are only two things 
which can possibly have the effect of reconciling any 
man to death. The first is, the hope of escaping 
from misery which is felt to be intolerable: the other, 
an assurance of a better, that is a heavenly country. 
The captain of our salvation conquered death, and 
him that had the power of death, that is the Devil, 
by dying himself. By this means, he plucked from 
this monster his deadly sting, by satisfying the de- 
mands of God's holy law. " For the sting of death 
is sin, and the strength of sin is the law." All those, 
therefore, who are united to Christ, meet death as a 
conquered and disarmed enemy. Against them he is 
powerless. Still, however, he wears a threatening 
aspect, and although he cannot kill, he can frown and 
threaten, and this often frightens the timid sheep. 
They often do not know that they are delivered from 
his tyranny, and that now he can do nothing but 
falsely accuse and roar like a hungry lion disappoint- 
ed of his prey. There are still some who all their 
life time are subject to bondage u through fear of 
death." Their confidence is shaken by so many dis- 
tressing doubts, that though sincerely engaged in the 
service of God, they can never think of death with- 
out sensible dread ; and often they are afraid, that 
when the last conflict shall come, they will be so 
overwhelmed with terror and despair, that they shall 
prove a dishonour to their Christian profession. I 
recollect a sickly, but pious lady, who with a profu- 
sion of tears, expressed her anxiety and fear in the 
view of her approaching end, and there seemed to be 
ground for her foreboding apprehensions; because, 
from the beginning of her profession, she had enjoyed 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



229 



no comfortable assurance, but was of the number of 
those who, though they "fear God, and obey the 
voice of his servant, yet walk in darkness and have 
no light" of comfort. But mark the goodness of 
God, and the fidelity of the Great Shepherd. Some 
months afterwards I saw this lady on her death-bed, 
and was astonished to find that Christ had delivered 
her entirely from her bondage. She was now near 
to her end and knew it, but she shed no tears now but 
those of joy and gratitude. All her darkness and 
sorrow were gone, and her heart glowed with love 
to the Redeemer, and all her anxiety now was to de- 
part and be with Jesus. There was, as it were, a 
beaming of heaven in her countenance. I had before 
tried to comfort her, but now I sat down by her bed- 
side to listen to the gracious words which proceeded 
from her mouth, and could not but send up the fer- 
vent aspiration, "0 let me die the death of the right- 
eous, and let my last end be like hers." Then I 
knew that there was one who had conquered death, 
and him who has the power of death, for Satan, to 
the last moment, was not permitted to molest her. 

No arguments have ever so powerfully operated 
on my mind, to convince me of the reality and power 
of experimental religion, as witnessing the last exer- 
cises of some of God's children. Some of these 
scenes, though long past, have left an indelible im- 
pression on my memory; and I hope a salutary im- 
pression on my heart. 

Another lady, and a near relative of the former, I 
had often observed passing along her way, humble, 
gentle ? silent, evidently seeking no conspicuity, but 
rather to remain unnoticed and unknown. She had 
a few chosen female friends, with whom she freely 
communicated, for her heart was affectionate, and her 
disposition sociable — to these she poured out her in- 
most soul, and received from them a similar return. 
She was crushed under a habitual feeling of domeslic 
affliction; but not of that kind which freely utters its 
complaints, and engages the sympathy of many; but 
her sorrows were such as her delicacy of feeling, did 



230 THOUGHTS ON 

not permit her even to allude to; the conduct of an 
imprudent father, weighed heavily on her spirits; but 
towards him — and her mother being dead, she kept 
his house — she was assiduously respectful; and while 
he made himself the laughing stock of his acquaint- 
ances, she endeavored to make his home comfortable; 
but often, I thought, that her lively sensibility to the 
ridicule and reproaches which fell upon him, would 
be an injury to her delicate constitution; and the more 
so, because this was a subject on which she would 
not converse, even with the intimate, confidential 
friends, before mentioned. It was evident, that her 
health was slowly giving way, and that the disease 
which carries off nearly one half the adults in this 
land, was secretly consuming her vitals. But she 
never complained, and seemed rather to become more 
cheerful, as her eye became more brilliant and her 
cheeks more pallid. She was for a long time after 
this, seen occupying her humble retired place in the 
house of God, and still went her accustomed rounds 
among her poor and sick neighbours, and doing every 
thing to render home comfortable to her restless, un- 
happy parent. At length, however, her strength 
failed, and she was obliged to confine herself to the 
house, and before long to her bed. Being informed 
of this, as being her pastor, I visited her. Hitherto 
her extreme modesty and retired habits, had prevented 
me from having much personal acquaintance with 
this excellent woman. I was accompanied to the 
house by one of her intimate friends, who still lives, 
and if she should see this paper will readily recognise 
the portrait of her beloved friend. The house was a 
cottage, and all its furniture of home manufacture; 
but upon the whole there was impressed a neatness 
and order, which indicated a superior taste in her who 
had long had the sole management. I did not know 
but that from her habitual reserve and silence, she 
would be embarrassed in her feelings, and reserved in 
her communications; but I was happily disappointed. 
She received me with an affectionate smile, and a 
cordial shake of the hand, and said that she was 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 231 

pleased that I had thought it worth my while to come 
and see a poor dying woman. Not many minutes 
were spent in compliments, or general remarks; she 
entered freely and most intelligently, into a narrative 
of her religious exercises, which had commenced at 
an early period of her life, but expatiated in the 
sweetest manner, on the divine excellencies of the 
Saviour; not as one that was speaking what she had 
learned from others, or from the mere exertion of her 
own intellect; but as one that felt in the heart every 
word which she uttered. There was a gentleness, a 
suavity, and a meek humility expressed in every tone 
of her voice, and the same depicted on every linea- 
ment of her countenance. Though, when in health, 
she was never reckoned beautiful, yet there was now 
in her countenance, animated with hope and love, 
and religious joy, or rather peace, a beauty of coun- 
tenance which I never saw equalled. It was what 
may without impropriety be called, spiritual beauty. 
I found what I had not known before, that her mind 
had been highly cultivated by reading, and this was 
manifest in the propriety, and indeed I may say, ele- 
gance of her language. Not that she aimed at say- 
ing fine things. Such an idea never entered her hum- 
ble mind: but possessing, naturally, a good under- 
standing, which she had carefully improved by read- 
ing, especially the best religious authors, and being 
now animated with a flow of pious affection, which 
seemed never to ebb; all these things gave her lan- 
guage a fluency, a glow, and a vividness, which was 
truly remarkable. I have often regretted that I had 
not put down, at the time, her most striking expres- 
sions, but the mere words could convey no more than 
the shadow of such a scene. It has often been re- 
marked, that the speeches of great orators, when 
written and read, have scarcely a resemblance to the 
same speech, delivered with all the pathos, the grace, 
and the varied intonations and gestures of the orator. 
The same may more truly be said of the sayings of 
the dying Christian; we may catch the very words, 
but the spirit, the secret and solemn tones, free from 



232 



THOUGHTS oy 



all affectation. Ihe heavenly 5-::-fnity of countenance, 
and the nameless methods of manifesting the pious 
affections of the heart, never can be preserved, nor 
::s . :'7 :: nveyed, by words, to others. The mind 
of this young lady possessed a uniform serenity, un- 
disturbed with fears, doubts, or cares. Every thing 
seemed right to her submissive temper. It was 
enough, that her heavenly Father appointed it to be 
so. For many weeks she lay in this state of perfect 
tranquillity, as it were on the suburbs of heaven; and 
I believe no one ever heard a complaint from her lips. 
Bven that grief which had preyed on her health, 
when able to go about, had now ceased to cause her 
pain. Hers was. in my apprehension, the nearest ap- 
proximation to complete happiness which I ever saw 
upon earth: yet there was no violence of feeling, no 
agitation, no rapture. It was that kind of happiness 
which, from its gentleness and calmness, is capable of 
continuance. As it was her request that I shouli 
ber often, I did so as frequently as the distance of my 
residence, and other avocations, would permit. Not, 
as I often b my expectation of communica- 

. _• any good to her, but of receiving spiritual bene- 
fit from her heavenly conversation. 0! how often 
did I wish that the boldest infidels — and they were 
rampant at that time — could have been introduced 
into the chamber of this dying saint. I often, espe- 
cially after witnessing this scene, endeavoured to de- 
scribe to such as attended preaching, the power of 
religion to sustain the soul in the bsfl earthly conflict; 
but they vera incredulous as to the facts, or ascribed 
them to some strange enthusiasm which buoyed up 
the h il in ■ preternatHra] manner. But here there 
was no enthusiasm — nothing approaching to what 
f be called a heated imagination. All was sober 
— all ww mene — : ; gent t — ill tna rational: 

and, although five and forty years have passed since 
this icene was witnessed, the impression on my mind, 
is distinct and vivid. The indescribable countenance, 
calm but animated, pale with disease, but lighted up 
with an unea: die, The sweet and affection- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 233 

ate tones of voice — the patient, submissive, cheerful, 
grateful temper, are all remembered with a vividness 
and permanence with which I remember nothing now. 
When I think of such scenes, I have often thought 
and said," if this be delusion, then let my soul for 
ever remain under such delusion." 

If the foregoing was a sample of the death-bed 
exercises of all Christians, then would I say, that his 
last days are his best days, and the day of death hap- 
pier than the day of birth. This, however, is far from 
being a true view of the general fact. It is a select 
case — one of a thousand — upon the whole, the hap- 
piest death I ever witnessed. I have, indeed, seen 
dying persons agitated with a kind of delirious rap- 
ture; in which the imagination has been so excited, 
that the person looked and spoke, as if the objects of 
another world were actually present to the view. In 
such case, the nervous system loses its tone, and when 
the general feelings are pious, and the thoughts di- 
rected heavenward, the whole system is thrilled with 
an indescribable emotion. And we have a number 
of recorded death-scenes, which partake of this char- 
acter; and are greatly admired and extolled by the 
injudicious and fanatical. Scenes of this kind, are 
frequently the effect of disease, and sometimes of 
medicine operating on the idiosyncrasy of particular 
persons. Such persons may be pious, but the extra- 
ordinary exhilaration and exstacy, of which they are 
the subjects, ought not to be ascribed to supernatural 
influence, but to physical causes. Between such ex- 
periences, and the case described above, there is no 
more resemblance, than between a blazing meteor, 
which soon burns itself out, and the steady, genial 
beams of the vernal sun. I once witnessed an extra- 
ordinary scene of this kind in a skeptic, who neglected 
religion, and scoffed at its professors, till very near the 
close of life; and then seemed to be agitated and 
exhilarated with religious ideas and feelings, leading 
him to profess his faith in Christ, and to rejoice, and 
exult in the assurance of salvation, and all this with- 
out any previous conviction of sin, or mingled at the 



234 



THOUGHTS ON 



time with deep penitential feelings. Well, why might 
it not have been an instance of sovereign grace, like 
that of the thief on the cross? It is possible. As in 
life, that piety which is founded on knowledge, and 
in which the faculties of the mind continue to be well 
balanced, and the judgment sound, is by far the least 
suspicious; so those death-bed exercises, which are 
of a similar character, are much to be preferred to 
those which are flighty; and in which reason seems 
to regulate the helm no longer; but an excited, and 
irregular imagination assumes the government of the 
man. According to this rule, some glowing narra- 
tives of death-scenes will be set aside as, if not spu- 
rious, yet not deserving to be admired and celebrated 
as they often are. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

Death-bed Exercises of Andrew Rivet. 

I propose now to give a summary view of the re- 
corded experiences of several eminent persons on 
their death bed; and as comparisons among the living 
are odious, so also among the dead, I will endeavour 
to act the part of an impartial and faithful narrator, 
but having given my analysis I will leave my readers 
to judge respecting the genuineness and the devotion 
of the persons whose exercises shall be introduced. 
Our accounts of the death-scenes of the apostles are 
too brief to enable us to say much about them; but 
judging from their epistles, we may conclude, that 
they met death, not only with firmness, but with joy. 
Not one of them ever expresses the least fear of 
death; but on the contrary, Paul speaks with exulta- 
tion of the prospect before him, for he exclaims, " For 
I am now ready to be offered up and the time of my 
departure is at hand," "I have fought a good fight, 
I have finished my course, I have kept the faith; 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



235 



henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of right- 
eousness, which God, the righteous Judge, will give 
me at that day, and not to me only hut to all who 
love his appearing;" and Peter who knew that he 
was to go out of the world by a violent death; as 
Christ had showed him; yet he seems to be no how 
troubled about it, but when old, speaks of it with the 
utmost composure. " Yea, I think it meet," says he, 
" as long as I am in this tabernacle to stir you up by 
putting you in remembrance. Knowing that shortly 
I must put off this my tabernacle, even as our Lord 
Jesus Christ hath showed me." No doubt, John, the 
beloved disciple, sweetly fell asleep, with love upon 
his lips and in his heart. His whole soul seems to have 
been dissolved into love, and to such a man death 
could have no terrors. His brother James, who was 
slain by the sword of Herod, is the only one of the 
apostles of whose death we have an account in the 
sacred word; except the awful account of the suicide 
of the traitor. Of the circumstances of the death of 
James, who seems to have been one of the most dis- 
tinguished, and always when a selection was made 
to witness any particular scene, he was one of them; 
the historian, with characteristic brevity, says, " Now 
about that time, Herod the king, stretched forth 
his hands to vex certain of the church. And he 

KILLED JAMES, THE BROTHER OF JOHN WITH THE 

sword." From this we may learn, that in order to 
go safely to heaven, it is not necessary, that we 
should have a laudatory obituary on earth. I have 
often been shocked with the thought, that while a 
man's eulogy is pronounced upon earth, the poor 
soul may be writhing and blaspheming in the tor- 
ments of hell! Among the primitive members of the 
Church, Stephen was the first martyr, and his death 
was — I will not say heroic — for heroes know nothing 
of Christ or heaven — but I will say it was Christian, 
which is a much better style of dying, than any of the 
heathen gods or goddesses knew any thing about. 
He was well prepared, for he had just before been 
favoured with a direct view into heaven, and saw 



236 THOUGHTS ON 

Christ on the right hand of God. No wounds on the 
body would be felt by one absorbed in such a hea- 
venly vision. how little can they harm us who 
can do no more than kill the body! They rushed upon 
the man and hurried him to the place of execution 
and stoned him, "calling on the name of God, and 
saying, Lord Jesus receive my spirit. And he kneeled 
down and cried with a loud voice, Lord lay not this 
sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he 
fell asleep." There was nothing wanting here to 
render this a glorious death. And as he is called the 
protomartyr, so his death was a prototype of the 
deaths of succeeding martyrs. The accounts given of 
the joys and triumphs of some of them, approximate 
to miracle; but we know not how insensible to bodily 
pain, the soul may be rendered, which is overflowing 
with the love of Christ. This is the true secret of 
their ambition to be crucified or burnt, or cast to the 
wild beasts. But as these martyrs seem to have been 
another race of men from us, and lived in times very 
different from ours, let us come down and contem- 
plate the dying Christian in circumstances similar to 
our own; and see what grace can do, in these latter 
days. And I propose to select the experiences of men 
of different countries. The accounts which I shall 
bring forward are not new: to some of my readers they 
may all be familiar; but as the men were eminent in 
the church, and distinguished for talents, their biogra- 
phies being commonly known, will answer the end 
in view, better than the death-bed exercises of un- 
known persons, of whose lives we could have no 
satisfactory information. 

The first person of whose dying exercises I propose 
to give a condensed narrative is Andrew Rivet, a 
Frenchman by birth and education; but who spent 
the. greater part of his life in Holland; where at Ley- 
den, he was professor of theology. The learned need 
not be informed, that in that age when theology was 
more thoroughly studied, than in any other since the 
apostles' days, Andrew Rivet had no superior, wheth- 
er you contemplate him as an exegetical or polemi- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 237 

cal theologian. His acquaintance with the Christian 
fathers was most exact and extensive; and he knew 
how to estimate their labours, and what deference 
was due to their authority, of which he gave full evi- 
dence, in the work entitled Critici Sacri, which is 
now the best guide on this subject, which the young 
theologian can follow. Rivet's theology was as sound 
as it was extensive. His great learning did not turn 
his head or lead him into heresy; but it will be seen 
by the following narrative, abridged from Middleton, 
how little value he set on all his learning compared 
with the teaching of the divine Spirit. 

Having preached a sermon on Christmas day, he 
was, immediately afterwards, taken ill, with a con- 
stipation of the bowels. Of a beloved niece, who 
attended on him, he asked what she thought of his 
disease, which he thought would prove mortal, — she 
answered, that she was of the same opinion, but that 
he had nothing to fear, having been long prepared to 
follow God, when he should call — and that his life 
had already been long, and nothing left to be desired, 
but that it should be crowned with a happy and glo- 
rious end! " Thou speakest right," said he, "and I 
pray thee always address thyself to me with like 
speeches, and while my sickness continues, depart 
not from me, day nor night. Promise me now that 
thou wilt keep a cheerful countenance, and that thou 
wilt speak nothing to me but what may administer 
joy and support to me. Although I fear not death, 
yet I fear the trial of those pains which I have always 
had a very sharp feeling of." Then, suddenly turn- 
ing his speech unto God, he said, "great God, thou 
art my Father, thou hast given me both life and a 
new life; thou hast taught me from my youth, and 
I have declared thy wonderful works, forsake me 
not now in my old age. Hitherto, through thy pecu- 
liar favour, thou hast preserved me sound in my body 
and my faculties, and the functions of my mind have 
not been impaired, so that a little before I was op- 
pressed by this disease, I found myself as apt and 
ready for the exercise of my vocation, as in mv flour- 

16 



238 THOUGHTS ON 

ishing youth. 0, Lord God ! if it be thy will that I 
should longer attend upon thy service, thou canst 
assuage my disease in one moment; but if thou hast 
decreed otherwise, thy will be done. This one thing 
I beg with most inward affections, that thou wilt make 
me conformable to thy good will — let not thy good 
Spirit depart from me, that in this conflict thy strength 
may make me a conqueror; accomplish this, Lord, 
for thine own sake, and since thou hast employed me 
in thy work, grant that I may die an honourable 
death! and such as may be an example unto others: 
that I may stand fast in that sound doctrine which I 
have taught, and may make a good confession thereof 
before witnesses — that thereby thy church may be 
both instructed and edified; let me apply to myself 
by a lively faith, all the promises of the gospel, and 
let them put forth their efficacy in me, unto my joy 
and eternal consolation, that nothing in the world, 
neither affliction nor distress, may separate me from 
thee, or cause me to doubt of thy love and favour. 
Thou knowest my weakness and infirmities, permit 
not the grievousness of my pain to cast me into impa- 
tience or murmuring; either make my pains tolerable, 
or furnish me with fortitude and constancy sufficient 
to bear them that I may not offend with my tongue — 
keep thou the door of my lips!" The pains of his 
disease were very great, but he continued to call upon 
God for help and for support. His expressions of his 
own sinfulness and weakness were of the most abas- 
ing kind, confessing himself to be a miserable sinner, 
and casting away all confidence in any good thing 
which he had done in his life, — he accused his own 
defects, and ascribed unto God all the good which he 
had ever done, often repeating such expressions as 
these: "It is God that hath wrought the work for 
me; shall I allege or plead my own righteousness 
before Him? Far be that from me. If I should jus- 
tify myself, my own mouth would condemn me. I 
will rather open my sin before Him in a most hum- 
ble confession of it, and pray that He will increase in 
me the grace of true repentance; yea, let Him wear 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 239 

out this body with sorrow, it matters not, so He give 
to me a broken and a contrite spirit, which is a sacri- 
fice acceptable unto himself. As for my part, I do 
most willingly offer up myself. Accept, Lord, this 
imperfect sacrifice, and supply the defects thereof by 
the perfect righteousness of that Great High Priest, 
who, through the eternal Spirit, offered himself unto 
God without spot. Let me be accepted as a living 
sacrifice, holy, and well pleasing unto God, which is 
our reasonable service. Crucify, Lord, this old man, 
that the body of sin may be utterly destroyed, and 
that I may rise to newness of life. The wages of sin 
is death, but the gift of God is eternal life, through 
Jesus Christ, our Lord." He repeated the word 
gift and added, "it is mere grace, not of works, but 
of him thatcalleth." "Who shall lay anything to 
the charge of 'God' 's elect? It is God that justifieth. 
Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that 
died; yea, rather that is risen again, who is even at 
the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession 
for us" 

After a short sleep, he proceeded, in the following 
strain: "I am God's, and He will save me. He hath 
honoured me with a holy calling, and hath not suf- 
fered his gift to be altogether useless in me, as to the 
edification of his church. As to myself, I can most 
truly affirm, that I have not served Him for filthy 
lucre, but with a sincere heart; and that I myself was 
first persuaded of the truth of the gospel, before I 
preached it to others. I tasted the good word of God, 
which, by its power, pierceth to the dividing asunder 
of soul and spirit, and is a discerner of the thoughts 
and intents of the heart. Thou hast known my heart, 
eternal God! Thou kno west that I am not ashamed 
of the gospel of Christ, but have esteemed it my only 
honour to serve thee; and that I have delighted my- 
self in the pleasure of obeying thy will. Such was 
thy goodness to me. I truly and humbly acknow- 
ledged that whatsoever good thing was in me, flowed 
from thy grace; but my defects ought to be ascribed 
to my inbred corruption. Alas! I acknowledge this 



240 THOUGHTS ON 

with humble and serious repentance. How often 
have I sinned in so holy a charge, not only by omit- 
ting many things which I ought to have done, but 
also by doing many things amiss. Long since had 
I been cast off, were it not that I had to do with so 
good a Lord, who hath borne with me, and hath 
been so gracious to me, as not to exact a severe ac- 
count of my words and works. Alas! Lord my 
God! enter not into judgment with thy servant; for 
in thy sight shall no man living be justified. Let me 
be found, not having my own righteousness, but the 
righteousness of thy Son; for the sake of whom I 
beg thy favour. Pardon, my God! pardon the ini- 
quity of thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear. I 
refuse not thy discipline — I know it is necessary. 
Only this I earnestly beg, that it may turn to my sal- 
vation. 'Chasten me, Lord, but in measure, lest 
thou bring me to nothing.' Let not my trial exceed 
my strength, lest I sin through impatience, and be- 
come a scandal to those I should edify. " With 
many similar expressions, for which we have not 
room. 

To Renessius, a doctor of divinity, who came to see 
him, he said, " I pray you testify unto all men, that I 
die in the faith and the doctrine which I have always 
delivered, both in preaching and writing; and if in 
some things I have erred, I pray God, that He will 
make perfect all my imperfections." 

He received the visits of all who expressed a desire 
to see him, and would have none hindered from 
coming to him. "Let all that will," said he, "have 
access to visit me. I ought to give an example of 
dying to other men." And to those who stood around 
his bed, he said, " Come see a man, who is an exam- 
ple of the great mercy of God. What shall I render 
unto him? All his benefits overwhelm me. He hath 
so disposed my life, that in my whole course, I have 
had a healthy body. He hath heaped upon me both 
temporal and spiritual blessings; and now, before I 
am rendered feeble or morose, through old age, he 
comes unto me and prevents me. He has both called 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 241 

me, and made me willing to follow at his call. And 
now, when the end of my life is within my view, he 
still affords me the perfect use of reason, that I may 
praise my God in the land of the living, and instruct 
my neighbours by my example. Pray for me, my 
friends, that this grace may be contined unto me, un- 
til I draw my last breath; that He will strengthen my 
faith, confirm my patience, and raise my hope. He 
hath already captivated all my affections to his will. 
I have cast the care of me, of mine, of life, and all my 
affairs, upon him. Let him do with my body as it 
pleaseth him, so it may but be well with my soul. 
* * * And now there is nothing I am concerned 
about, neither is my life dear unto me, so that I may 
finish my course with joy, and fulfil the ministry which 
I have received of the Lord; which is best done at 
the last." 

He would not permit any clergyman who came to 
see him, go away without praying with him. It 
grieved him much that his wife, who was of feeble 
health, should be subjected to so much fatigue and 
watchfulness in attending on him. But as she was 
unwilling to leave him, he said, " Since thou wilt 
have it so, tarry; it is a pleasure to me to see thee. 
The Lord strengthen thee !" Friday night was spent 
in grievous pains, and in most ardent prayers for the 
church of God, for the princes, who were defenders of 
it, for the people that lived under their jurisdiction, 
and for the pastors, to whom the care of souls was 
committed. He seemed to be greatly interested in be- 
half of the United Provinces of Holland. "0 God," 
said he, " withdraw not thy protection from these 
Provinces; neither remove thy candlestick away. 
Let not thine anger burn against them, because of 
that impiety and profaneness which hath made too 
great a progress. Rather bow their hearts unto re- 
pentance, and convert them, that thy judgments may 
be prevented. Let them coalesce in one body; espe- 
cially, let them be joined unto thee, without whom 
all union is but conspiracy. Preside in their Assem- 
bly; and bend their hearts, so that all their decrees 



242 THOUGHTS ON 

may lean to the good of the Commonwealth, and 
especially of the church," &c. 

His sufferings were exceedingly great, but he bore 
them with wonderful patience, and whenever there 
was the least interval of ease, he was engaged in 
prayer or exhortation. On the last day of Decem- 
ber, which closed the current year, Mr. Rivet, after 
having endured indescribable agonies from the dis- 
ease, and from the remedies made use of, offered 
up the following fervent prayer for the church: — " 
Lord, it is thy possession, which thou hast purchased 
with thy own blood. Forsake not thy own work — 
let a holy jealousy be kindled in thee. Lift up on 
high the arms of thy power, and bring down the 
audacious ones, which tyrannize over thy flock. Re- 
buke thou the negligent that heal her wounds slight- 
ly. Reduce in the right way those that wander, 
and strengthen those ready to fall through division. 
Gather both the one and the other to thyself, into one 
body, building them up upon the foundations of the 
apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the 
chief corner stone, in whom all the building fitly 
framed together, groweth into a holy temple in the 
Lord." And then making a little pause, he said, " I 
have been one of those builders; I have brought what 
I received from the Lord, that I might put to my 
helping hand, with others, towards the building of 
the temple; and I myself shall be a living stone in 
the house." 

On the first day of the year 1651, and the Lord's 
day, upon opening his eyes, he said. " Lord, thou 
hast granted me to see the beginning of the year. 
Thou hast measured out my time until the middle of 
this age." Having sent to the Hague for his son, he 
inquired respecting the weather, and being informed 
that the cold was sharp and severe, he prayed thus, 
"0 my God, bring my son unto me, that I may see 
him, embrace him, and bless him, before I die." 
Then turning to his wife, he said, '"'dost thou think 
that this earnest desire to see my son proceeds from 
mere natural affection? Nothing less. Truly I love 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



243 



no man any more according to the flesh. I earnestly 
desire his eternal salvation, and I hope to have such 
discourses with him, which may increase his zeal in 
adorning his spiritual vocation." (His son was a 
minister.) "I have yet spirit and utterance sufficient 
for this work. Let none be hindered from coming to 
me. It is usual for a man in my station, by admon- 
ishing others, publicly to make profession of his own 
faith. Not for the sake of a little vain-glory, Lord, 
thou knowest ; for it little concerns me to be approved 
unto men, provided, I may approve myself unto God. 
But I desire the salvation of many, and to give testi- 
mony to the truth of those things which I have pub- 
licly taught." 

Some officers of the garrison having come to see 
him, two or three of whom were from France, he 
addressed them in the following manner, " I rejoice 
that I have an opportunity to make a confession of 
my faith before you that are my countrymen; and I 
pray you to keep it in memory, and give testimony of 
it, where it shall be necessary. You see before you, 
a man, weak indeed, but without guile, who solemn- 
ly protesteth, that he hath never published in his wri- 
tings, nor taught with his lips, any thing that did not 
agree with the sense of his heart, and the doctrine 
which hath been delivered to us by the prophets and 
apostles, which is the same with that laid down in 
the Confession of Faith of our churches, in which I 
have lived, and in which I purpose to die. The Lord 
God Almighty confirm you in that faith, so that no- 
thing may move you from it. ' For what will it pro- 
fit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his 
own soul?' Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and. 
the righteousness thereof, and then ail other things 
shall be added unto you. Learn to number your 
days, and get a wise heart. Look upon me, and let 
me be as an example unto you.' It is but eight days 
since I preached to you of man's frailty, being myself 
in health and lively at that time, and now you see 
the truth of what I said, in myself." And then taking 
leave of them he said, " The Lord deliver you from 



244 



and give yon an in- 

7 . :.. :i :. -- -.--:. :'iz> 
if :: L:= ii-.t. Mt 
a. bat persist with me 

fri: :: — hfirsi i_ 

: : t?. e. -r : ::=. i_ r.i- 



:if i : s f :: in;:::: . f e:: : :~- 

.:..:;::::. :_:::.: T ~ : 5 ::;.-. . 

" . ::: : • : :: r_7 :j. : T : : — ;zi": . :. 

J . -r i : : : . : : - z- 

.: .- 7. : : : 

f .. — t^:: ::::;• :.: : :: f r.f 

: : : ::.t — ::: •- ■?. : 5- :t.t: v.: :. 1: =-7 

Who am L God, but dost and ashes, 

:..':.:.. r^ssi ... :: - ■■_.: '-.. :.::—: :;■;;.;• 

:: ^ . 7 :: r :': " :: 1 ..:"..::'. : : 

' Tl: : . 7 ;• . _' ..... -: • 

5:.: :: ;■ ::■= :-; Lr; :':: fTf:. -;:: 

h is hid wiih Christ in God' Blessed 

~- 1 : __:.:.. 1 : :- : : . ;;_ 7 ±n: : - s : : : 7 : - 

lie Sr:::::fi::: : 11 rf l: r:~ = : 

lead, and also raised from the dead I 

:_.. i7. : ' ._. - .: ...'7 . : :..7 S . 

"forme. 5 Thoa 
■ . 7:: 7 .. • § 7 -■ _.- - : 7. :■ A:.: 
s that I should be born of behoving 
:-:.: t :: ; ... .7: 7 1 ifi: ... ..: :- 



:1- 





RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 245 

my ministry hath been accepted of him. I am thy 
servant, my God, thou hast taught me from my 
youth; and I have taught thy wonderful works, and 
thy grace unto this day; for thy gifts have not been 
without fruit in me. Thou usest weak instruments 
for the accomplishing of thy work. Thou hast par- 
doned, thou hast helped me, thou hast accepted the 
truth and sincerity of my heart. And now, my 
God, seeing it is evident that thou wilt have me re- 
tire from this valley of miseries, do not thou forsake 
me in this last and important act. If it be thy will, 
that I die, that also is my will. I am ready — my 
heart is prepared. I give thee my heart, for that is 
it which thou requirest. Let this gift be approved by 
thee. Receive this gift which is thy own, from him 
to whom thou hast given all things — who gives him- 
self to thee. Lord, I give thee thanks; thou in- 
structest me, thou enlightenest me, thou talkest with 
my soul, Lord. Thou embracest me in the arms of 
thy mercy. Grant also that I may embrace thee, by 
a lively faith, and that I may apply unto myself the 
promises of the gospel, which I have proposed unto 
others. Let them be effectual in me, that by them 
I may be supported against all pains, yea, death 
itself." 

Mr. Rivet had a brother in the ministry nearly as 
eminent as himself, whom he loved with a very sin- 
cere and tender affection. The niece who now attended 
on him, was the daughter of this brother, and that he 
might know the gracious dealings of God towards 
him in his sickness, he requested his niece to write 
down whatever he might say, from time to time, and 
communicate it to her father. " Not," says he, " that 
I would procure praise to myself, but I would have it 
known to all, that the religion which I have professed 
and taught in the name of God, is the true religion, 
and that alone which leads men unto salvation; and, 
particularly, I would have my brother informed of 
that inestimable grace which I have received of God, 
that he may be abundantly comforted and strengthen- 
ed in his expectation of a better life, which I already 



246 



THOUGHTS ON 



enjoy. 0! with how great love have I loved and 
esteemed him! Yea, I have loved the gifts of God in 
him, and shall love them to the last. I pray God, 
who is the giver of every good gift, that he will 
strengthen and make perfect his own work in him. 
0, Lord God, I pray not only for my brother, but for 
all those in France to whom thou hast committed the 
conduct and rule of the churches; bless their persons, 
sanctify their gifts, grant that they may return to the 
simplicity which is in Christ, and that they detract not 
from the glory of God to ascribe unto man what be- 
longs to his salvation." He now broke out in an 
extraordinary transport, " great and immense mer- 
cy! who can but be rapt into admiration? He gives 
both being and well-being, — he bestows his gifts, he 
supporteth, he pardoneth, he worketh in us both to 
will and to do, according to his good pleasure, and 
when himself hath given and wrought all this, yet 
he gives to us an eternal reward." But not satisfied 
with sending messages to his brother, on the 2d 
day of January he requested to be raised up and 
placed in a chair, that he might write to him; and, 
accordingly, he penned, with his own hand, a fare- 
well letter, full of solemnity and tenderness; he wrote 
also to his nephew, — after which exertion he found 
himself much exhausted. But the only thing which 
gave him any uneasiness of mind, was, lest he should 
be disappointed in seeing his son. But his comforts 
were not uninterrupted. After his regular physicians 
had given him up, some persons who had known 
relief, in such cases, from a particular remedy, urged 
that it should be tried. He submitted, but while the 
experiment put him to great pain, it produced no 
change for the better; and when it was over, his mind 
appeared to be perturbed and uncomfortable. "Alas !" 
said he, " He is departed from me that made glad my 
heart. I have grieved that Holy Spirit, the com- 
forter, who had filled my soul with peace and joy. I 
have been so wretched and unhappy as to give ear to 
those who spoke to me of my returning to the world. I 
have been tickled with the desire of living, and how 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



247 



could such a thing be, after the fruits of the heavenly- 
Canaan had been tasted?" Here he appeared much 
distressed, and casting his arms about the neck of his 
beloved niece, exclaimed, " my dear niece, help me, 
continue to discourse of good things to me, — call 
upon the Comforter to return and renew that excel- 
lent work which he had begun in me. 0, return! re- 
turn! conform me with thy strength before I go hence 
and be seen no more." He remained in this state of 
distress for a short time — when he was reminded of 
the precious promises of God; but being exhausted, he 
fell into a swoon. When he opened his eyes, he said 
to his wife, who was by him, "my dearest yoke-fel- 
low, we have lived together in peace for thirty years, 
and I thank thee for thy help, which hath been a 
great comfort unto me, for I did cast all domestic 
cares on thee; continue, I beseech thee, to love my 
children with that pious affection which thou hast 
hitherto," (the children were by a former wife). 
Then turning to his son, who had arrived that morn- 
ing, he said, "and thou my son, love and honour this 
dearest companion of my life, the partner of all my 
joys and my sorrows, who hath done the duty of a 
mother towards thee, — this I desire of thee, and this I 
command thee, as thou expectest a blessing from God 
upon what I have gotten for my labour, — divide it 
between you, without quarrelling or contention, ac- 
cording to what is just and right. Then taking hold 
of both their hands and joining them together, he 
said, " promise that you will maintain a holy and mu- 
tual friendship with each other," — to which they 
gave their assent. Then turning to his wife, he said, 
"the Lord bless thee, my dear love, and strengthen 
thee. He is a husband to the widow, and a father of 
the fatherless." 

And to his son, "the Almighty Father bless thee, 
my son, guide thee in all thy ways, enrich thee with 
all Christian virtues, and plentifully make thee to 
abound in all spiritual and temporal blessings! Re- 
gard not the world, nor its deceitful hopes, for the 
world passeth away, and the lusts thereof. Place all 



248 



THOUGHTS ON 



thy felicity in the blessing of God. Be strong in 
faith, and prepared unto every good work. Let the 
peace of God dwell in thee, and make thee peaceable 
and kind." And to his niece, he said, " Farewell, 
my dear niece, we have a kindred in the heavens, 
which shall endure for ever." 

After many other similar discourses, to those recor- 
ded, he again collected his family and blessed them, 
and desired all to retire and leave him alone. His 
niece, who scarcely ever went out of his sight, asked, 
if he wished her to withdraw also, he said, " Do not 
go from me, but be thou a witness of my last hours." 
After he had exhausted himself with conversation 
with his son, Mr. Hulsins, and others, he was asked 
how he did, he said, " Very well — I feel no pain — I 
am filled with the grace of God — lam not sensible of 
cold or heat — I fear, no more, the inconveniences of 
temporal life — the Spirit of God strengthens me, and 
affords me abundant consolations. I have no doubt 
of my salvation. He hath set me on high. He hath 
hid me in his hiding place. He hath fenced me round 
about, and hath perfected whatsoever concerns me. I 
am like a vessel filled with pure water which no 
agitation troubles. It is God that justifieth me, who 
shall condemn? It is Christ that died, yea rather is 
risen again." * * * " my God, I thank thee that 
thou hast given me the spirit of humility, sincerity 
and truth. I have not been as a tinkling cymbal. 

Lord, thou knowest the secrets of my soul, and my 
inmost thoughts. Thou hast taught me in the school 
of true doctrine, and I have above all sought the 
glory of thy name. Lord, I wait for the moment 
which thou hast determined. I believe, I persevere. 

1 am not troubled. The Spirit of God witnesseth 
with my spirit that I am a child of God." 

Though every day was expected to be his last, yet 
the strength of his constitution enabled him to hold 
out until Saturday, January 7, 1651. To the last, he 
continued to spend his whole time, when awake, in 
prayer, and in such discourses as we have recorded. 
On Thursday morning, when he saw the light of day, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 249 

he said, "It is day-light. I shall shortly no more 
know the difference between day and night. I am 
come to the eve of that great and eternal day, and 
am going to that place, where the sun shall no more 
give light. God will be an everlasting light unto me; 
and already, Lord, thou sendest the rays of that 
light into my soul, and openest my eyes that I may 
perceive them. how powerfully dost thou work in 
me! While this old man decays, thou puttest on me 
the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after 
the image of him that created it. Deliver me from 
this prison, that I may celebrate thy name; yet nei- 
ther do I so contemn this body, as not to think of its 
restoration; for I know thy dead shall live, yea my 
dead body. It is sown in corruption, it shall be raised 
in incorruption; it is sown a vile body, but it will 
rise a glorious body; it is sown in weakness, but it 
shall be raised again in power. In a word, it shall 
be conformed to the glorious body of our Lord Jesus 
Christ, who is become the first fruits of them that 
sleep. I shall see him in my flesh — mine own eyes 
shall see him — I shall behold his face in righteousness, 
and shall be satisfied with his likeness when I 
awake." The whole of this day was spent in such 
like discourses. Among other things, he said, " The 
sense of divine favour increaseth in me every moment. 
My pains are tolerable, but my joys inestimable. 
I am no more vexed with earthly cares. I remem- 
ber when any new book came out, how earnestly I 
have longed after it — but now all that is but dust. 
Thou art my all, Lord, my good is to approach unto 
thee. 0, what a library have I in God! in whom is 
all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Thou 
art the teacher of spirits — I have learned more divin- 
ity in these ten days that thou hast come to visit me, 
than I did in fifty years before." The last words 
he attempted to utter, were those of Paul, " I have 
fought a good fight," &c. and when others assisted 
him to finish them, he said, Amen. 



250 THOUGHTS ON 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Death-bed exercises and speeches of Rev. Thomas Halyburton. 

Having in a former chapter given an account of 
Halyburton's conversion, written by himself, in ma- 
ture age, it will be gratifying to the pious reader to 
learn how he ended his course; and how his religion 
sustained him in the last trying conflict. And here, 
as in the case of Rivet, much opportunity was given 
to this holy man to leave behind him an ample testi- 
mony of the preciousness of the Lord Jesus Christ, 
and of the power of divine grace to support and com- 
fort the true believer, even in the pangs of dissolu- 
tion. When first seized with mortal sickness, he 
experienced, for a while, a terrible conflict, in which 
he was afraid that his faith would fail; but his God 
was merciful and faithful to his promises, and came 
to his relief. To one who came to see him, he said, 
"I have a great conflict, and my faith is like to fail. 
that I may be kept now in this last trial, that is 
ensuing, from being an offence to God and his peo- 
ple." When some of his brethren came to see him, 
he said, " I am but young, and have but little experi- 
ence, but this death-bed now makes me old, and 
therefore I use the freedom to exhort you to faithful- 
ness in the Lord's work. You will never repent this. 
He is a good Master, I have always found him so. 
If I had a thousand lives, I would think them all too 
little to employ in his service." But for several days 
he was under a cloud, and his spiritual joys had de- 
serted him; and when a friend came in, he said, " 
what a terrible conflict I had yesterday; but now I 
can say, < I have fought the good fight, I have kept 
the faith.' Now he has filled my mouth with a new 
song. * Jehovah Jireh, in the mount of the Lord.' 
Praise, praise is comely for the upright. Shortly I 
shall get a different view of God from what I have 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 251 

ever had, and shall be more qualified to praise him 
than ever. 0! the thoughts of an incarnate God are 
sweet and ravishing. And how do I wonder at my- 
self that I do not love him more. that I could 
honour him! What a wonder that I enjoy so much 
composure under all my bodily trouble, and in view 
of approaching death. what a mercy, that I have 
the use of my reason till I have declared his goodness 
unto me." To his wife he said, " He came to me in 
the third watch of the night, walking upon the waters, 
and he said unto me, 'I am Alpha and Omega, the 
beginning and the end. I was dead and am alive, 
and live for ever more, and have the keys of hell and 
death/ ' He stilleth the tempest, and there is a 
sweet calm in my soul." To one who requested 
him to be careful of his health, he replied, "I'll strive 
to last as long as I can, and I'll get my rest ere it be 
long. I have no more to do with time, but carefully 
to measure it out for the glory of God." Then he 
said, " I shall see my Redeemer stand on the earth at 
the last day; but I hope to see him before that, the 
Lamb in the midst of the throne. it will be a beauti- 
ful company, 'The spirits of just men made perfect, 
and Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant. 
for grace, grace, to be patient to the end."' When 
one said, "Keep the light of the window from him," 
he said, "Truly light is sweet, and a pleasant thing 
it is to behold the sun — the Sun of Righteousness. 
glorious light, when the Lamb is the light of the 
temple. We cannot have a conception of it now, eye 
hath not seen, nor ear heard, &c." Seeing his youngest 
child, he caused them to bring her to him, and said, 
" Mary, my dear, the Lord bless you. The God of 
your father and of my father bless you. — The God 
that fed me all my life. — The Angel that redeemed 
me from all evil, bless you and the rest, and be your 
portion. That is a goodly heritage, better than if I 
had crowns and sceptres to leave you. My child, I 
received you from him, and I give you to him again." 
To his wife he said," Encourage yourself in the Lord. 
He will keep you, even though you come into enemies' 



252 



THOUGHTS ON 



hands, surely he will cause the enemy to treat you 
well." He then declared his willingness to part 
with his dearest relatives, and said, " For this is the 
practical part of religion; to make use of it when we 
come to the strait. This is a lesson of practical di- 
vinity." When the physician came in, he addressed 
him in the following solemn and pungent language, 
"Doctor, as to this piece of work you are nearly at an 
end of it. I wish you to lay it to heart: death will 
come to your door also. And it is a business of great 
moment to die like a Christian; and it is a rare thing. 
Christ himself has told us that there are few that shall 
be saved even among them who are outwardly called. 
I wish the Lord himself may show you kindness. 
The greatest kindness I am now capable of showing 
you is, to recommend serious religion to you. There 
is a reality in religion, Doctor, but this is an age that 
hath lost the sense of it. i He lias not said to the 
house of Jacob, seek ye my face in vain.' Atheists 
will one day see whether it be so or not. I bless God 
that I was educated by godly parents in the princi- 
ples of the Church of Scotland. I bless him that 
when I came to riper years, I did, on mature delibe- 
ration, make these principles my choice. I bless the 
Lord, I have been helped ever since to adhere to 
them, without wavering. I bless him that I have 
seen that holiness yields peace and comfort in pros- 
perity and adversity. What should I seek more, or 
desire more to give in evidence of the reality of re- 
ligion? Therefore I am not ashamed of the gospel of 
Christ; for it is the power of God unto salvation to 
every one that believeth. I am so far from altering 
my thoughts of religion by reason of the present con- 
tempt thrown on it, and opposition made to it, that 
these things endear it the more to me." After much 
more of the same kind, he said, " Well, Doctor, the 
Lord be with you, and persuade you to be in earnest. 
I return you thanks for your attention." After a 
pause, he proceeded, "Every one that is in Christ 
Jesus must be a new creature: he must have union 
with Christ and a new nature. That is the ground- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 253 

work of religion. The Christian religion is little 
understood by the most of us. 0, the gospel of 
Christ, how purely was it preached in this place, 
when I was at the university; though I found not 
the sweetness of it, at that time, as I have found it 
since. It has fallen on me like showers on the mown 
grass. Verily there is a reality in religion. Few 
have lively impressions of it. Now get acquaintance 
with God. The little acquaintance I have had with 
God these two days, has more than ten thousand 
times repaid the pains I have in all my life taken 
about religion. It is a good thing to have God to 
go to, when we are turning our face against the 
wall. * He is known for a refuge in the palaces of 
Zion, a very present help in trouble.' there is a 
strange hardness in the heart of man." 

To his children, he said, " My children, I have no- 
thing to say to you, but that ye be seekers of God. 
Fulfil my joy. Alas! that I was so long in beginning 
to seek God! and yet I was touched with convictions 
that God was seeking me, before I arrived at the 
years of some of you." To his eldest daughter he 
said, " Margaret, you seem sometimes to have con- 
victions; beware of them — they are the most danger- 
ous things you ever meddled with: for although you 
seek not God, every one of them is God's messen- 
ger; and if you despise God's messenger, it will be 
avenged on you. My dear, seek the Lord, and be 
your mother's comfort." 

He requested that the 138th of Mr. Rutherford's 
letters should be read to him, and then said, "This 
is a book I would recommend to you all; there is 
more practical religion in that letter, than in some 
large volumes." 

When the three ministers of the place came to see 
him, he addressed them with great fidelity and affec- 
tion: — "Dear brethren, it is not from any confidence 
in myself, but out of a sincere love to you, and from 
what I myself have experienced, that for your encou- 
ragement I presumed to say: when the Lord helped 
me to diligence in studying and meditating, I found 

17 



254 THOUGHTS ON 

him then remarkably shining upon me, and testifying 
his approbation of a sincere mind. There is nothing 
to be had with a slack hand." And to one of them 
who had recently entered the ministry, "Your entry 
into His ministry, is likely to fall on an evil day; but 
there is one thing for your encouragement: you have 
a call. The times will make hard work for you in 
this place ; but that which makes your work the 
harder is, that the people are hardened under a long 
course of pure gospel ordinances. However, be 
faithful, and God will strengthen his own work. I 
will not say that you will get things brought to the 
state you desire them; but I'll tell you I have ever 
thought, and I'll abide by it, if ministers will ply 
their work, though they cannot bring sinners 4o the 
Lord, they may make their consciences,that a prophet 
has been among them, speak for the Lord, whether 
they will or not," 

" Now, brethren, give diligence, hold fast what ye 
have, I must say a word unto my brethren, it is on 
my heart; I am young, but I am near the end of my 
life, and that makes me old. It becomes me to take 
advice from you, however, I only wish to exhort you 
to diligence in the common salvation, — I repent I did 
no more, but I have peace in reflecting that what I 
did, I did sincerely. He accepted the mite. It was 
the delight of my heart to preach the gospel, and it 
made me sometimes neglect a frail body. I even 
thought if I could contribute to the saving of a soul, 
it would be to me a star, a crown — a glorious crown. 
I knew this was the thing that I aimed at— I desired 
to decrease, that the bridegroom might increase; and 
to be nothing, that He might be all, and I rejoice in 
his exaltation." To two ministers who came in from 
the country, he said, "brethren, we have need to 
take care, with the great apostle, lest when we have 
preached Christ to others, we ourselves should be cast- 
aways. We have need to fear, lest it be so. Happy 
is the man thatfeareth always. Be diligent in preach- 
ing the gospel — let it be your care not only to be dili- 
gent in composing sermons, but, above all, to scan 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 255 

your own hearts, to enable you to dive into con- 
sciences to awaken hypocrites, and to separate the 
precious from the vile — and to do it with such accu- 
racy as not to make sad the hearts of those whom 
God would have made glad. The great point in 
religion, and in the management of your ministry, is, 
that you may obtain the testimony of the great Shep- 
herd, when he shall appear. As to the work of the 
ministry, it was my delight and my deliberate choice; 
and were my days lengthened out much more, and 
the times as troublesome as they are likely to be, I 
would rather be a continued minister of God, than 
the greatest prince on earth. I preached the gospel of 
Christ with pleasure, and loved it, for my own soul's 
salvation was upon it, and since I lay down, I have 
not changed my thoughts about it. I commend it to 
you all to double your diligence. There may be hard 
conflicts; you have a prospect of difficulties between 
you and the grave. We all appear good when un- 
tried, but we have need to have on the whole armour 
of God, to watch and be sober." 

To his successor in the parish which he had served 
before he came to the University, he said, "I have 
this to say, as to that congregation, that people were 
my choice. With much peace and pleasure I preach- 
ed as I could, though not as I should, the gospel of 
Jesus Christ. Though, in all things, I own myself to 
have sinned exceedingly before the Lord, yet I have 
the consolation that I anxiously aimed at leading 
them to the Lord Jesus, and another foundation can 
no man lay. I hope you will build on the same 
foundation, for, as you will in that way save your 
own soul, so it is the way to save them that hear you. 
From experience I can say, that the pursuing this 
sincerely, is the way of salvation. Signify to them 
that if it pleases the Lord to take me away, I die, 
rejoicing in the faith, and in the profession of what I 
preached to them, under a low state of body; and, 
that without this I could have no comfort. I would 
have my people understand, that the gospel which I 
recommended to them, if not received, will be a wit- 



256 THOUGHTS ON 

ness against them." His successor remarked, " I am 
persuaded you have seals to your ministry in that 
parish." He answered, " we are like our Master, set 
for the fall and rising again of many, though we can 
do no more; if we are faithful, they shall know that a 
prophet has been among them." 

Mr. Halyburton conversed much with his friends, 
and most of his discourses have been preserved, but 
we have only room for a small part of what he uttered 
on his death-bed. A specimen, however, will serve 
to show the spirit of the man, and the state of his 
mind, as well as the whole. There are still some of 
his dying speeches so excellent, that I cannot think 
that their insertion will appear tedious to the pious 
reader. But besides his discourses with his friends 
and visiters, he drew up a paper in the form of a last 
will or testimony, in which he gives at large his 
views of doctrine and worship. The whole of this 
paper is highly worthy of attention, but we can only 
insert the following extract: 

" Every thing in God's way and in his word is 
glorious, honourable, and like himself. He needs 
none of our testimonies; but it is the least that we 
can do to signify our wishes to have his praises cele- 
brated. And I, being so many ways obliged, take 
this solemn occasion to acknowledge, before I leave 
the world, these, among many other innumerable 
obligations; and I desire to bequeath this as my last, 
best legacy, to my family, even my serious and solemn 
advice, that they should make choice of God for their 
God. He has been my father's God: the God both 
of my wife's predecessors and mine; and he has been, 
we hope, our God; and I recommend him to my 
children, for their God: solemnly charging them, even 
all of them, as they will be answerable on the great 
day, to make it their first care, to seek after peace 
with God, and reconciliation through Christ crucified: 
and being reconciled, to make it their constant care 
to please him in all things. I beseech them with all 
the bowels of a father, as they love their souls, that 
they sit not down short of a saving acquaintance with 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 257 

him; that they wait diligently upon the means of 
grace, and attend the worship of God in all duties, 
especially secret and family duties, and that they 
carefully attend public ordinances. Beware of con- 
tenting yourselves with the mere form of these duties, 
but cry to the Lord for communion in them; and 
for the outpouring of his Spirit, whereby ye may be 
enabled to worship God in spirit, who is a Spirit. 
It is my charge to you, and that in which I am more 
concerned than in any thing relating to you, that you 
follow him fully, without turning to the right hand, 
or to the left. In this way I dare promise you bless- 
edness. If you follow this way, I do bless you all, 
and pray that He who blesses, and they who are 
blessed, may bless you all. I have, often as I could, 
devoted all of you to God; and there is nothing I 
have so much at heart, as that ye may indeed be the 
Lord's. And if ye turn aside from this way, I would 
have this be a standing witness against you, in the 
day of the Lord. that God himself by his grace, 
may, in the day of his power, determine your tender 
hearts to seek him early; for then will He be a good 
portion unto you." 

When some people came in to see him, he said, 
" For these fourteen or fifteen years, I have been 
studying the promises; but I have seen more of the 
book of God this night, than in all that time. the 
wisdom that is laid up in the book of God! I know, 
a great deal that comes from a dying man will go for 
canting and raving, but I bless God, that he has pre- 
served to me the little judgment that I had, and I 
have been enabled, with composure, to reflect on his 
dealing with me. I am sober and composed, if I 
ever was so. And whether men will hear or forbear, 
this is my testimony. The operations of the Spirit 
of God, are ridiculed in this day; but if we take away 
the operations and influences of the Spirit of God, 
in religion, I know not what is left. He promised 
the Spirit to lead us into all truth. that this gene- 
ration would awake to seek after the quickening 
influences of the Spirit. for a day of the down 



258 THOUGHTS ON 

pouring of the Spirit from on high, in a work of con- 
version ! — For such a day as that, when the Spirit of 
God effectually reached our fathers, and brought 
forth great men, and caused others to be conquered 
by them ! < The residue of the Spirit is with him.' " 

The state of the church was much on his mind, 
and he was greatly concerned for Scotland, lest a 
dry, formal, and merely rational religion should pre- 
vail; of which he saw some symptoms. He ex- 
pressed also strong apprehensions that the judgments 
of God were about to be inflicted on his country. 
The welfare of his pupils also engaged much of his 
attention. He often expressed a desire to have them 
around him, that he might give them one practical 
lecture from his death bed. But as this could not 
be done, it being vacation, he dictated a letter to the 
students of theology, in which he gives them solemn 
and useful advice. He recommended to them the 
perusal of the writings of the great Dr. Owen; but 
immediately added, " But the word of God, in depen- 
dence on the Spirit of God, must be your study and 
meditation, day and night. Words cannot express 
what I have found of God, since I came to this 
bed of languishing; I am bold to recommend to 
you this work, as the most noble, honourable, and 
advantageous you can be employed in. And I 
am this day sure, from experence, that it is better 
to serve the Lord in the gospel of his Son, than to 
serve the greatest princes on earth, in the highest 
station. If God help you in this service, the reward 
is too great to be expressed. My thoughts, my words 
are swallowed up, and my affection toward you is 
such, that my body would quite sink to speak what is 
in my heart, of love to you, and desire to have you 
acquainted with my dearest Lord, to whom I was 
always deeply obliged, but am now so much indebted 
that I fear to mention how good he has been to my 
soul. choose him— cleave to him — serve him — 
study to know him more and more — live in communion 
with him. Never rest until 37-011 reach eternal com- 
munion with him. I have desired my brother-in-law 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 259 

to sign this in my name. I wish nothing more than 
that when you have done much service to the church 
here, I may have the happiness of hearing you ap- 
proved by the Great Shepherd." 

As his disease was a pulmonary consumption, he 
lasted long, and retained the uninterrupted exercise of 
his reason, and after the first severe conflict, of which 
mention was made, he enjoyed peace and joy without 
intermission, and manifested in manifold ways, and 
particularly by his heavenly discourse, the power of 
divine grace, and the eminence of that faith in Christ, 
by which he was so remarkably supported to the end. 
He lost no opportunity of seeking to benefit all who 
approached him, and often addressed himself to his 
wife and children individually, in the most tender and 
earnest manner. And as many ministers came to see 
him, he exercised great fidelity in his solemn exhorta- 
tions to them, to be diligent and faithful in the work 
of the Lord. At length the powers of nature were 
exhausted, and for some days he was in a dying state. 
Among his last words were, " Free grace, free grace — 
not unto me." And when his speech had utterly 
failed, when one said, I hope you are encouraging 
yourself in the Lord, he lifted up his hands and clap- 
ped them. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

Dying Experience of Mr. John Janeway, the Rev. Edward Payson, 
and Rev. Samuel Finley, D. D. 

Mr. Janeway was a young man who had just enter- 
ed the holy ministry, when he was called away, and 
exchanged earth for heaven. He was never permit- 
ted to preach more than two sermons, before his lungs 
were so affected, that he was obliged to cease from his 
earthly labours. During his last days, he was absorb- 
ed in the contemplation of Christ and heaven. His 



260 THOUGHTS ON 

meditations, his discourses, his whole deportment, 
made it evident, that he was ripening for glory. His 
faith had grown up to a full assurance, and he often 
feasted on the rich provisions of God's house, and 
enjoyed many foretastes of future blessedness. The 
Lord often called him up to the mount and let him 
see his glory. In the midst of earthly comforts, he 
longed for death, and his thoughts of the day of judg- 
ment were refreshing to him. He would say, " What 
if the day of judgment were come, even this hour, I 
would be glad with all my heart. I should behold 
such lightnings, and hear such thunderings as Israel 
did at the mount, and I am persuaded, my heart 
would leap for joy. The meditation of that day, 
hath even ravished my soul; and the thoughts of its 
certainty and nearness, are more refreshing to my 
soul, than all earthly comforts. Surely nothing can 
more revive my spirit, than to behold the blessed 
Jesus, who is the life and joy of my soul." When 
he began to sink rapidly under his complaint, his soul 
was so devoutly occupied in the contemplation of 
Christ and heaven, that he almost forgot his pains and 
sickness. His faith, his love, and his joy, exceedingly 
abounded. He would frequently exclaim, " Oh! that 
I could let you know what I feel ! Oh, that I could 
show you what I now see! Oh, that I could express 
the thousandth part of that sweetness which I now 
find in Christ ! You would then all think it worth 
while to make religion your chief business. Oh, my 
dear friends, you little think what Christ is worth 
upon a death-bed. I would not now for a world, 
nay, for a million of worlds, be without Christ and 
pardon. I would not for a world live any longer, 
and the very thought of a possibility of recovery, 
makes me tremble. I do tell you, that I so long to 
be with Christ, that I could be content to be cut in 
pieces, and put to the most exquisite tortures, so I 
might die and be with Christ. Oh how sweet Jesus 
is. i Come Lord Jesus, come quickly.' Death do thy 
worst. Death has lost its terrors. Through grace, I 
can say death is nothing to me. I can as easily die 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 261 

as shut my eyes. I long to die — I long to be with 
Christ." He charged his friends most earnestly, not 
to pray for his life. " Oh the glory, the unspeakable 
glory which I behold — my heart is full — my heart is 
full. Christ smiles, and I am constrained to smile. 
Can you find it in your hearts to stop me, now I am 
going to the complete and eternal enjoyment of Christ? 
Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of 
my blessed Saviour are open to receive me. The 
angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom. 
Oh, did you see but what I see, you would cry out 
with me, i Dear Lord, how long.' c Come Lord Jesus, 
come quickly.' ' Oh why are thy chariot wheels so 
long in coming.' " A minister having spoken to him 
of the joys of heaven, he said, " Sir, I feel something 
of it. My heart is as full as it can hold in this lower 
state. I can hold no more. Oh, that 1 could but let 
you know what I feel. Who am I Lord, who am I, 
that thou shouldst be mindful of me? Why me, 
Lord, why me? and pass by thousands to look on 
such a wretch as I. Oh, what shall I say unto thee, 
thou preserver of men? Oh blessed, and for ever 
blessed, be free grace. W T hy is it Lord that thou 
shouldest manifest thyself unto me and not to others? 
'Even so, Father, because it seemed good in thy 
sight.' Thou wilt have mercy, because thou wilt 
have mercy. And if thou wilt look on such a worm, 
who can hinder? Who would not love thee, bless- 
ed Father? Oh how sweet and gracious hast thou 
been to me! Oh, that He should have me in his 
thoughts before the foundation of the world. 

On one occasion, after his brother had been praying 
with him, his joys became unutterable, he broke out 
in such exclamations as these, " Oh, He is come — He 
is come — how sweet, how glorious, is the blessed 
Jesus! He is altogether lovely. How shall I speak 
the thousandth part of his praise ? Oh for words to 
set forth a little part of his excellency! Come look 
on a dying man and wonder. Was there ever greater 
kindness? Were there ever more sensible manifesta- 
tions of grace ? Oh why me, Lord, why me? Surely 



262 THOUGHTS ON 

this is akin to heaven, and if I were never to enjoy 
more than this, it is more than a sufficient recompense 
for all that men and devils could inflict. If this be 
dying, it is sweet. The bed is soft. Chrises arms, 
and smiles, and love, surely would turn hell into 
heaven. Oh that you did but see and feel what I do. 
Behold a dying man, more cheerful than you ever 
saw a man in health, in the midst of his sweetest 
worldly enjoyments. Oh sirs, worldly pleasures are 
poor, pitiful, sorry things, when compared with this 
glory in my soul." He often exhorted those around 
him to assist him in his praises. " Oh," said he, " help 
me to praise God. Henceforth, through eternity, I 
have nothing else to do but to love and praise the 
Lord. I cannot tell what to pray for, which is not 
already given me. I want only one thing, and that 
is, a speedy lift to heaven. I expect no more here. 
I desire no more — I can bear no more. Oh praise, 
praise, praise that boundless love which hath won- 
derfully looked upon my soul, and hath done more for 
me, than for thousands of his children. Bless the 
Lord, my soul, and all that is within me biess his 
holy name. my friends, help me, help me, to ad- 
mire and praise Him who hath done such astonishing 
wonders for my soul. He hath pardoned all my sins 
and filled me with his goodness. He hath given me 
grace and glory, and no good thing hath He withheld 
from me. All ye mighty angels help me to praise 
God. Let every thing that hath being help me to 
praise Him. Praise is my work now, and will be my 
work for ever. Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Hallelujah!" 
A few hours before his death he had his mother 
and brothers and sisters called around his bed, when 
in a most solemn and affecting manner he addressed 
himself in turn to each, and took leave of them. To 
his mother he offered his thanks for her tender love, 
and expressed his desire that she might see Christ 
formed in the hearts of all her children, and meet 
them all with joy at the day of judgment. Then he 
took his brothers and sisters in order, and offered an 
appropriate petition for each. He then said, " Oh, 






RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 263 

that none of us may be found among the unconverted 
in the day of judgment! Oh, that we may all appear 
with our honoured father and dear mother, before 
Christ with joy. Oh, that we may live to God here, 
and live with God hereafter. And now, my dear 
mother, brothers, and sisters, farewell!" His last 
words were, " thy work is done — I have fought a 
good fight," &c. " Come Lord Jesus, come quickly." 
After which he immediately expired. 

No man, in our country, has left behind him a 
higher character for eminent piety, than the Rev. 
Edward Payson. His views and exercises, when 
near death, will answer well to be placed by the side 
of those of Mr. John Janeway. 

When this faithful pastor found that his end was 
approaching he felt a strong desire to address some 
advice to his flock, he therefore had it announced 
from the pulpit, that he would be pleased to see as 
many of them as could make it convenient to come to 
his house, and appointed them a time. To them, when 
assembled, he spake nearly as follows: " It has often 
been remarked that people who have gone to the 
other world cannot come back to tell us what they 
have seen; but I am so near the eternal world, that I 
can see almost as clearly, as if I were there; and I 
see enough to satisfy myself, at least, of the truth of 
the doctrines which I have preached. I do not know 
that I should feel at all surer had I been there. It is 
always interesting to see others in a situation in which 
we know we must shortly be placed ourselves; and 
we all know that we must die. And to see a poor crea- 
ture, when, after an alternation of hopes and fears, he 
finds that his disease is mortal, and death comes to 
tear him away from every thing he loves, and crowds 
him to the very verge of the precipice of destruction, 
and then thrusts him down headlong. There he is 
cast into an unknown world; no friend, no Saviour 
to receive him. how different is this, from the 
state of a man who is prepared to die! He is not 
obliged to be crowded along, but the other world 



264 



THOUGHTS ON 



comes like a great magnet to draw him away from 
this; and he knows that he is going to enjoy — and 
not only knows but begins to taste it — perfect happi- 
ness, for ever, for ever, and ever. And now God is 
in this room. I see Him! and 0, how unspeakably 
lovely and glorious does he appear! worthy of ten 
thousand hearts, if we had so many. He is here, and 
hears me pleading with the creatures that he has 
made, whom he preserves and loads with blessings, 
to love him. And how terrible does it appear to me 
to sin against this God — to set up our wills in 
opposition to his. It makes my blood run cold to 
think how miserable I should now be without reli- 
gion. To lie here and see myself tottering on the 
verge of destruction. 0, I should be distracted. And 
when I see my fellow creatures in this situation, I 
am in an agony for them, that they may escape the 
danger before it be too late. Suppose we should 
hear the sound of some one pleading earnestly with 
another, and we should inquire, what is that man 
pleading for so earnestly? 0, he is only pleading 
with a fellow creature, to love his God, his Saviour, 
his Preserver, his Benefactor. He is only pleading 
with him, not to throw away his immortal soul; not 
to pull down everlasting wretchedness on his own 
head. He is only persuading him to avoid eternal 
misery and accept eternal happiness. ' Is it possible/ 
we should exclaim, ' that any persuasion can be neces- 
sary for this?' And yet it is necessary. 0, my friends! 
do, do love this glorious Being. Do seek for the salva- 
tion of your immortal souls. Hear the voice of your 
dying minister, while he entreats you to care for your 
souls. " 

On another occasion, he said, " I find satisfaction in 
looking at nothing that I have done'. I have not 
fought, but Christ has fought for me. I have not 
run, but. Christ has carried me. I have not worked, 
but Christ has wrought in me. Christ has done all." 
The perfections of God were to him a well-spring of 
joy, and the promises were breasts of consolation, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



265 



JJ 



whence his soul drew aliment and comfort. "0 
exclaimed he, "the loving kindness of God. His 
loving kindness! This afternoon, while I was medi- 
tating, the Lord seemed to pass by and proclaim him- 
self, < The Lord God, merciful and gracious.' ' 
how gracious !' Try to conceive of that — ' his loving 
kindness , as if it were not enough to say kindness, 
but loving kindness! What must be the loving 
kindness of the Lord who is himself infinite in love? 
It seemed, as if Christ had said to me, ' You have often 
wandered, and been impatient of the way, by which 
I have led you; but what do you think of it now?' 
And I was cut to the heart, when I looked back and 
saw the goodness by which I had been guided, that 
I could ever for a moment, distrust his love?" 

To a minister who called upon him, he said, " That 
the point in which he believed ministers failed most, 
and in which he had certainly failed most, was in 
doing duty professionally, and not from the heart." 
He said also, " I have never valued as I ought the 
doctrines which I have preached. The system is 
great and glorious, and is worthy of our utmost eiforts 
to promote it. The interests depending will justify 
us in our strongest measures. In every respect we 
may embark our all upon it; it will sustain us." — " I 
was never fit to say a word to a sinner, except when 
I had a broken heart myself; when I was subdued 
and melted into penitence, and felt just as if I had 
received pardon to my own soul; and when my 
heart was full of tenderness and pity." He seemed to 
be greatly affected with a view of the grace of God, 
in saving lost men; and especially, that it should be 
bestowed on one so ill-deserving as himself. "0 
how sovereign ! how sovereign ! Grace is the only 
thing that can make us like God. I might be dragged 
through heaven, earth, and hell, and I should still be 
the same sinful, polluted wretch, unless God himself 
should renew and cleanse me." 

In conversation with his eldest daughter, being 
asked whether self-examination was not a very diffi- 



266 THOUGHTS ON 

cult duty for young Christians, "Yes," he replied, 
"and for old ones, too; because it is displeasing to the 
pride of the heart, because wandering thoughts are 
then most apt to intrude, and because of thedeceitful- 
ness of the heart. When a Christian first looks into 
his heart, he sees nothing but confusion — a heap of 
sins, and very little good, mixed up together; and he 
knows not how to separate them, or how to begin 
self-examination. But let him persevere in his ef- 
forts, and order will arise out of confusion." She 
mentioned to him a passage in the life of Alleine, 
which led him to say, "We never confess any faults 
that we really think disgraceful. We complain of 
our hardness of heart, stupidity, &c, but we never 
confess envy, covetousness, and revenge, or anything 
that we suppose will lower us in the opinion of 
others; and this proves that we do not feel ashamed 
of coldness and stupidity. In short, when young 
Christians make confessions, unless there is an ob- 
vious call for it, it commonly proceeds from one of 
the following motives: either they wish to be thought 
very humble, and to possess great knowledge of their 
own hearts; or they think it is a fault which the other 
has perceived, and they are willing to have the credit 
of having discovered, and striven against it; or they- 
confess some fault from which they are remarkably 
free, in order to elicit a compliment/' 

His solicitude for the welfare of his people was so 
great, that though he had given them one solemn ad- 
dress, he was not contented with that, but sent for 
particular classes of them. On one day, he had the 
young men of the congregation assembled around 
him, when he delivered to them a peculiarly solemn, 
tender, and appropriate exhortation. He also sent 
an affectionate valedictory address to the association 
of ministers with whom he had been connected. The 
substance of it was, " A heart}'' assurance of the ar- 
dent love with which he remembered them even in 
death — an exhortation to love one another with a 
pure heart fervently — to love their work — to be 






RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 267 

diligent in it — to expect success, and to bear up un- 
der discouragements — to be faithful unto death, and 
to look for their reward in Heaven." 

While speaking of the rapturous views which he 
had of Heaven, he was asked if it did not appear like 
the clear light of vision, rather than that of faith. He 
said, "I don't know — it is too much for the poor eyes 
of my soul to bear— they are almost blinded with the 
excessive brightness. All I want is, to be a mirror, 
to reflect some of those rays to those around me.' 7 — 
" My soul, instead of growing weaker and more lan- 
guishing, as my body does, seems to be endued with 
an angel's energies, and to be ready to break from 
the body, and join those around the throne." When 
asked, whether it was now incredible to him, that the 
martyrs should rejoice in the flames and on the rack, 
'•'No," said he, "I can easily believe it. I have suf- 
fered twenty times as much as I could in being burnt 
at the stake, while my joy in God so abounded, as to 
render my sufferings not only tolerable, but welcome. 
The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to 
be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in 
us." At another time, he said, " God is now literally 
my all in all. While He is present with me, no event 
can in the least diminish my happiness; and were the 
whole world at my feet, trying to minister to my 
comfort, they could not add one drop to the cup." 
"It seems as if the promise to wipe away all tears, is 
already accomplished, as it relates to tears of sorrow. 
I have no tears to shed now but tears of love, and 
joy, and thankfulness." Shortly before his decease 
he was heard to break forth in a soliloquy, of which 
the following is a specimen: — "What an assemblage 
of motives to holiness, does the gospel present? I 
am a Christian; what then? I am a redeemed sinner 
— a pardoned rebel — all through grace, and by the 
most wonderful means which infinite wisdom could 
devise. I am a Christian; what then? Why I am a 
temple of God, and surely I ought to be pure and 
holy. I am a Christian; what then? Why I am a 
child of God, and ought to be filled with filial love 



268 THOUGHTS OX 

and reverence, joy, and gratitude. I am a Christian; 
what then? Why I am a disciple of Christ, and must 
imitate him who was meek and lowly of heart, and 
pleased not himself. I am a Christian. — Why I am 
an heir of Heaven, and hastening on to the abodes of 
the blessed." " It seems as if my soul had found a 
pair of new wings, and was eager to try them, that in 
her fluttering she would rend the fine knit-work of 
the body to pieces." He had the choir to come in and 
sing for him, and chose the hymn, " Rise my soul" 
&c. Soon after which he expired, October 21, 1S27. 
The Rev. Dr. Samuel Finley, who had been for 
some time President of New jersey College, upon 
being informed by his physicians that his disease was 
incurable, expressed his entire resignation, and ex- 
claimed, "welcome, Lord Jesus." On the Sabbath 
preceding his death, Dr. Clarkson, one of his physi- 
cians, told him that he observed a manifest alteration, 
and that he could not live many days: he said, " may 
the Lord bring me near himself! I have been waiting 
with a Canaan hunger for the promised land. I have 
often wondered that God suffered me to live. I have 
more wondered that he ever called me to be a minister 
of his word. He has often afforded me much strength 
which I have abused. He has returned in mercy. 
Oh, how faithful are the promises of God! that I 
could see him as I have seen him before, in his sanc- 
tuary. Although I have as earnestly desired death, 
as the hireling pants for the evening shade, yet will I 
wait all the days of my appointed time. I have often 
struggled with principalities and powers, and have 
been brought to the borders of despair. Lord, let it 
suffice." He then closed his eyes and sat up and 
prayed fervently that God would show him his glory, 
before he departed hence; that he would enable him 
to endure patiently to the end — and, particularly, 
that he might be kept from dishonouring the minis- 
try. He then resumed his discourse, and said, "I 
can truly say that I have loved the service of God. I 
know not in what language to speak of my own un- 
worthiness — I have been undutiful — I have honestly 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 269 

endeavoured to act for God, but with much weakness 
and corruption." Then lying down again, he said, 
"a Christian's death is the best part of his experience. 
The Lord has made provision for the whole way; pro- 
vision for the soul, and provision for the body. The 
Lord has given me many souls, as the crowns of my 
rejoicing. Blessed be God — eternal rest is at hand. 
Eternity is but long enough to enjoy my God. This, 
this has animated me in my severest studies. I was 
ashamed to take rest here. Oh, that I could be filled 
with the fulness of God! that fulness which fills hea- 
ven." Being asked whether he would choose to live 
or die, he said, " to die, though I cannot but feel the 
same strait that Paul did when he knew not which to 
choose. 'For me to live, is Christ — but to die, is 
gain? But should God, by a miracle, prolong my 
life, I would still continue to serve him. His service 
has been sweet to me. I have loved it much. I 
have tried my Master's yoke, and will never shrink 
my neck from it. His yoke is easy, and his burden 
is light!" One said to him, " you are more cheerful 
and vigorous, sir." " Yes, I rise or fall, as eternal 
life seems nearer or further off." It being remarked 
that he always used the appellation, " dear Lord," in 
his prayers, he answered, u 0, He is very dear! very 
precious, indeed. How pretty is it for a minister to 
die on the Sabbath! I expect to spend the remainder 
of this Sabbath in heaven." One said, " you will 
soon join the blessed society of heaven — you will for 
ever hold converse with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, 
and with the spirits of the just made perfect — with 
old friends, and many old fashioned people." " Yes 
sir," he replied, with a smile, " but they are a most 
polite people now." He expressed great gratitude 
to his friends around him, and said, "may the Lord 
repay you for your tenderness to me! may he bless 
you abundantly, not only with temporal, but with 
spiritual blessings." Turning to his wife, he said, 
" my dear, I expect to see you shortly in glory." 
Seeing a member of the second Presbyterian Church 
present, he said, " I have often preached and prayed 

18 



270 THOUGHTS ON 

among you, my dear sir, and the doctrines I preached 
are now my support, and, blessed be God, they are 
without a flaw. May the Lord bless and preserve 
your church! He designs good for it yet, I trust. " 
To a person from Princeton he said, "give my love 
to the people of Princeton, and tell them that lam 
going to die, and that I am not afraid to die." 

He would sometimes cry out, " the Lord Jesus will 
take care of his cause in the world." Upon waking, 
next morning, he exclaimed, u 0, what a disappoint- 
ment I have met with — I expected this morning to 
have been in heaven." On account of his extreme 
weakness, he was unable to speak much during the 
day, but all that he said was in the language of 
triumph. Next morning, with a pleasing smile on 
his countenance, he cried out, "01 shall triumph 
over every foe — the Lord hath given me the victory. 
Now I know that it is impossible that faith should 
not triumph over earth and hell — I exult — I triumph. 
0, that I could see untainted purity! I think I have 
nothing to do but die — yet, perhaps, I have — Lord 
show me my task." He then said, " Lord Jesus, into 
thy hands I commit my spirit — I do it with confidence 
— I do it with full assurance. I know that thou wilt 
keep that which I have committed to thee. I have 
been dreaming too fast of the time of my departure, 
for I find it does not yet come — but the Lord is faith- 
ful, and will not tarry beyond the appointed time." 

In the afternoon, the Rev. Mr. Spencer came to 
see him, and said, " I have come, dear sir, to see you 
confirm by facts, the gospel you have been preach- 
ing. Pray sir, how do you feel?" To which he re- 
plied, "Full of triumph — I triumph through Christ. 
Nothing clips my wings but the thoughts of my dis- 
solution being prolonged — that it were to night! 
My very soul thirsts for eternal rest." Mr. Spencer 
asked him what he saw in eternity to excite such 
vehement desires in his soul. He said, "I see the 
eternal love and goodness of God. I see the fulness 
of the Mediator. I see the love of Jesus. to be 
dissolved and to be with him! I long to be clothed 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 271 

with the complete righteousness of Christ." He 
then requested Mr. Spencer to pray with him before 
they parted, and said, "I have gained the victory 
over the devil; pray to God to preserve me from evil, 
to keep me from evil in this critical hour; and to sup- 
port me with his presence through the valley of the 
shadow of death." 

He spent the remainder of the day, in taking an 
affectionate and solemn leave of his friends, and ex- 
horting such of his children as were with him. 

On the next day, July 16, the conflict was termi- 
nated. He was no longer able to speak, but a friend 
having desired him to give a token by which his 
friends might know, whether he still continued to 
triumph, he lifted up his hand, and uttered the word 
"yes." About nine o'clock, he fell into a sound 
sleep, and appeared much more free from pain than 
he had been for many days before. He continued to 
sleep, without changing his position, till about one 
o'clock, when he expired, without a groan or a sigh. 
During his whole sickness he was never heard to 
utter a repining word; and in taking leave of his 
dearest friends, he was never seen to shed a tear, or 
exhibit any sign of sorrow. 

His remains were interred in the Second Presby- 
terian Church, on the corner of Mulberry or Arch 
and Third streets; by the side of his dear friend the 
Rev. Gilbert Tennent. From this resting place, their 
dust and bones were removed to the burying ground 
on Arch street, when the church was removed. 
Mrs. Finley survived her husband many years, the 
latter part of which time she was entirely blind; but 
bore the affliction with meek and cheerful submission. 



CHAPTER XX. 

Remarks on Death-bed Exercises, with several illustrative examples. 

The cases of religious experience, at the close of life, 
which have been presented to the reader, furnish 



272 THOUGHTS OH 

much reason for encouragement and hope to the real 
Christian. We learn from them, that death, however 
terrible to nature, may be completely divested of its 
terrors; that the Christian religion when it has been 
cordially embraced, has power to sustain the soul in 
the last conflict; that the supplies of grace may be so 
rich and abundant, that the bed of death may be the 
happiest situation which the child of God ever occu- 
pied, and his last hours the most comfortable of his 
whole life; that it is possible for such a flood of divine 
consolation to be poured into the soul, that the pains 
of the body are scarcely felt: by which we may un- 
derstand how it was that the martyrs could rejoice in 
the midst of rlames, and on the rack. We learn, also, 
that these blessed communications of the joy of the 
Holy Ghost, are derived to the soul, through the 
promises of God; and that ail that is necessary to fill 
it with these divine consolations, is a firm and lively 
faith. There is, in all these extatic and triumphant 
feelings, nothing miraculous; nothing different from 
the common mode of God's dealing with his people, 
except in the degree. The things of eternity are 
more clearly apprehended: confidence in the pro- 
mises is more unshaken; submission to the will of 
God is more unreserved, and gratitude for his good- 
ness more fervent. Another thing suggested by such 
happy death-bed exercises, is, that the dying saint 
never entertained a more humble sense of his own 
unworthiness, than during this season of the anticipa- 
tion of the joys of heaven. These experiences, there- 
fore, furnish strong evidence of the truth of the doc- 
trines of grace: indeed, free grace is the predominant 
theme in the minds of these highly favoured servants 
of God. It is also highly worthy of our marked at- 
tention, that the Lord Jesus Christ is precious to 
the dying believer, in proportion as his consolations 
abound. He attributes all that he enjoys, or hopes 
for, to this blessed Redeemer. And He who loved 
him, and died for him. is most faithful to his gracious 
promises, at this trying moment. Now. when heart 
and flesh fail, He will be the strength of their hearts. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 273 

Now, he enables them to say, with confidence, 
" Though I walk through the valley and shadow of 
death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy 
rod and staff comfort me." Death is, indeed, a for- 
midable enemy when armed with his envenomed 
sting; but when this sting is extracted, death is harm- 
less; death comes as a friend to release us from a 
body of sin and misery; "The sting of death is sin, 
and the strength of sin is the law," but when the law 
has received a full satisfaction, and all sin is pardoned 
through the blood of Christ, the sting exists no longer. 
There is no condemnation to them who are in Christ 
Jesus. It is God that justifieth, who is he that con- 
demneth? It is Christ that died; yea, rather who is 
risen again. " Precious in the sight of God is the 
death of his saints." The meek shall sing even on 
a dying bed. Here, often, the timid grow bold; the 
feeble, strong. Here doubts and fears which ha- 
rassed the weary pilgrim, all the journey through, 
are dismissed for ever; and that joyful assurance is 
realized, which had long been ardently desired and 
hoped for. Where else, but among real Christians, do 
we witness such happy scenes, at the near approach 
of death? Can the infidel point to any of his associ- 
ates, who could thus exult in the prospect of death? 
Can the man of the world exhibit any thing like this? 
Alas! they are driven away from all they love: they 
may die stupidly; they may be under an awful, blind- 
ing delusion; but the positive joys of the believer, 
they cannot experience. Now, as we must all die, 
and that soon, ought we not to take all pains, and 
use all possible diligence, to be ready to die the death 
of the righteous? When that awful hour shall arrive, 
worldly honours, and worldly possessions, will be 
nothing to us. Royal sceptres and crowns, and 
treasures, will be utterly unavailing; but the humble 
believer, however racked with pain of body, is safe 
in the hands of a kind Redeemer, who having him- 
self experienced the pangs of death, knows how to 
sympathize with and succour his beloved disciples, 
when they are called to this last trial. He will not 



274 THOUGHTS ON 

then forsake those whom he has supported through 
their whole pilgrimage. His everlasting arms of love 
and faithfulness will be placed underneath them, and 
he will bear them as on eagles' wings. Truly then, 
for them to die, is gain ! They rest from their labours, 
exchange darkness, sin, and sorrow, for perfect light, 
perfect purity, and perfect felicity. Lift up your 
heads, then, ye servants of God, for the day of your re- 
demption draweth nigh. The night is far spent, the 
day is at hand. With some of us, it must be near 
the dawn. The darkness will soon be past for ever. 
Let us then rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, 
and wait till our salvation cometh. Now is our sal- 
vation nearer than when we believed. 

But, it may be asked, do all real Christians die in 
such joy and triumph, as those whose experience has 
been related? No; this is not pretended. Some, no 
doubt, die under a cloud, and go out of the world in 
distressing doubt respecting their eternal destiny. It 
is to guard against such an event, that we would ex- 
hort all professors of religion, and include ourselves 
in the number, to begin in time to make preparation 
for death. Dear brethren, let us look well to the 
foundation of our- hope; we cannot bestow too much 
pains and diligence in making our calling and elec- 
tion sure. We shall never regret, on a death-bed, 
that we were too much concerned to secure the sal- 
vation of our souls; or, that we were too careful in 
making preparation for another world. Let us re- 
member that our time on earth is short, and that 
whatever is done, must be done quickly. There will 
be no opportunity of coming back to rectify what has 
been done amiss, or to supply what is wanting. 
" Now is the accepted time, now is the day of salva- 
tion." Let us work while it is day, knowing that the 
dark night cometh when no man can work. Let us 
then awake to righteousness. Let us watch and be 
sober. Let us put on the armour of light, and es- 
pecially let us see to it, that we have on the wedding 
garment; else we shall never find admittance to the 
marriage-supper of the Lamb. The only robe which 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 275 

can bear the scrutinizing inspection of the King, is 
the perfect and spotless robe of Christ's imputed 
righteousness. This will render us acceptable in the 
Beloved. With this, we must put on the robe of in- 
herent righteousness; for "without holiness, no man 
shall see the Lord;" and these two, though distinct, 
are never separated. Only, the latter is never per- 
fect until we come to the end of our course; and 
this single consideration should reconcile us to the 
thoughts of death; that then we shall be freed from 
all sin. how blessed is that state, where we shall 
see no more darkly through a glass, but face to face; 
where we shall know no more in part, but as we are 
known. bright and delightful vision of the glory 
of God in the face of Jesus Christ! Surely this is 
worth dying for. 

But it may be asked, is there not evidence of too 
much excitement, in the experiences which have been 
narrated ? May not a part at least of the elevated and 
exhilarated feelings be the effect of an accelerated cir- 
culation ? People who die of pulmonary consumption 
are apt to be sanguine, and to indulge buoyant hopes 
even in regard to recovery. In answer, I would say, 
that this may be admitted to have some effect in in- 
creasing the degree of excitement; but it never can 
account for the bright views and unspeakable joys 
which some experience. And the truth is, we are 
poor judges of the degree of elevated excitement, 
which the sense of God's love will produce. 

It must be confessed, that while we may admire 
and breathe after such an elevated and triumphant 
state of mind, as was experienced by those of whom 
some account has been given; yet we cannot so read- 
ily sympathize with such high emotions, as with a 
more calm and deliberate frame of spirit. Indeed, it 
is here as in health, when we see persons much ex- 
cited in regard to religion, or any thing else, we do 
not place such entire confidence in what they utter, 
as when the same persons calmly and soberly express 
their sentiments. The reason is, that in all great ex- 
citements the imagination and feelings predominate 



276 



THOUGHTS OIV 



over the judgment; and experience teaches that in 
all such cases there is a tendency to exaggeration, 
and to the use of strong expressions; and it cannot 
be doubted that, in some cases, the religious exulta- 
tion experienced is somewhat delirious. The ner- 
vous system loses its tone, and although its agitations 
are violent, they are somewhat irregular and exces- 
sive, so as to produce an irrepressible thrilling through 
the soul. It is not wonderful, that while the myste- 
rious connexion between soul and body is coming to 
an end, there should be something in the emotions 
new, and in the looks, tones, and gestures, out of the 
common way. This does not alter or vitiate the 
nature of the pious exercises of the soul, though it 
may modify them, and give them a peculiar aspect 
and expression. If any person chooses to suppose, 
that in some of the cases specified, while faith was 
triumphant, and hope full of assurance, that there 
might be superadded an exhilaration arising out of 
the peculiar state of the body, he will not have me 
objecting. The last exercises of that useful and de- 
voted man, Jeremiah Evarts, were very remarkable 
for the degree of powerful excitement manifested; 
and the more remarkable, because his mind was 
highly intellectual, and very little subject to excite- 
ment, in common. Still it was well known to those 
intimate with him, that when he was aroused, his 
feelings were very strong. 

Often, officious friends and physicians are ex- 
tremely averse to have any thing said to their friends, 
on the subject of religion, when they are sick, lest it 
should disturb their minds, and so increase the vio- 
lence of the disease. I would not, it is true, admit 
every loquacious old man or woman, into the chamber 
of a friend dangerously ill, but a discreet and pious 
counsellor is of great value at such a time. If the 
patient is hopefully pious, none can doubt the propri- 
ety and comfort of aiding such by holding forth to 
their views the rich promises of a faithful God. But 
even when the character of the sick is different, it 
often gives relief to have an opportunity of conversa- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 277 

tion with a pious friend or minister. Anxious feel- 
ings, pent up in the soul and finding no vent, are far 
more injurious than a free expression of them; and if 
the person is in danger of death, will you, can you, be 
guilty of the cruelty of debarring them from the only 
opportunity of salvation, which they may ever have? 
If you do, their blood will be found in your skirts. 
To show how erroneous the opinion is, that religious 
conversation tends to injure the sick by increasing his 
disease, I will relate a fact which fell under my own 
observation. 

A young gentleman of fortune and liberal educa- 
tion, had been for some months thinking seriously 
about his soul's salvation; but the work had not 
come to any maturity, when by making too great an 
exertion of his bodily strength, he ruptured a large 
blood vessel in the lungs, and was brought to death's 
door; not being able to speak above a low whisper. 
Having been a pupil of mine, I was permitted to see 
him, and upon asking the state of his mind, he whis- 
pered in my ear, that he was overwhelmed with the 
most awful darkness and terror — not one ray of light 
dawned upon his miserable soul. I prayed with him 
and presented to him a few gospel invitations and 
promises, and left him, never expecting to see him 
alive. Next day I called, the physician coming out 
of his room, informed me, that while they were wait- 
ing for his last breath, a favourable change seemed 
unexpectedly to have taken place, and that he had 
revived a little. When I approached his bed, he 
looked joyfully in my face, pressed my hand, and said, 
"All is well — I have found peace — this morning, 
about the dawn, I had the most delightful view of 
Christ, and of his ability and willingness to save me." 
And upon inquiry, I found, that that was the moment 
when the favourable change took place in his symp- 
toms. Faith and joy accomplished what no medi- 
cine could, and acted as a reviving cordial to his dying 
body. He so far recovered as to live a number of 
years afterwards; though his lungs were never sound; 
and his consistent walk and conversation attested the 



278 THOUGHTS OX 

reality of his change. He soon joined himself to the 
communion of the church, and died in her communion. 

While spending a summer in Germantown, near 
Philadelphia, I was sent for to visit a young man, 
whom I had often seen. He did not belong to my 
charge, but two pious ladies who did, were his friends, 
and had come out of the city to nurse him. He had 
a hemorrhage of the lungs, which left little room to 
hope for recovery. As he was a mild and moral 
man, I did not know, but that he might be a professor 
of religion; but upon asking him a question respecting 
his hope, he frankly told me that he had been skepti- 
cal for many years, and had no belief that the gospel 
was divine. I never felt more at a loss. The man 
was too weak to attend to argument, and if I could 
by reasoning convince him of his error, it would not 
be a saving faith, and he must die before this process 
could be gone through. I found that his infidelity 
afforded him no comfort in a dying hour, and that he 
wished he could believe in Christ. It occurred to me 
that the word of God contained light and energy in 
itself, and that if he could not attend to the external 
evidences, the beams of truth might shine in upon his 
soul, and thus generate a saving faith by the efficient 
aid of the Spirit. After pointing out the probable 
sources of his skepticism, I requested the ladies who 
were attending on him, to read certain portions of the 
gospel to him, as he could bear it — for he was very 
low. This was done; and next day, when I came 
to see him, he declared that his doubts were all scat- 
tered, and that he had hope in Christ. Afterwards, 
he was never able to converse ; but as far as is known 
died in hope. 

I never saw any one approach death so deliber- 
ately and composedly, as the late Rev. Robert Ray, 
pastor of the church of Freehold, in New Jersey. He 
had spent a winter at St. Augustine, with the hope of 
restoring his health, but came home more diseased 
than before he went. His lungs were deeply affected, 
and he foresaw that his end was approaching. But 
as long as he was able to speak, he caused himself to 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



279 



be carried to the church and to be assisted into the pul- 
pit, where he would preach and exhort until his breath 
failed, when he would pant as if about to die, and 
then be conveyed home as he came. This was done 
not once or twice, but for many weeks; for he said, as 
he must die, he might as well die preaching; and he 
felt a strong desire to be the means of saving the peo- 
ple committed to his charge; and he hoped that a 
voice of affectionate warning from the grave might 
have the effect of awakening some of them. As he 
suffered but little acute pain, he appeared until his 
dying day, as calm and cheerful, as a man long absent 
from home, would when the time came to return to 
his friends. He conversed as familiarly and com- 
posedly about his approaching change, as if there was 
nothing formidable in it. Indeed, it had no terrors 
for him. Even when death was upon him, having 
observed some of his neighbours coming in, he said, 
" Well, you have come to see your pastor die." He 
then remarked, that his feelings were very peculiar, 
such as he never experienced before; and without 
any perturbation of mind or bodily agony, he gently 
fell asleep. 

Wishing, in these experiences of dying saints to 
give as great a variety as is compatible with my 
limits, I will now extract an account of the last illness 
of Mrs. Susan Huntington, of Boston, taken down by 
her pastor, the Rev. Dr. Wisner, after his visits to her 
sick room. 

Tuesday, October .28, 1823. Called on Mrs. Hunt- 
ington about half-past nine in the morning. Found 
that she had failed considerably since my last visit. 
To an inquiry respecting the state of her mind, she 
said, " I think I have felt more of the presence of 
Christ, than when I saw you last. I have not had 
those strong views and joyful feelings, with which I 
have sometimes been favoured. My mind is weak; 
I cannot direct and fix my thoughts as I once could. 
But I think I have fled for refuge to lay hold on the 
hope set before me in the precious gospel; and He 
who is the foundation of that hope will never forsake 



280 



THOUGHTS OIV 



me." Then, with a most interesting expression of 
countenance, she said, "I trust we shall meet in 
Heaven, and spend an eternity in praising our dear 
Redeemer." "I feel," said she, " that I have been 
very, very unfaithful; but He is merciful — his blood 
cleanseth from all sin: and I trust he has blotted out 
my sins from the book of his remembrance. what 
should we do without Christ?" "As much debtors 
to free grace at the end of our course as at the be- 
ginning," observed her pastor. " More, far more," 
she replied, " for we sin against greater light and 
love, after we are born again. Yes, it is all free 
grace — if it were not, what would become of me?" 
It was answered, " You would have perished — justly 
perished." "Yes/ 3 she replied, "what a glorious 
plan, what a precious Saviour! that I could love 
him more! Pray that I may love and glorify him 
for ever!" 

On Friday, October 31, found her more comforta- 
ble. She said, " My mind has generally been in a 
peaceful frame since I saw you; but I want to real- 
ize the presence and preciousness of Christ, more dis- 
tinctly and constantly than my great weakness per- 
mits me to do." In answer to some remarks on the 
covenant of grace, she said, " Glorious covenant! pre- 
cious promises !■ I have given myself and body to 
Him, in whom they are yea and amen, and I do not 
fear; I desire him to do with me as it shall please 
him." 

Tuesday, November 3. To the usual inquiry, she 
replied, "Mrs. Graham accurately describes my feel- 
ings, when she says, ' Thus far the Lord hath brought 
me through the wilderness, bearing, chastising, for- 
giving, restoring. I am near to Jordan's flood. May 
my blessed High Priest and ark of the covenant, lead 
on my staggering steps, the little further I have to 
go.' ' And" on December 4, she breathed her last, in 
the faith and hope of the gospel. 

As in the preceding account of Mrs. Huntington, 
mention is made of Mrs. Graham, of New York, it 
may be in place to give a few particulars of this wise 






RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 281 

woman, as she may properly be called, during her 
last illness. Foreseeing that her end was near, she 
sent for Mrs. Ohrystie, a dear friend, between whom 
and herself an agreement had been made, that which- 
ever was first summoned away, should be attended, 
in her last moments, by the other. To her son-in- 
law, Mr. Bethune, whom she saw standing by, she 
said, "My dear, dear son, I am going to leave you; 
I am going to my Saviour/' He answered, "I know 
that when you do go from us, it will be to the Saviour; 
but, my dear mother, it may not be the Lord's time 
now to call you to himself." " Yes," said she, "now 
is the time; and Oh! I could weep for sin." Her 
words were accompanied with her tears. " Have you 
any doubts, then, my dear friend," asked Mrs. Chrys- 
tie. " no," replied she, " I have no more doubt 
of going to my Saviour, than if I were already in 
his arms. My guilt is all transferred. He has can- 
celled all my debt; yet I could weep for sins against 
so good a God. It seems to me there must be weep- 
ing even in Heaven." When her dear friend and 
pastor, Dr. Mason, came to see her, they had a very 
interesting interview — at the close of which, he in- 
quired if there was any thing, in particular, for which 
he should pray. She said, " The Lord will direct," 
and immediately offered up this short prayer: " Lord, 
direct thy servant in prayer." During her sickness, 
she was for much of the time lethargic, and it was 
often difficult to arouse her. But when at any time 
waked up for a moment, she would utter some sweet 
word — such as "peace," indicating the happy state 
of her mind. Dr. Mason, in his funeral sermon, 
said, "This may truly be called falling asleep in 
Jesus." All terror seemed to be removed, and her 
countenance was placid, and looked younger than be- 
fore her illness. At a quarter past 12 o'clock, on the 
27th of July, 1814, without a struggle or a groan, her 
spirit winged its flight from a mansion of clay to the 
realms of glory. 



282 



THOUGHTS ON 



CHAPTER XXI. 

Death-bed exercises of Mr. Baxter, and the Rev. Thomas Scott, D. D. 

Dr. Bates, in his funeral sermon, occasioned by the 
death of Mr. Baxter, has given us an interesting ac- 
count of his last days, some part of which I will 
extract, as furnishing an example, not of a highly 
excited state of feeling, but of a truly pious, calm, 
submissive frame of mind. Few persons, who ever 
lived, have given more convincing evidence of fervent 
piety, throughout a long life, than this devoted servant 
of God. His end corresponded with the tenor of his 
life, and with the religion which he inculcated in his 
sermons. 

"He continued," says Dr. Bates, "to preach so 
long, notwithstanding his wasted and languishing 
body, that the last time, he almost died in the pulpit. 
It would doubtless have been his joy to be trans- 
figured in the mount. Not long after he felt the 
approaches of death, and was confined to his sick 
bed. Death reveals the secrets of the heart: then 
words are spoken with most feeling and least affec- 
tation. This excellent saint was the same in his life 
and his death: his last hours were spent in preparing 
others and himself to appear before God. He said to 
his friends, who came to see him, 'Ye come hither to 
learn to die. I am not the only person that must go 
this way. I can assure you, that your whole life, be 
it ever so long, is little enough to prepare for death. 
Have a care of this vain, deceitful world, and the 
lusts of the flesh. Be sure you choose God for your 
portion, heaven for your home, God's glory for your 
end, and his word for your rule, and then you need 
never fear, but we shall meet in comfort.' Never 
was penitent sinner more humble, never was a sin- 
cere believer more calm and comfortable. He ac- 
knowledged himself to be the vilest dunghill worm 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



283 



(it was his usual expression) that ever went to hea- 
ven. He admired the divine condescension to us, 
often saying, 'Lord, what is man! what am I a 
vile worm, to the great God.' Many times he prayed 
6 God be merciful to me a sinner,' and thanked God 
that this was left on record, in the gospel, as an effec- 
tual prayer. He said, ' God may justly condemn me 
for the best duty I ever performed. All my hopes 
are from the free mercy of God in Christ.' After a 
slumber, he awaked, and said, < I shall rest from my 
labour.' A minister present said, 'And your works 
shall follow you.' To whom he replied, 'no works — 
I will leave out works, if God will grant me the other.' 
When a friend was comforting him with the good 
many had received by his preaching and writing, he 
said, ' I was but a pen in God's hand, and what praise 
is due to a pen?' 

" His resigned submission to the will of God, in his 
sharp sickness, was eminent. When extremity con- 
strained him earnestly to pray to God for his release, 
by death, he would check himself, ' It is not fit for 
me to prescribe — when thou wilt, what thou wilt, 
and how thou wilt,' "Being in great anguish, he said, 
'0 how unsearchable are his judgments, and his 
ways past finding out — the reaches of his providence 
we cannot fathom.' And to his friends, ' Do not think 
the worse of religion for what you see me suffer.' 
Being often asked, how it was with the inner man, 
he replied, ' I have a well-grounded assurance of my 
eternal happiness, and great peace and comfort with- 
in.' He said, 'flesh must perish, and we must feel 
the perishing of it, and that though his judgment sub- 
mitted, yet sense would still make him groan.' He 
derived great comfort from that description in Heb. 
xii. 22. That he was going to the innumerable com- 
pany of angels, and to the general assembly and 
church of the first born, whose names are written in 
heaven; and to God the Judge of all, and to the 
spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus the 
Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of 
sprinkling, that speaketh better things than the blood 



284 



THOUGHTS ON 



of Abel. < That Scripture,' he said, < deserved a thou- 
sand and a thousand thoughts.' 

" At another time, he said he derived great comfort 
and sweetness, in repeating the Lord's prayer, and 
was sorry some good people were prejudiced against 
the use of it, for there were all necessary petitions for 
the soul and body contained in it. He gave excellent 
counsels to young ministers, that visited him, and 
earnestly prayed to God to bless their labours, and 
make them very successful in turning many souls to 
Christ; expressed great joy in the hopes that God 
would do a great deal of good by them, and that their 
spirits might be moderate and peaceful. He often 
prayed that God would be merciful to this miserable, 
distracted world, and that he would preserve his 
church and interest in it. He advised his friends to 
beware of self-conceit, as a sin that was likely to ruin 
the nation. 

"I visited him, with a very worthy friend, Mr. 
Mather, from New England, the day before he died. 
I said to him, ' You are now approaching your long 
desired home,' he answered, ' I believe, I believe.' 
He expressed great willingness to die, and during his 
sickness, when asked, ' how he did,' his reply was, 
' almost well. 9 His joy was most remarKable, when, 
in his own apprehension, death was nearest; and 
his spiritual joy was at length consummated in 
eternal joy. On the day of his death, a great trem- 
bling and coldness extorted strong cries from him, for 
pity and relief from heaven; which cries and agonies 
continued for some time, till at length he ceased, and 
lay in patient expectation of his change. The last 
words he spoke to me, on being informed that I was 
come to see him, were, ' Oh, I thank him, I thank 
him,' and turning his eye to me said, * The Lord 
teach you how to die!' To the last I never could 
perceive his peace and heavenly hopes assaulted or 
disturbed. I have often heard him greatly lament 
that he felt no greater liveliness in what appeared so 
great and clear to him, and so much desired by him. 
He told me he knew it should be well with him, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 285 

when he was gone. He wondered to hear others 
speak of their sensible and passionately strong desires 
to die, and of their comforts of spirit, when sensible 
of their approaching death; when, though he thought 
he knew as much as they, and had as rational satis- 
faction as they could have, that his soul was safe, he 
never could feel their sensible consolations. I asked, 
whether much of this was not to be resolved into 
bodily constitution, he told me he thought it must be 
so. 

A wicked and groundless report was circulated, 
that he was greatly troubled with skeptical thoughts 
before he died. Mr. Sylvester, who was with him 
during his whole sickness, declares there was not the 
least foundation, whatever, for such a report. But 
the devil seems to be greatly envious at the comforta- 
ble death of God's people, and therefore his agents 
are busy in circulating slanders against the saints, in 
regard to this matter. So, although Calvin ended his 
days in great tranquillity and in the full exercise of 
faith and enjoyment of reason, his enemies circulated 
the report, that he died in all the horrors of despair. 
Thus also, when the Rev. Augustus Toplady was near 
his end, it was circulated that he had renounced all 
those doctrines of grace, for which he was so zeal- 
ous in his life. Happily the report reached him be- 
fore his decease, which gave him the opportunity of 
contradicting it, and leaving his dying testimony in 
favour of those doctrines. His dying experience was 
of the most joyful and triumphant kind, and would 
do to be classed with those of John Jane way, Ed- 
ward Payson, and Dr. Samuel Finley, but we have 
not room for it, and many others. 

The two Henrys, father and son, so eminent for 
their piety and usefulness, were carried off by sudden 
and painful diseases, which afforded little opportunity 
for much conversation. They experienced, however, 
much of the divine aid and support. John Howe's 
death was exactly in character with his life and wri- 
tings. 

It may be thought, that all the specimens of the ex- 
19 



286 THOUGHTS ON 

perience of believers, during their last illness, have 
been of the favourable kind; and far above what is 
witnessed in the greater number of Christians, on 
their dying bed. It may be so. But I wish to remark, 
that in all my life, I have known few persons, who 
lived like Christians, when in health, who did not 
in their approach to death, manifest as much hope 
and fortitude, in that trying hour, as could reasonably 
have been expected from the character of their piety. 
In many cases, as I have before stated, the comfort 
and assurance of some timid and desponding be- 
lievers, has risen far above what any of their friends 
dared to hope. In general the result of my observa- 
tion is, that the pious find death less terrible on their 
near approach to the event, than when it was viewed 
at a distance. Some persons have naturally a much 
greater dread of death than others, though their piety 
may be more lively. Of this class was the late Dr. 
Thomas Scott, the author of the Commentary on the 
Bible. Few men of the last age, gave stronger evi- 
dence of deep-rooted and constant attachment to the 
Saviour, than this devoted man. In the service of 
his Master, he was most laborious and faithful, and 
it would be difficult to name any man whose evan- 
gelical labours have been attended with happier re- 
sults. He contributed much, in conjunction with 
such men as Romaine, Newton, Cecil, and others, to 
extend the influence of vital religion, far and wide, 
through the established church of England ; and his 
usefulness was not confined to his own country, or to 
the period of his life; but, in these United States, I 
know no writings which have been so extensively 
circulated, and which have so powerful an effect in 
correcting prevailing errors in religion, and promoting 
sound, evangelical views of Scriptural truth. I have 
selected the dying experience of this man, of un- 
doubted and eminent piety, for the reason hinted at 
in the beginning of this chapter; because his exer- 
cises, though deeply serious, were not for the most 
of the time, remarkably comfortable; and in no part 
of his illness, did he express much elevated joy. I 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 287 

think it right to view God's people in their various 
states and frames, as they approach the end of their 
pilgrimage. A pious clergyman remarked, in rela- 
tion to the exercises of Dr. Scott, that men of pro- 
found thought, and deep reflection, are not commonly 
so joyful on a dying be as Christians of less under- 
standing and less experience, and refers to Bunyan, 
as of the same mind, who represents Christian, 
his chief pilgrim, as almost overwhelmed with the 
waters of Jordan, while the less experienced pilgrim, 
Hopeful, goes over with little difficulty or danger. I 
cannot say, that I can altogether concur in this re- 
mark. It may often happen, that the unlettered 
Christian has a livelier faith than the profoundly 
learned theologian, and of course will be likely to 
have a calmer, happier exit from the world. But 
if men of talents and learning possess a vigorous, 
evangelical faith, they are as likely to rejoice on a 
dying bed as any others, as is evinced by the exam- 
ples of Rivet, Baxter, Horace, &c. The difference 
between the comforts of dying saints may be attribu- 
ted, first to divine sovereignty, which distributes grace 
and consolation as seemeth good unto him; secondly, 
to bodily temperament; some persons being jnore 
fearful than others, and more prone to suspect their 
own sincerity; and thirdly, to the nature of the disease 
by which the body is brought down to the grave. It 
is the tendency of some diseases, while they do not 
disturb the intellect, to exhilarate the spirits, and en- 
liven the imagination; while a distressing depression 
or perturbation is the effect of others, to say nothing 
of the different degrees of pain experienced by different 
persons. And we know that some diseases have 
a deplorable stupifying effect; and a fourth and fre- 
quent cause of difference in the exercises of dying 
persons is produced by the medicine which is admin- 
istered. When physicians can do nothing to cure, 
they think it right to lull their patients by opiates or 
excite them by alcohol. I have, when sick, been more 
afraid of nothing than these intoxicating and stupify- 
ing, or even exhilarating drugs. let no artificial 



288 THOUGHTS ON 

means be ever used with me, in that dread hour, to 
interrupt. sober and deliberate reflection! 

But to return to Dr. Scott; his disease was a violent 
fever, so that the range of his pulse was from 150 to 
175 in a minute. Under such a disease it is not 
wonderful that he was often restless and uncomforta- 
ble in his feelings. The Rev. Daniel Wilson, (now 
bishop of Calcutta) in his funeral sermon observes, 
" That for several years preceding the event itself, his 
bodily infirmities had been increasing. His strength 
and natural spirits at times sensibly failed. His own 
impression was, that his departure was approach- 
ing, and he contemplated it with calmness and tran- 
quillity." Mr. Wilson with great propriety remarks, 
" Before I proceed to give some particulars of his 
most instructive and affecting departure, I must ob- 
serve, that I lay no stress on them as to the evidence 
of his state before God. It is the tenor of the life, 
not that of the few suffering and morbid scenes which 
precede dissolution, that rises the character. We are 
not authorized from Scripture to place any depen- 
dence on the last periods of sinking nature, through 
which the Christian may be called to pass to his 
eternal reward. But though no importance is to be 
attached to these hours of fainting mortality, with 
reference to the acceptance and final triumph of the 
dying Christian, yet, where it pleases God to afford 
one of his departing servants, as in the instance be- 
fore us, such a measure of faith and self-possession, 
as to close a holy and most consistent life, with a 
testimony which sealed, amidst the pains of acute 
disease, and in the most impressive manner, all his 
doctrines and instructions, during forty-five preceding 
years, we are called on, as I think, to record with 
gratitude the divine benefit, and to use it with hu- 
mility, for the confirmation of our own faith and joy." 

His second son, writes from his bed-side. •• H::~ 
gloom, of which I had heard a good deal, in an indis- 
tinct manner, by no means relates to the prospects 
which lie before him. He is perfectly calm and 
cheerful in the view of dissolution, and seems disap- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 289 

pointed at the symptoms of recovery. He thought 
his trials were almost over; and said, that yesterday 
morning he had hoped to end the sacred services of 
the day in heaven. Indeed, his wish is, decidedly, 
to depart, in the confidence that he shall be with 
Christ, which is far better. His dejection is mani- 
festly nothing more than the feeling of a mind ex- 
hausted by its own exertions. His feelings on Sunday 
were very distressing both to himself and others, and 
were clearly aggravated by a degree of delirium 
arising from fever. Yesterday and to-day he has 
been quite calm, and though too weak to speak much, 
is evidently in a tranquil state. I brought my eldest 
boy with me, that he might once more see his grand- 
father, and receive his last blessing. He spoke to 
him this morning for a few minutes in a most affect- 
ing manner, and pronounced his blessing upon him, 
in a way, which I trust, he will never forget. May 
God grant that he may walk in the steps which are 
leading his grandfather to glory!" In another letter, 
a few days afterwards, he says, " Though I can say 
nothing favourable respecting his health, for he ap- 
pears approaching very near to his end, yet, thanks 
be to God, the clouds which overspread his mind are 
breaking away, and he talks with a placidity and cheer- 
fulness greater than I have before seen, since I came." 
" Just as we had assembled for family worship, he 
sent to say, that he wished us to meet in his room, 
and join in the Lord's supper, as a means of grace 
through which he might receive that consolation that 
he was seeking. The whole family — with one ex- 
ception — was present, and an old parishioner. It is 
impossible to describe the deeply interesting and af- 
fecting scene. The fervour displayed by my dear 
father, the poor emaciated form, the tears and sobs 
of all present, were almost more than I could bear 
with that degree of composure which was requisite 
to enable me to read the service, so as to make him 
hear, (Dr. S. had become very deaf.) But it was a 
delightful feeling, and has done more to cheer our 
downcast hearts, than can well be conceived. It 



290 THOUGHTS ON 

was, moreover, a cordial to my father's spirits, who 
adopted the words of the venerable Simeon, in the 
prospect of dissolution: Xow let test thou thy servant 
depart in peace." 

The Rev. D. Wilson, in his funeral sermon, of 
which a number of editions were published, makes 
the following just remarks: — "The remarkable suf- 
ferings of so eminent a saint, in his last sickness, 
may, perhaps, at first perplex the mind of a young 
Christian. But such a person should remember, that 
the way to Heaven is ordinarily a way of tribulation, 
and that the greatest honour God puts on his ser- 
vants, is to call them to such circumstances of afflic- 
tion as display and manifest his grace. What would 
have crushed a weak and unstable penitent, with im- 
mature knowledge of the promises of salvation, only 
illustrated the faith of the venerable subject of this 
discourse. God adapts the burden to the strength. 
As to the darkness and anguish which at times rested 
on his mind, they were clearly the combined effects 
of disease and the temptations of the adversary. The 
return of comfort as the fever remitted, made this quite 
certain, and he was himself able, at times, to make 
the distinction. But even in the midst of his afflictive 
feelings, it is manifest to every real judge of such a 
case, that a living and a strong faith was in vigorous 
activity. For consolation is one thing, faith another. 
This latter grace often lays hold of the promises made 
in Christ with the firmest grasp, at the very time 
when hope and comfort are interrupted by the mor- 
bid state of the bodily and mental powers. Our 
feelings and powers, thank God, are not the founda- 
tion on which we build. Never, perhaps, was stronger 
faith exhibited by our Saviour himself, than when he 
uttered those piercing words, •• My God, my God, 
why hast thou forsaken me?" 

His daughter, in giving an account of the condition 
of her dying father, says. •'• In the time of his dark- 
ness and gloom, he prayed without ceasing, and with 
inexpressible fervour. He seemed unconscious of 
any one being near him, and gave vent to the feel- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 291 

ings of his mind without restraint. And, Oh! what 
holy feelings were they! What spirituality; what 
hatred of sin; what humility; what simple faith in 
Christ; what zeal for God's glory; what submission! 
Never could I hear him without being reminded of 
Him, who being in an agony, prayed the more ear- 
nestly. <I think nothing,' said he, <of my bodily- 
pains — my soul is all. I trust all will end well, but it 
is a dreadful conflict. I hope — I fear — I tremble — I 
pray. Satan tries to be avenged of me in this awful 
hour, for all that I have done against his kingdom 
through life. He longs to pluck me out of Christ's 
hand. Subdue the enemy, Lord! Silence the ac- 
cuser. Bruise Satan under my feet shortly.— 

' Hide me, O my Saviour hide, 

Till the storm of life is past, 
Safe into the haven guide, 

O receive my soul at last. — 
Other refuge have I none.' 

0, to enter eternity with one doubt on the mind — 
eternity — eternity — eternity! what a thing sin is! 
Who knoweth the power of his wrath? If this be 
the way to Heaven, what must be the way to hell? 
If the righteous scarcely be saved, ivhere shall the 
ungodly and sinner appear?" *• 

He mentioned the wonderful way in which his 
prayers for others had been answered, and seemed to 
derive some comfort from it. He rejected every at- 
tempt to comfort him by reminding him of the way in 
which he had served and glorified God. " Christ is 
all," he said, "He is my only hope." His wonder- 
ful knowledge of Scripture was a source of great com- 
fort; and the exactness with which he repeated pas- 
sage after passage, was amazing. The manner in 
which also he connected one with another, was ad- 
mirable. His first clear consolation was after re- 
ceiving the Lord's Supper, of which an account has 
been given. He had previously observed, "An un- 
due stress is, by some, laid on this ordinance, as ad- 
ministered to the sick; and others, I think, are in 



292 



THOUGHTS ON 



danger of undervaluing it. It is a means of grace; 
and may prove God's instrument of conveying to me 
the comfort I am seeking." After he had partaken 
of this divine ordinance, he said to his son-in-law, 
" It was beneficial to me; I received Christ and he re- 
ceived me. I feel a composure which I did not ex- 
pect last night. I have not a triumphant assurance, 
but something which is more calm and satisfactory. 
I bless God for it." And then repeated, in the most 
emphatic manner, the 12th chapter of Isaiah, " O 
Lord 1 will praise thee, though thou wast angry with 
me," &c. to realize the fulness of joy — to have 
done with temptation ! " They shall hunger no more, 
nor thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on 
them nor any heat; for the Lamb which is in the 
midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead 
them unto living fountains of waters, and God shall 
wipe away all tears from their eyes." — " They come 
out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes 
and made them white in the blood of the Lamb; 
therefore are they before the throne of God." — " We 
know not what we shall be, but we know that when 
He shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall 
see him as he is." — (i The righteous hath hope in his 
death; not driven away — no, no, not driven away!" 

"There is one feeling," said he, "which I cannot 
have if I would. Those that oppose my doctrine 
have slandered me sadly, but I cannot feel any resent- 
tnent. I can only love and pity them, and pray for 
their salvation. I never did feel any resentment 
against them. I only regret that I did not more 
ardently long and pray for the salvation of their 
souls. I feel most earnest in prayer for the promo- 
tion of Christ's kingdom all over the earth. There 
are two causes in the world, the cause of God and of 
the devil; the cause of our Lord Jesus Christ and of 
the devil. The cause of God will prevail all over the 
world, among all kindreds, and people, and tongues. 
It shall fill the whole earth, ' Hallowed be thy name, 
thy kingdom coined " 

Waking, after a short sleep, in great calmness, he 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 293 

said, " This is heaven begun ; I have done with dark- 
ness for ever— for ever. Satan is vanquished. Noth- 
ing now remains but salvation, with eternal glory — 
eternal glory." But the conflict was not yet over, 
for another paroxysm came on with great violence; 
his sufferings were extreme, and confusion and gloom 
prevailed. He cried earnestly to God, and said, " All 
my calm and comfort are gone; nothing remains of 
them but a faint recollection. Well, after all, God is 
greater than Satan. Is not Christ all sufficient? Can 
he not save to the uttermost? Has he not promised 
to save? Lord deliver me — suffer not Satan to pre- 
vail. Pity, pity, Lord pity me!" But during all his 
severe sufferings of mind and body, not a word of 
repining or murmuring ever escaped his lips. He said 
with reference to his dying in this gloom, " I cannot 
help it. Thou art righteous, Father, glorify thy 
name" And then repeated those affecting lines of 
Watt's paraphrase of the fifty-first psalm, 

" And if my soul were sent to Hell, 
Thy righteous law approves it well; — 
Yet save a humble sinner Lord, 
Whose hope still hovering round thy word, 
Would light on some sweet promise there, 
Some sure support against despair." 

To his wife, he said, " God be your father and your 
husband. I trust all mine will be kind to you. You 
have been a great blessing unto me. We shall, I 
trust, meet in heaven. I have less doubt of you, than 
of myself/' 

A message was received from the Rev. D. Wilson, 
his highly esteemed friend, expressing among other 
things, the great benefit he had been to the church. 
" Now this," said he, " is doing me harm. < God be 
merciful to me a sinner? is the only ground on 
which I rest. If I am saved, God shall have all the 
glory." Having talked too much, he was again dis- 
tressed, but having obtained some rest, he awoke in 
the night, and said to his youngest son, who sat up 
with him, " What is the world and the glory of it? I 
would not change my hope, lean and meagre as it is, 



294 THOUGHTS ON 

for all the kingdoms of the world and the glory of 
them, were I sure of living a thousand years longer, 
to enjoy them." 

I asked him on Sunday, if I should stay from 
church and attend on him, " no," he replied, " noth- 
ing gives me pleasure but what is for your good, and 
the thought that you pray for me." 

On Monday, he said to the servant who attended 
him, " I thank you for all your kindness. You have 
been a faithful domestic, and I hope a conscientious 
one. If at any time I have been hasty and sharp, 
forgive me, and pray to God to forgive, but lay the 
blame upon me, not on religion." A similar address 
and request he made to his curate. Thus his feelings 
continued to alternate for several days, until death 
closed the scene. But whatever were his pains, his 
prayers were unceasing and most earnest. During 
the whole scene, his patience, his kindness, his sub- 
mission, his humility, and his faith, were most mani- 
fest. 



CHAPTER XXII. 

Preparation for Death — The state of the Soul after Death. 

It was intended to have added the death-bed expe- 
rience of the Rev. Dr. Andrew Fuller, and of some 
others, but it seemed that this part of the subject had 
been extended far enough. Indeed, some may be 
ready to inquire, why so much said respecting the 
thoughts and speeches of dying persons? To which 
we would reply, that there is no subject in the world 
which ought to be more interesting to all men, since 
all men are appointed to die. Whatever other evils 
we may escape, "in this war there is no discharge." 
It is a scene of which we can have no previous ex- 
perience; and therefore, it is prudent to learn what 
we can from the experience of those who have gone 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 295 

before us. It is an important and an awful scene, and 
should therefore occupy many of our thoughts. If 
due preparation has been neglected in life and health, 
there is small probability that it will be made on a 
dying bed. If I had set down all that 1 have wit- 
nessed and read of the dying exercises of unconverted 
sinners, it would have presented an appalling object 
for our contemplation. Such scenes have often been 
exhibited in print, and are not without their use, but 
such narratives did not fall in with the scope of these 
essays. But however insipid, or even disgusting these 
accounts of the dying exercises of believers may be to 
some readers, there is a class, and a large one too, who 
will take a deep interest in these things, because they 
are now waiting till their change comes, and are 
looking forward with intense interest to that inevit- 
able event of which we have been writing so much. 
These are the persons whom the author has had prin- 
cipally in view, in selecting these experiences of de- 
parting saints; and as the hopes and comforts of the 
children of God in life are very various, so he has en- 
deavoured to show, that a like variety is found in 
their views and exercises, at the time of their depar- 
ture out of the world. The writer confesses also, that 
in dwelling so long on this subject, he had some re- 
gard to his own edification, and preparation for death. 
As he knows from infallible evidence, that he will 
soon be required to put off this tabernacle, and to 
emigrate from this lower world, he was solicitous to ac- 
quire as much information as he was able from those 
who have gone before, what were the difficulties, suf- 
ferings, and encouragements, of pilgrims in this last 
stage of their journey. And, however it may be with 
others, he has derived instruction and encouragement, 
from the contemplation of such scenes as are here de- 
scribed. It appears to him supremely reasonable, that 
during the short time which remains of his life, he 
should be chiefly concerned in the meditation of the 
things of another world, and in making actual prepa- 
ration for his own departure. He once supposed that 
the near approach of death would of itself be sufficient 



296 THOUGHTS ON 

to arouse the mind, and impress upon it the reality 
and awful importance of eternal things; but he finds 
by sad experience, that however his judgment is con- 
vinced of the certainty of death, and its consequences, 
that nothing will bring these things to bear on the 
heart, but the illumination of the Holy Spirit. He 
Wishes, therefore, to engage in such reading, medita- 
tion, and writing, as may have a tendency to fix his 
thoughts on the solemn scene before him, when he 
must close his eyes on the light of this world, and 
bid adieu to all friends and objects with which he has 
been conversant here. He is not of opinion, however, 
that the best way to make preparation for death, is to 
sit down and pore over the condition of our own 
souls, or to confine our exertions to those things 
which are directly connected with our own salvation. 
We are kept here to do our Master's work, and that 
relates to others as well as ourselves. We have a stew- 
ardship, of which we must give an account; and the 
faithful and wise steward is careful and diligent in dis- 
pensing blessings committed to him, to others; this is 
especially the case in regard to ministers of the gospel. 
We have a responsible office, and our account before 
the tribunal of Jesus Christ must be solemn and 
awful: and it will not do to relinquish the proper 
work of our calling, upon the pretext of seeking our 
own salvation. Our own seeking will be entirely 
unavailing, without the aid and blessing of God, and 
this we may expect most confidently, when we are 
diligently engaged in doing his work, which is always 
the duties of our station and calling. Active duty 
must be performed as long as we have strength for 
the work; and like the Levites, we must attend around 
the tabernacle and altar, when we are too old for 
more laborious services. Many of the faithful ser- 
vants of God have expressed a strong desire not to 
outlive their usefulness; and some have wished that 
their departure might occur in the very act of preach- 
ing. These things we may better leave to the wis- 
dom of God, who directs all the circumstances of the 
death of his people, as well as of their lives. Even 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 297 

when by bodily infirmities, the servants of God are 
obliged to desist from public labours, they do not 
cease from serving their Master; their lives are not 
useless. His name is as much honoured by patient 
submission and cheerful resignation, as by zealous 
public exertion; and the greatest and most effectual 
work which can be performed by any on earth, they 
can perform — I mean the offering of prayers and in- 
tercessions, day and night, at the throne of grace. 
Let not the infirm and aged say, that they can now 
do nothing for God. They can do much; and for 
ought they can tell, more than they ever did in the 
days of their vigour. It is a beautiful sight to see 
men laden with fruit, even in old age. Such fruits 
are generally more mature than those of earlier days; 
and the aged saint often enjoys a tranquillity and re- 
pose of spirit, which is almost peculiar to that age. 
David, or whoever is the author of the 71st Psalm, 
prays most earnestly a prayer which should be daily 
on the lips of the aged, " Cast me not off in the time 
of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth." 
And again, "Now when I am old and grey-headed 
forsake me not, until I have showed thy strength to 
this generation, and thy power to all that are to come." 
Let the aged then tell to those that come after them, 
the works of divine grace which they have witnessed 
or which their fathers have told them. Let them be 
active as long as they can, and when bodily strength 
faileth, let them wield the pen; or if unable to write 
for the edification of the church, let them exhibit a 
consistent and shining example of the Christian tem- 
per, in kindness and good will to all; in uncomplain- 
ing patience; in contented poverty; in cheerful sub- 
mission to painful providences; and in mute resigna- 
tion to the bereavement of their dearest friends. And 
when death comes, let them not be afraid or dismayed ; 
then will be the time to honour God by implicitly and. 
confidently trusting in his promises. Let them " against 
hope believe in hope." It is by faith that the last 
enemy must be conquered. He that believeth shall 
not be confounded, in this trying hour. The great 



298 THOUGHTS ON 

Shepherd will not forsake hrs redeemed flock, for 
whom he has shed his blood; and though the adver- 
sary may rage and violently assault the dying saint, 
he shall not overcome them. Each one of them may 
say with humble confidence, "Though I walk through 
the valley and shadow of death, I will fear no evil, 
for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they com- 
fort me." 

Let us not desire to make a parade and ostentatious 
display on a dying bed. Death has been called the 
honest hour, but hypocrisy may be practised even 
on a dying bed. Although this event often reveals 
secrets, and brings deceived souls to a conviction of 
the sandy foundation on which they have built their 
hopes; yet some keep on the mask to the last moment. 
More, however, suppress the expression of their fears 
and distress of mind. So much is said often about 
the manner in which persons meet death, that some 
good men have wished and requested to be left very 
much alone: they have feared lest they should be 
tempted to vain-glory, even on a dying bed; or they 
have feared lest their courage should fail them in the 
last struggle, and they should, through pain and im- 
becility of mind, be left to bring dishonour on their 
profession. The late excellent and evangelical Simeon 
of Cambridge, seems to have been under the influence 
of a feeling of this kind. But the best and safest way 
is submissively to commit all the circumstances of our 
death unto God. 

We have no conception of the soul, but as a think- 
ing, active being. The body is merely an organ or 
instrument by which the soul acts while connected 
with it; indeed, it cannot be demonstrated that the 
soul performs all its acts here by the use of this organ. 
But whether or not, is of little consequence. We 
know that activity belongs to the soul, not to the 
body; and it would be a strange conclusion, that that 
which is essentially active, should cease to act, be- 
cause it had been deprived of one set of organs. The 
only legitimate inference is that when separated from 
the body, the mode of action is different from what 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 299 

it was before. As we learn the various operations 
of the soul, only by experience, it is plain, that we 
cannot fully understand or explain, the precise mode 
of its action after it is separated from the body. Paul 
teaches us, that the soul may exist and have conscious 
exercises of a very exalted kind, for, he says, speak- 
ing of his rapture into heaven, " Whether in the body 
or out of the body, I cannot tell;" for if the soul 
could not act without the body, he could have told 
certainly that he was in the body, when he witnessed, 
in the third heavens, things which it is not lawful for 
a man to utter. But this truth is taught more clearly 
and directly by Christ himself, when he said to the 
penitent thief, on the cross, " this day shalt thou be 
with me in Paradise." This testimony is of itself 
abundantly sufficient, and there is no evasion of its 
force, but by an interpretation so frigid and far-fetched, 
that it only serves to betray the weakness of the 
cause which it is brought to support. Paul, in an- 
other passage, speaks clearly and explicitly on this 
point: " Therefore, we are always confident, know- 
ing that whilst we are at home in the body, we are 
absent from the Lord. We are confident, I say, and 
willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be 
present with the Lord." In the previous context this 
apostle intimates that when the clay tabernacle is 
dissolved the soul will not be found naked, but that 
there will be another house ready to receive it; so 
that it will not be unclothed, but clothed upon. "For," 
says he, "in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be 
clothed upon with our house, which is from heaven. 
If so be that being clothed, we shall not be found 
naked. For we that are in this tabernacle so do 
groan, being burdened, not that we would be un- 
clothed but clothed upon, that mortality might be 
swallowed up of life." It would seem, then, that the 
soul is never without a suitable dwelling; it will not 
be unclothed; it only passes from one house to an- 
other — from an earthly to a heavenly habitation. 
But what this celestial clothing will be, of course we 
cannot now tell. When Stephen was dying, he cried 



300 



THOUGHTS ON 



"Lord Jesus receive my spirit." The Lord Jesus is 
every where near to his saints; and as he watches 
over his sheep during their whole passage through 
the wilderness; so He is especially near to them, 
when they come to the "valley and shadow of Death," 
so that they may then sing with the sweet psalmist of 
Israel, " When I walk through the valley and shadow 
of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy 
rod and thy staff they comfort me," But as Jesus 
the Lord, has his residence in heaven, where he occu- 
pies a place on the throne of God, at the right hand 
of the Father, and is surrounded by an innumerable 
host ready to execute all his commandments; so he 
commissions messengers to attend at the dying bed of 
believers, and receive the spirits of the just and con- 
duct them to his presence. It is evident that the de- 
parting soul will need a guide and convoy, for utterly 
ignorant of the glorious world into which it has en- 
tered, it would not know which way to direct its 
course, or where to find its allotted mansion. For 
heaven is a wide domain — the house of the Father of 
our Lord Jesus Christ, has many mansions, and every 
redeemed soul has provided for it, an appropriate 
residence, " for," says Christ, " I go to prepare a 
place for you." And that guardian angels are sent 
to perform these kind offices for departed saints, we 
are not left to conjecture, for we read, that as soon as 
Lazarus died, he "was carried by the angels into 
Abraham's bosom." There is no reason for sup- 
posing that the privilege now conferred on the beg- 
gar, was peculiar to him; every saint needs the 
guidance and guardianship of angels as well as Laza- 
rus; and we may conclude therefore, that angels will 
attend on every departing saint. 

Although we cannot now understand, how the 
soul will act in the future w^orld, when divested of 
the body of clay; we cannot doubt that its conscious- 
ness of its identity will go with it. The memory of 
the past, instead of being obliterated, will, in all pro- 
bability, be much more perfect, than while the per- 
son lived upon earth. It is no how incredible, that 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 301 

memory in the future world, will present to men, 
every thing which they have ever known, and every 
transaction in which they were ever engaged. The 
susceptibility of joyful emotions will also accompany 
the soul into the invisible world; and one of the first 
feelings of the departed saint, will be, a lively sense 
of complete deliverance from all evil, natural and 
moral. The pains of death will he the last pangs 
ever experienced. When these are over, the soul 
will enjoy the feeling of complete salvation from 
every distress. What a new and delightful sensa- 
tion will it be, to feel safe from every future danger, 
as well as saved from all past trouble. Rut the most 
important change experienced at this time, will be, a 
perfect purification of the soul from sin. The soul, 
heretofore struggling with inbred corruption, which 
damped its ardour, darkened its views, stupified its 
feelings, now can act without any moral obstruction. 
Who that has often complained, like Paul, " wretch- 
ed man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body 
of this death," but will feel this to be indeed heaven 
begun, when there will no more be felt any secret 
working of pride, or envy, or selfishness; but when 
it shall be pure, and sweetly conscious of its own 
purity. As perfection in holiness supposes a clear 
knowledge of spiritual objects; so we know, that we 
shall no more see the divine glory, as it were, by re- 
flection from a glass, but directly, or "face to face." 
The soul of man, though probably greatly enlarged 
in its powers, may have new faculties developed, for 
which there was no use here, and of which it had 
no consciousness; yet the field of knowledge being 
boundless, and our minds being capable of attending 
only to one thing at one time, our knowledge of celes- 
tial things will be gradually acquired, and not per- 
fected at once. Indeed, there can be no limit set to 
the progression in knowledge; it will be endless. 
And no doubt the unalloyed pleasures of the future 
state, will be intimately connected with this continual 
increase of divine knowledge. And as here, know- 
ledge is acquired by the aid of instructors, why may 

20 



302 THOUGHTS ON 

not the same be the fact in heaven? What a delight- 
ful employment to the saints who have been drink- 
ing in the knowledge of God and his works for thou- 
sands of years, to communicate instruction to the 
saint just arrived! How delightful to conduct the 
pilgrim who has just finished his race, through the 
ever blooming bowers of paradise, and to introduce 
him to this and the other ancient believer, and to as- 
sist him to find out and recognize, among so great a 
multitude, old friends and earthly relatives. There 
need be no dispute about our knowing, in heaven, 
those whom we knew and loved here; for if there 
should be no faculty by which they could at once be 
recognised, yet by extended and familiar intercourse 
with the celestial inhabitants, it cannot be otherwise 
but that interesting discoveries will be made continu- 
ally: and the unexpected recognition of old friends 
may be one of the sources of pleasure which will 
render heaven so pleasant. But as the fleshly bond 
of relationship is dissolved, at death, it seems rea- 
sonable to think, that the only bond of union and 
kindred in heaven, will be the spiritual bond, which 
unites all believers in one body, and to Christ their 
living head; therefore, we may presume, that there 
w T ill be felt an ardent desire to form an acquaint- 
ance with the most remarkable personages, who have 
lived from Adam downward. Who, if admitted into 
paradise, could repress his curiosity to see, and if 
possible, to converse with the progenitor of our 
race? Doubtless, he could tell us some things which 
we do not fully understand. And who would not 
wish to see the first person who ever entered those 
blessed abodes from our earth? Ah, and Enoch 
too. who never tasted death, and who still pos- 
sesses his original body, changed and glorified, it 
is true, but still substantially the same. We might 
expect to find him in the company of Elijah, who is 
similarly circumstanced; and some think that the 
body of Moses, though it was dead and buried, was 
raised again, as he seems to have appeared in his 
own proper body on the mount of Transfiguration. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



303 



And where is Abraham, that venerable saint, who in 
faith and obedience exceeded all other men, and ob- 
tained from God the honourable appellation of " The 
Father of the Faithful," and the friend of God? And 
who would be in heaven ever so short a time, with- 
out desiring to see Paul, the apostle of the Gentiles? 
And not him only, but Peter, and John, and all the 
college of the apostles. But methinks we are in dan- 
ger of indulging our imaginations too far, and of 
transferring to a heavenly state, too many of the feel- 
ings and associations of our earthly condition. And 
I am reminded also, that as the twinkling stars are 
lost in the blaze of the rising sun, so there is one per- 
son in the highest heavens, visible to all who enter 
that place, whose glory irradiates all the celestial 
mansions; whose love and smiles diffuse ineffable 
joy through all the heavenly hosts, and in whom 
every believer has an absorbing interest with which 
no other can be compared. On his head he wears 
many crowns, and in his hand he holds a sceptre by 
which he governs the universe; but yet he exhibits, 
visibly, the marks of a violent death, which, for us, 
he once endured. His name is, The Word of God, 
King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. The Alpha 
and Omega. The Almighty. And behold, all the 
angels of God worship him. And the host of the re- 
deemed, which no man can number, sing a song of 
praise to the Lamb, which no man can learn, except 
those that are redeemed from among men, for the 
burden of their song is " To Him that loved us, and 
washed us from our sins in his own blood. These 
are they that have washed their robes, and made 
them white in the blood of the Lamb." Every re- 
deemed soul, upon being admitted into heaven, will, 
for a while, be so completely absorbed in the contem- 
plation of that divine person, that he will be inca- 
pable of paying much attention to any others. Like 
that Armenian princess, of whom Zenophon gives an 
account, who after all the rest of the company had 
been expressing their admiration of Cyrus, one prais- 
ing one thing and one another, upon being asked 



if 

304 THOUGHTS Olf 

what about this royal personage she admired most, 
answered, that she did not even look at him, because 
her whole attention had been absorbed in admiring 
him (her young husband) who had offered to die for 
her. But the saved sinner may say, that his atten- 
tion was completely absorbed in gazing upon Him, 
who not only said that He would die for him, but 
who actually did die in his place, and by this sacri- 
fice redeemed him from the curse of the law, and 
from all iniquity. The sweet and intimate inter- 
course which the redeemed soul will have with his 
Saviour cannot now be conceived: it will far trans- 
cend all the ideas which we now can form; and will 
be a perfection of bliss so great that nothing can be 
added to it in any other way, than by an increase of 
the capacity of the soul. But still, all that is enjoyed 
in this intermediate state between death and judg- 
ment, is but a part of that felicity to which the re- 
deemed of the Lord are destined hereafter. It is 
only the enjoyment of a separate soul; but "the ex- 
ceeding great and eternal weight of glory" laid up 
in heaven for the children of God is for the whole 
man, made up of soul and body; and as even in this 
world many pleasures are enjoyed by means of bodily 
organs, who can tell what new and ever varying 
delights may be let into the soul by means of bodies 
of a celestial mould ? bodies fashioned after the model 
of the glorious body of Jesus Christ! If our senses 
now bring to our view so many glorious objects both 
in the heavens and the earth, how rich and delight- 
ful will be the vision of the upper heavens by the 
eyes of the resurrection body? Then shall we see 
Jesus with our bodily eyes — then shall we behold 
what now no tongue can describe, nor even heart 
conceive. The departed saints, therefore, though bless- 
ed to the full amount of their present capacity, yet 
are living in joyful expectation of a more glorious 
state. We should not think that the redemption and 
resuscitation of the body is a small matter. The 
body is an essential part of human nature, and the 
glorified body will add to the felicity of the redeemed 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 



305 



in a degree which we have no means of calculating. 
The inspired writers, therefore, when they speak of 
the blessedness of Heaven, speak sparingly of the 
state of the separate soul; but when they describe the 
resurrection, they seem to be enraptured. Hear Paul, 
drawing a comparison between this mortal, corrupt, 
and earthly body, and that immortal, pure, and spi- 
ritual body, which will be possessed by every saint. 
"It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption. 
It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory. It is 
sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown 
a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. As we 
have borne the image of the earthly, so shall we bear 
the image of the heavenly. For this corruptible must 
put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on im- 
mortality. 5 ' No sooner shall these resuscitated bo- 
dies open their immortal eyes, than they shall behold 
the Son of man coming in the clouds of Heaven. 
And no sooner is the judgment set, than all these shall 
be caught up to meet the Lord in the air, and shall 
be so highly honoured as to have a place, as asses- 
sors, on the judgment seat with Him. And when 
the awful transactions of that day are ended, the re- 
deemed shall accompany their Lord and Saviour to 
Heaven, where they shall be put in full and eternal 
possession of that felicity and glory which Christ has 
purchased for them by his precious blood. In this 
sublime temple, their songs shall mingle with those of 
the holy angels, for ever and ever. It need not be 
supposed that saints in Heaven will be continually 
employed in nothing but praise. This, indeed, will be 
their noblest employment; and the anthems of praise 
to God and the Lamb will never cease ; but may we not 
reasonably suppose that the exercises and pursuits of 
the saints will be various. The wonderful works of 
God will open to their contemplation. They may 
be employed, as angels are now, as messengers to 
distant worlds, either as instruments of justice or 
mercy: for we find that the angels are employed in 
both these ways. While, then, one choir surrounds 
the throne, and elevates the celestial song of praise 



306 THOUGHTS ON 

for redemption, others maybe employed in executing 
the commands of their Lord; and then, in their turn, 
these last may keep up the unceasing praise, while 
the first go forth on errands of mercy or wrath. 
Some have divided the angels into assisting and 
ministering: the first are supposed to be always en- 
gaged in acts of worship, while the last are always 
employed in other services. But it would be much 
more reasonable to suppose, that they all, in turn, take 
their part in both these services. Here, however, it be- 
comes us to pause, and in deep humility, on account 
of our ignorance and unworthiness, to put our hands 
on our mouths, and our mouths in the dust. We are 
slow to learn earthly things; how then can we com- 
prehend those which are heavenly? But if we are 
the children of God, we shall have experience of these 
celestial employments and never ending joys. Soon, 
very soon, these things which are now dimly discerned 
by means of faith, will be realized, when every hum- 
ble saint shall appear with Christ in glory, and shall 
never be exposed any more to danger or suffering. 
Let us, then, now begin the song which shall never 
cease to Him that saved us and washed us from our 
sins in his own precious blood. 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 307 



PRAYER 

FOR ONE WHO FEELS THAT HE IS APPROACHING THE BOR- 
DERS OF ANOTHER WORLD. 

most merciful God! I rejoice that thou dost reign 
over the universe with a sovereign sway, so that thou 
dost according to thy will, in the armies of heaven 
and among the inhabitants of the earth. Thou art 
the maker of my body, and Father of spirit, and thou 
hast a perfect right to dispose of me, in that manner 
which will most effectually promote thy glory: and 

1 know that whatsoever thou dost, is right, wise, and 
just, and good. And whatever may be my eternal 
destiny, I rejoice in the assurance that thy great name 
will be glorified in me. But as thou hast been 
pleased to reveal thy mercy and thy grace, to our 
fallen miserable world ; and as the word of this sal- 
vation has been preached unto me, inviting me to ac- 
cept of eternal life, upon the gracious terms of the 
gospel. I do cordially receive the Lord Jesus Christ 
as my Saviour and only Redeemer, believing sin- 
cerely, the whole testimony which thou hast given 
respecting his divine character, his real incarnation, 
his unspotted and holy life, his numerous and bene- 
ficent miracles, his expiatory and meritorious death, 
and his glorious resurrection and ascension. I be- 
lieve, also, in his supreme exaltation, in his prevalent 
intercessions for his chosen people, in his affectionate 
care and aid afforded to his suffering members here 
below, and in his second coming to receive his humble 
followers to dwell with him in heaven; and to take 
vengeance on his obstinate enemies. My only hope 
and confidence of being saved, rests simply on the 
mediatorial work and prevailing intercession of the 
Lord Jesus Christ; inconsequence of which the Holy 
Spirit is graciously sent to make application of Christ's 
redemption, by working faith in us, and repentance 
unto life j and rendering us meet for the heavenly in- 



308 



THOUGHTS OX 



heritance, by sanctifying us in the whole man, soul, 
body, and spirit. Grant, gracious God! that the rich 
blessings of the new covenant may be freely bestow- 
ed on thy unworthy servant. I acknowledge that I 
have no claim to thy favour, on account of any good- 
ness in me by nature: for alas! there dwelleth in me, 
that is in my flesh, no good thing; nor on account 
of any works of righteousness done by me: for all 
our righteousnesses are as filthy rags. Neither am I 
able to make atonement for any one of my innume- 
rable transgressions; which I confess before thee, are 
not only many in number, but heinous in their na- 
ture, justly deserving thy displeasure and wrath; so 
that if I were immediately sent to hell, thou wouldst 
be altogether just in my condemnation. Although I 
trust, that I have endeavoured to serve thee with some 
degree of sincerity; yet whatever good thing I have 
ever done, or even thought. I ascribe entirely to thy 
grace, without which I can do nothing acceptable in 
thy sight. And I am deeply convinced, that my best 
duties have fallen far short of the perfection of thy 
law, and have been so mingled with sin in the per- 
formance, that I might justly be condemned for the 
most fervent prayer I ever made. And I would con- 
fess with shame and contrition, that I am not only 
chargeable with sin in the act, but that there is a law 
in my members, warring against the law of my mind, 
aiming to bring me into captivity to the law of sin and 
death. This corrupt nature is the source of innu- 
merable evil thoughts and desires, and damps the 
exercise of faith and love, and stands in the way 
of well-doing, so that when I would do good, evil is 
present with me. And so deep and powerful is this 
remaining depravity, that all efforts to eradicate or 
subdue it, are vain without the aid of divine grace. 
And when at any time I obtain a glimpse of the 
depth and turpitude of the sin of my nature, I am 
overwhelmed, and constrained to exclaim with Job, 
"I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes. " 
And now Righteous Lord God iHmighfy. I would 
not attempt to conceal any of my actual transgressions, 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 309 

however vile and shameful they are. But would pe- 
nitently confess them before thee; and would plead 
in my defence, nothing but the perfect righteous- 
ness of the Lord Jesus Christ, who died, the just 
for the unjust, to bring us near to God. For his sake 
alone, do I ask or expect the rich blessings necessary 
to my salvation. For although I am unworthy, he 
is most worthy; though I have no righteousness, he 
has provided by his expiatory death, and by his holy 
life, a complete justifying righteousness, in which spot- 
less robe I pray that I may be clothed; so that thou 
my righteous Judge, wilt see no sin in me, but wilt 
acquit me from every accusation, and justify me 
freely by thy grace, through the righteousness of my 
Lord and Saviour, with whom thou art ever well 
pleased. And my earnest prayer is, that Jesus may 
save me from my sins, as well as from their punish- 
ment; that I may be redeemed from all iniquity, as 
well as from the condemnation of the law; that the 
work of sanctification may be carried on in my soul 
by thy word and Spirit, until it be perfected at thine 
appointed time. And grant, Lord! that as long as 
I am in the body, I may make it my constant study 
and chief aim to glorify thy name, both with soul 
and body, which are no longer mine, but thine; for I 
am "bought with a price" — not with silver and gold, 
but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb 
without blemish and without spot. Enable me to let 
my light so shine, that others, seeing my good works, 
may be led to glorify thy name. 0! make use of 
me as an humble instrument of advancing thy king- 
dom on earth, and promoting the salvation of immor- 
tal souls. If thou hast appointed sufferings for me, 
here below. I beseech thee to consider my weakness, 
and let thy chastisements be those of a loving father, 
that I may be made partaker of thy holiness. And 
let me not be tempted above what I am able to bear, 
but with the temptation make a way for escape. 

0, most merciful God! "Cast me not off in the 
time of old age; forsake me not when my strength 
decline th. Now, when I am old and grey-headed, 

21 



310 



THOUGHTS ON 



forsake me not; but let thy grace be sufficient for me; 
and enable me to bring forth fruit, even in old age. 
May my hoary head be found in the ways of right- 
eousness! Preserve my mind from dotage and im- 
becility, and my body from protracted disease and 
excruciating pain. Deliver me from despondency 
and discouragement, in my declining years, and ena- 
ble me to bear affliction with patience, fortitude, and 
perfect submission to thy holy will. Lift upon me 
perpetually the light of thy reconciled countenance, 
and cause me to rejoice in thy salvation, and in the 
hope of thy glory. May the peace that passeth all 
understanding be constantly diffused through my 
soul, so that my mind may remain calm through all 
the storms and vicissitudes of life." 

As, in the course of nature, I must be drawing near 
to my end, and as I know I must soon put off this 
tabernacle, I do humbly and earnestly beseech thee, 
Father of mercies, to prepare me for this inevitable 
and solemn event. Fortify my mind against the ter- 
rors of death. Give me, if it please thee, an easy 
passage through the gate of death. Dissipate the 
dark clouds and mists which naturally hang over the 
grave, and lead me gently down into the gloomy val- 
ley. my kind Shepherd, who hast tasted the bit- 
terness of death for me, and who knowest how to 
sympathize with and succour the sheep of thy pas- 
ture, be thou present to guide, to support, and to 
comfort me. Illumine with beams of heavenly light 
the valley and shadow of death, so that I may fear 
no evil. When heart and flesh fails, be thou the 
strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Let 
not my courage fail in the trying hour. Permit not 
the great adversary to harass my soul, in the last 
struggle, but make me a conqueror and more than a 
conqueror in this fearful conflict. I humbly ask that 
my reason may be continued to the last, and if it be 
thy will, that I may be so comforted and supported, 
that I may leave a testimony in favour of the reality 
of religion, and thy faithfulness in fulfilling thy gra- 



RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 311 

cious promises; and that others of thy servants who 
may follow after, may be encouraged by my example, 
to commit themselves boldly to the guidance and 
keeping of the Shepherd of Israel. 

And when my spirit leaves this clay tenement, 
Lord Jesus receive it. Send some of the blessed an- 
gels to convey my inexperienced soul to the mansion 
which thy love has prepared. And 0, let me be so 
situated, though in the lowest rank, that I may be- 
hold thy glory. May I have an abundant entrance 
administered unto me in the kingdom of our Lord 
and Saviour Jesus Christ. For whose sake, and in 
whose name, I ask all these things. Amen. 



THE END. 



91 "1 



^r, 










[ 






d> 










































S 





































Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
Treatment Date: Nov. 2005 

PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVATION 
1 1 1 Thomson Park Dnve 
Cranberry Township. F % 
(724)779-211- 






\- 



\<- 


















*£ 



,v\ xV ^ 



1 ^ ^ 






J 




^ -n*. 












■V* ^ 



s s »* r 




><• V 



^ 



- 






' \ X 



A 1 - & 




o5 ^ 


























s* 








<5=> 




„ -^ 












V*" - 



vV 



